by Barb Hendee
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At mid-day, I headed back to the barge carrying my newly acquired wool dresses and two purchases: a small cauldron and a standing iron hook that could be placed over a fire. I was so happy, and I couldn’t wait to show everything to Cooper.
For the first time since our marriage, I’d begun to feel like I had some control over my daily life, and that I would be able to make more of a contribution to Cooper’s life than simply keeping the account books.
Nearly bursting with excitement, I found him on the barge re-stacking some crates. Harlan and Gregor were both there helping as well. As I came down the dock, Cooper saw me and straightened. He seemed on the verge of greeting me when his eyes dropped to the burdens in my arms.
“What’s all that?”
I smiled. “Sophie saw that my dresses weren’t suitable, and she gave me these. They’ll be much warmer and more practical. I like the red one best.”
While I didn’t expect him to smile back, I did think he’d be pleased. But he frowned. “What do you mean she ‘gave’ them to you? Like charity?”
Taken aback, I felt defensive. “Of course not. I offered to pay her, but she wouldn’t accept.”
His mouth fell open. “You offered to pay her? If you’d needed warmer clothes, you only had to tell me. My wife doesn’t need charity from our friends.”
Stunned, I was trying to think up a proper response to that when he pointed to the cauldron and iron hook.
“And what are those?”
Thinking the purpose of these must please him, I tried to smile again. “They’re for cooking. At nights, we can build a fire on the shore, and I can cook us warm suppers, fish stews, boiled chicken, lentil soup… anything you like.”
Harlan and Gregor both perked up at this news, but Cooper’s frown deepened. “Where did you get them? More charity from Sophie?”
“No, I purchased them in a shop. Sophie took me, but I bought them myself.”
“You bought them? With what money?”
Now, I was becoming angry. Did he think me destitute? “I drew a wage for overseeing the housework in the manor, and I have some savings. I brought it all when I packed my things to leave with you.”
Harlan and Gregor turned quickly back to their work as Cooper’s face darkened.
“Whatever is the matter with you?” I asked him, somewhat exasperated. “I thought you’d be pleased at the prospect of warm dinners.”
His expression flickered, and he took a long breath. “I am… of course I am. But, you didn’t marry a pauper. We have plenty of money. If you need anything, if you want to purchase anything, just tell me. You don’t need to spend your savings, and you don’t need charity from anyone.”
I shook my head in confusion. Could he really be so proud? “For goodness sake. No one thinks you a pauper. Sophie was only trying to be kind, and as far as my savings… what’s mine is yours. What difference does it make who pays for a cauldron and a hook?”
But he seemed only more displeased by my answer, as if I wasn’t listening to him. “Just tell me if you need anything. I’ll pay for it.”
My excitement was well gone by now, and I stood there wondering how well I understood this man I’d married.
·····
After a quick lunch, I set up the small tent that I shared with Cooper. Then I vanished inside and changed into the red wool dress. It fit me surprisingly well. I brushed my overly abundant mass of hair and wound most of it into a braid.
The dress was warm and comfortable, and it was good to get my hair out of my face.
When I stepped from the tent, Cooper glanced over at me and did a double take, but his expression was no longer disapproving. Perhaps I looked a little more like a barge master’s wife.
As his mood seemed improved, I asked, “What is our business this afternoon?” It would be hours until our laundry was dry, so I was at his disposal.
He already had two large crates ready to carry into the village. “First off, we’ll deliver these bolts of muslin to Mistress Dunbarton. She has a little dress shop and she likes to spend winters getting gowns ready for the following summer.”
That sounded a pleasant task, but I was surprised by the size of the crates. Cooper was unusually strong, and he had to use his legs to heft them.
“Both of those are filled with bolts of muslin?” I asked.
He grunted an affirmation.
