Deep inside, she hated to admit that she was enjoying it to a certain extent. The thought only added to her guilt. It wasn’t appropriate for her to think that way. It was better to spend the entire journey back to the palace in uncomfortable silence than to give in to any of the feelings which made it pleasant.
When they reached the palace gates, Leyna found it easier to focus on other things once again, the papers inside her cloak crinkling in her tightly wrapped arms. Thade dismounted, offering the reins to a servant who greeted them near the palace doors. Holding out his arms, he assisted Leyna to the ground, being careful not to disturb the bundle to which she clung.
Leyna started to move toward the palace doors, lost in her own reverie until the sensation of something tugging at her waist drew her back to reality, her eyes blinking in confusion at Thade. His hands were at the clasp of her sword belt, holding her in place easily with his fingers tucked behind the heavy leather. “I do not recommend going inside with your weapon. Perhaps we could give it to the doorman to return?”
“Oh,” she breathed, nervous laughter bubbling up inside. “I forgot I was even wearing it. How embarrassing that would have been…”
With an understanding smile, Thade unhooked the buckle of the belt, sliding it out from around her waist. He remained by her side as they moved up the palace steps. The guards stationed at the doors nodded to Thade in greeting, their eyes looking over Leyna curiously. She stood out like a sore thumb. Nothing about her resembled a lady of the court at that moment, her hair disheveled from the wind, dress plain and simple, dirtied from the dust and grime in the house. They must think Thade is bringing a peasant back from the streets.
Leaning over to whisper a request to the servant waiting inside the door, he handed the sword belt over to him. Giving a reflexive nod, the man turned away, disappearing down a long corridor, the flames of the elaborate sconces lining the walls flickering as he passed.
Hurriedly she made her way down the twisting halls which led to her room. There were more people around than before, making her uneasy. Their watchful eyes followed her and Thade. She could see the questioning expressions. No one knew who she was. And to see her in such a state! She would surely be the talk of the palace before the night was over.
Her hands fumbled over the doorknob to her room. When it finally clicked open, she took a step forward, noticing Thade’s sudden hesitance to follow. Her composure regained, she was no longer against the idea of having him around while she looked through the papers. If anything, she wanted him there. She didn’t want to be alone with the thoughts that were running rampant in her head after returning to that place. They terrified her. At least if she could convince him to stay, she would have someone to ease her mind before she attempted sleep.
“What is the matter, Consul?” she asked. “I do not mind if you come in.”
Shaking his head, Thade let his eyes drift over the long hallway on either side of them, his forehead creasing under an obvious mental struggle, though over what, Leyna couldn’t put her finger on. “I am not sure that I should,” he replied quietly.
Not sure that he should? He was starting to sound like her. They had never stood on formalities of appropriateness before when she’d been concerned over visiting him or Feolan alone. So why was this any different here, this night? “Please?” She gazed at him pleadingly. The last thing she wanted was for him to leave. He was the only person in the world whose company she desired at that moment. And she didn’t care if anyone thought it to be scandalous. “I really do not want to be alone right now.”
“I suppose I could come in – but only for a few minutes,” he nodded. Giving one last glance down the hallway, he moved quickly into the room, exhaling a deep breath at escaping the prying eyes of the courtiers. “I cannot remain for long. I hope that you understand.”
“Truthfully, I do not understand.” Leyna shrugged, tossing the cloak down on a low table situated in front of an elegant sofa, the polished mahogany surface reflecting the flames of the sconces lighting the room. “You and I have met privately on several occasions over the past few years. I was always the one afraid it would be considered inappropriate and you assured me it was fine. So why now have you changed your mind?”
