by Derrick Rose
Deceleration is the hardest part of coming back from an ACL. Every doctor will tell you that. You’ve got no balance. You don’t have confidence in your joints. It takes a lot of repetition. Running, that’s fine. That’s what people watching me never understood. I could run—it wasn’t about that. Even then you’ve got to build your muscles back up, build everything back up.
I’d always played basketball all summer and then into the season. Now, from 8:00 in the morning until, shit, I mean, until after the game once the season started, it’s just rehab.
Work out before the games. Go back there, put the ice on. Do all the recovery stuff. Every day. They have you talk to different therapists. All of them are the same. They just try to get you to vent to them and see what’s going on, the mental stuff. But I felt like I could’ve easily gotten over it myself by getting healthy. I didn’t feel like I had to talk to anyone. I was only sad because I wasn’t healthy. I felt like if I just got healthy everything would be alright. I shut down when it’s like that. Stay to myself. Most of the time I just watch a lot of documentaries. And then I’ll work out as soon as I can.
In the summer, it’s rehab first. Then I did basketball after my rehab. Two-a-days. I needed to make sure all the muscles were on the same wavelength or pattern or whatever because if one of your muscles is buried, that’s gonna cause overcompensating, just like it did later when I tore my MCL.
Like, oh shit! It just came out of nowhere. A flap just opened up, just a little clip. A lot of it is because of the way my body is. I get bulky real quick. That’s just my body type. I’m big, strong for a point guard. I’m still fast even though my knees are not the same. Somehow my body’s overcompensating to play the way I want to play. But with a lot of guys they’re not able to do that because they’re not that type of athlete. When you are, though, I found out it can cause different problems.
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With me, I think one reason there was so much controversy was because of Adrian Peterson, the football player. He comes back from his ACL after what, eight or nine months? He played football, so everything’s totally different, but I don’t know how anybody does that naturally. That’s why I was saying, “Come on, man. The same year?” When I came back in early 2013, those last months around the team I was working out, shooting, but I wasn’t able to move around the way I normally did. So I know it wasn’t right.
You’re getting advice from everyone. The doctors are who the doctors are—they’re team doctors. They say you’re fine. But when you run into players, they ask about your injuries, and they’re like, “Take a year. That shit normally takes at least a year.” Everyone’s telling me that. I wanted to come back sooner, but my body was telling me, “No, wait a little bit.” My knees were still sore. My stuff isn’t supposed to feel this way. That’s why I took longer, because I felt my body wouldn’t hold up. But the media didn’t want to hear that.
For me, all I was thinking about was redemption, just trying to get it back. The first time you’re hurt you have trouble believing it happened. It’s, “No, I can deal with this. I handle everything.” But in reality, my body, the ACL, it was taking longer. And that’s what I was fighting the whole time. I wanted to be back faster, but that’s when I learned about listening to your body. I was doing too much, working out too much. I wanted to feel like I could prep myself for whatever. I didn’t want any excuses. I felt like I can always work out. If I put my mind to it, I could get it done. Like I always did. If I’m in my regular workout routine during the season and I have a bad game or something, I blame it on that workout I didn’t do. I didn’t do the preparation, and that’s on me. So I took that mentality into the ACL rehab, that I would do everything and get back sooner. But I was really doing too much and not letting it happen more naturally.
I’ve been that way my whole career. My back was against the wall already, even more when people started doubting me. I was like, “Hold up! I’ll work out even more then.” But the funny thing is, throughout that entire time I didn’t have any jealousy about other guys in the league. I never felt jealous of my peers for what I was going through and seeing them do what they did, passing me by like they were. What that really did was push me to go harder in my workouts. Like, “Damn, Russ had a good year. I gotta go hard. Steph just had two good years! I gotta go even harder.” You know what I mean? Some people are jealous of other people’s success. But I know that shit can tear you down. I didn’t want to bring the negative energy. You’ve got to use that as more motivation in your life.
I don’t want this to sound like I’m boasting or something, but with a hooper it’s like being an artist. Not your typical artist like most people think of, like a dancer or rapper or painter, but an artist. That’s how I feel—how we feel as hoopers. I was not gonna go out there and show you a half of me, give you a bullshit performance and then it’s on me and I can’t sleep because I’m letting you down. Like me missing the free throw at the end of the game or me not performing and not giving you the oohs and ahhs at the end of the game. What’s the point of my playing then?
If I go out there and you see that night that I played with my knee not right—and forget what it means for my future, which is a lot—everyone’ll still be critiquing my game, saying maybe I let the team down, maybe I was selfish and I shouldn’t have played. Is a singer going to go out there with their voice croaking and hurt? No. You owe it to your fans to give them the best performance. I couldn’t do that and I knew that. If I don’t take the year off, I don’t think I have any career after that. But what am I giving you if I do come back too soon? It didn’t make any sense.
Of course, my critics weren’t saying that.
I knew pretty soon I wasn’t coming back that year. My knee wasn’t ready, not close. I had the surgery in May 2012. Everyone says a year, and now you look around at more guys who have had it, like Rajon Rondo, Zach LaVine, Danilo Gallinari, Jabari Parker, all about a year or even more.
