Dirty little secrets

by Deja King

  I’d felt quite intimidated when I first entered the building. Forget about having an entire floor; the law firm owned the whole damn building. There were glass and marble everywhere, and wraparound staircases. The place was just plush, plush, and plusher. They were way out of my league, and it would take every cent I had to retain them.

  “Good morning, Tyler, it’s nice to finally meet you,” the distinguished older gentleman said, smiling.

  “It’s nice to meet you too, Mr. Dunn.”

  “Stop with the formalities; call me Richard.” We shook hands, and I sat down on an antique leather chair.

  “Okay, Richard,” I said meekly.

  “Let’s get right down to it. I went over the notes from our conversations and the one with Mr. McCall’s attorney.”

  “He has an attorney already?”

  “Yes. As a courtesy to you I mailed a letter to Mr. McCall to see if he was willing to sit down and come up with an amicable solution, and his response was a phone call fromhis attorney, Ted Armstrong.”

  “What did he say? Are they willing to try to work things out without a court battle?”

  “Unfortunately, no. It’s actually going to be a longer and more complicated procedure than first anticipated.”

  “What do you mean?” I asked, confused.

  “Not only does Brian want a paternity test, but he is also seeking custody of the child.”

  “What? There has to be a mistake.”

  “I’m afraid not. It could well be a legal ploy, but Mr. McCall is his own man. He doesn’t have to do anything that he doesn’t want to. From what you told me and from my conversation with his attorney, your ex is trying to make this as difficult as possible. I’m sure he’s betting that you can’t survive a long drawn-out battle, and that you’ll throw the towel in. From what you’ve said, your finances are extremely tight, but we can try to schedule an emergency hearing to get you temporary support. I’m not sure how successful it will be since you and McCall aren’t married, but he has been your sole means of support, so it’s worth a shot.”

  “Can he actually try to get custody of my child?”

  “New Jersey law states that he can, but in all likelihood, he will not prevail. But a custody battle is costly and time consuming.”

  “So where do we go from here?”

  “As I said, I will file an emergency hearing to try to get you temporary support, but I don’t know how successful that will be. It is important, however, for you to stay at your current residence and maintain your expenses.”

  “Why?” I asked, wondering if he was trying to make me go broke.

  “Because your expenses will be an indicator of just how much child support you’re entitled to. When you fill out your Case Information Statement, the higher your monthly cost of living, the more you can ask for in support.”

  “But, Richard, I’m living on a hope and a prayer right now. The last bit of money I have is going toward your retainer.”

  “I understand, Tyler, but see what you can do. Your baby will be here in a couple of months, and after the paternity test, the case will pick up in pace.”

  “Push, Tyler, push… I can see the head. Come on now, push a little harder,” the doctor instructed.

  “I can’t; it hurts too bad,” I screamed breathlessly, falling back down on the hospital bed.

  “You can’t stop; you’re almost there. I’m going to count to three, and I want you to take a deep breath and push harder than you ever have before.” I glanced down at my swollen hands and sweat-drenched body, feeling that I had nothing left in me to push with. I had been in labor for twenty-eight hours, and now the baby’s head finally wanted to appear. I was tempted to tell the doctor that I’d done my part and the baby was going to have to do the rest. Realizing that wasn’t an option, I closed my eyes, called on the angels above, and mustered all my strength for one last and final push before hearing the cries of joy. The last words I heard before passing out were, “Tyler, it’s a boy.”

  When I woke and the nurse brought my little angel to me, I gazed into his dark eyes and decided he was the most beautiful baby I had ever seen. He was perfect. I nicknamed him Poncho because he resembled a little Indian. With his dark reddish complexion and jet-black straight hair, I was in awe and I couldn’t believe he was mine. I held my angel and he naturally latched on to my breast, and in an instant our bond was cemented. As I smelled, touched, and held my son, all I could think of was Brian, that he made this possible. On February 12, 2003, I received the greatest blessing in the world, and because of that Brian would forever hold a special place in my heart.

