by Tracy Clark
“Cheers, Mum.” He raised his glass in her direction. “Here’s to being together.” Then he clinked his glass with mine.
“Already starting on the wine without me!” boomed a voice. Uncle Clancy burst in the room, and I actually exhaled in relief. I offered him my glass. “Thank you, child. It’ll be whiskey for me. Sure you don’t need that to warm up? Atmosphere is like cold, hard shite.”
I stifled a laugh.
Clancy hugged Fergus warmly. “Good to have you home,” he said. They gave each other big man-pats on their backs, the kind that sound like they’re trying to knock the teeth out of each other’s faces. I eased back in my chair.
By the time dinner rolled around, Clancy was so boisterous that he took up all the space in the room, leaving none for my unease. Still, Ina would scarcely make eye contact with me, and Finn’s father treated me like a rare breakable. How did someone so normal come from such odd parents?
“I’ve never had a meal so fancy in my life,” I whispered to Finn. “Not even at a restaurant.”
“It’s because of you,” he whispered back.
I’d perhaps indulged in too much wine—no surprise, since I’d never drunk before—because next thing I knew, I found myself saying to Ina, “I saw your books in the library and noticed you have an interest in auras. I share your interest.”
Fergus choked a bit and took a sip of wine.
Ina’s aura shrank back a few inches. “It’s merely something that fascinates me,” she answered coolly.
“Yeah, the way a banker is merely fascinated with money,” Finn retorted. Ina gave Finn a warning look, and suddenly both Fergus and Ina were passing dishes around the table.
Finn leaned in close to me. “You, too, huh? You never mentioned auras before.”
“Yes, I—”
“How long are you home for this time?” Clancy asked Fergus, who shot a look at Ina and murmured something about it being indeterminate.
The dinner talk soon eased into a rhythm that was obviously familiar to them, chat of the pub, and work, and neighbors. Eventually, Clancy burped and scooted his chair back loudly. “Welp, I’m off. I’m fluthered and flah’ed out. Night!” He squeezed my shoulder, and Ina and Fergus began clearing dishes, leaving Finn and me alone in the dining room.
“They’re insane. I’m going to be the one to say it. What is it about you that’s got them all acting like gits?”
“My sparkling personality?” I asked. Giovanni’s voice suddenly rose in my head. Scintilla. The spark.
Finn watched me closely. “Where did you go, just then?”
I smiled. “I’m here. With you.”
His fingers traced the line of my neck. “I want to kiss you.”
“Do.”
“There,” he said, tracing my collarbone. “And right here.” His finger ran along my jaw. “Definitely here.” He teased his fingertips over my cheek.
A warm blush flushed my face.
“How is it possible that every kiss is the most satisfying in the world, and still it’s never enough?” He leaned in, his breath heavy with wine that smelled of chocolate and blackberries. I wanted to know if his tongue tasted like that, too.
Before I knew what happened, we were in each other’s arms. Our mouths dancing, our hands clutching. I gasped when he tilted my head back and kissed the soft slope of my breast. Suddenly, he pulled away and stood. His voice strained to say, “I’m sorry, Cora. I have to get a bit of air.”
“What did I do?” I asked to his back.
“No. No. It’s me. Right now, I feel like I can’t control myself with you. It’s mad. I want you so completely. I’ve never been this way. It’s more intense than anything I’ve ever known. It’s not right. I’m…I’m sorry.”
He left me sitting in the dining room with my lips on fire, my body wide-awake and aching. He was worried about taking what I wanted to give?
I tiptoed past the kitchen in search of the doorway that would lead to my princess tower. I didn’t want another attack of the awkward, so I hoped no one would see or hear me creep by. I could hear Finn’s parents in the kitchen in the middle of a heated, whispered argument.
“I disagree,” Fergus whispered. “I think it’s amazing he’s found someone like her. A miracle.”
How could I walk away after hearing that?
Ina responded, “You and I both know the implications.”