“This is different,” he frowned. Everything about his demeanor had changed from that which he’d displayed before entering the palace doors. He looked nervous, hands fidgeting where he held them clasped in front of him, clenching and unclenching his fingers while absently observing the room around him, avoiding Leyna’s gaze. “Courtiers tend to have nothing better to do than insert their noses into everyone else’s business. Though the priests are reviewing the request I sent them in regards to the dismissal of your marriage arrangement – until the time that they send their verdict – you are still a promised woman. And while you and I both know that we are merely friends, your betrothed has vocalized accusations of infidelity between the two of us. If any of the vultures in this palace find cause to assume anything intimate is occurring, it could destroy any chance of convincing the Tanispan priests to grant your annulment.”
Leyna inhaled sharply with dismay. It had never crossed her mind before then. They were in a different society than in Siscal. And the number of eyes that had witnessed them together in the hallway alone was enough to set her own nerves on edge at the possibility of being denied her separation from Kael. “Maybe you should go, then,” she whispered, lowering herself down miserably onto the soft cushions of the sofa. The one time she truly needed someone to be there for her, and the mistakes from her past were forcing her to endure the pain alone.
“No,” Thade stated plainly. With an air of pride, he knelt down on the floor in front of the table across from Leyna, gently pushing the folded cloak over closer to her. “I have some time. With you having just returned, the chamber servants will be coming shortly to check on you. As long as I am gone before you dismiss them for the night, we should have very little to worry about. Nothing which could not be argued and proven false, anyway.”
A smile spread over Leyna’s lips to hear him agree with her request. Excitedly she slid down from the sofa to kneel on the floor, unwrapping the folds of her cloak like a child opening a long-awaited gift. She knew it was likely that the papers inside it would prove nothing. But it was the possibility! The tiny thread of hope that something might give a clue to verify that she existed. And she was not the Mialan half breed that Iden might try to claim.
Most of the papers were faded. Worthless. Tax documents from nearly three decades past, if not longer. Rohan must have been meticulous with his record keeping. What she wanted to find was that single parchment which had been on her mind from the moment she’d laid eyes on it. Rohan would have no need to receive missives from Tanispa, and certainly not from the Queen. Leyna clung to the hope that it was something belonging to her mother. Something that had been forgotten about for all these years, lying in the dusty, moldy rooms of that abandoned house.
There amongst the tattered records of Rohan’s finances, she caught sight of the heavy parchment, the wax seal like blood coating the edge of the flap. Snatching it up greedily, she stared down at it, holding her breath. This was it. It could either be her savior, or her downfall. If it spoke nothing to lead her to the truth, then her pain of reliving it all would have been in vain.
In her peripheral vision, she could see Thade’s eyes widen at the sight of it. He was intrigued. Seemingly as much as she was.
Rising up from the floor, she began to pace across the room, suddenly nervous. If it contained nothing, she hated the thought of Thade seeing her break down in tears yet again. Her image in his mind was already destroyed enough without making it worse.
She closed her eyes. The thick edge of the parchment was pressed against the flat of her thumb, ready to be opened with a single movement. Just do it. She couldn’t bear the anticipation. With a quick motion, she opened the flap of the document, afraid that if she didn’t move fast, she might lose her nerve. Lift
ing her right eyelid just enough to let in the light, she squinted at the writing she saw there. It was very official looking. Names were written on it in fancy calligraphy. Signatures.
She opened her eyes the rest of the way, staring down at the ink in bewilderment. A heavy, boldly written title was printed clearly along the top. Certificate of Birth. Could it be? It didn’t seem possible. Their departure from Damir’s home had been too sudden for her mother to grab any of their belongings. They left empty-handed, aside from a doll that she managed to keep hold on through it all.
And now, there it was. She could see her name written on the line. Leyna Evantine. Dated back thirty-five years, nearly to the day. But it was not her name which shocked her the most. Listed as the parents, clearly Sarayi Evantine – and Aviden Diah.
Oh gods. It couldn’t be true. How could her mother ever have kept this a secret from Damir? The records were enough to ruin the whole family. Sarayi had chosen to document the true father on the royal birth certificate. All the more reason for Iden to have sought ways of removing the documents from Vorsila’s records.
