by James Kelman
Okay. The door closed.
Sammy had forgotten all about that fucking shit man he thought he had cleared it already christ almighty but it wasnay a problem it wasnay a problem cause he couldnay fucking mind what the fuck it was so what the fucking hell difference did it make it didnay matter, that’s how ye travel light, ye forget yer fucking clothes man yer washing, never mind, never mind; auld stuff anyway most of it; couple of good shirts maybe who knows: okay: he was doing fine. Documentation; all the ID stuff, the business stuff.
He sat down on the bed. The clothes and everything had been in drawers.. He had done it in order; so it was alright. Christ he didnay have enough clothes he just wasnay taking enough. But it couldnay be helped, he had nay choice. He didnay. Plus he needed a hand free for the stick. It wasnay a time for clutter man it wasnay a time for clutter. So okay. So what else. Nothing else. So he got up. He walked down the lobby and called for Peter.
Aye?
You go and make the phone call. Now I want ye to tell auld Boab I’m going to Glancy’s Bar. Glancy’s Bar, ye got that? He’s a good guy by the way I dont like telling him tales; it’s just there’s nay choice; it’s got to be done. So Glancy’s Bar tell him. Now try and give him a twenty pence coin – ye got one?
Aye.
He’ll no take it but try anyway. And we want the taxi right away. Okay?
Aye.
Where are we going again?
Glancy’s Bar.
That’s right. Naw; make it quarter of an hour we want the taxi in quarter of an hour. Now there’s another thing, this is important, it’s just me going on the taxi cause you and yer mate’s getting the bus home cause it’s time for yer supper. I’m going for a pint myself. That’s what ye tell Boab, yer da wants a taxi to take him to Glancy’s Bar right, so it’s a taxi to take me to Glancy’s Bar and yous are going home by bus. Ye got that?
Aye.
It’s so important ye tell him exact now Peter.
Aye da okay.
See ye in a minute.
Sammy stopped the music. Then he ate one cheese sandwich and packed the rest into two poly bags, one into his jacket pocket and the other down the side of the bag. He stuffed in as many cassettes as possible. His trainers were in front of the fire; he put them on. Washing kit. He got it from the bathroom. Two fucking towels as well man he needed them. They were bulky but that was unlucky. He had to take out a dress-shirt. Even then… He had to take out another yin. It was fair enough; what can ye do; he zipped up the bag.
The notepad: it was in the living room; he was gony have to leave Helen a letter. Totally crucial just fucking totally crucial. He made it big writing and wrote it slow to avoid a lot of mistakes. It took him two goes. The first yin he did: Dear Helen, I’m heading out from this place. A few things to get sorted. I’m sorry about that that happened last week. Messed things as usual. I think we were at crossed purposes, it was a misunderstanding. You didnt have to go away. I’ll be in touch.
He crumpled it up and wrote the second yin: Dear Helen, I’m heading to England for a wee while. A few things I need to get sorted. I’ll write to you very soon. I’m really sorry about that that happened last week. You didnt have to go away. It was my fault and I was stupid. I’ll write to you very soon. Love from Sammy.
He stopped himself from crumpling it up. There was nay point in crumpling it up. He couldnay remember what he had put down anyway. The gist of it would be alright, it would be fine; it would have to do.
He felt about the table for the crumpled up first yin and when he found it he stuck it into the back pocket of his jeans. He folded the good yin. Then he scribbled down on the back: (remember that Kris K number, take the ribbon from your hair)
Fuck he was gony scrap that! what the fuck had he done it for. Naw. Leave it. Leave it.
Jesus christ. This wasnay a time, it just wasnay a time. Fuck man fucking
The tobacco, where was it, where the hell was it: Keith! Keith…!
Yeh Mister Samuels?
Ye seen my tobacco lying about?
Eh… Want one of my fags the now?
Aye; aye okay, aye; thanks son.
Want a light?
Aye. The boy handed him a lighter and he got the thing going and said: What ye doing the now anyway son?
Nothing; ye wanting something?
A fucking drink, that’s what I’m wanting. Sammy smiled. I swear too much dont I! Naw see if ye can look but Keith could ye maybe get my tobacco; it’s somewhere; maybe here or else the bedroom; the kitchen, I’m no sure. Eh?