Mistress Dunbarton must be a fast seamstress if she planned to go through all that cloth in a single winter. Maybe she had a hired seamstress as well? I fetched the bound journal—with a thin stick of paper-wrapped charcoal tied to its spine—that we used as our transaction book. Inside, I’d created neat columns for sales, purchases, and delivery fees. Whenever Cooper purchased something, I recorded the price so that later, when he sold it, we could keep track of the profits.
Unfortunately, I hadn’t been with him very long, and he was not the best bookkeeper, and I had no idea what he’d paid for half the cargo currently on the barge. That situation would resolve itself the longer I was with him.
“I’m ready,” I told him. “Lead on.”
He stepped onto the dock, carrying both crates, and I followed him back into the village.
“You might brace yourself,” Cooper said as he walked, carrying the heavy crates. “Mistress Dunbarton can be difficult. She’s not pleased with much, and she says whatever she thinks.”
In the early days of my being mistress to Lord Stefan, I’d dealt with the older women of Pudúrlatsat calling me a whore to my face. I was fairly certain that Mistress Dunbarton couldn’t say anything I hadn’t heard before.
“But she’s a good customer,” he went on, “and of all the bargemen, she deals only with me.”
I nodded.
We made our way past the neat wooden houses and the market and into the row of pretty shops. He went to the front of one with a yellow awning, and I hurried to open the door for him.
“Mistress?” he called, stepping inside.
The front room was cluttered with tables, chairs, cloth, thread, and pin cushions full of needles. At the far side stood a three-tiered screen, and the moment I entered, a tall, broad-shouldered woman stepped out from behind it carrying a partially finished dress. Her hair was gray and wound up in a severe bun at the back of her head. Her face was lined but her blue eyes were sharp, and her expression struck me as one of perpetual disappointment.
“Cooper,” she barked. “Where in the seven hells have you been? I expected you a week ago.”
He set both crates on the largest table and then lifted the top one so he could set them side-by-side. “I know. I was detained. This is Elena, my wife.”
Her sharp eyes moved to me, and she made a “harrumph” sound in the back of her throat as she approached us. “Well, you’re here. Let’s see what you brought.”
She did not speak to me, but I didn’t expect her to.
Cooper had a hammer on his belt. He took it off and pried the first crate open. It was filled with colorful bolts of muslin cloth, green, blue, red, purple, and orange. Mistress Dunbarton nodded once. “Good enough.”
From her, that struck me as high praise.
Then… he opened the second crate. Inside were neatly stacked bolts of light tan, undyed muslin.
“What is this?” she demanded.
Cooper looked up. “What you ordered.”
“You know perfectly well it’s not! I ordered only four bolts of undyed cloth. The younger women don’t buy dresses without a little color. Only a few of my older patrons want plain clothing. Where are the rest of the colored bolts I ordered?”
Cooper went still, and I thought Mistress Dunbarton might do well to alter her tone. “Elena,” he said. “Hand me the accounts book.”
Growing worried, I handed it to him. His jaw was so tight. Wasn’t he the one who’d warned me that she could be difficult?
Paging back toward the beginning of the book, he landed on a messy page—written well before my arr
ival.
“I have your order here, one crate of dyed bolts in various colors and one plain.”
“I don’t care what you wrote down!” she snapped. “I know what I ordered. I’m not paying for cloth I can’t use or for the delivery fee.”
Cooper’s dark eyes flashed in anger, and I feared he was about to say something he might regret. I’d seen him in difficult bargains before—worse than this—and I’d never seen him even come close to losing his temper. I wondered if the earlier near argument with me was still bothering him.
“Mistress…” he bit off slowly. “I paid for this cloth, and I hauled it all the way from Kéonsk. I remember the day you ordered it, and I wrote down exactly what you told me.”
“Then you need to get your ears checked,” she said.
“Mistress Dunbarton,” I cut in, finally saying something. “Once we finish this current run downriver, we’ll be going back to Kéonsk for the winter. Perhaps you could pay us for the crate of dyed cloth and for four bolts of the plain, and we can take the rest back and exchange it? We’ll be back again in early spring, and you should have plenty of cloth to keep you busy until then.”