“What’s the drawback? He’s found what the rest of us could only hope to find in our lifetimes.”
I suddenly liked Fergus Doyle very much.
“Dammit! You know the drawbacks!” A hand slapped loudly on wood. “And what are the odds that someone like her would fall for someone like Finn?”
I chewed my lip. I couldn’t even pretend to understand what she meant. Finn was amazing, and before this, Ina had acted like I was garbage.
Fergus’s voice remained calm. “If the legends about Scintilla are true, it could benefit him. It could benefit us all. It was all I could do not to…”
Silence. Every pulse point in my body slammed in alarm against my skin. Faye had told me there were people who wanted nothing more than to find someone like me.
These two knew what I was.
“You can’t tell me you haven’t thought of it yourself,” he said, defensively. “What’s the matter?”
A great sea of silence. I slipped under its current. Waiting. My fingers dug into my palm.
“Look at me, Ina. Have you taken from her?”
Sniffle.
Footsteps moved. I lurched back into the shadows behind the door.
“Do you have no control? How could you? What happened? Tell me what happened!”
“I couldn’t help it!” Her voice lashed the air and cracked against my body. “I wish I hadn’t, Fergus. She gave me a power, my sortilege. It’s true what we’ve heard, the Scintilla’s energy gives us our sortilege. I always wondered what mine would be, fantasized about it, even. But now I know, and it’s bloody dreadful. Now…now I can see the blackest hole in every heart.”
Thirty-Four
I
backed away. Their whisperings faded under the pounding of my pulse in my ears. Shallow breaths escaped in loud puffs no matter how I tried to reel them in. I yearned to find Finn, but how could I explain my trembling body, my cold, shaking hands, my complete terror from what I’d overheard?
Finding the doorway that led to the lighthouse tower, I took the winding stairs two at a time. My foot slipped on one of the smooth stone steps, and I tumbled forward. My hand scraped against the stone wall, pricking my palm with the sharp sting of a cut.
Blood made my hand slip on the doorknob. I shoved my shoulder into the wood and barreled through, then quickly locked it.
Did you take from her?
I thought it had been a dream. That she had heard me scream and came to check on me. But of course she couldn’t have heard me so far up in the lighthouse. Unless…unless she was already in my room.
Shakily, I rinsed my hand, wrapped it in a towel, and sat on my bed. I knew it was possible to take from someone’s aura because I had seen it with my own eyes, and I had felt the terrifying pull of it from my own skin. Finn’s parents were like that man? No, wait, their auras weren’t white like his. How could Ina do that to me? Was it because I’d been asleep, defenseless? If so, it was spineless thievery.
I watched Giovanni give of himself to that little girl. It calmed her, seemed to make her happy. Was that what Ina was doing? Taking a little “hit” off me? Getting what Giovanni said everyone in the world wants most: to feel good? Her knowledge of auras and energy must have taught her that she could do it consciously. I placed my hand over my racing heart. I needed to stay calm.
I should leave this place tonight. Maybe I could go to Giovanni and then find a room at another hostel in the morning. But it was night. I had no real idea how or where I was going to go, dark roads, foreign country, whispering ghosts, and all that…and I was still really concerned that someone with an
ugly soul had been in my room in Dublin. I had no idea if the person had been there for me, but if so, who was to say they wouldn’t find me again? Staying put for the night behind a locked door seemed the lesser of all evils. I’d call Giovanni first thing in the morning and break away.
I remembered the stash of hard candies at the bottom of my purse and dug for the bag. I leaned back on my pillows and swirled the cherry flavor in my mouth. I kept my clothes on, even my shoes, and packed everything back into my duffel. That took all of five minutes.
I’d managed to calm myself enough to let sleep drag its heavy hand over my eyes, but one thought kept me from giving in to it. What did Ina mean when she said she could see the blackest hole in every heart?
A rattling sound startled me. I lay in the darkened room with the flavor of old candy on my tongue and listened. My hand was throbbing. The doorknob rattled again. A light flipped on outside my door.
