by Nicole Lane
It was almost as though the intervening years had not happened, as though they had never parted for the sake of a higher calling, and Isabelle was lost in the waves of emotion that crashed over her in that moment.
Reality intruded, however; the sounds of other diners around them and the sudden awareness of the fact that the man she was kissing wasn’t her husband made her draw away from the kiss.
She took a step back, tears springing to her eyes. “I can’t. I’m sorry,” she said, turning to leave.
“I know.” His voice was pained, but he let her go.
She was halfway home with her fingers against her lips before it hit her that Dominic had been right to worry. The voices in her head started shouting at once. Alora’s and her mother’s were there telling her what she’d done was stupid, but suggesting that no one had to know, and if it happened again…well, he was a doctor! Her father’s voice was sorely disappointed. Dominic’s was nastily wry. Eve’s was practical, though, so that’s the number she dialed.
And it was an extreme relief to hear her say, “Well, of course you did. You never stopped loving him. But you can’t have an affair with him, because neither of you is that kind of person. So…take a few days and a few deep breaths, then decide where you want to be.”
Isabelle sighed. “I don’t know what to do. I feel awful because I know I hurt him terribly just now, and I feel like a hypocrite for reading Dominic the riot act about his groupies. I’m no better.”
“You kissed Patrick. You didn’t shag him!” Eve cried. “Stop being so hard on yourself, Issie. Maybe it’s just unfinished business, or maybe you’ve had enough of Dominic being such a bastard.”
“I have had enough of that,” Isabelle admitted. “I don’t understand him at all. You were right about his behavior, but I don’t know how to deal with it.”
“You shouldn’t deal with it. Issie, what’s happening is that Dominic’s used to having a girl on the side who catches all his hell, where he can be bad to the bone without repercussions. Now he’s gone straight edge with you, and you’re seeing the cracks in the shiny, happy image he’s been wearing for you. Think about it. You’ve probably been seeing stress fractures since he proposed.”
“I suppose so. I still didn’t expect everything to change so rapidly. I knew we’d have a period of adjustment. That’s normal. But I don’t even know him anymore.” She sighed. “And I can’t fight with him. It doesn’t do any good.”
“No. He’s a Scorpio. Never argue with one of those. Just wait till they’re asleep and glue their lips together.”
She chuckled. “He is stubborn.”
“Because he knows he’s guilty and…he knows he’s right. But don’t live up to his expectations. Don’t cheat. Just make a decision, then follow the proper course to stay true to it. Secrets aren’t good.” She paused a bit before saying, “Um…listen, after the party, maybe on Sunday, let’s you and I talk in person.”
“Okay. I’d love that. Thanks for the talk, Evie.”
“Sure thing. Take care, honey.”
They got off the phone, and Isabelle pulled herself together, steeling herself for the return home. Dominic wasn’t there, so she had time to breathe. She went upstairs and took a soak in the tub, trying to relax the frayed edges of her nerves, then got out, dressed, and went to work on the computer. She wrote a quick e-mail to Patrick, apologizing again for her behavior and telling him that she needed some time to think things through. There were just too many emotions tangled up, and she didn’t want to complicate things with him. She sent it off and started retyping her essay, just finishing the draft when Dominic came home.
He threw his clothes off, leaving them on the floor, and went for a long shower. When that was done, he wandered around in his towel for a while, rummaging in the fridge for food, generally ignoring Isabelle’s presence. He spoke when she said hello, but then went and picked up a book he’d started reading and took it back to the bedroom.
Isabelle sat there and fumed silently before she finally switched off the computer and went upstairs. She stood in the doorway, her arms crossed, and considered the man she’d married. No, she considered the man she was now married to. He was not the man she’d married.
After a few minutes, he looked up, his expression barely inquisitive. “Do you need something?”
“Yes. I need to know how long this is going to last.”
“Uh, should take me another hour to finish,” he answered, indicating the book in his hand.
“That’s not what I’m talking about,” she said. She wasn’t yelling or even raising her voice. She felt numb. Hollow. Defeated. “I mean, how long do we going on pretending the other’s not here?”
“I guess till you’re ready to apologize.”
Isabelle blinked. Maybe she’d heard him wrong. “What?”
“You knee-capped me in front of your boyfriend because you thought I was being rude for breaking up your little convo. Then you kicked me out of the bedroom for being pissed at your attitude. When you’re over it, and say so, I’ll get over it.”
She stared at him. “First of all, he isn’t my boyfriend. Second of all, you were rude for the things you said to him and about me,” she said flatly. “And I kicked you out of the bedroom for being a complete bastard—and then some—about all of it on the drive home from our wedding reception! So, if you’re waiting for an apology from me for all of the things you did yourself, you’ll be waiting a long time.
“I don’t know what’s gotten into you, Dominic, but ever since we got back from Paris, you’ve been a different person. I don’t feel like I even know you anymore, and I’m tired of feeling like…like you don’t want me anymore.” The last words came in a strangled yelp, and she turned out of the room, heading back downstairs and out into the small garden. She needed air. All the frustration and upset had come out in those last few words, but she didn’t feel any better.
