“Why do you apologize?” she asked, her breath heavy from the rush of emotions.
“This is exactly why Feolan hesitated to allow me to meet with you alone. I am not thinking straight.” Noticing Leyna’s crooked bodice and confused expression, Thade’s cheeks flushed with color, his hands moving to adjust the fabric back over her. “He has become aware of my feelings for you over the years. We work so closely together, it was impossible to hide it from him. Knowing that I called you here to tell you goodbye, he feared what might occur. That I would not be able to resist you. And he was right. I am not in control, the way I should be.”
“Do you think less of me for not stopping you?” The thought horrified her. Had she let him down? It all felt so right, but now, looking back on it, she’d given in to actions unbecoming of a lady. She should have stopped him.
Thade shook his head, the somber look returning. His eyes could still be seen glancing over her body briefly, shifting away by sheer force of will. He wanted to be near her. She could see the effort it took him to remain at a distance, rising up from the settee to begin a nervous pace. “I could never think poorly of you, Leyna. I should not have behaved so. After all, it was I who argued your innocence to the Queen. I would be wronging you terribly to let that happen.”
Pressing her bodice against herself tightly, Leyna sat up on the settee, gazing into the depths of Thade’s brightly shining eyes. “The gods have brought us together.” His pacing halted. Thade was entranced by her every movement, hanging off her every word. “We have fought through the trials and managed to find ourselves here together, against the odds. In my mind, we are husband and wife in every way but on that little piece of parchment in the Queen’s library. And we will have that soon enough once we leave here. But if you are not comfortable, then I will not press the matter. I cannot fault you for it. I only hope you will not fault me.”
She wanted to go to him. To take him in her arms, just for the sake of holding him the way she’d longed to for so long. It didn’t matter whether they did anything beyond lying in each other’s arms. They would have their whole lives together after this night.
At the sight of her struggling to stand, Thade moved to her side, supporting her with his hand. “You are right,” he said, his voice soft and calm, no longer showing the signs of uncertainty he exhibited before. Leaning in, he pressed his lips against hers again. His strength impressed her as he lifted her easily into his arms from the settee. “But my wife-to-be deserves better than this uncomfortable thing.”
“Are you sure?” she whispered. The fluttering in her heart was returning. Wilder than before. Without a word, he nodded his head, eyes twinkling in the dimming light of the room from the setting sun outside, holding her to him as he carried her away down the hall to his room.
Leyna’s eyes fluttered open, taking in the sight of the room around her in wonder. She’d been afraid to fall asleep. That she would awaken the next morning only to discover it had all been a dream. But there was no denying now that it was in fact very real.
Thade’s arm was tucked under her on the bed. His bare chest was exposed from under the soft satin sheets, rising and falling from the gentle inhale and exhale of his breath while he slept. Her head was resting on him, her body pressed up against his under the blankets. It was heaven to her. A gift from the gods after everything they had suffered.
When the sun came up, they would be gone. None of the troubles would matter to them anymore. He would be her husband and everything would be perfect. It seemed too good to be true. And in a way, she knew deep down that it was.
Panic welled up inside of her at the thought of what they had done. Not at the idea of having given herself to Thade, but at the fear of what he was giving up by running away with her. What she was letting him throw away! It was selfish. If she loved him, she should tell him that his responsibilities were vastly more important than her. Their people needed him. And while she knew nothing of the reason his family had called him back, she could only assume it was something beyond the scope of anything she could imagine. Who was she to take him away from it?
“Oh no,” she breathed. How could she have let this happen? She had unwittingly become the very evil creature Feolan claimed all women to be those years ago. Thade was willing to give up everything to be with her. If he had not been distracted by her, he never would have thought to turn his back on his responsibilities. She couldn’t let him do it. The risks were too great. He was the Queen’s Consul, after all. He could be charged with treason for leaving – and what would be the punishment for such a crime? They would certainly have him banished, or worse – killed.
