“No, they don’t,” I say.
“Not yet,” Finn adds.
“How did they capture your leader then?” Joshua says.
I had read about smug looks and now I am seeing one for the first time. A good slap would make
it go away.
“It wasn’t here,” I say controlling my growing rage. “Look, the point is, I’m not going anywhere
without him.” I know in my heart that I have no choice. I don’t believe any of us would ever leave
Damian, or any other Savior, behind. No matter how many fancy humans fell from the sky.
Now that they’re being honest, Joshua and Ella have a million questions. They had once seemed
classy and poised. Now they seem more desperate than starving children. Maybe I have opened a can
of worms, the one that Finn advised me to keep shut. But if these two dandies can help me save
Damian in any way, I might have to go around Finn.
“Let’s take a break to catch our breaths,” Zoe suggests. “There has been too much information
for all of us.”
Finn avoids looking at me as he walks past me and out of the room.
*
I HAVE KEPT THINGS from Finn, I realize that. I don’t expect him to reach out to me as if
nothing has happened, as if things between us haven’t changed down to their core. I should be the one
doing the explaining and asking him to forgive me, only I don’t know where the truth lies anymore.
I fear I will scare him if I reveal to him all the feelings I keep inside now. Because I feel a
powerful force driving me and the only way to get rid of it is if it explodes into violence. I know this and I know it is wrong, yet, I do nothing to stop it. I walk around with a lusting beast inside of me, its gnashing teeth threatening to devour me if I don’t feed it soon. Kindness has led you nowhere, it keeps repeating, kindness is weak and lukewarm and it obeys. You need to rebel and do what’s
needed. You need to impress your power upon the world.
4
In the book that Gritu gave to me the other day, I read that “love is what frees our spirit and
soul.” I read that “love is a bird that nests deep within and brings relief from loneliness.”
I read those lines and I know they’re foolish and pointless. Love has not freed me; it has changed
me into someone that is not me but a combination of me and him and I feel pity for both of us now. It
was better when I had only myself to defend and support, to hate or to scold.
Now I am trapped. I have to accept my fears and carry him with me wherever I go. But it is only
fair for how are we supposed to love someone if we don’t make room for them within ourselves? If
we don’t let them take something away from us and replace it with something new?
My head hurts and I put the book away. Joshua comes and sits beside me in the training ring. I
hide the receptor in my pocket, feeling its strength and determination at the tip of my fingers.
“Can you tell me more about your leader?” he starts. “How did they capture him? How did you
discover where they are holding him?”
I want to tell him everything. Why not? It’s my first instinct. I want to tell him about how I could
probably take on the entire alien species by myself in time. How I have already driven fear into their hearts. But I have to control my urge. Finn would be furious if I did that. He’d feel betrayed and hurt, even more than he does now. Telling the truth is not an option for the time being.
Malzod walks into the ring and sits down with us across from Joshua. Joshua immediately
moves a bit further backward, his eyes fixed on Malzod. He will not trust him no matter what I say.
“Damian, our leader, was a fugitive from the plantations like the rest of us,” I say. “He was
picked up by a drone. There was nothing we could do to help him.” I haven’t said anything that isn’t
true. I just left out some parts, albeit the most important ones.
“How could you know where he went after that?” Joshua asks.
“Pip, the little girl you saw earlier, she’s my sister and for some reason the aliens taught her all
about the plantation network and what happens there. So between what she has shared with us and our
educated guess, we came up with the most likely scenario.”
Joshua considers the new information. “I understand your feelings. It must be incredibly hard to
know that one of yours was captured, but to me it is not sensible to think attacking a plantation is an option.”
“It becomes an option when it’s the only option,” I say.
“Freya gets what Freya wants,” Malzod says.
I send an irritated glance his way and turn back to Joshua. “Wouldn’t you try anything and
everything to save someone you loved?”
This works a bit better. I can sense that my words have touched a nerve in him. “You love him,”
he says. “Yes, now it makes more sense. But I still can’t risk the lives of the people in my community.
Three thousand lives against one, I’d say it makes the decision an easy one for me. I’m sorry, Freya.
It’s simple math. It’s not just the lives of the fighters we’re talking about. The whole station could be jeopardized.”
“The aliens aren’t what they used to be, Joshua. They are weakened, they’re dying out as a
matter of fact.”
“All the more reason not to risk what we have. Not now that we’re getting close to taking the
Earth back.”
“Nobody is safe,” I say raising my voice. “For all we know, they might decide to blow up the
planet before they die.”
He shakes his head. “No, they’re not blind destroyers. They don’t hate the planet. Just humans.”
“We are the planet, Joshua.”
“Our kind once nearly consumed this planet.”
“We need your help,” I plead.
“You cannot change my mind.” Joshua says. “I’m sorry.”