A few minutes later, the door opened and shut behind her. Dominic was standing there with his arms crossed. “I thought you didn’t want me anymore.”
“What?”
“You seemed to hate me being home all the time. And you kept trying to make me do housework. And I got fat. I thought you didn’t want me.”
She shook her head. “I told you before, I didn’t hate you being home. I hated that you were feeling so miserable. I asked you to help with errands a few times just so you would get out and get some air since you spent most of your time on the couch. You showed little to no interest in me, Dominic. How could you think that I didn’t want you?”
“You didn’t show any interest in me either,” he said in a low voice. “It was never you instigating anything.”
This was too much. She thought back to the weeks before and all the times she’d tried to talk to him, to include him, to occupy him, to entice him. She’d tried. He hadn’t. And since he’d gone back to racing, he’d been picking fights with her more often than not. Maybe Eve was right. Maybe he was cheating on her. Maybe that was the reason he was trying to blame her for their miserable existence. “That’s how you’ve really been feeling, huh?” she asked, finally.
“Yes.”
“Really?”
“Yes.”
“Okay.” She sighed, nodding. “All right. Well, I’m sorry I made you feel that way. Maybe we should just…try a fresh start in the morning.”
“Okay,” he said slowly. “I’m sorry too.”
She managed a flat smile, but not much else. She wanted to scream at him, but she knew it wouldn’t do any good. The manipulation was well-practiced and likely unshakeable. She was just glad that she could finally see it for herself.
He was better behaved in the morning, but he was almost cowering like a little boy who had been scolded. It was stomach-turning in a way, and she couldn’t resist saying, “You know, I went to Eve for advice about you. She said she thought the problem was that you’re being faithful to me. She said that you like having a girl on the side to show your bad self to
and that it’s stressful for you to keep up the front with me and never let that part of you out. She said you like to get rough.”
Dominic’s blue eyes flew open, and his whole demeanor changed. “She said that, did she?”
“Yes. And I said that I wouldn’t mind if you wanted to play rough. And I don’t.”
He laughed outright. “Isabelle, you wouldn’t even shag me in the loo.”
“I wouldn’t shag you in the loo at our reception, with our families right there,” she said. “That’s different.”
“It’s the same to me.” He shook his head. “I like a little danger.”
“So, are you having a hard time because you’re down to just me?”
He considered her a long time, then he nodded slightly. “Yeah. We’re married. I’m not cheating on you. Ever.”
“Ever again? Since it sounds to me like you were up until we tied the knot.”
“I had dialed it all back for about six months before I proposed.”
She swallowed hard, that information landing like a blow. She fought against tears, lifting her chin. She felt on the precipice of destruction—as though her next words could make or break her marriage. At the moment, setting fire to the whole thing seemed the way to go, but that was Eve’s way. Alora’s way was to subjugate herself entirely. But this was her own marriage, and it could only be her choice to scrap or save it.
Maybe it doesn’t have to be so dire? Maybe there’s middle ground. Meet in the middle. We can meet in the middle, she thought.
She held her breath a long moment, trying to choose the right words. “Well, that’s lovely. Fantastic. You were faithful to me a whole six months. Or at least you dialed back your side-stepping. That’s good to know. What happens now?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, since you’re having a hard time and I’m obviously not meeting your needs, what now?”
“I never said you weren’t meeting my needs.”
“Am I?”
“Y-Yes. Yes. I’m just adjusting to the changes.”
“Dominic, we lived together before. What’s the change?”
“Is this what you meant by starting fresh?”
“Yes. It is. Being honest and fresh.”
“Okay.” He nodded. “Then what we do is we just move forward. I’ll work harder.”
“All right. We’ll move forward,” she said, pouring a cup of coffee. “I’m tired of fighting anyway.”
“We weren’t fighting just now.”
“No, but we have been pretty much non-stop for the last few weeks. So much for the summer honeymoon.”
Her tone of voice was enough to make Dominic twitch. She knew he didn’t deal well with confrontation, much less extended discomfort, and it was a decent amount of fun to watch him squirm. He didn’t answer, just finished his cereal and then rose to rinse out his bowl.
“I’ve got to meet Dave. I’m getting fitted for my new kit. You want to come?”
“Sure,” she said, swallowing the last of her coffee. “I love seeing you in your gear.”
It took the better part of the afternoon before Dominic was finished, then he and Isabelle went to a late lunch at a bistro nearby. It still wasn’t entirely comfortable, but it was better than it had been. Walking to the Tube, they passed by a baby boutique, and Isabelle slowed to window shop. She was glad she’d been taking her pills again, but she wondered if things would be going better if she had just gotten pregnant quickly.
“Do you want to go in?” Dominic asked after they’d stood there awhile.
“Yeah, I do.”
He followed her around the store as she looked through every area and wondered what Eve might like, finding things Alora already had. It was bittersweet. Eve’s nursery was done. Una’s nursery, the entire set, had been a gift from her parents, and both hers and Olive’s entire wardrobes were courtesy of her mother. She picked up a stuffed frog and clutched it as she walked. Sometimes she hated her family.
Noticing that Dominic was no longer right behind her, she looked around and found him holding a onesie, gazing wistfully at it.
