by Tracy Clark
The coffee shop was warm, and I was grateful for the respite from the chilly breeze. Giovanni and I scooted into a café table in the back corner. He slipped the book from his jacket and held it out to me. I thought about my apparent new affliction: psychometry—the ability to pick up information from an object. As best I could tell from the Internet, that’s what had happened to me with the phone and the key. As if seeing auras wasn’t crazy enough, I got to add another extrasensory ability to my repertoire. Not surprisingly, my search didn’t yield anything on “spontaneous tattoos.”
I took the journal and inwardly winced, expecting a rush of object-memory to overtake me, but nothing happened.
Nothing.
“Why do you wait?” Giovanni asked. Then his large palm covered mine. “Your hands are shaking.”
Despite just meeting him, I was thankful to have him with me. “This might not be it,” I said. I had been so sure my mother’s journal would be infused with memories accessible with a touch, its silence crushed me.
He ran his fingers soothingly over the tops of my hands, then removed them, leaving a cloud of energy over my skin. “Open it.”
I did.
The first thing I saw was the quote by Cicero in the same familiar script as my father’s note. My head bowed and a sob-laced breath fell from my lips. I let the book fall open, deciding it would tell me what it wanted to tell me.
The pages were covered in scribbles, the first one a sketch of the pyramids tip to tip, like in the key. She seemed particularly interested in Brú na Bóinne, the Irish name for Newgrange, as there were pages of notes and drawings of that one place alone. It was majorly important to the Irish, who could boast in a superior “Our megalithic temple is one thousand years older than your Stonehenge” kind of way. It was important enough that even Finn had the triple spiral tattooed on his chest. Talk about pride of place. But why was Newgrange so important to my mother?
There were also newspaper clippings, quotes, pictures of religious icons and saints, many of which I’d seen when I held the key for the first time. This was my mother’s journal, a piece of her in my hands. I couldn’t wait to devour every word. “If—if we could walk back now, I’d like to go to my room and read a while.”
Giovanni nodded. “If you don’t mind, I’d very much like to know anything that might pertain to us.”
“You got this for me, and no one has told me more about myself than you have, Giovanni.” I took a deep breath. “I’ll tell you. I promise.”
Twenty-Six
T
he book weighed down my purse, but it wasn’t a burdensome weight. It was heavy with my mother’s history. I was going to catch hell for it, but coming to Ireland hadn’t been a mistake.
We crossed a busy street in front of a large park called St. Stephen’s Green. The sun fell behind the buildings, casting intermittent shadows on the edge of the park. Giovanni and I walked through the shadows, heading toward the Temple Bar district and my hostel. My mind was on one thing: to get back and immerse myself in my mother’s world. It was like she was waiting for me to get to know her.
I barely registered Giovanni, and finally realized how much we had walked today. “This is totally the opposite direction from your hotel,” I said. “You don’t have to walk me.”
“I’ll not leave you until you are there safely, Cora. You must realize what constant danger you are in.” He gave me a wry and bitter look. “Scintilla have a way of vanishing with no trace.”
Giovanni scanned the crowds filing into the park. “God, but it’s busy here tonight. I’m going to the toilet right there.” He pointed at a row of portable toilets. I grinned, thinking how it must confuse the rest of the world when Americans ask for the “restroom.”
“Looks like you’re gonna have to leave me alone,” I joked.
“Be right back,” he said and jogged away.
Applause rolled out from the center of the park. The sound of a guitar vibrated across the air. Then singing. I stood on my tiptoes but couldn’t see over the heads of the vast crowd filling St. Stephen’s Green. The colored lights of the stage mimicked the auras in the audience, so all I saw was a lake of outlined bodies and a raging storm of color rising into the twilight above the trees like the aurora borealis.
The singing continued, dreamlike. The sensation of irresistible magnetism was strikingly familiar. The last time I felt so overwhelmingly compelled to move toward a song was…oh. I could barely breathe. I left my spot and pushed through the crowd toward the stage. If I didn’t confirm who my heart believed was up there singing, I’d always wonder why it took my breath from me. I looked back, but I couldn’t see if Giovanni had returned. The place I’d been standing was lost in the undertow of people swaying to the music, so I returned my attention to the soulful voice singing of a girl and how he wished he’d never left her.