Folding the parchment back up, she pressed it tightly over her heart. Tears were threatening to fall again, but this time they were tears of joy. She had found it. She’d seen it with her own eyes. Leyna Evantine did exist. No one could take that victory away from her. Not even Damir.
Deep breaths. She had to regain her composure before she could speak anything to Thade. Everything felt perfect at that moment. She had her proof. As long as they were alone, she felt justified in finally answering the questions he had been so patiently waiting twenty years to ask. A great weight had lifted off her shoulders. And maybe now, she might receive the answers to her questions about him. He always told her he would reveal his own secrets when she felt it time to reveal hers.
She went over all the details in her head. How could she approach the topic? Would he be expecting it? He seemed distracted by so many other things. Thade was watching her. Clearly curious. Nodding to him, she gave a short curtsy, scolding herself for her nervousness. “Consul.”
“You must be nervous,” he chuckled, leaning back casually on the floor, propping himself up with his arms. “I can always tell when you are, because you resort to formalities and titles. I think at this moment you can safely call me Thade. I would not be offended. After all, I do believe I am here in this room as a friend. Not your superior in any way.”
“Sorry,” she blushed. Averting her eyes, she moved over to the sofa. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to stand or sit when she told him the news. It was exciting, in a way. To finally reveal all of the things she’d wanted to say for so long. Or almost all of them. There were a few more private matters that could never be discussed. Clearing her throat, she sat down, the movement lacking in any grace, the cushion bouncing under her gentle weight.
His eyes were watching her closely. Something about the way he stared caused her to tremble. She was losing her nerve. What if he was angry with her? She had put them both at such a great risk during the war with her secrets. She couldn’t blame him if he resented her in some way for it. They sat silently for what felt like ages. She prayed one of the chamber servants would come through the door, taking away her opportunity to disclose the information. What was taking them so long?
“Fifteen.”
The number fell from her lips against her better judgment. She hoped her body was not as visibly shaken as her voice sounded. Watching Thade’s face, she searched for his reaction, unsure if he would even understand what she was saying.
At first, his eyes revealed confusion. Fifteen? Such an odd start to a conversation. Random. Then, all at once, his already pale complexion seemed to drain of what little color there was, staring up at her solemnly. “Please tell me that is not –”
“Not exactly,” she stammered. Her fingers fidgeted awkwardly in her lap, her head reeling over how to explain herself to him. “The first time you asked me, it would have been eighteen. But you already knew me for a few years before that.”
Tilting his head back, Thade gazed up at the ceiling. He looked absolutely wretched. “The gods may never forgive my soul…”
“But you knew I was young,” Leyna argued, her guilt growing at the sight of him looking so miserable, knowing it was because of her. “You made it very clear to me that you suspected.”
“I suspected you were not old enough to be out in society. I never once imagined that you were – a child –”
“Thade,” she whispered. Hearing her voice speak his name only added to the desperation she felt. How could she possibly convey to him that it wasn’t his fault? He’d done so much for her. She might not be alive had it not been for him. The military had been her only chance to afford shelter and food. To survive. “I had no choice but to try and fool everyone when I came here. No one in Carpaen would give me a job because they knew how old I was. The only thing I was qualified to do was fight, so the military was my only option. Had you turned me away, I would have likely starved to death in some alley somewhere in the desert.”
“You presented yourself in a very convincing way when we met.”
“I always thought I looked a fool to you,” she laughed pathetically. She could still picture Cady stuffing the folded pieces of cloth down into the bodice of her borrowed dress. And her shoes! She thought for sure she would be discovered when Thade had located her lost shoe under the body of the ghereac.
“You looked young. Never foolish,” Thade frowned. “I have never been well-versed in any matter regarding women. Perhaps it was simply my naivety which prevented me from estimating your age more precisely.”
“Had you known the truth, would you have turned me away?”