“What’s that?” she asked, drawing near.
He put it down quickly. “I never realized how small the damned things are,” he said. “Very small.”
“Yes, babies are.” She glanced at the discarded item, reading “Daddy’s Girl” across the chest. He’s still broody, she thought.
“Who’s the frog for?” he asked, tugging at the stuffed animal.
“I thought Eve might like it,” she said. “It suits the nursery really well. Same color green.”
“You’ve seen the nursery?”
“Yeah. The last time I was over there. It’s really lovely what she and Tad have done. They’re both very excited about the baby.”
“What’s he excited for?” Dominic snorted. “It’s not like it’s his.”
“But Eve is, and…if I was pregnant with another man’s baby when we met, would you have given me a second glance?”
“Maybe if you weren’t showing yet,” he said.
“Well, Eve wasn’t showing when she met Tad, and he’s really great about the baby, his or not. He loves her, so he loves the baby. He’s a really good guy. I’m glad she finally found someone she could spend her life with.”
“I’ll believe it when I see it.”
“You can’t just be happy for her?”
Dominic halted, glancing back at the onesie. “Sorry,” he said. “Sorry. Look, I’ll wait for you outside. I’m feeling claustrophobic all of a sudden.”
He hurried out of the shop, and Isabelle went to pay for the frog, taking the bag and going outside to find Dominic leaning against the lamp post, smoking a cigarette. “Are you all right?”
“Yeah. I’m fine. Just…all that baby stuff.”
“I thought you were in a hurry to have one.”
“I am, but that doesn’t make all that—” he pointed a thumb toward the shop “—less overwhelming.”
“You’re overwhelmed?”
He sighed, taking another drag on the cigarette like it was a lifeline. “Yeah. It’s a lot to consider. Definitely up for the challenge, but it makes my head pound a bit.”
Isabelle considered him a long time and then shrugged. “Ready for home?”
“Yeah. Home is good.”
They went back to the house, each in their own thoughts for the remainder of the drive. Isabelle made dinner, and they ate, Dominic talking about the gear he’d looked at that day and other things about the race that were coming up. It was as comfortable as it had been in a long time, and Isabelle soaked it in, enjoying the sound of his voice and the look on his face as they finished dessert.
Afterward, Dominic went into the living room to watch the news while Isabelle did the washing up. She worked in silence, her mind still a jumble, though she was doing her best to convince herself that the last few weeks were just a bump in the road and that she and Dominic were getting past it. Things would be okay. To further confirm her feelings, Dominic came in as she was drying the last of the plates and slipped his arms around her waist from behind, kissing her neck in a way that had always made her melt.
Things were going to be okay. She just needed to relax and let that happen. Things were going to be fine.
She stayed away from the computer the rest of Thursday and Friday, hiding herself away from any thoughts of Patrick. It was actually easy to do when Dominic was focusing his full attention on her. The only time her phone rang, it was Alora asking what time Isabelle was going to be at Eve’s party, not wanting to arrive earlier than that.
Isabelle assured her sister that she and Dominic would be arriving in time for the start of the party and that Alora should come whenever she thought was best, as long as she did actually show up. There was a bit of bickering between them about this, but Alora backed down without much of a fight and said she’d see them there.
When Isabelle hung up the phone, Dominic began kissing the back of her shoulder. “I
love it when you get feisty like that,” he growled. “Especially with Alora.”
“You just don’t like her.”
“Not much, no. But that doesn’t change the fact,” he said, pulling her down onto the bed and kissing her.
They had been spending a large portion of the past few days having sex, Dominic’s insatiable appetite keeping Isabelle naked and sweating, whether in bed or elsewhere in the house. She couldn’t complain much, but she was looking forward to going out for a bit. He didn’t relent until it was past noon the next day, finally allowing her to get up and shower for the party. He dozed while she got ready, and she had to shake him awake to get him moving.
Chapter 15
EVE AND MARCUS WERE AT THE SAVOY early, seeing that everything was just so, and she was delighted by it all. They’d done food tastings the week before, and the menu was rich and varied. There would be something for everyone.
Tad was at home with his parents, who were staying in his old flat for the weekend—while it was on the market, it served well as a guest house. They would arrive in time for the start of the party, but prior to that, there was getting Eve dressed in the gauzy, strapless, Grecian column Marcus had handmade. It was a heavy cream color with gold edging, and he insisted on having her entirely styled by his favorite fashion week team. She was dazzling when they were finished, shining hair piled into a complicated up do, wound round with gold ribbons.
“You’re stunning!” Marcus exclaimed, kissing her on both cheeks. “You look like a fertility goddess. What’s the one? Demeter? Persephone? Who cares! Everyone’s going to be eating their hearts out looking at you.”
“If they show up.”
“Oh, please, darling. They wouldn’t miss it. They’ve all responded to the invites, and everyone we invited is coming,” he assured her. “Brace yourself, love.”
At nine, Tad and the Edmundses arrived, and just on their heels, guests began to trickle in. As usual in their crowd, everyone was at least fifteen minutes late, but by ten thirty, the party was in full swing.