“Her love, her pain, were my own. Flowers of the seeds I’d sown. Watered by her cry, the day I said good-bye.”
Just hearing it made my heart hurt.
The stage lights cast millions of colored gems on our heads, sparkling on our skin, swirling through the tinted auras of the crowd like we were the center of a vast galaxy in motion. I shoved through the rows of spectators and stumbled forward, stopping at the base of the stage. But my heart continued to stumble.
It fell at Finn’s feet.
I looked up and watched him sing, perfectly curved lips barely opening as though the lyrics hurt coming out of him. The blue stage light shone down on his jet-black hair and bathed his golden aura so that he looked like a candle burning on stage. His eyes were closed as he sang.
See me, I thought, willing him to open his eyes. Look at me. Just once again so I could see if he would feel as stunned and shaken as I did. If he felt anything, anything at all. Perhaps he’d left it all behind in America when he decided to leave.
His long fingers plucked the guitar strings, and I instantly remembered how they felt behind my ears and on my jaw as he kissed me. I closed my eyes and listened to his tender voice. It was almost enough, having had this last glance at the boy I loved. A moment with him I thought I’d never have. I understood then why they called them stolen moments.
Once Finn’s image on the stage was forever burned in my heart, I forced my chin up and turned away. I needed to be as strong as he was the day he let me go. The singing stopped. I faltered but kept pushing sideways, swimming across a riptide of auric energy.
At first I had wanted Finn to see me but now…now I wanted not to endure this fierce, pulsing ache in the center of my chest. I had enough pride to walk away without him seeing me.
“Cora!” My name echoed across the crowd like a slow-moving wind.
I kept moving to the right of the crowd, but it parted in a wide circle around me. Except for one person who stood in my way. He must’ve run the length of the stage to intercept me.
Wordlessly, Finn cupped the back of my neck with his hand and clutched me against his chest. A tiny gasp escaped me, but I could form no words. He spoke for both of us, his words coming out in a reverential murmur, his warm lips against the hollow of my cheek. “You’re here. Jaysus, you’re here.”
I was a million miles away from everything familiar—but in his arms, I was home. Why did Finn have to feel like home?
“How is it that in all the faces in this crowd, I opened my eyes and saw the one that was in my mind?” His lips moved softly against my skin. We both turned our heads so slightly, our lips only meeting at the sacred corner of our mouths where smiles and secrets hide.
I became aware of applause all around us. Finn must have, too, because he broke contact and peeked at me with a wide smile that soon faded. “You’re crying, luv?” He swiped my cheek with the back of his fingers, then brought them to his lips. “Why are you crying?”
I sniffled. I hadn’t realized I was. “Because you’re here.”
Finn led me to an open spot of grass. “Are ya letting on, Cora? I live here. You might be a wee bit far fr
om home,” he pointed out, enunciating his T’s in his charming Irish way. “You said you’d find a way and you found a way. I never doubted you would.” With a laugh, he swept me into his chest once more. “Christ, it’s good to hold you again.” My breath came in short puffs against his collarbone. “It’s the sun on my back after days in the rain.”
I reveled in the nearness of him, the delicious pleasure of his hands on me. He smelled so good, so familiar. The cloves and soap, the…
“So,” said a woman’s cold voice from behind me. “This is Cora.”
Finn held on to my hand. “Mother, Cora Sandoval. Cora, this is my mother, Ina Doyle.”
“I see it’s too late.” Mrs. Doyle regarded me with icy blue eyes, bordering on resentful.
“Too late for what?” I asked, unable to ignore the bait. Finn squeezed my fingers.
She smoothed her tightly drawn hair against her scalp. “I had hoped Finn was simply being melodramatic about his affections toward you. I had hoped it was merely a crush, as he is too young for any serious involvement. But I see it’s too late.” I’d never before heard someone use the word “hope” like a spear.