Okay.
It’s a buggar this, the auld eyes.
The boy went off. Sammy sat for a minute then got an envelope and shoved in the letter, sealed it and wrote Helen’s name on the front, he propped it against the wall above the mantelpiece. Keith was back with the tobacco. Sammy said: See that letter on the mantelpiece son what does the name say?
Eh… Helen McGilvaray.
That’s right. Okay what time is it now?
Nearly six.
Jesus christ! where the fucking hell’s Peter?
He’s no back yet.
Auld Boab man he’s probably making him a bowl of fucking soup.
Will I go and get him?
Aye. Naw: bring my bag through from the bedroom, it’s on top of the bed. Put it at the door.
Nay point writing a letter to Ally, he was gony but there was nay point; it wasnay to do with trust, he did trust the guy, as far as it went, as far as that went, he did trust him; it wasnay fucking to do with that.
Just to tell him something. Fuck it man he couldnay think, couldnay get his head round it. Ally would carry on in his absence anyway man that was what it was about, the fucking will-thing, that was what it about: in the event of, in the event of. Fair enough. It was.
He heard the door; Peter coming back. Fuck it man he got up and turned off the electric fire. That was it, it was time. Sammy shrugged.
Da he had to phone a few places cause they were busy.
Nay bother.
That was how it took so long.
Nay bother son. Is that us?
I dont know.
See that guy by the way another thing to tell him, I’m talking about when he gets the photos off ye, I cannay mind if I said, will ye tell him that I’ll be in touch; say that to him, that I said I would definitely be in touch.
Okay. Keith’s got yer bag at the door.
Right, good.
I says the taxi was for you for the pub.
Oh for christ sake Peter well done, aye, good.
It’ll be here in five ten minutes.
Great, smashing… Sammy checked his pockets; all the money. Aye that’s us, he said, let’s fucking move. Check the lights. All the lights in the house. Plus the plugs, take them out the sockets. Except the fridge. I should have said right enough ye stick the photos in to get developed the morrow, okay? It’ll no matter, another day.
Aye.
Brilliant Peter ye’re some kid did I ever tell ye that! Sammy clapped him on the shoulder. Right now action stations chop chop; lights and plugs and go into the bathroom and see the taps are turned off. Plus all the windows, see they’re closed. And draw the curtains. Take a room each. Anything else ye can think of. Whatever. Heh ye didnay see naybody? outside in the corridor?
Who like?
Doesnay matter, it’s no actually important. Okay rooms, rooms.
Sammy stuck on the shades and collected the stick and the bag and waited by the front door. Then they were out and he was double-locking the door behind them. Okay. He posted the keys back through the letterbox. It had to be done. So that was that. He shrugged. Still windy. Bloody bag was heavy as well; no too bad right enough.
The boys walked in front, holding the door open for him at the end of the corridor. Sammy went through. It’s like bloody cops and robbers this int it! he said, stupit carry on. Mind you but if ye do see somebody, somebody ye think’s kind of I dont know, suspicious, anybody, give me a shout.
While they waited for the lift Keith offered him another cigarette.
Naw no thanks son thanks all the same… Sammy was standing to the left side of the lift entrance in near the wall. I meant to say there, see when the doors open
The lift came then and he shut up and stood where he was; the doors opened but naybody came out. Sammy shook his head and tapped his way inside. Naw, he said, I was just gony say there, like I says afore and that I mean if ye see somebody – it doesnay matter but it’s just me, paranoiac and all that.
Nay point saying any more so he just shut up. Plus if they were there man they were fucking there, know what I’m saying, terrible for the boys but so what, couldnay be fucking helped, fuck all ye could do about it.
One thing but if he was going they were coming. Nay danger about that, they were fucking coming, fucking racing certainty. Maybe hit the rear exit. Nay fucking point. We’ll go out the front, he said, we’ll just go out the front door. Know what I mean boys we’ll leave like gentlemen. He chuckled. Alright Peter? Eh? Keith? Alright? Fucking cops and robbers eh, I’m no kidding ye!