  The Battle Begins

  Don’t ask me why, but for some reason people like to fuck with me. They get the impression that I’m weak and soft. They don’t understand that I follow Teddy Roosevelt’s advice, “Speak softly and carry a big stick.” The point is, don’t ever let them see you coming. I like it when people make the usual assumptions because that means they always underestimate me.

  “Tyler, he is gorgeous.” Chrissie grinned as she held my three-month-old baby. It was her first time seeing him because, as always, Chrissie had landed on her feet. She gave up her fight with Brian and was now heading the publicity department at MTV and traveling constantly.

  “Who would have thought that something so beautiful could cause so much pain? Honestly I didn’t think I was going to make it. But then I concluded that if I didn’t pull through, Brian would raise him, so I found the strength,” I halfway joked.

  “But wasn’t he worth it?” Chrissie asked in baby talk.

  “Yes, and then some.”.

  “You still haven’t told me his name.”

  “Christian Andrew Blake.”

  “That’s beautiful, Tyler. You’re so blessed to have such a beautiful baby.”

  “I am blessed, especially since everything else is going downhill. After not paying my rent for four months, I finally got an eviction notice.”

  “I’m surprised they let you get away with it for that long.”

  “I know, but the building manager felt sorry for me. When I finally revealed why my life was spiraling out of control, she said she would hold off on the eviction process for as long as possible. I figure it will take another two months for them to put me out, and by that time hopefully the judge will have ordered temporary support.”

  “You still haven’t received any support from Brian? What the hell is the holdup?”

  “Brian’s attorney keeps having the case postponed, using a million and one excuses. In the court of law, one thing money can surely buy you is time. Brian is still probably trying to figure out how I’ve been able to survive for so long. He didn’t count on the fact that I’m a child of God, and with faith God will deliver me from any dark path.”

  “Praise the Lord to that, Tyler! Honestly I don’t think I could’ve been so brave. Your strength is amazing. I know I’ve told you in the past that I admire you, but it was always for superficial reasons. But now I admire you for being the strongest person I know. You had this baby against all odds, and now look at you. This is the happiest I’ve ever seen you.”

  “I am happy. During the last few months I had a lot of time to do some serious soul-searching. For so long I was yearning for love from every man I was with. Finally it dawned on me that everything I need to be happy is inside me. The greatest love one possesses is self-love. I have that now. It took a lot of bullshit to get here, but now that I’ve found it, I’ll never let it go.”

  “Oh, Tyler, I love you,” Chrissie cried as she gave me a long tight hug.

  “I love you, too.”

  “Tyler, did you receive the documents that I mailed over?” Richard asked as I tried to eat, read, and talk to him before Christian woke up from his nap.

  “Yes, I’m still stunned and haven’t quite digested all those lies.”

  “Well, Mr. McCall is definitely playing hardball.”

  “Could you please call him Brian?” I said, interrupting. “Ca
lling him Mr. McCall makes him sound like a respectable human being, which obviously isn’t the case.”

  “I apologize, Tyler, but calling him by his last name is my way of keeping it impersonal. I’ll be more than happy to call him Brian if you wish.”

  “I understand; please continue with what you were saying.”

  “With the allegations he is making, he’s definitely hitting below the belt. I must ask you though, Tyler, did you have a coke addiction?”

  “Hell, no! I briefly dabbled with pills, but that was way before I even met Brian, and I surely wasn’t addicted to them.”

  “What about the allegations that you broke up because he found out you were a stripper and a call girl? He says that’s why he is demanding a paternity test.”

  “More lies. Why would I need to be a stripper or a call girl when he was taking care of me? I didn’t need the money.”

  “He says it was to support your costly coke habit.”

  “That is a bunch of crap!”

  “Have you seen Brian at all?”

  “As a matter of fact, he has been over here just about every day since Christian was born.”