“Can we not go into this now? You’re being rude,” Finn told her, his voice sharp. His aura jabbed at her in angry spikes. Her aura responded like a Death Star force field, deflecting his blows. Amazing.
Ina’s eyes flicked to mine. I tried not to look away but failed, my gaze landing somewhere near her impeccable shoes. “Am I?” she asked. “I do apologize for being rude. I’m a mother. We tend to want to protect our children.”
That’s when I lifted my gaze to meet hers. “From me?” I asked, barely able to mask my astonished laughter. I didn’t want Finn’s mother to hate me, but clearly she had already made that decision before we’d met. And if she really wanted to split hairs, he was the one who broke my heart when he left so abruptly.
Someone in a suit tapped Finn’s shoulder. “One moment,” Finn said to us. “My set was over, but I don’t think they expected me to go darting off the stage.”
Although their color was different, Mrs. Doyle’s eyes and Finn’s were identically almond-shaped. Hers would be beautiful if they held any of the warmth her son’s eyes did. She leaned in close and whispered, “You’ve changed him. He wasn’t ready.”
“Ready? Pardon me for saying so, but I certainly didn’t expect to feel like this. It just happened.”
Ina clucked her tongue. “Oh,” she said, “you thought I meant love.” Her gaze raked my body. “Love is like smoke, dear. Sneaks in under locked doors. There’s something about you, I’ll give him that. What you bring is another matter. He can’t handle it.”
Finn sprinted back to us and grabbed my hand. “Enough.” His steely words matched the hard, razing stare he gave his mother. “I’ll decide what I can handle.” Ina turned on her high heel and strode away.
“Sorry about her,” he whispered. “It’s not you she’s cross with.”
I was too stunned to react. I’d received an auric bitch-slap. Apparently, I didn’t have the ability to deflect bad vibes as well as she did because my body was like an empty balloon after the encounter. “I’m so sorry to cause you trouble. I had no idea I’d see you.”
“You mean you didn’t come here for me?” he asked, sticking his bottom lip out in a very appealing, ripe fruit kind of way.
I bit my own lip. “No.” When Finn gave me the truth serum look, I said, “Honestly. I came because of my mother. I never got to fill you in on everything—I never had time. I didn’t expect to run into you. That’s why I tried to leave. I wanted to respect your wishes not to see me.” I couldn’t look at him then. He’d see my pain.
“You know nothing of wishes,” Finn said.
“But—”
“No, Cora. I’m awed that you’re here,” he said, his voice sure and strong. “I thought it would take a miracle to ever see you again. Now that you’re here, I feel whole again. I may never let you leave.” He kissed the top of my hand. “Will you stay with me awhile?”
“I can’t. I—” Again, I looked around for Giovanni or the blaze of his distinctive aura. I didn’t want to worry him.
“Please, luv. I’ll take you to Mulcarr’s Pub for some traditional Irish music. My uncle Clancy owns it. I just want to look at you. Christ, Cora, the reality of you is so much better than I’ve been dreaming.”
Finn jogged over to the stage and had a quick exchange with someone before returning to my side. I had Giovanni’s number and asked Finn if I could use his cell phone to make a quick call. He answered, reasonably frantic. I muttered a hushed apology, told him I’d run into someone I knew, and that I’d call him later. I could tell Finn was curious but he didn’t inquire.
Finn.
This was surreal. He wanted to spend time with me, time I thought we’d never have again. I wanted that also, but I was torn in two. I had my mother’s journal—and I really wanted to be alone to read it. But this unexpected time with Finn was something I couldn’t make myself throw away. It would only be for a little while, I reasoned. The truth was, I believed in fate. And obviously our story wasn’t over.
Twenty-Seven
I
was overcome by the force of Finn’s energy. Something was different about him. Maybe being on his own turf infused him with more confidence. His aura was so big, and so strong, that it washed against the shores of my own with each step he took in my direction.
“The pub’s not far from here,” he told me. When he held my hand, it felt completely natural, like there’d never been a good-bye. “Let’s walk.”
