Dreaming of Ayama

by K. A Knight

  Walking over to the rocks, I kick off my shoes and socks and start to strip, intent on getting in the cold water to cool my overheated skin. Sometimes, I think I have gotten used to the warm weather, but other times, I feel like a giant sweat bubble and want to dive into freezing cold water.

  Stripping off, I watch the blue pool, loving the ripples of calm. I am so distracted I don’t sense him sneaking up until I am hanging over his shoulder, laughing, and staring at his ass. I lift up to see a grinning Eldon.

  “Auden!” I wail, but he whoops and starts running.

  I scream with mirth as he jumps, flinging us both into the pool. I go under before pushing to the surface, sputtering as a grinning Auden surfaces in front of me. He slicks back his hair, his eyes sparkling under the low sun as he smiles at me. He looks so handsome and carefree, and I splash him as payback. He winks before diving under the water, and I yelp as he tugs on my legs and drags me under.

  Underwater, I kick at him before swimming away, and when I break the surface again, I see Eldon diving in. When he doesn’t resurface I start to get scared, but suddenly shoulders come between my legs, and I am thrust into the air from the below. Screeching, I reach down and grab his head as he throws me into the water again. I go under and swim to the surface, grinning when I get there. They are waiting, side by side, with matching grins and dimples as they watch me with innocent eyes.

  “Oh, you are going to get it!” I warn, pointing at them before I dive underwater.

  I chase them for a while until we decide to play water tag. I team up with Auden and chase Eldon while he screams about us being unfair. Laughing, we tag him and race away, heading straight under the waterfall and jumping up on the rocks, snickering as we hide from him. I see his head break under the waterfall before he pops up and we scream, “Boo!”

  He yells, falling back into the water while we laugh, and his eyes narrow on us. “Mean, Good Looking.” He pouts.

  “Aww, poor little baby, did we scare you? Need me to kiss it better?” I joke, but I watch as his eyes darken and his mouth tips up in a smirk.

  “You offered, Good Looking, so better kiss it better.” His voice is husky, and I swallow hard as he climbs from the water, with droplets clinging to his well-built chest as he backs me against the wall, blocking the waterfall and light until my whole view is him. “Well?” he prompts, leaning down and whispering against my lips.

  Closing the gap between us, I seal our lips together, kissing him softly. He stays still, not even touching me, allowing me take the lead this time, just letting me do whatever I want to him. Lifting up to my tiptoes, I grasp his wet shoulders and hold on as I kiss him harder, sweeping my tongue across his lips, tasting the water and Eldon as I ask for entrance. He opens slightly for me and I tangle my tongue with his, moaning into his mouth as he finally kisses me back, but he still doesn’t touch me and I need him to.

  Pulling back, I open my eyes to see that his are closed. I glance down and spot his hands by his sides, so I reach for them. He gives them to me willingly, and I place them on my hips as I lean back up and kiss him. He pushes me closer to the wall, so it presses against my back. Still clutching his hands, I drag them up my bare sides, shivering with the feeling of his rough skin against my soft flesh. Slowly, I glide them higher until I hold them over my breasts. He groans into my mouth, pressing against me as he finally comes to life, obviously finished with letting me take control.

  His hands tighten on my breasts before he sweeps his thumbs across my already hard nipples, making me gasp into his mouth. One of his hands lets go and drifts down my side, stroking as he goes, until he grips my hip and lifts me up, bracing my back against the cave wall, while never once breaking our desperate kiss. Both of his hands grab my ass, tilting my hips until I wrap my legs around his waist, holding his hard body between my aching thighs.

  He pulls his lips from mine and we both suck in air as he massages my ass-cheeks, my lips are sore and my breasts heavy as I watch him with needy eyes.

  “Indy,” he whispers, and it’s the only real time I have heard him use my name instead of Good Looking. He searches my eyes, his gaze dropping to my lips every now and then, before he moans. I’m not sure who moves first, all I know is that we are kissing again.

  “Fuck, that’s hot,” Auden says, but I refuse to break Eldon’s and my kiss, especially when he bites down on my lower lip, the nip of pain sending a flash of heat through me until an ache starts up between my legs. Begging for him, for them.