What they were quick to forget was what Dr. Cole said right after my surgery. He’s one of the best in the world and he tells the media, “While he will hopefully be at a very high level in 12 months, it still may take slightly longer…It depends on the muscle psychology, confidence issues.” He was saying 12 months from May, and probably longer.
So then in March and April I’m not playing, and something is wrong with that? How does that happen? I think one time when they were pushing me, I said, “Nobody knows but God,” to say, “Come on, I’m trying.” So they get mad at that? How does that happen? It’s God.
Really, it’s the second year after the surgery before you see most guys are close to playing like they did. You see when they come back after only about a year they’re not performing at the old level yet. Zach LaVine’s a good one. Look at how he was playing a year after his surgery in his first season with the Bulls. Couldn’t even finish the season, because of tendinitis. Then look at the next season. He was great.
But my critics were saying I should come back in nine, 10, 11 months. Not only would that be early, that would be right at the time the playoffs started. And you know that’s not regular basketball. How is that happening in my hometown? So, I withdrew. It’s hard not to. I was able to move around and play—I looked like I was good. But I was thinking the game instead of reacting. A lot of people can think the game, but I’m a reactive player. Your body isn’t ready to react like that, and not the way I play.
But I had to go along and play the game like I was coming back. Imagine if I would have said, “No, I’m not coming back.” It would have been just like what Kawhi Leonard was going through that last season with the Spurs. They didn’t believe him, said he was faking. Guy is injured and trying to get back, but you know you can’t. “He looks okay. Where is he?” Imagine me in Chicago. “What, you ain’t trying to play?” So I got on the court and I was giving them the, “Oh, I just don’t feel right.” In reality, my knee wasn’t ready at all.
During the rehabilitation, I asked a lot of questions. They’re telling me it’s going to be maybe a year. I have to sleep in a boot three months, but after three months I’m thinking I should be fine. I’m thinking, “Man, you gotta get your rhythm, you gotta do all this.” But I wasn’t going to be able to play in the playoffs. If I’m out there not playing the way I play, it’s like, “Oh, what’s with him?” Probably would have traded me then. Ha!
Like, okay, that shit’s over right now. They said I was cleared to play. Which doesn’t mean I’m ready to play in games. I told them I wasn’t ready to play. My knee was still sore after certain things, after a lot of workouts. I know I’m not ready to play, period. My whole thing came from me reacting. I’m not reacting to things I always reacted to. I know it’s not right. But I’m out there pushing, trying.
I felt like when the media came into the gym in practice I had to be on the court acting like I’m working out, so I put the image out there that maybe I can play. I never went to the arena and said I don’t want to play tonight. Never in my life.
Then there was the thing with my brother giving this interview. Everyone’s acting like I could be playing any day now because it’s maybe nine months after surgery, but my knee’s not right at all. Reggie said some stuff like, “Why should Derrick come back? Y’all didn’t make any trades to help the team be ready for the playoffs.”
Look, you know how it is with your family. You talk about shit—everyone does. But I can’t roll against my family. That shit, yeah, we talked about it. I know where that came from. He didn’t have to say it in an interview though. Was he frustrated at the time? Sure. Seeing me like that, he was pissed and he expressed it in that interview. Knowing him, yeah, that’s what he would do. But I’m always riding with him no matter what. That’s my bro.
I couldn’t believe I missed a whole season—first time I went so long without basketball since I was maybe five or six—but it was just to keep getting stronger, trying to get back, trying not to think about the knee and the surgery. I’ve always been someone who looks forward and I really wanted to play, but something wasn’t right. You know how you have that feeling and everyone is saying everything is fine, but you just know it’s not? I felt something. So I really wasn’t that surprised when I hurt my knee again in Portland in November of that next season, after the one I missed.
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There was so much media when I got back for the 2013 season: “What’s he going to do? Can he walk?” I felt sometimes like I was in a cage and everyone was just staring at me. “Is he limping? Is he really here now?” I was playing okay, missed one game with my hamstring a little sore. I felt like I was making shots, made I think five or six three-pointers one game, getting to the rim, but my body wasn’t balanced. I was super strong from taking all that time off. And I’m working all that time—I can’t play, so I’m training, lifting—and when my body is like that, when I get too strong, it throws things off. If I’m not balanced, that’s when things really get bad. My hips are not aligned. I found out that’s when I really get in the risk area.
I know that now, but I really didn’t know that then. I just felt…not right. A little scared about that, too. But after being away so long, I felt that was just natural, that you feel like that. I didn’t know my body then like I do now. I was lifting both my legs up, lifting my upper body up. I was way overweight. At least 215, big for no reason. But that’s what happens when you can’t play. You figure you’ll get stronger, be in better condition, that it’ll help you.
But it was too much pressure on my knees. I was pushing myself to get back, probably pushed too much. I probably should have slowed down some of my workouts, but I was so into a routine already. Couldn’t wait to be back. Once I get in a routine, it’s like most people trying to get out of it. I felt like I was too far in and I feel that’s what led up to my other knee injuries.