Inwardly, I lashed myself for not being stronger, for not kissing his cheek and parting ways again with resilient grace, like a woman from an old movie, whose heart bleeds as she smiles politely through her farewell. I wanted to fully understand why he’d left as abruptly as he had. He seemed so happy to see me, though, that I couldn’t make myself confront him. I was happy, too.
Finn and I strolled hand in hand through the streets of Dublin lit blue by the early evening light. I was charmed by the cobbled streets and the juxtaposition of the old and new in the buildings we passed. While we walked, I told him about my mother’s letter and how I hoped to find out what had happened to her. Astonished, he promised he’d do what he could to help me, though he didn’t know what. “A dozen years is a long time to be missing.”
Across the street from Mulcarr’s Pub, there stood a beautiful church and a rather imposing shrine of the Virgin Mary. I wondered if it made the people who had too much to drink feel guilty leaving the pub under the watchful eye of Mary.
The pub was quiet inside. A family occupied one table in the corner. A lone gentleman at the bar hovered over a brown pint of Guinness. Pictures and posters depicting the recent history of Ireland covered the green walls. The ceiling was a quilt of yellow tin stamped with intricate patterns. At the juncture of ancient beams above us was a carved wooden square—a boss, Finn called it when he saw me looking—engraved with three rabbits chasing each other in a circle. Three had become an eerie number. My eyes found it everywhere.
Within thirty minutes or so, a crowd filled the pub. From grandmothers to babies in strollers, families took seats around the perimeter of the room. “It’s funny how many kids are in here,” I said.
“You’ve got to know, Cora, in Ireland a pub is much more than a bar. It’s a place of gathering. It’s our tribal fire pit, in a manner of speaking. I grew up in this place. When I was a wee bit, my uncle said I’d toddle from table to table trying to get a dram off people’s cider.”
I tugged his short stubble. “Trouble, even then.”
To my left, I noticed what appeared to be a small room adjacent to the bar. There was a red door with wrought iron looping over the top like cursive writing. A window opened to the back side of the bar. “What’s with that little room?”
Finn smiled and grabbed my hand. “Come with me.”
Inside, it was exactly as it looked from the outside—a tiny roo
m no bigger than a walk-in closet. The window was painted with a family crest and the worn floor looked as though centuries of feet had smoothed its grain. We sat on one of the two benches that ringed the peculiar little space.
With one arm around my waist, Finn slid me closer. He brushed the curls from my cheek. We stared into each other’s eyes, an epic, wordless conversation. He kissed the tip of my nose. I reveled in his tenderness but was scared to open to him again. I’d missed him. I’d hurt over him. But before I could fully marinate in my fear, he squeezed my chin gently, easing my mouth open. He held me and kissed me in such a way that I remembered my heart was still his.
It might always be.
“You don’t mind, do you? I had to kiss you,” he whispered against the sensitive corner of my mouth. “I’ve missed you so much, Cora.” Longing amplified in his energy field. His aura enveloped me, leaving me breathless and light-headed. “This room is called a snug.”
“Good name for it.”
“Aye!” boomed a voice from the bar. “There’s a bit of canoodling going on in this snug, isn’t there now?”
Finn winked at me and whispered, “That’d be my uncle Clancy.” He introduced us and slapped his uncle’s arm. “What’s the craic?”
Clancy Mulcarr had robin’s-egg-blue eyes under dark brows, snowy hair flecked with gray, and a snowy beard. He looked like a seaman, rosy-cheeked and weathered. Unlike Finn’s mother, he smiled warmly and kissed both of my cheeks through the snug’s little window. “If this is how they grown ’em in the States, perhaps I’d better seek my romantic fortunes there,” Clancy said with a wink.
“Actually, Uncle, Cora was born here.”
“Is that so? Welcome home, daughter of Ireland.”
I smiled and sat back down. Uncle Clancy passed two small glasses half-full of amber liquid through the opening. Finn took one and passed the other to me. I sniffed it.
“Bulmers. It’s the cider I was after as a child,” he said, leaning on the ledge of the snug’s window. “Taste it.”