  Skin brushes against my other side and I reluctantly pull back from Eldon. He angles my face to the side so I can see Auden. He is standing pressed against us, his eyes hot, and his mouth open and almost panting. His chest sparkles with water, heaving slightly, and his eyes are dilated. Eldon starts to kiss down my neck, nibbling on the sensitive spot between my shoulder and neck, making me gasp and push harder against him. Auden’s eyes drop to my lips but he hesitates, obviously unsure of his welcome.

  “Kiss me,” I demand breathlessly, and he wastes no time swooping down and pressing his lips to mine.

  Unlike Eldon’s hard kiss, he teases, kissing me softly before pulling back and nipping, then diving in hard, making me chase after him. I moan and grab at his head, trying to make him come to me. He smiles against my lips and I grab a hold of his plump bottom one and bite down, making him yelp. Eldon fists my hair, pulling me back and stretching my neck. Auden kisses down one side and Eldon down the other, as I’m held between them. Pushing against Eldon’s body, I rub myself on him, my eyes closing in bliss at the pleasure racing through me from their lips on my body, and they have barely touched me yet.

  “Please,” I whisper, trying to beg without explaining further, just knowing I need them.

  Eldon bites the column of my throat slightly in punishment, before running his lips back up my neck. Still holding my hair, he pulls me against him and kisses me hard, all clashing teeth as we fight each other. Auden moves lower, his lips running across my shoulder, my collarbone, and down the center of my chest and across my pounding heart. His lips run across the exposed tops of my breasts, before his tongue traces the wet line of my bra, asking for permission. I reach down and grab his hair, pulling him to me and he goes willingly. His mouth locks on my hard nipple without hesitation, sucking it and my bra into his mouth until I’m moaning into his brother’s mouth. His other hand pushes up the wet material of my bra covering my other breast, and twists and flicks my nipple until I’m arching into his mouth and hand, as Eldon swallows my gasps.

  A buzz sounds outside and I dismiss it at first, still pushing into their mouths and bodies, but it sounds louder and I pull away from Eldon, confused and panting. He ducks his head, once again licking my neck, as I stare at the breaking water with puzzlement. Outside, something darts past and I try to force my words out.

  “Guys,” I whisper.

  They continue their onslaught and I groan before gripping both of their heads, hard, disappointed we have to stop. “Guys, there is something outside,” I whisper quickly.

  Auden looks up at me from his position on his knees, his hand still around my breast, while Eldon glances over his shoulder briefly.

  “There’s nothing there, Good Looking,” he rumbles, but that buzzing comes again and they must hear it because they freeze.

  Auden pulls down my bra and Eldon drops me to my feet, keeping me behind them as they turn to stare through the cascading water. It comes again and I scoot around them, then jump into the water with them shouting after me. Swimming under the waterfall, I break through the surface on the other side, the sun bright out here compared to its dull glow in our cave. I spot the reacher buzzing around the air instantly and narrow my eyes. Jolp must see me too, because the machine stops before coming closer to me, hovering.

  “Get out of here you pervert, Jolp!” I shout, but I can’t keep the laughter out of my voice as the reacher drifts above the water.

  “Go or no more swear words!” I yell, splashing water at the reach
er, but it floats higher in the air to avoid the water before turning and zooming back into the forest. It makes me smile, though, knowing he is still looking for survivors. I glance over my shoulder to see Eldon and Auden, and I know the moment is gone, but I can still feel their hands and mouth on me, so I cross my legs under the water and ignore the pulsing.

  “We should get back,” I say sadly and they nod before swimming closer, both in sync.

  “One second,” Eldon kisses me hard before pulling away, leaving me breathless again as Auden grabs me and kisses me softly, so different they are but so similar at the same time.

  “Now we can go back,” Eldon jokes.

  “I think we should make this our place.” Auden smiles, still holding me against him in the water.

  “I like that,” I murmur, my own lips curling in return.