Her head swiveled in my direction. She studied me. “Well… if that’s your answer for this mistake, I suppose it will have to do.”
“Cooper?” I asked.
His jaw was still tight and his eyes were still angry, but he nodded once, handed me the accounts book, and then pulled four bolts of plain cloth from the crate.
After taking the book back from Cooper, I quickly wrote down the number of plain bolts left inside the crate. “There are twelve remaining, and we will exchange them for you.” I held the book in front Mistress Dunbarton and handed her the charcoal. “Could you please sign beneath this, so there is no confusion in the spring?”
She studied me again, and made the same “harrumph” sound, but she signed the book. “I’ll get my money box.”
Cooper didn’t say a word.
A few moments later, she paid him for the cloth and the delivery fee, and we headed back outside with Cooper carrying the single crate.
A few steps down the street, I exhaled in relief. “You weren’t joking about her being difficult. She is one of those people who likes to be in the right.”
He stopped walking.
I looked up at his face to see he was still angry.
“Elena,” he said between his teeth. “I’ve been dealing with these people for years, since before my father passed the barge and the business down to me. I don’t need you interrupting with compromises to please people like her. You’re with me to keep the accounts, and I handle the bargaining. Do you understand?”
At both his tone and his words, I felt myself go pale. We were in the street with people walking past, and I didn’t care. I had had enough.
“Interrupting?” I repeated loudly. “Do you remember what you said to me the night you proposed? You said, ‘I offer myself, my business, my world in a life on the river.’ You made me believe that you were offering me a partnership in your business and in your life. Now, it seems I can’t purchase a simple cooking pot without asking your permission first!”
“I didn’t say you needed permission.”
Turning to face him, I squared off with the accounts book in one hand and the other clenched into a fist at my side. “I’ve spent the last five years of my life as mistress to a lord. I couldn’t talk back. I couldn’t show tears. Everything I did, I did to please him because I had to. I married you because I loved you, but also to escape that kind of life, and I won’t be bullied anymore!”
As soon as the words left my mouth, I regretted them. Although I hadn’t meant to, I’d just compared my husband to Lord Stefan.
Cooper stood still a few breaths longer. Then he turned and walked away, heading back toward the barge.
I let him go.
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I walked around the village by myself for a while, miserable and alone.
I’d been so certain that I could be a barge master’s wife, that we’d have many happy years ahead of us, and I’d ruined everything inside of a week.
How could I have spoken to him like that? How could I have compared him to Lord Stefan?
Drifting slowly through the market, not really seeing anything or anyone, I realized how much of a change our marriage had brought to Cooper’s calm, settled life. He was accustomed to being in charge. Though I still thought my solution in the dress shop had been correct, it must have been shocking to Cooper to have me step in and take over like that.
Leaving the market behind, I walked past the neat rows of houses toward the river.
Looking ahead, I saw Harlan and Gregor coming toward me.
Harlan stopped a few paces away and shook his head. “I’d leave him be, Miss. When he gets like this, it’s best to just leave him be.”
“Did he kick you both off the barge?” I asked.
They glanced away, embarrassed.
I smiled weakly at Harlan, but I don’t know if he saw it, and I walked past them. Even if my marriage was over, the least I could do was go and apologize for some of the things I’d said.
When I reached the dock, I saw Cooper sitting on one end with his back to me.
I went to him and crouched down.
“I’m sorry,” I said simply. “That was an awful thing for me to say.” I paused. “And I should have been more mindful in the dress shop. This barge does belong to you, and so does the business, and you’re accustomed handling the bargaining on your own. I shouldn’t have spoken up like that.”
His head turned toward me, and I was taken aback by the sadness on his face. “Now you shame me,” he said. “You’ve nothing to be sorry for. You did nothing wrong and you said nothing wrong.” He looked back out over the river. “You may even have saved me a good paying customer. I want you to feel that what’s mine is yours. I want you to take part in everything.”