“There are more ways than words to persuade you,” I say stubbornly.
“What does that mean?” he says confused.
“It means that it’s time for Freya to cool down a bit,” Malzod interferes.
“Cut it out, Malzod, or I will touch you,” I threaten him and he recoils a bit. Just enough so he’s
out of my reach.
“It’s so strange,” Joshua says. “They defer to you, these Sliman. Why is that? How is it
possible?”
“They are our friends and our partners. There are secrets between us. I don’t owe you any
explanations. Since you will not be our partners, I will not let you in on our secrets.”
“I am not as stupid as you all think. I know that you are no ordinary kids,” he says. “There’s
more here than meets the eye. If there was any way to help without getting hundreds killed in the
process, I would.”
Nope. I just need his fighters. It’s pointless to discuss it any further. If only Finn would agree to
let me reveal my true nature to Joshua, maybe that would be enough to give this pampered man from
Exodus a little courage.
“Here’s how it is with us, Freya,” Joshua tries to explain. “We are caretakers of the species.”
“They are the caretakers,” I interrupt. “You are the zoo animals. All three thousand of you in a
single cage which means it’s just one final target for them when they have tired of letting you live.”
Joshua worries easily. He could never be a savior. Not rugged enough.
“We can’t match their technology, their weapons or the numbers of the Sliman. The aliens are
like ghosts out in space, now you see them, now you don
’t. They have uncovered shortcuts and
wormholes, portals and anomalies in the topography of the universe that allow them to move from one
spot to the next in a tiny fraction of the time it would take any other beings. They can literally appear out of nowhere and weaken our shield in a matter of minutes. They might struggle on the ground, but in space they are invincible. We don’t call them the Shadow Empire for nothing. That’s how they took
over so many planets. By the time the populace noticed them, it was too late. They had already
transported their artillery and ships through invisible portals and, boom, they were all over the target planet.”
“These are just stories told on your floating city,” I say.
“Stories told by Sliman,” Joshua says.
Malzod moves closer instinctively, not liking the look on Joshua’s face.
“If you are so friendly with Sliman,” I ask, “why do you jump out of your skin anytime Malzod
or Gritu so much as take a breath around you?”
Joshua stares at Malzod a long time. “I didn’t say my people had been friendly with the Sliman.
The information was extracted long before our time.”
“Extracted?” Malzod grunts. I reach out my hand to get him to sit back. The idea of the lily—
fingered people of the Exodus torturing his kind does not sit well with him, even if it occurred long
ago.
“The aliens have an empire?” I say changing the subject.
“They used to. They had colonized numerous planets in different solar systems but eventually
they became sick and weak in each new environment.”
“Were you sincere when you said you would take us with you to your station even though we’re
fugitives? Why take that specific risk?”
“It is our duty as the last free people of the world. We can’t turn our backs on our own kind. And
we’re not going to make a huge announcement about it either. If we act fast and securely, chances are
the aliens will never know.”
I hate it that he takes the noble stance, that he makes me feel so selfish and unreasonable. I strike
back. “Is it truly your duty to protect our kind? Do you have any idea what goes on in the plantations?
What happens to the children that are unfortunate enough to be born on this planet?”
“There’s always a price to be paid at the altar of freedom. We’re not perfect. We do what we
can. But we’re free people.”
I can’t hold back a smile. “Yeah, as free as monkeys at the old-time zoos.”
*
FINN CATCHES UP with me on my way to my room. In this vulnerable moment my heart feels
warmer at the sight of him. I would not change a single thing about him, I say to myself as he nibbles on his already mutilated fingernails. Even when we disagree, I secretly root for his side
instead of mine.
“Can I talk to you?” he says.
“Don’t worry, Finn, I didn’t reveal any restricted information to Joshua.”
“I don’t want to talk about that,” he says. “Do you have a moment?”
“My schedule’s wide open,” I say. Everything I say to him seems so sarcastic. I don’t know
what’s wrong with me.
He wants to talk to me. In private. It’s no small thing. I lead him to my room and settle down on
the floor eager to listen to anything he has to say.
“I don’t think you realize your condition,” he starts. “Or the kind of danger you’d be subjecting
yourself to.”
“My condition?”
“I’ve been watching. You act like you’re invincible, like there’s no stopping you when you are
more vulnerable than ever. You have to give it a rest, Freya. It’s not just about you anymore.”
“You think I don’t know that? I know that I’m asking for a lot, that there are always hidden
dangers every time we go up against the aliens.”
“They have a lot of unhidden dangers as well,” Finn corrects me.
“Fine, but in the end I’m just voicing what most of us are thinking, that we cannot abandon
Damian. I would never force anyone to go with me, Finn, but if I don’t push people a bit, the decision might come too late.”