  The sun is starting to set as we gloomily climb from the water, all of us drying off with the rags Eldon brought before getting dressed. This time, I take both of their hands again. “Come on, we better get back. I would hate for Barrott to hurt your pretty faces.”

  Ground Day Five

  We don’t mess around or really talk on our way back to camp, just concentrate on picking our way through the foliage. I don’t want Barrott to worry, so I keep casting looks at the rapidly setting sun, hoping we are back soon. It only takes us around twenty minutes to get back with our steady pace. I occasionally spot Ker lurking in the shadows, but he doesn’t seem to want to come out. I’ll make sure to check on him before bed.

  We reach the peak of the hill leading to the camp, the sun still in the sky, and I blow out a relieved breath. I watch the camp below, people still bustling around, but some are relaxing. I can even hear laughter and talking, and it makes me smile. Even in the face of such heartache, loss, and destruction, humanity really can bounce back. It gives me hope that no matter what is thrown at us—rebels, dying planets, betrayal—we can survive it all.

  We head down the hill and I find Barrott watching on the perimeter, it must be his turn, but I would really like to talk with him.

  I give Auden and Eldon a quick hug. “Thank you for today, I needed it,” I whisper in their ears.

  “Always, Good Looking,” Auden promises.

  I grin and watch them head back to our tent, before making my way towards Barrott. He’s standing at the edge of the camp, staring into the darkening forest, with a far away look on his face. “Hey, big guy,” I say softly, joining him on watch. He’s leaning back against an old seat from one of the units, and I drop myself in his lap without asking.

  “Hey, Inds,” he rumbles, wrapping his arms around me automatically. He sighs and drops his chin on my shoulder as he stares into the forest. I know I need to go have that heart to heart with Cain, but I can’t bring myself to move out of Barrott’s arms, so I snuggle closer, telling myself I will only stay here for a bit.

  “Did you have a good time?” he asks quietly, his embrace warm and comforting. I always feel so safe in his arms, like nothing or no one could hurt me. Maybe that’s why I sought him out before I confront Cain. He’s my constant and my comforter.

  “Yes, it was nice to get away for a bit,” I reply without thinking.

  “Even from me?” he inquires, frozen against me, and I roll my eyes before looking at him.

  “No, just from all the eyes and the pressures of the camp, but no, not you. Never you, I missed you,” I admit, and I did. Although I loved spending time with just Auden and Eldon, it felt strange now without Barrott at my back.

  “Good.” His lips twitch as he looks back out into the forest.

  “Anything happen here while I was gone?” I query, leaning my head onto his chest and listening to the steady, even thump of his heart.

  “Not really. Cain has been working his ass off on that structure, Riley is sleeping, and the others are either taking a break or getting ready to settle down for the night. I took the late shift so I can get some sleep tonight.” He opens his mouth to speak again but stops, and I lift my head, watching and waiting for him to continue. He finally meets my eyes, looking vulnerable for a moment. “Will you sleep with me again, in my arms I mean? I slept so much better with you right there, knowing you were safe,” he admits truthfully, his voice hesitant and scared.

  “Yes.” I smile at his request. I love when he shows me his softer side and opens up. I love the big scary guy who protects me from everything and stalks me everywhere, but I love his soft side too, not that I get to see it much, but it’s enough that I know it’s there.

  He nods, looking back into the forest, but his eyes are happy and his lips tip up in a smile. I kiss the corner of his mouth before laying my head back on his chest, content to just be in his arms and spend time with him while he is on watch. I stay there until it starts to get dark, the dying light of the suns catching on the green of the trees.

  “I’m going to find Cain, I think we need to talk,” I tell him, sitting up.

  He grips my hips, dragging his gaze back to me. “Okay, let me know if I need to kill him.” He leans in and kisses me quickly, then I jump up and head into camp before I lose my nerve, and just curl back up in his arms and hide from what needs to happen—but that’s not who I am. Even if it hurts, I face down the truth, and Cain is no exception. I’m not leaving until I know what’s going on. I’ve had enough of these avoidances and looks—he owes me the truth. He stole a piece of my heart, after all, and the least he could do is look after it.