“Then why were you so angry?”
“Before your father died, he was the captain of the manor guards, and then you were with Lord Stefan. Whether you know it or not, you’ve lived a life of some privilege. Now you’re on the river with me, sleeping in a tent, freezing in those thin dresses, and I didn’t even buy you new ones. I don’t know what I was thinking, asking you to become part of this. I’ve just been feeling… out of control, and today, it was too much.”
Our marriage wasn’t over. He’d been worrying that he wasn’t enough for me.
“Oh, Cooper, I don’t want to be anyplace other than where I am. But you have to let me be helpful and to figure out how a few things are going to work here for me. Can you do that?”
Reaching over, he gripped my hand. “I’ll try.”
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The next few days in Mistelbach were a revelation for me. Cooper and I delivered more of the goods that we’d transported. We sold wool and casks of wine and treated leather. We bought late season fruits and vegetables that we could sell in Enêmûsk and Kéonsk. In my spare time, I cooked in Sophie’s kitchen or I played with the children—of whom I quickly grew fond. Cooper and I spent every night in our own room beneath warm blankets, and the luxury of it brought even more pleasure.
But the whole time, I still pondered at how I’d spoken to him that day in the street—and how he’d spoken to me. Had I ever spoken in that manner to Lord Stefan, it would have destroyed his value of me forever. In truth, had I spoken to my father like that, it would have caused irreparable damage to his view of me.
Apparently, with Cooper, we could shout at each other and say whatever we were thinking at the time, even hurtful things, and then later, we could both say we were sorry and explain ourselves, and move on as if nothing had happened.
I found this state of affairs rather… liberating.
For the remainder of our stay at the Beechwood Tavern, only one other event caused me trepidation. Sophie and I were in the kitchen, making apple pies, and I could see she had something on her mind. I decided to wait
and let her share it when she was ready.
As we placed two pies into the wood-burning oven, she finally glanced at me and said, “Cooper told me that you’ve not yet met his mother?”
Of all the things she might have said, this was not something I expected… but she had my attention.
“No, I haven’t. I will soon. As soon as we finish this run downriver, we’ll head for Kéonsk for the winter.” Something in her voice made me ask. “Have you met her?”
“Yes. Didn’t Cooper tell you? He and I have been friends since we were children and his father owned the barge. Cooper and his mother sometimes came downriver. Our parents were all friends, until mine both passed of a fever a few years back.”
“Oh, I’m sorry.”
“It’s all right now, but his mother is… well, you’ll meet her soon enough.”
“She’s what?”
Instead of answering, Sophie took my hand. “If you and Cooper ever want to winter here with us, you’d be most welcome. I’ve so liked having you here, and you’re good to the children, and I’ve never seen Cooper so happy.”
Although it was kind, I couldn’t help wondering about the reason for this rushed and somewhat impassioned offer. “Of course I would enjoy wintering with you. Is… is there a reason that we should?”
“No, no.” Sophie shook her head. “I just wanted you to know.”
After that, she’d say no more on the subject, but the conversation left me uneasy.
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On the day we were scheduled to leave, I took a trip to the market, and I stocked up on food supplies. Cooper’s idea of “stocking up” was to purchase a small barrel of dried fish. I learned from Harlan this penchant of Cooper’s was not driven by thrift, but simply because he hated to think about meals or take the time to shop for anything else. Perhaps he spent so much time bargaining for the business that he was weary of it by the end of the day.
I bought fresh trout, eggs, butter, an urn of goat’s milk, lentils, onions, potatoes, dried basil, late season tomatoes, flour, cheese, tea, and several loaves of bread. We already had fruit on the barge.
Our good-byes to Sophie, Roland, and the children were surprisingly painful, and yet I was grateful to have become a part of their circle so quickly. There were hugs and promises to see each other soon.