by Lisa Cardiff
“Not like that,” he said, pulling her on top of him so quickly she gasped. “I want to be inside you tonight. Let me get a condom from my wallet.” He reached for his boxers, but she didn’t want him to leave her, not even for a second.
“No, we don’t need a condom. I’m on the pill and I’m clean.”
He cocked his head to the side considering her offer, and she wanted to take back her words. Maybe he didn’t trust her or maybe he thought being with her without a condom made things too personal and implied some sort of commitment that he wasn’t ready to offer.
“You trust me?” he asked, his voice quiet and contemplative.
“Should I?”
“I’m clean and I’m always safe,” he said, leaning forward to brush a kiss across her cheek. “I promise.”
She swallowed hard, then nodded. “It’s up to you.” She’d never had sex without a condom, not even with Miles. She would have never considered it. She liked barriers too much, but with Cam, she wanted to feel him skin to skin, flesh against flesh, and be as close as possible to him for as long as he wanted her.
“Then, no, I’d rather not.”
Slipping off her panties, she crawled on top of him. “Good,” she murmured against his ear. Bracing her hands on his chest, she rubbed against him back and forth, sliding along his hard length over and over again, luxuriating in every inch of him until her body ached for him.
“Tay,” he said. “That feels amazing, but if you don’t let me inside you within the next few seconds, I don’t think I’ll make it to the main attraction.”
“We wouldn’t want that,” she whispered next to his ear. She reached between their bodies and guided him inside her.
“Ahh,” she gasped, closing her eyes, basking in the sensation of being filled by him. She didn’t think this would ever get old. Every time was better than the time before. He clutched her hips directing her, up and down, back and forth and an ache beyond anything she’d ever experienced built inside her, climbing and intensifying with each passing second.
“That’s perfect,” he mumbled, releasing her hips. Then his hands roamed freely along her sides, cupping her breasts and she was lost to everything but him—no more bus, no more small bunk, just Cam and her and the feel of them moving together, their ragged breaths perfectly synchronized.
The bunk was small and cramped, but nothing could have stopped her from taking this moment for herself, for them. Thank god Alec had assigned her the bottom bunk or there would have been no chance of the other guys staying asleep.
He arched his hips up pushing himself deeper into her and that’s all it took. Tension climbed through her body so incredibly deep, so primal, she had to bite her lip to stifle her desire to scream. “I’m so close,” she moaned, leaning into his hands that fondled, taunted and stroked her breasts in a pattern that robbed her of sane thought.
“Me too,” he said, pulling her forward so their noses nearly touched and their air mingled. In that second, she would have sworn they became one. Without warning, he buried his hand in her hair, forcing her mouth against his with an all-consuming passion that she welcomed. The kiss was all teeth, tongue and everything in between and she shivered on the brink of an orgasm as a fog of pleasure clouded her mind. In an instant, she cried out as wave after wave of bliss rushed through every nerve ending. His mouth captured the noise, muffling the sound, and with one more powerful arch of his hips, he groaned, tipping over the breaking point right after her.
Completely exhausted and satisfied, she collapsed on top of him, running her fingers slowly through his tousled hair. He wrapped one arm around her tightly while his other hand stroked the bare skin of her thighs and back. She could stay like that all night or for days if he’d agree to it. Skin on skin, heartbeat next to heartbeat, their breath tangling together. Cam was her addiction. She just hoped she’d never have to give him up or at least not until they’d made a lifetime of memories.
When several minutes had passed, she pulled the sheet over the top of them.
“Tay, I need to go back to my bunk. It’s almost morning.” His hands moved slowly from the top of her head to her neck over and over again.
She clutched his arms. “No, I don’t want you to go.”
He laughed softly against her ear. “Trust me, baby, I don’t want to leave you either. I missed not having you in my bed tonight and even though I thought you might be mad at me, I still wanted to feel you in my arms. Having you in my bed lately has spoiled me. I like it a little too much.”
“I missed you when I went to bed too.” She clutched him harder. She didn’t want to hide their relationship from anybody anymore. She wanted to claim Cam as hers so she could openly fight for him instead of hiding in the shadows when she saw something she didn’t like.
“Hey,” he said. “What’s running through you head right now? I can practically see the wheels turning in your mind.”
She lifted her head to meet his eyes. “I don’t want to hide anymore. I don’t like feeling as though what we’re doing is wrong because it doesn’t feel that way to me.”
Kissing her gently, he framed his hands along the side of her face. “I agree.”
“So do we tell Alec in the morning?” She smiled, relief swarming through her body.
Cam blew out a long breath. “I want to. I really do…”
“Ah,” she said sarcastically. “I hear it.”
“What?” He looked puzzled and she fought the smile that threatened to make an appearance.
“A ‘but’.”
“Tay,” he said, drawing out her name.
“Cam,” she replied in the same tone.
“The tour ends in less than two weeks. I think we should wait. I don’t feel right about flaunting our relationship in Alec’s face.”
“So, in your mind, it’s better if we sneak around behind his back.”
“No, I didn’t mean it that way. It’s just that …” he ran his fingers through his hair. “I want the last part of the tour to be about Chasing Ruin and not a million and one distractions that could upset the flow.”