  I find him still working on the building with a strange intensity, smashing what looks like a homemade hammer into metal sheets, again and again. His face is locked in a scowl and his usual happy eyes are dark and closed off.

  “Cain?” I call up, but he doesn’t seem to hear me, so I cup my mouth. “Hey, asshole!” I yell, and his head jerks up. He looks at me and actually flinches before recovering.

  “Hey, speed demon, I’m busy, what’s up?” he shouts back, looking hesitant.

  “Come down, we need to talk.”

  He looks around, holding the hammer to his chest, as if to protect him from our words. “I’m busy,” he says, trying again.

  I cross my arms and arch my eyebrow. “Cain, you better get your ass down here right now,” I yell.

  He sighs, puts down the hammer, and descends before stopping in front of me, but he won’t even meet my eyes.

  “We need to talk,” I repeat, and his lips twist unhappily.

  “So you said,” he mocks, and I narrow my eyes.

  “Lose the fucking attitude, we are going to talk as adults, not whatever this kiddie tantrum act is,” I order, before softening my voice. “I’m worried, Cain,” I admit.

  He blows out a breath before his attitude returns. “I’m fine, why don’t you pick another of your men to pester?” he sneers.

  “No, enough of this shit. Stop trying to push me away. What is going on? This isn’t like you,” I say, moving closer and lowering my voice.

  “This is me, Indy!” He holds his arms wide, his voiced sharp. “I’m an asshole, don’t you know?”

  “No, you’re not. You are cocky, and you are self-assured and downright crazy, but never an asshole, not to me. You are kind, caring, and deeper than everyone realises. So cut the act and talk to me, please,” I beg.

  He goes silent, watching me carefully, before I see those shields raise back up. He allowed himself to show me something then, and I saw pain and longing so deep and strong that it nearly staggered me. “I’m fine,” is all he says, despite the call for help I can tell he wants to utter. Annoyed and hurt, I still let him in. I let him see my pain, allowed him to comfort me—why can’t he let me do the same?

  “You can’t just kiss me like that under the stars and then disappear!” I yell. “You left. I needed you and you left, and all that was in your place was a stranger with the same face!”

  “I’m sorry, speed demon, I never wanted to hurt you. I just wanted to protect you!” he shouts in anger, but I can tell he’s really angry with him
self as his eyes beg me to understand.

  “Protect me from what?” I ask, throwing my hands in the air.

  “From me!” he screams, his blue eyes wild as he faces me down, his expression stricken but truthful. “Me, from me,” he whispers.

  “What does that even mean? You can’t say stuff like that and not explain. What are you hiding Cain? Does it have to do with the attack, with the rebels? You knew about Ayama! Tell me the truth, Cain,” I plead, stepping closer.

  His eyes search my face before he slumps, his shoulders deflating, looking thoroughly defeated. His mouth opens just as shouts come from behind us. We both turn as four survivors strut into camp, the same four I met today, great, just great. I knew they were coming, but they couldn’t have picked a worse time.

  “Dad?” Cain whispers, and I throw him a confused look, noticing his pale and scared face. I follow his gaze, which is locked on the dickhead in white and finally it clicks. Now I know why he looked so familiar. He even has the same hair—he’s Cain’s father.

  So why does Cain look scared? Shouldn’t he be happy to see his father alive?

  “Cain?” I murmurs, but he is too busy looking at his father to hear me. I step up next to him and touch his arm gently, and he freezes, his eyes darting to me.

  “Cain! My boy!” his dad shouts, his voice booming around the camp, stopping everyone. He seems to love all the attention as he smiles a fake smile and opens his arms to Cain, yet I see no real relief. Was he not concerned about his son at all? Didn’t Cain say he didn’t really get on with his parents? Or am I drawing conclusions from the frosty looks they are giving each other.

  When he doesn’t rush into his arms, his father’s face drops and he narrows his eyes, before he laughs and walks over. He ignores me completely and slaps Cain on the back before looking him over. “I was so worried. I’m glad to see you made it okay!” he yells, obviously to be heard.