“Jaysus!” It was Finn’s voice. He banged on the door, causing me to startle. “Cora!”
“Yes?”
“There’s blood on your door.”
“What are you doing here?”
“I wanted to apologize. No. I wanted to see you. I couldn’t lie there another minute knowing you were so close and not come to you.”
I tiptoed across the plank floor to the door. I kneeled down and peeked underneath. I couldn’t see Finn’s aura, only his bare feet poking out from beneath his jeans. I stood and put my hand to the door, trying to absorb the warmth of him through the wood.
“What happened to you? Why is there blood?”
“I-I slipped. I’m okay.”
“Want me to kiss it?”
I smiled. Yes, so bad. “I’m not dressed.”
“Even better.” I could hear the smile in his voice. “I’m sorry about earlier.”
“That’s okay,” I answered. “I’m not mad at you for wanting me.”
“I still want you.”
Silence and longing.
“I’m so tired,” I finally answered. It was true, but I was unsure why I made an excuse not to see him. I think I was afraid that if he came in, I’d find myself spilling every detail of my eavesdropping. How do you tell your boyfriend that you can see auras, that your own aura is rare and coveted, and that you think his mother is a nasty, aura-snatching thief?
“Can we talk tomorrow?” I asked through clenched teeth, knowing I was going to have to give him a good reason for leaving.
He sighed. I’m sure he had the same thought I did. How many tomorrows did we have?
Thirty-Five
I
couldn’t get back to sleep. I spent the whispering hours between night and day reading Grace. Much of it didn’t connect together at all. There were articles about the existence of auras, newspaper clippings of people who disappeared, and her handwritten notes.
Dr. M spoke about “categories” of humans, as though there are delineations beyond our known differences such as ethnicity and blood type.
He thinks this difference in certain humans directly relates to a measurable output and exchange of energy. He theorizes that there has been crossbreeding of two groups of humans over thousands of years, resulting in an energy “soup” where some people drain energy from other people. Then there are transmitters—natural givers of energy.
He is seeking “pure” examples of both for genetic testing.
A mysterious doctor sought people like my mom for some kind of genetic testing? I wondered how I could find this doctor and whether she had. I wondered if Dad or Giovanni would know of him.
Through my window, a pink sliver of sunrise crested the horizon. I put the journal in my bag. I hoped Giovanni wouldn’t mind my calling so early. I had to get out of this house, and I wanted to talk to him. My mother’s note seemed to confirm what he’d told me about different breeds of humans, and I had promised to tell him what I learned. I wished there was more to go on than the cryptic “Dr. M” in her notes.
I tiptoed downstairs to the kitchen to use the phone. Giovanni answered on the first ring.
“I’m sorry to call you so early,” I said softly.
“Miss Cora.” His voice sounded groggy, his accent more pronounced. The word Miss came out like meeees. “I hoped you’d call.”
“Though probably not at sunrise.”
“Anytime. Come to have espresso with me. This man does not wake without espresso.”
I could easily imagine him right now: blue eyes, half-lidded from sleep; blond, tousled hair; long body stretched out… I stopped, a fist of guilt punching my stomach. I should never think thoughts like that about Giovanni.
“Okay,” I said, “coffee sounds insane right now. I’m going to go to Christ Church after.” Guilt stabbed me again. Finn wanted to go with me. I supposed I could leave him a note to see if he wanted to meet me there.
“I will take you.”
“I’m not sure. See, Finn and I—”
Giovanni sighed impatiently into the phone. “I know about Finn and you. You don’t need to tell me. I could see it.”
I switched the phone to my other ear. God, he was being irritating. “Good. So, I’ll see you soon. I want to ask you some more questions.”
“I will answer your questions. Of course.”
“Okay. Thanks.”
“If…”
“If?”
“You meet me at the church without him.”
“What’s your problem?” My voice sounded too loud to myself, bouncing around the empty kitchen. I whispered, “You don’t even know him. I don’t even know you, for that matter.”