“Right.” She rolled off of him onto her back staring at the bunk above her, fighting back more pointless tears.
“You don’t agree.” He turned his head to look at her.
Turning toward him, she shot him a casual smile trying to act completely unfazed because he was right. Her mind knew it, but she couldn’t stop herself from wanting to scream that Cam’s was hers to anyone who would listen. It was stupid. She could wait. She should wait and follow the plan.
“No, you’re right. The tour first and then we have plenty of time to figure out what we’re doing.”
He squeezed her hand. “There’s nothing to figure out. You’re my girl whether anybody knows or not. What other people think doesn’t change what’s in here.” He lifted her hand and placed it over his heart and she left it there for a few prolonged seconds enjoying the steady, strong beat of his heart. It made her believe that someday soon, things would work.
“Okay.” She exhaled, the tension flowing out of her body with her breath.
“The last stop of the tour is Seattle and we’ll deal with everything there.”
“Seattle,” she whispered. She’d been dreading that stop from the day she took this job, but maybe it would bring good things instead of dredging up the crap from her not so happy past, especially Miles. Seattle was big enough that she should never run into him, but based on Miles’s persistence in leaving voicemails and texts, she suspected he’d try to find her. Ten days and counting…
He kissed her hand and left her alone in her bunk. Was it bad that she missed him the minute he disappeared from her bunk?
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Cam rolled out of bed with Taylor. She slept curled up on her side, her long dark hair fanning the white pillowcase beneath her head. The blue streak had long since faded in the front of her hair and he kind of missed it. The vibrant blue matched her crazy deep sapphire blue eyes and outward
ly flaunted her sassy wit that was uniquely hers. He pushed her hair from her face, twisting the end around his finger before letting it drop next to her collarbone. She was the most beautiful woman he’d ever met, inside and out, and possibly his perfect match.
Five days until Seattle. Five days until he could stop hiding their relationship. It couldn’t come fast enough for him. Cam planned to talk to Alec after the final show and let him know how much Taylor meant to him, and after he did that, he planned to ask, or beg if necessary, Taylor to move in with him.
After sharing every moment he could with her over the past twenty-five days, he couldn’t imagine letting her go back to living with Alec. He wanted her in his life every day, not every other day or a couple times a week. Nothing would be better than waking up next to her every morning and seeing her beautiful, mischievous smile. He needed and wanted her like nothing else he’d ever experienced in his life. Not even, Bre. He felt a duty to Bre and he loved her in his own way, but those feelings paled in comparison to what he felt for Taylor. Now, he understood the difference between loving his friend and loving his woman.
Cam pulled on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. Jax had sent him a text asking to meet at the concert venue early this morning to go over some last minute logistics for their performance tonight. Although he’d rather spend every moment of their hotel time in bed with Taylor, he promised himself that he’d be there for the band and that meant showing up every fucking time. This was the new Cam.
When he finished dressing, he looked at Taylor one more time making sure she still slept. Over the past twenty-five days, everything in his life had shifted on its axis. His life had taken some crazy and unexpected turns over the last year, but if he had known all the pain, loss and guilt would lead him to Taylor, he would gladly do it all over again.
Bending, he kissed her forehead and walked out the door of their shared hotel room. They didn’t get two separate rooms when they checked in last night. Probably not his smartest move, but he was so ready to get her alone again that he didn’t bother with the pretense.
He stopped short when he saw Alec leaning against the wall just outside his hotel room door.
“Hey, Alec.” Cam shoved his hands in the worn pockets of his jeans. “Are you heading over for the meeting?”
“Yep,” Alec said, rubbing his hands together, the thick metal rings on his fingers making a clanging noise.
“Do you want to ride together?”
“I’m not sure yet.” Alec rolled back onto his heels.
“Is something wrong?”
A muscle near his jaw line twitched. “I don’t know, is there?”
And just like that, Cam knew Alec wasn’t there to share a ride or to have a friendly chat before the band meeting. He’d known Alec long enough to realize that the small twitch indicated that shit was about to explode.
“Alec…” Cam lifted his hands in the air, his voice low and conciliatory.
“What’s wrong with you? Why couldn’t you leave her alone?”
“I didn’t mean for this to happen. I didn’t plan it. You know me better than that.”
Alec scoffed shaking his head. “Seriously, man, that’s all you have to say? You didn’t mean for it to happen. This is either black or white. There’s no gray area here. If you didn’t want it to happen, then it wouldn’t have happened.”
Cam glanced over his shoulder. “Can we have this discussion somewhere other than the hallway? Taylor is still sleeping.”
“So it’s true.” Alec pushed away from the wall and started walking toward the elevator. “You’re screwing around with my sister and not even bothering to hide it. That’s low, even for you.”
Cam froze. “That’s fucked up. I’m not screwing around with Taylor. Taylor isn’t that kind of girl. You know that.”
“But you are exactly that kind of guy.”
“Maybe in the past.” Cam pressed the elevator button repeatedly. “But not anymore. I’m done with the groupies and the partying. It only made everything worse.”
Alec turned to Cam, his eyebrows climbing his forehead and his mouth slightly ajar. “So this thing with Taylor…is it serious?”