  “Really? What has the conversation been like?”

  “I don’t really talk to him. I let him spend time with his son, and then he leaves.”

  “Interesting…He is demanding a paternity test, but yet he is coming over to see a son he says he doesn’t know is his.”

  “Don’t you get it? Brian knows Christian is his son. He is trying to drive me crazy. Aren’t you wondering why Christian is six months old and Brian still hasn’t taken the paternity test?”

  “Tyler, I never doubted that Christian is Brian’s son. I assumed Brian would play the I’m-not-sure-he’s-my-son card, at least until we got to court. By visiting Christian on a regular basis, his actions show that he believes he’s the father. That’s not going to sit well with the judge, especially since Brian isn’t giving you a dime.”

  Two weeks later, Brian finally took the paternity test, and to no one’s surprise he was the father. It still didn’t motivate him to write a check, but he insisted on seeing his son. None of my friends understood why I was allowing Brian to visit with Christian when he refused to provide any financial help. I tried to explain that when you keep a man away from his child to punish him, it doesn’t only hurt the man; it hurts the child, too. Also, if you keep a man away from his child long enough, he will get over it. Especially if he has another child that he is able to be with whenever he wants. The first couple of years are the most important, because that is when men and their children bond. I didn’t want my antipathy toward Brian to interfere with the bond I hoped he would share with his son.

  After talking to Richard, I was weary and needed some fresh air. I was on my way out the door to take Christian for a walk when the phone rang.

  “Girl, turn your radio on to 107.5,” Ella shrieked.

  “I can’t; I’mone foot out the door with Christian. Why, what’s up?”

  “Wendy Williams is talking about Brian on her show.”

  “What? What is she saying?”

  “She is blasting him. She’s talking about how he threw his first baby mother, Beverly, out of the house with no car and no money, and sent her packing back to Brooklyn. Now she’s talking about the court battle he has going on with you. She says Brian needs to check himself because when you do dirt, dirt comes back to you.”

  “Are you serious?”

  “Serious as a heart attack. That’s what his trifling ass gets. Brian needs to get over his God complex. He thinks because he has money and a little fame he can walk all over people. Obviously nobody has taught him about karma.”

  “I can’t believe Wendy blew him up. But that’s why women love her, because she’s all about female empowerment.”

  “You got that right,” Ella said. “Well, I have to get back to work. I just wanted to let you know that Brian’s secret is out of the bag. Everyone knows what a jackass he is.”

  Brian was on his way over to see Christian, and I hoped we could resolve our problems and put this nightmare behind us. When I opened the door the first words out of his mouth were, “You ready to end this useless battle?” Surprised by his attitude, I had a glimmer of hope that things would be easier to resolve than I had thought. Maybe he didn’t like the fact that the Queen of Radio had put him on blast.

  “Always have been,” I said coolly.

  “No, you wanted to be Miss Free and Independent. But I’ve brought you to your knees, so I’m sure you’re ready to end this.”

  “Excuse me?” I said, shocked by his cocky and over-the-top attitude.

  “Tyler, listen. I always knew the baby was mine, but I needed concrete proof. You never can be one hundred percent sure these days. But now that I have my proof, it’s time to move forward and end the bullshit. You read the documents, and you know I’ve got you in a fucked-up predicament. Why don’t you stop with all this I-wanna-be-a-single-mother bullshit and come back to me? I still love you, never stopped.”

  “Brian, you never loved me, and if you did, you have a bizarre way of showing it. And whatever predicament you think you have me in is a figment of your imagination. I’ve never done coke, and I definitely wasn’t a stripper or a call girl. No judge is going to believe your lies. By the time we do go to court, the judge will be so turned off by your theatrics that you’ll be begging me to settle.”