The lift stopped and they were walking out. Sammy had the bag gripped ower his shoulder; head down, tapping to the left and tapping to the right, tapping to the left and tapping to the right. Fine. Fine all the gether. The lie-down he had had was working wonders. Fit as a fucking fiddle man it had even cleared his head. Naw but also it was the fact he did do routines regular, different wee exercises, so it kept ye okay, it stood ye in stead. Plus the rain had stopped and there was hardly any wind; that was good as well: it wasnay bad man it wasnay bad. That minicab, he said, it’ll wait round beside the chemist shop. Okay…?
He spoke in a low voice and the boys stopped talking. They had probably been talking since they left the house. Sammy hadnay noticed; he heard them speak, he just hadnay heard what they were speaking about. Heh by the way son, he said, what’s the nearest pub to yer grannie’s house?
The Swan Inn.
Aw aye fuck …the auld Swan…well well.
Did ye ever drink in it Mister Samuels?
I did a few times, aye; me and Peter’s maw, when we were winching; used to be music there at the weekends; some good bands. Aye it was alright. Know what I mean if yer face was known son if yer face was known. Aye, the auld Swan…
It’s a bit rough these days da.
Ah well it was a bit rough then as well Peter, just like I’m saying but if yer face was known. Okay now we’ll stop walking for a wee minute cause I want a word with ye, the two of yez.
Heh da there’s some guys ower there at the building.
Doesnay matter… Okay now just listen to what I’m gony say; nay talking. Sammy had kept his voice low again; he took the shades off and folded them into his pocket.
There’s six or seven, whispered Peter.
Fine, nay talking, doesnay matter, they’re no interested in us. Right Keith, you first, okay, just as I’m telling ye son now listen; where are ye…? Okay, it’s fine, you just hold my stick for a wee minute…cause I’m gony take Peter’s arm the now…nay bother; okay. So right Keith you just carry the thing now, like it’s a pool cue or something, a spear, know what I’m talking about, just natural, and ye just push on ahead, dont wait for me and him; and if ye see the minicab’s there ye just ignore it, ye kid on ye dont see it, ye just walk on by, cause I’m no getting it, so ye just pass it, I dont even want to know if it’s there so dont turn round and tell me, just you keep going, nay turning back, out to the main road; and we’ll see ye at the first bus-stop ye come to cause we’ll be right behind ye and ye just ignore the taxi even if it’s there ye just keep going, right out to the road; okay now, on ye go, that’s it now so on ye go…ye away yet…! Right Peter, okay, so it’s me and you, so what we do we just walk as well, I hold yer elbow and we just walk, no too slow but no too fast either, we just take it easy, we take it easy… Okay, now, that’s right…and just like I’m saying, if the minicab’s there we dont look at it we keep going, we dont even want to know if it’s there so ye dont stop to tell me and ye dont even give me a nudge, cause it doesnay matter if it’s there or no, so we just keep walking till we’re out at the bus-stop. How’s yer maw keeping these days is she keeping alright…
They were round the chemist shop corner by this time and if the minicab had come it would be here. And there was the sound of a couple of motor cars somewhere but nothing ye could identify. And they kept walking, Sammy gripping Peter by the elbow, and when it seemed to be right he whispered: Heh son is that us out now? the main road?
Aye.
Just tell us when us when we get to the bus-stop.
Eventually Peter whispered, That’s us da.
Is there people?
Naw just Keith.
Good, so we dont stop we just keep going.
Sammy was still talking low: Keith… Ye there? we just keep walking son, okay? You just go the side of Peter; and hang onto the stick the now till I tell ye, cause I dont need it, I’ll tell ye when… That was a mop ye know, I cut the head off it; auld Boab painted it for us…good auld guy, ye dont like telling him tales, but there ye go, some ye win some ye lose… Sammy smiled. All this what I’m doing, it’ll seem crazy; it is crazy; it doesnay matter, it doesnay matter at all, it just gets done, it gets done. Okay now we’re no interested in nothing except a taxi, a hackney, if ye see a hackney, cause that’s what we’re looking for, so if one of ye see one then ye give it a shout cause that’s what we’re looking for, nothing else, we’re no interested in nothing else and I dont want to hear about it, man, woman or beast, nothing, bar if it’s a taxi, cause that’s what we’re getting, if it’s for hire; if it’s no for hire then we’re no getting it; that’s obvious now int it – what’s the nearest pub to the Swan Inn by the way?