“Have you told him what you are?”
“No.”
“No?”
“No, okay, I haven’t told him about us.”
“Then I’d say you and I know each other on a whole other level.”
I faltered, irritated because it was true. It suddenly seemed wrong that I hadn’t told Finn anything about my ability or my strange aura. What was my problem? Nervousness about Faye’s warning, yes. But if I were being brutally honest with myself, it had also been fear that he might think I was really strange. Too different. Would he, this beautiful guy who had his pick of girls, have still fallen for me if he had known? My insecurity would look like distrust from Finn’s perspective.
I should tell him.
“We’ll be meeting at a church, Cora. I think you know you can trust me. I have nothing but your safety in mind, which is why I’d rather he not be there. If you want coffee, come to my hotel at eight. Otherwise, I’ll be at the church at nine.” He hung up. The bastard actually hung up! I stuffed the phone in its cradle.
“Making plans?”
I jumped. Finn stood in the doorway of the kitchen with his guitar hanging from his hand. Fatigue rimmed his eyes and tinted his aura a deep twilight blue. “You’re up early,” I said, trying to sound casual.
“I couldn’t sleep.”
“Me neither.”
“Looks like we both had someone on our minds.”
I started to come toward him, but his aura shrank back as I approached. “I’m sorry, Finn. I need to go see Giovanni.”
“Obviously.” He stared hard at me, like he was waiting for me to say something. When I didn’t, he blew out a raging, garnet breath. “I heard you, Cora. You said, I haven’t told him about us.” He held up his hands. The look on his face was pure pain. “So, tell me now.”
God. He’d heard me, but he’d misunderstood. “That is not what that comment meant. I’m just going to talk to him. His parents disappeared, too. We’re trying to help each other.”
“With all your things?” he asked, gesturing to my duffel bag at my feet.
“I think it’s smart to have everything with me. Just in case. I don’t really have a choice.”
Finn pulled a chair back from the table and plopped into it. His guitar sang out as he set it a bit roughly on the table. “Life is nothing but choice. Do I get up today or stay in bed? Do I turn left or right? Should I be a
doctor and make my parents happy or please myself and study music? Do I stay in Ireland or do I find a way to go back to America to be with a girl who wants to spend time alone with some other bloke?”
“I don’t want him! I want to find out what happened to my mother. I need answers. Don’t you see, Finn? I don’t just need answers about her. I need answers about me. It’s like…life or death important to me. You don’t understand.”
“I understand how important this is to you. We all want to know about ourselves. Where we came from—”
“No, Finn. You don’t understand. You can’t possibly because there are things I’ve kept from you.”
More hurt flashed in his eyes. “Clearly.”
That whipped at the pain rising in me. I couldn’t indulge in it. Finn, his parents, they were distracting me, and I didn’t have much time left. “Seeing you again has been magic, but I didn’t come here for this. For us. You left me, remember? This is all confusing me and getting me off track. I have to do what I came here to do, Finn. I have to go.”
He stood abruptly and crossed the space between us. He took my face in his hands. “Are you trying to say good-bye now, Cora?”
I was right. Our first good-bye had been hard enough.
I swallowed hard, choking on my love for him, and answered. “You’re wrong about Giovanni and me. You have my heart. But my father’s likely on his way, and I have to go right now. I’m sorry.”
Thirty-Six
I
needed to get my hands on a phone book to call a cab—and perhaps I could look up doctors whose names started with M, which would probably be a major exercise in futility because she most likely wasn’t referring to the medical kind of doctor. Finn was gone. He had walked out of the kitchen without another word. I’d never forget the colors of his heartache.
The phone book was on a shelf near the phone. I flipped it open.
“What’ll you be needin’?” Uncle Clancy said as he swept into the room. God, these people were early risers. He grabbed a scone from a large jar on the counter and stuffed it in his mouth. Crumbs dotted his shirt over his round belly.