  “I see you’re still the same naive bitch I met three years ago. Do you not know who I am? I already have my witness list prepared. They will all testify about your out-of-control drug habit and how you sold your body to maintain it. Baby, you’re in the big leagues, and money can pay for any lie you need. A broke bitch like you just needs to count your blessings that your baby daddy got long paper. So you can either enjoy the benefits of having some of my paper, or you can watch me win custody of my son and give you nothing.”

  “Do you think a judge will give custody to a man who has put a gun to my head and who beat me throughout our relationship? I don’t think so.”

  “So what if I did those things?” Brian said arrogantly. “You’ll never be able to prove it. And if you think you can get Melanie or one of those other dizzy-ass broads to testify on your behalf, dead it. Leon has those dumb bitches so wrapped, they don’t move without his permission. Enjoy these last few weeks with our son, because soon he’ll be calling the next chick Mama and you’ll be a distant memory.”

  (Ladies, it is true what they say: God bless the child who’s got his own. You really need to have your own. I don’t care how much money your husband or baby daddy or boyfriend has. It doesn’t make a damn difference. You need money to fight money. It’s as simple as that. If you don’t have money, you can’t fight to get any money. You know that saying, Innocent until proven broke? Because there is such a thin line between love and hate, if a man still has feelings for you and he still cares, he will do anything to make you miserable because he is miserable. With Brian, I was dealing with a psycho who was chipped. There is nothing worse than that. If I had my own paper, I could tell him to go fuck himself and think nothing of it.)

  I tossed and turned the whole night, replaying the revolting threats Brian made against me. I was staring into the eyes of evil when I listened to his bold-faced intimidation tactics. It blew my mind that this was the same man I had believed I was in love with. Now he was plotting to take away my son, a baby he didn’t pay a single expense for. All he had tried to do for the last several months was bring me down, emotionally and physically. He was cold and calculating, not giving a damn about what was best for our son. The Brian I thought I knew was dead, and a monster had emerged. As I watched Christian sleep, I found comfort in how peaceful and pure he was. He gave me strength to fight, to realize that although Brian seemed to be winning the battles, the most important thing was for me to win the war.

  My Fate

  As I said before, we all must fight battles and face obstacles in life that we sometimes fee
l we can’t endure. But as the saying goes, “If it doesn’t kill you, it will make you stronger.” I believe that statement is true to life because when you are going through a war with someone, it’s the battles that eat away at you little by little. You start off tall and sturdy, but if you are not made of a strong and durable substance, then piece by piece you will crumble and eventually break down. In most cases people want to give up because the likelihood of defeat is too great and the fear overrides their motivation to succeed. But when someone is kicking you hard, you have to reach deep down inside and uncover the strength we are all born with. I knew with every bullet Brian fired at me, that that was one less shot I had to dodge. If I kept bobbing and weaving, eventually he would run out of ammunition. That fact is what kept me pushing forward every time I wanted to give in. When I was walking out the door, my phone rang. It was Ella. “Hi, Tyler, I know you’re probably in a rush, but I wanted to wish you good luck today.”

  “Thanks so much for calling, Ella. I needed that.”

  “Of course, I’m your big sister. I’m always rooting for you. Just remember that everything happens for a reason, and you will get through this stronger than ever.”

  “You really think so, Ella?” I said, not feeling as confident as I hoped.

  “Positive. Tyler, you’ve grown so much, and your heart is in the right place. Keep your head held up high and know that I’m praying for you.”

  “Ella, thank you, and I love you.”

  “I love you too.”

  When I arrived in court I saw, as promised, Brian had brought along his well-prepared witness list, which included the ever-so-down-ass chick Courtney, the ever-so-loyal partner Leon, some wannabe lead singer of his girl group Divas, and some two-bit players who consisted of industry groupies, label flunkies, and well-paid assistants. I was hoping that if it came down to it, the truth would speak for itself and the judge wouldn’t fall for the circus show that Brian and his attorney wanted to put on. I was ready for the next chapter of my life. My greatest concern was getting custody of Christian.