Calm yourself. She laid her palm against Thade’s chest, trying to force the thoughts out of her mind. Stop overreacting. You are just confused by everything that has happened. That is normal.
If only she could believe it! She wasn’t confused. Everything made perfect sense. She finally had the one thing she wanted – and she had to let him go. They could not be together. Not like this. Whatever his reasons for desiring her, he would move past them. He was going to have to. They couldn’t spend their whole lives running.
There were things she needed to focus on as well. She couldn’t fight Damir if she was at the other end of the world. Eventually, they would both start to resent each other for the things they had left to be together. It would be unbearable. Worse than the pain that seared through her heart at the thought of leaving him now.
At least now they would leave with a part of each other. She would never forget him, and she prayed he would never forget her.
Afraid of waking him, Leyna carefully lifted her head from his chest, sliding noiselessly from the bed. His muscles twitched at the disappearance of her weight against him. She froze at the sight, holding her breath as if it would somehow prevent him from opening his eyes. He looked so peaceful lying there. She needed to get out of his room before she changed her mind and crawled back into the safety of his muscular arms.
It was too early in the morning for her to worry about being seen by anyone in the neighborhood. Gathering her clothes from the floor, she dressed herself as she made her way back to the front of the house. Her body was trembling. So many new emotions to take in. Tears were filling her eyes even as she told herself she wouldn’t cry. This was for the best. No matter how much she repeated it in her mind, it didn’t make it any easier to cope with. How could something that felt so perfect be so wrong for them?
Not even taking the time to clasp her cloak over her shoulders, she hurried out the front door, quietly closing it behind her. She couldn’t chance him waking up before she had time to get back home, and the walk would be slow on her injured leg.
Feolan. Oh, god! How could she have forgotten? She promised him she would come visit him when she left Thade’s. But there was no time for that now. She just needed to get inside the safety of her house and then maybe the pain would go away. She could try to convince herself that nothing happened. Her heart would crumble if she didn’t think of something.
Her pace was nothing more than a hobble along the gravel road. Afraid of being seen in the soft light of the morning, she tried to keep close to the remaining shadows cast by the houses, a pained grimace locked on her face with every step. The guard was stationed outside her door, moving toward her in confusion to see her, limping along the street without anyone else around. She was grateful for his support. His arm linked with hers to guide her the final steps, helping her through the front door.
“Milady, what are you doing out alone?”
“I have to leave,” she breathed, desperate for air after her torturous walk. Remaining in that house wasn’t an option. When Thade awoke, he would come to find her. And what would she tell him? How could she explain why they couldn’t be together? It pained her to think of what he might say. How he would feel about her desertion.
Without Thade and Zander, there was nothing she could do in Siscal to benefit her people. Her position on Nesperiti’s court offer
ed nothing. To sit around and sip tea with Feolan and Maeri, never knowing what fate may befall their friends and country. She didn’t know where she was going, but it was obvious that she would have to leave Siscal. Perhaps Carpaen? Blaise had assured the military’s assistance in the war. If they would accept her, it would allow her to fight against the Ven’shal. While Tanispa’s army would be preferred, the chance of running into Thade on the road was too great. Carpaen was her best choice for now. She could determine where to go once she was safely across the border into the desert.
Stumbling through the house Leyna pulled out her bags, throwing clothes into them, not caring whether or not the fabric was wrinkled or torn in the process. There was no time! All that mattered was getting out of there before Thade or Feolan found her. The guard hurried around the room to keep up with her. “I can’t allow you to leave. You know my orders.”
“I don’t care about your orders. You have no idea what is going on,” she gasped. “I need to borrow your horse. The faster I can get away from here, the better.”
“The Consul will have my head –”
“Tell him I hit you. He might believe that,” she cut him off. Defiant. Nothing was going to stand in her way. Feolan and Thade knew her well enough to be aware of her stubborn nature. There was no fear of punishment for the guard if she left against his wishes. The only way he would be able to prevent her departure would be to physically hold her back, and he wouldn’t dare lay a finger on her.