Shifting his eyes down to Leyna’s face, he held her gaze steady. “No,” he shook his head. “I would have proceeded with things a bit differently and kept a far better watch over you than I did, but I think I would have played the fool all the same.”
“And that is what I do not understand,” she sighed. “You knew I was violating the rules of both the military and our people, yet you willingly allowed it.”
Calmly he rose to his feet. All signs of discomfort had left him, his posture erect with every deliberate step he took in a slow pace back and forth across the room, his voice calm when he spoke. “Because I violated the same rules. In many ways, you reminded me of myself. I had to assume you had good reason for doing what you did.”
“I must admit that I am somewhat aware of your age. All things considered, given the status your family must have, it seems like it would have been far more difficult for you to hide the truth from the military.”
Thade paused, glancing over to her sharply. He looked almost angry at first before his features relaxed, exhaling a heavy sigh of defeat. “General Cadell knew my age when I joined the military in Tanispa. He accepted me because he was ordered to do so. Feolan was placed in charge of watching over me until I was of age. As soon as I was old enough, I was sent to Siscal to operate as their Captain for the war. General Matias to this day is unaware of how old I was when I was promoted to my position. Only just past my twenty-fifth birthday.”
It explained a great deal in Leyna’s mind. Why Feolan was always so protective of Thade. Still, it felt odd to her. During the war in Siscal, Feolan had never been as watchful of Thade as he was now. It was almost as if he’d reverted to the parental role to keep an eye on him in his ventures into politics. “But why did you join the military so young? Or at all – I have been learning that many members of nobility, while they have training in combat, have never actually served in any militant aspect. Fighting is more sport to them than anything else.”
“I took an interest in it,” Thade replied, his tone short, unwilling to elaborate. “I have also taken an interest in that piece of parchment. Might I inquire of its contents?”
Suddenly remembering the document in her hand, she blinked in surprise, holding it out to stare down at it hesitantly. It was the final piece of the puzz
le in explaining herself to him. Once he had read it, he could no longer question the truth of her words – no matter what Prince Enaes might believe he had found. “Oh, this…” she stumbled over her words, shakily rising to her feet. With nervous excitement, she made her way over to where Thade stood, his pacing halted to accept the parchment from her outstretched hand.
She watched his face closely. For some reason she feared what his reaction would be to learning her true parents. He had determined her link with Sarayi, but never had she spoken of her suspicions regarding Aviden Diah. The father of the same woman Feolan now courted.
His eyes opened wide, a contemplative expression crossing over his regal features. “Well,” he murmured. “This actually explains a lot… but still leaves a great deal unanswered.”
“What does it explain?” she asked excitedly. Her heart pounded against her chest, anxious to hear what Thade had to say about the matter. “It proves to you that I am who I claim to be, at the very least.”
“Yes, well – I was unaware that the Duke of Escovul had two children. Serendipitous, really, that both of them ended up under Lady Faustine’s roof.” Never taking his eyes off the parchment, he continued his pacing again, leaving Leyna to stare at him, following his movements like the hypnotic swing of a pendulum. “When he was killed, it left a lot of questions unanswered. It was assumed to be the work of the Ven’shal, but the reasons were never uncovered. I suppose it is possible it was the same Ven’shal who killed Iden’s daughter.”
“You talk as if I am detached from the whole picture,” she frowned, stepping into his path, forcing him to look her in the eye. “Don’t you see? You were the one who told me of it yourself, back when I first started working for you to uncover Oksuva and Mikel’s motives. My mother was documented to have been married to Damir Rohld – the same Ven’shal who currently works in conjunction with Oksuva to raise Arcastus from the dead. He discovered that the child he believed to be his daughter was really the child of another man. In his anger, he used his sorcery against us. My mother witnessed it and testified of it, leading to Damir’s banishment from Tanispa. Do you not think Damir would have also sought the identity of the child’s father to take revenge?”
The Myatheira Chronicles: The Vor'shai: From the Ashes (Volume 1) Page 65