“I’m not talking about that, Freya. Not even close. You are in total denial about your condition,
aren’t you?”
“What condition?”
“My god, Freya, you’re pregnant!” he says shaking his head in disbelief.
“What?” The word enters my ears like a hot bullet. It’s an idea I haven’t wasted a second
thought on, an impossibility.
“You heard me,” he says. “You have to think of your baby, and your health. You’re in no
position to fight.”
“Okay, just back up a bit. One, I’m not pregnant and, two, I can fight under any circumstances.”
He stares at me scornfully. “Don’t try to tell me you’ve forgotten what Zolkon said.”
“Zolkon said a lot of stupid things.”
“What would be the point of him lying about this?”
“Would that be such a stretch? Either that or he was just plain wrong. Maybe Wudak messed
with those blood tests. He actually told me he would buy me some time.”
“I saw your face, Freya. There was truth in his words.”
“I don’t feel pregnant, Finn. Don’t you think I would know if there was something that life—
changing going on with my body?”
“No. You wouldn’t necessarily know, not yet. I’ve been reading up on the subject. Gritu
provided books for me.”
“You’ve been reading pregnancy books, Finn? Really?”
He nods.
“You’re strange, you know that?” I say trying not to smile. But then I’m suddenly ticked off
again. “And why would you involve Gritu? Why don’t you just go out and make an announcement?
Just drop it, Finn. You have to trust me on this. It’s my body.”
There’s not one single word we can exchange on the subject that’s going to lessen the frustration
we’re feeling. His heart is in the right place but the very idea of what he is suggesting pierces my
body with pins and needles.
“Are you sure?” he says, carefully, as if treading on broken glass. I see a quick glimmer in his
eyes and then it’s gone. Hope, maybe.
“Yes, I’m sure.”
“That would simplify things,” he says.
“Has this been holding you back from the Plantation-15 plans?” I ask him.
“How could it not?” he says.
“So what’s holding us back now?” I say veiling my excitement.
Finn looks into my eyes a long time and then exhales. “Okay, here’s the plan. There’s no time to
waste,” he says as he plops down next to me. “I have been going over the blueprints that Theo and Pip
made of Plantation-15 and the underground network. There’s no way an army could get down there.
The security systems will automatically lock down a section once a threat triggers the sensors.
They’ll seal it and set it to explode.”
I don’t show Finn my fear, but visions of my friends locked into a corridor of Plantation-15 and
waiting for their end chills me to the bone.
“There are multiple layers of defenses that you could try to shut down with the receptor,” Finn
continues, “but you would not be able to reverse the entire lockdown process. It’s controlled by
seven different systems in different parts of the compound. There’s really only one way to get inside.
Take them by surprise. We can’t do that with an army or even with a small group of people.” He
/> stares at me intensely. “It has to be you and me.”
How horrible I have been to doubt his pure heart or his courage. “I trust you completely,” I blurt
out awkwardly. Luckily, Finn isn’t paying much attention. He’s deeply committed to envisioning his
plan.
“It would probably be easier with one person,” he says, “but I can’t do it by myself and I’m not
letting you go alone. You will have a lot on your plate. You’ll have to keep the shield up at all times while unlocking systems and blowing up barriers. You’ll have to open security gates. You’ll have to
shut down sensors and cameras. You’ll have to kill. There’s no guarantee we’ll find Damian or that
we’ll get out of the plantation alive, but I think we’re both stupid enough to give it a shot.”
“Finn, I’m the stupid one,” I say still in shock by Finn’s complete commitment to getting Damian
out.
“And I’m the one betting on you,” he says. “What does that say about me?”
I can’t help it. I lean in and kiss his cheek. “I say you are the most loyal friend I could ever
imagine.”
“That was a joke, Freya,” he says softly. “I am not doing this for any other reason than it’s the
right thing to do.” He stands and walks to the door. I know my touch chased him away.
“When?” I say.
“Tomorrow we go over the plan with Theo and Pip,” Finn says. “Every last detail must be
analyzed. We will depart in two days.”
I nod and Finn leaves my room.
I wanted to thank him. I wanted to tell him I am sorry. I wanted to feel his warmth next to me
again. I am not worthy of him. His heart is true, honest and noble.
I am damaged and dangerous and selfish. I do not make things. I break things. I am not the one
who gives birth. I am the one who gives death.
5
My eyes fill with images of vast space, the dark ocean of swimming stars and planets that
expands forever. We’re only flying a few thousand feet above ground, but it’s a clear night and the
stars mesmerize us as we experience the breathtaking sensation of flight for the first time.
Joshua agreed to take Finn and me as close to Plantation-15 as possible without risking being
detected. Of course, he doesn’t know what we’re really up to. For all intents and purposes, Joshua
[scifan] plantation - books one to three Page 33