He didn’t know how to answer that question and he suspected that any answer he gave Alec wouldn’t be the right answer for one reason or another. Alec loved his sister and in his mind, Cam could never be good enough for her. Hell, Cam didn’t even know if he was good enough for Taylor. “She’s important to me.”
“What kind of answer is that?” Alec asked, shaking his head.
“The only one you’re going to get.” Cam didn’t want to have this conversation in the hallway of some stupid hotel. He had planned to wait until the end of the tour, so he really hadn’t thought through all the details and now with Alec breathing down his neck, ready to pummel his face, he couldn’t find the right words. He should have realized Alec would confront him if he found out about him and Taylor, and at least had a few planned sentences to toss at Alec.
“Why her? You have your pick hundreds of women? Why my sister?” Alec rubbed his temples with the palms of his hands. “I don’t get it.”
“Why not her?”
“Because she’s fucking fragile and she’s can’t handle any more shit in her life, not from you or anyone else.”
Cam looked at the floor suddenly feeling like a complete worthless prick. “I’m not going to hurt her.”
“Just like you didn’t hurt Bre.”
Cam winced. “No, this is different. I wouldn’t do anything like that to her.”
“Her ex-boyfriend said the exact same words to me. Has she told you about him? About what he did to her?”
“No,” Cam said shaking his head, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to know any details about her ex-boyfriend other than the fact that he permanently remained in the ex zone.
“He was a controlling, supercilious asshole that used her. And you know why he used her?”
Cam didn’t answer. He just shook his head, his anger escalating with every passing word about Taylor’s ex-boyfriend. She never talked about him. Not once and he hoped that didn’t mean she still had feelings for him. He didn’t want to compete for her affections if her ex walked into her life again.
“Because Miles is the lead singer in some second rate, piece of shit band in Seattle and I think he hoped Taylor’s connections to me would help his chances of getting signed. Sound familiar?”
Cam grimaced and looked away. Without a doubt, Alec was referring to his relationship with Anna. He didn’t dislike Anna when he dated her, if he could call it that, but for the most part, he dated her because of what she could offer Chasing Ruin. Her family had connections in the music industry. At the time, he didn’t think of it as using her, but that’s exactly what it was and he hated that someone had done the exact same thing to Taylor. It was official: he sucked. “I’m not using Taylor. I care about her a lot.” Cam’s voice cracked on the last word.
Alec nodded. “And that’s not even the worst part. He micromanaged every detail of Taylor’s life. At first it was small little things. He didn’t like her hair, so she cut it. If he didn’t like her boots, she stopped wearing them. He didn’t like her using Facebook, so she removed her profile. He didn’t like this friend or that friend and they slowly disappeared from her life. After a year had passed, I could hardly recognize her anymore and not just the way she looked, but also her personality. It was flat and stripped of any life. Taylor was fucking gone. I didn’t think I’d ever get her back.” Alec pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and index finger. “And she’s my only family. Well, the only family that matters anyway.”
Alec’s eyes looked suspiciously glassy, but Cam would never call him on it because he felt sick. Sick about everything Taylor had faced in her life. “So how did you get her out of there?”
Alec smiled. “She caught him cheating on her with her neighbor when she stopped by to pick up the jacket she left there the night before. She finally snapped out of the tra
nce she’d been in for over a year. I picked her up six hours after she called me and moved her into my house. I hope that guy rots in hell for hurting my sister. She didn’t deserve the shit he pulled with her.”
His hands fisted against his thighs, his knuckles turning white. Cam found it difficult to swallow. Taylor’s relationship with her ex was probably one more star branded on her wrist. When he first noticed the scattering of stars, he thought they were sexy with the way they floated up the inside of the unblemished skin of her forearm, but now he wished he could erase every one of them. “She got out of there. That’s all that matters,” he mumbled, not really believing the words as he said them.
Alec stared absently down the hallway. “I want more for her than just surviving and I’m not sure you’re the one who can give her that.” Alec shook his head. “For five years, I left her alone in that house after I graduated from high school with my drunken excuse for a mom, and I tried not to think about what could be happening to her. I told myself she’d be okay, that she was thirteen years old, that she could take care of herself. Every time I came home to visit, she was less and less like the Taylor I knew, and I realized I failed her. I should have never left her or I should have taken her with me and just when I thought she was herself again, she met Miles.”
“Yeah, she needed you,” Cam said.
“She told you what happened to her after I left home?” Alec asked, his too intense eyes boring into him.
“Some, but I got the impression that she probably has more bad memories than she’ll ever share.” Right now anyway, he added silently because he wanted to know everything about Taylor no matter how small.
“That’s exactly why I need you to walk away from this before you hurt her. I don’t know how much shit she can handle, but I don’t want to test it.”
Maybe Alec was right or maybe he wasn’t, but he couldn’t push Taylor out of his life. It’d kill him to let her go. In less than a month, she’d become the center of his life. He loved that she nibbled on her lower lip when she was thinking or when she was nervous. He loved the way she tapped her fingers against her legs whenever she listened to music. Hell, he was probably in love with her or at least more than half of the way there.