Letting her eyes trail around the room, Leyna shook her head. Items remained scattered about. Decorations. Nothing of importance. Anything else she needed there would be a way of replacing once she reached Carpaen. Clothes would be enough to get her through until then. Once she joined the military, the dresses would be of little consequence anyhow. Bags clutched tightly in her hands, she made her way through the front door, footsteps clambering along behind her from the desperate approach of the guard.
“Milady, stop.”
“Stay by the door as you are commanded to do,” Leyna stated firmly. With a heave she threw the bags over the back of the guard’s horse, climbing easily into the saddle with only a mild grunt of discomfort at her injured leg. “Your horse will be at the stable in town. I’ll get my own from there. I apologize, but you must understand, I do this because I have no other choice.”
Her heels dug hard into the horse’s sides, signaling it to move, a hard snap of the reins sending it into a gallop. She ignored the protests of the guard behind her. Why wouldn’t he be quiet? The sound of his voice would wake everyone in the neighborhood.
A biting chill from the wind whipped through Leyna’s hair. She wasn’t dressed for a long ride in the current temperatures, but there would be time to worry about warmth later. If the guard’s shouts had woken Feolan or Thade, he would direct them to the stables in town. She would have to find a fast way out of the city. The concern laid in the difficulty of getting through the gates. Since the assassination of Prince Enaes, Queen Nesperiti had placed guards at every entrance through the city walls. Check points to investigate the travelers passing through. She feared an attempt on her own life, which Leyna knew was the last thing the Ven’shal would be concerned with. Queen Nesperiti meant nothing to them. The heightened security was only an added headache.
Impatient, Leyna reached the western gates. Keeping close to the city wall, she edged her way toward the entrance, relieved to find the gate easily approachable. At the mention of her name, the guards gave no hesitation to let her in. Sometimes it helped to be important. She couldn’t help but smirk to herself as she hurried onto the city streets, moving as fast as the horse would allow.
The strain on her injured leg caused the discomfort to slowly turn into a dull ache as she dismounted, securing the horse to a post. She cursed silently to herself as she stepped into the stable. If she wasn’t careful, the fracture would be exacerbated, leaving her worthless for several more weeks before she could join the military in any country. Through gritted teeth she gave her order to the stable boy. Her body was frozen from the cold. Jaw clenched to prevent her teeth from chattering. The walls of the barn provided only minimal warmth as she was led over to a chair, awaiting a horse to be brought out for purchase.
Dazed, she stared off into the distance. Everything felt wrong. It was incredible how she’d managed to turn her life upside down within the single hour since waking in Thade’s arms. She didn’t dare allow her mind to wander over the previous night. Tears threatened to fall, the moisture only adding to the chill already built around the skin of her face. In the chaos of her mind, she wasn’t sure which was more painful. The ache in her leg or the thought of Thade waking up to find her gone. Covering her face in her hands she tried to wipe the tears away, replaced by more, coming faster. Hooves clattered across the ground of the stable. Her horse was coming. Now wasn’t the time to lose herself in a weeping fit.
Hurriedly she paid for the animal, wasting no time in climbing onto its back, free of any saddle. She couldn’t worry about proper riding etiquette. It wouldn’t be long before she was on the road to Carpaen. The weather would be warmer there. With any luck she would be able to travel through the night. If she got off course, it would be in the hands of the gods to take her where she was intended to go.
A line was beginning to form at the gates leading out of the city when she reached them. Nervous with anticipation, Leyna fidgeted, silently urging the guards to move faster. If Feolan and Thade came looking for her, they would be sure to pass this way. She was in danger of being caught until she was beyond the walls and into the mountains. Her familiarity with the area allowed her to maneuver the smaller wooded trails to reach the desert without having to stay on the road. Finding her amongst the trees would be a greater feat. One which she doubted Thade or Feolan would be able to do. Especially not if she managed to get a head start.