It was hard when that happened in Portland. Just a simple back cut. I was having my best game yet that season. I think I had just made a three early in the third quarter and that gave me 20 points. We were having a good game in a place that was always tough to play. Funny, we always were winning when shit happened. Then just a cut to the basket, but even though I knew something was wrong right away, I also knew I had a chance of playing again.
Just like after my ACL, I kept saying to myself, “As long as it’s not an ACL.” That’s how I coped this time. “Any injury, I injure whatever, as long as it’s not the ACL.” I never want to go through that again. You really have to learn how to walk and run again. I knew I was gonna play again, but I didn’t know if I was gonna have that burst of speed because of this being a knee again. Or if I was gonna have enough confidence to play the way I wanted to play without thinking. That’s the big mental thing with the injuries, and for me the mental has been a big part. It’s not all about, “Can I play like that and have my speed?” It’s about having to go through this again, the rehab. It was gonna be another long winter, but I knew I was going to play again.
Actually, it was going with the USA team that began to change everything. My hair, too. Time to become Samson?
10
It was only later that I realized I had been pushing my body too far.
My body is different than everybody else’s. You don’t think of that kind of thing when you’re young, just playing, and especially having success like I did. Because everything seems so natural and right. My body bulks up real quick. What I was doing was throwing my body out of whack because I wasn’t letting my legs adjust naturally. It took me years to learn that. I was making one leg stronger than the other. Then the next rehab, I’m making my left leg stronger than my right. I was getting too much force in one leg. I always felt off balance. But when you hurt your knee like that you don’t really know what’s normal and what’s not, because you never went through it, and then people are telling you all kinds of things. It’s tough. You’re going through all this stuff yourself and wondering and questioning, and then all anybody wants to know is when you are gonna play and if you’ll be what you used to be.
It was with my last run with the USA team in 2014 at the World Championships that I finally put everything together. It got to, “I’m gonna train different, slow down on the weight lifting. I have to lose my weight.” The weight irritated me and really was hurting me. You have to go through these kinds of things to understand. You’re told so many different things and you have to make decisions for yourself, even if you’re not the doctor. How do you know?
I finally stumbled on it in New York in summer 2014. I was seeing doctors there. We saw a doctor when we were overseas. Nobody could explain why my knee was sore until I got back and the season was starting. I changed the way I ate a little bit, started losing weight, and so my knee had less of a load on it.
I was glad I played for USA Basketball, appreciated Mike Krzyzewski and Jerry Colangelo picking me. I know some people thought I was upset that year because I was coming off the bench. But I didn’t really care. What was really crazy about that whole situation is that I heard the conversation about me not being a starter—I actually overheard Coach K and Colangelo talking about it, but I wasn’t trying to. They hadn’t said anything to me about starting Kyrie, but then I overheard them talking about it.
We were somewhere out of the country and I was going upstairs to get a massage. While I’m getting a massage, I hear two men talking. You know, overseas the walls are so thin you can hear everything. So I hear them talking about Kyrie, talking about the future of the team, and the direction they were going with the team. It was actually cool to hear. They didn’t say anything bad about me. Just saying that they felt it was a good decision to go with starting him, the rotations that they had. What blew my mind about it was that they were out in public talking about that. And there I was in the next room over. They started me some games, started him some games. They just were saying, “We like Kyrie in that spot.” I wasn’t upset
or disappointed. Whatever was best for the team to win. It was just, I was hearing it, like, “Damn, can’t you take your conversation in private?”
The other funny thing about being with that USA team—it’s not so funny, actually—is that with the way basketball is these days, with sponsors especially, it’s like you’re either in or out. You really have to be with their sponsors, with ESPN, with Nike, like Bron. Not that Bron isn’t great, but it’s also why you always see Bron on TV. If you’re not with them, like I was with Adidas, it’s different. It’s all, “Sorry, just the way it is.” The big picture for the NBA is ESPN and Nike. For instance, when I was playing for that USA team, my brother tried to go up there and get an iPad from Nike because they were having them for the players. But they told him, “No, we don’t got no iPad for an Adidas guy.”
I’m on the team. But because I’m Adidas, I don’t get no iPad?
I remember, I was like, “Reg, can you go get my iPad?” And they were just like, “No, not for you.”
That’s the political part of the game. I felt that a lot after my injuries, that there was this sense of, “Just retire and be over with. You have money.” Maybe people are just tired of talking about me. But when I do shit, they’re all over it.
I always felt like I was still relevant, and thanks to Thibs for giving me a chance to show it with Minnesota. It’s just that I have a quieter fanbase now.
In China, my fanbase is still huge. You hear all the stuff sometimes about Adidas and if I’m a problem for them, but believe me, they made their money back on me. I feel like I really had to work to get where I am, as far as a shoe deal. I wasn’t handed a shoe when I made it to the league. But my stuff is huge in China and I’m still going there. That’s where my sneaker money is. I may be quiet, but I know the numbers. That’s why Adidas still has three active sneakers: James Harden, Damian Lillard, and mine. The D Rose 9 came out just before I went to China in August 2018. Now Adidas is talking about retros and my 10th shoe.