Through her scattered thoughts, a voice floated on the breeze, reaching Leyna’s ears to send a shiver down her spine which jarred her worse than the cold. It wasn’t directed toward her, but she recognized it. Kael. He was nearby. Closer than she was comfortable with. Afraid to look over her shoulder, she kept her head down, face pointed toward the horse’s mane. Maybe he hadn’t seen her.
There was someone else with him. Another man. That voice was quieter, but distinguishable as that of Oran Bedrick. The words were broken through the noise of the street, but she could make out pieces of what was being spoken between the two men. They were coming from Zander’s house. Kyros was waiting for them somewhere. An amulet. Worried about the guards at the gates. Slowly Leyna lifted her head to peer over her shoulder. She needed to know how far away they were. If they were able to hear her speak when she reached the guards, Kael would take chase. He was the last person she wanted a fight with right now. Not after last night.
Behind her in line she could see a single carriage and two horses separating her from Oran and Kael. Good. It would provide enough of a gap that Leyna could be well down the road before they came after her. Sitting up straight on her horse she tried to give her most casual smile to the guards. She couldn’t let them see the troubled look in her eyes. They would ask questions and stall her. Right now, she needed to get out of the city. Fast.
“State your name.”
“Leyna Evantine. Member of Queen Nesperiti’s Court.”
“Reason for leaving?”
“I am visiting the Emperor’s Steward in Carpaen,” Leyna stated, her tone hushed. The voices behind her had quieted. The lack of noise in the street was nerve-racking As if everyone around had stopped to listen to her speak. “He is expecting me to arrive as soon as possible. I am in a bit of a rush.”
“When will you be returning?”
Leyna lowered her head, exhaling heavily, the fog of her breath billowing in the cold air around her. “In a month’s time,” she lied.
“Hey!”
Her heart sank in her chest at the shout coming from behind her in line. Casting the guard a desperate look
she motioned toward the road ahead. “Am I free to pass? Please?”
“Very well.” With a clinking of metal from his armor, the guard stepped out of Leyna’s path, clearing the way.
She gave a loud click of her tongue to urge the horse onward. Fingers wrapped tightly in the mane, Leyna leaned forward, picking up speed on the road. Commotion sounded from the gates, shouts echoing through the street. It didn’t take long before she was aware of a second set of hooves pounding along the road, quickly gaining on her.
At her side she could see another horse in her peripheral vision, the rider snapping the reins, calling out for it to move faster. “Stop!” Kael ordered. Roughly he veered toward her, forcing Leyna’s horse to step off the road. Focused, she forced her horse to move faster, heels digging into its sides, breaking away from Kael, though only by a few inches. She couldn’t focus, the cold air blowing in her face. If she was unable to get away from Kael, her plans would be ruined. He would chase her through the desert if given a chance. She had to think of something, but her thoughts were a jumbled, confusing mass.
Kael was coming up on her side again. Gathering himself, he leapt from the saddle, lunging at Leyna, his body slamming into hers with the force of a ghereac, sending her toppling to the hard ground. Crying out, Leyna felt herself rolling over the grass with Kael’s arms wrapped around her, coming to halt with him on top, pinning her to the ground. “Get off me!” she screamed, rocking her body back and forth, throwing her weight against him to try and break away.
There was no enjoyment in Kael’s eyes as he stared down at her, struggling to maintain his grip. “Damir wants you. I’m not missing an opportunity to bring you to him.”
On the ground there was little she could do against him. Blaise had taught very little in the way of fighting from her back. It was her biggest downfall in combat. As long as Kael kept her pinned there, she had few options to work with, her legs useless under the weight of his body, arms locked to the ground over her head.
The Myatheira Chronicles: The Vor'shai: From the Ashes (Volume 1) Page 79