Eh
Doesnay matter.
Keith whispered, It’s the Lion and Drum Mister Samuels.
Fine; see that stick now son? naw, nothing, forget it, just you keep carrying it the way like I telt ye, okay, smashing… Except maybe when we get into the taxi, when we see it when it comes, when we get into it, that’s the time to hide it Keith know what I’m saying if ye can maybe just… course it’s alright if ye cannay cause it’s big; but just if ye can, so the driver doesnay see it then that’s great I mean coming out as well, once we get out the taxi, just if it’s possible but if it isnay who cares, it’s alright, nothing to worry about. Heh Peter by the way, you take my bag off the taxi, alright?
Aye.
Good… Christ we’re lucky that rain’s off eh! Mind you I got bloody soaked with it this morning.
A taxi came quite soon. Sammy was in first and he telt the driver to take them to the Central Station, to the side entrance at Hope Street if that was okay. Peter was in last. The door slammed shut. Sammy sat back on the seat and sighed. Nice to have a bit of peace and quiet, he said, nay talking at all, it’s good.
When the taxi arrived at the station Sammy nudged the bag to Peter and gave the driver a big note at the same time; once he had the change back he tipped the guy a fifty-pence coin. He groped for the door.
Okay da, whispered Peter and he took Sammy by the hand till he got through and down onto the pavement; then the door slammed shut. A moment later the taxi was screeching off.
Aye ye’re some kid! grinned Sammy; the two of yez! He slapped his hands the gether and chuckled. That’s us. Fine. Now give us the bag son.
I can carry it da.
Ah well alright, alright, it’s good for the muscles; just till we get round the corner. Where’s that trusty auld stick Keith ye got it? ye didnay leave it in the bloody taxi!
Ye kidding?
Naw by the way I’m no kidding so give us it ower and nayn of yer patter! Sammy was smiling. What about yer camera son ye got that?
Yeh it’s in my pocket.
Fair enough, fine. So we’re taking a walk boys we’re taking a walk, we’re going to the taxi rank round Gordon Street. Give us yer elbow Keith, that mate of yours’ll be keeled ower with
the bag.
Da it’s no that heavy.
Is it no? that’s good.
They carried on until when they rounded the corner he slowed to a halt and muttered: Cops and robbers again give us the bag… He slung it ower his left shoulder. Okay we’ll just go eh… And he tapped to find the wall of the station building; he kept his voice low: Yous two are getting the first taxi and I’m getting the second. That tenner’ll do ye Peter there’s still gony be enough change for the spool. Is there many taxis waiting?
Aye da there’s a few.
Good; so yez dont take it right to yer houses; know what I mean, ye get it halfway between the two. Okay? Tell ye something for nothing by the way, this is good training for that fucking navy racket: see when yez join, yez’re gony spend most of yer time dodging these bampot officer bastards, know what I’m talking about, they treat ye like servants and it’s gony annoy ye to fuck, so this is good training for doing yer vanishing act. Right…here: Keith – you hang onto the stick again, just take it home with ye. Then bring it back out when ye meet up with Peter. And I’ll get it back off ye at the Swan, cause that’s where I’m headed, I’m gony be swanning it up, so I’ll see yez there as soon as possible. Dont make it too soon cause I want at least two fucking pints boys know what I’m talking about this is thirsty work. I’m only kidding; just whenever. Obviously too I mean on the taxi, this isnay a time for names; dont talk about nothing except football or the telly or maybe lassies, ye know? something, just something; I dont have to tell ye, alright?
He heard Peter chuckling and smiled: What you fucking giggling about!
Naw da sorry.
Cause I’m the world’s worst for giggling; no kidding ye son dont ever get me started – no at the fucking giggling games! Sammy was still smiling; then he frowned: Heh what time’s it?
Twenty to seven Mister Samuels.
Aye, right. So yez’re late for yer suppers. So yez’ll just have to make an excuse. Sorry about that but it cannay be helped. On second thoughts; Keith – give me the stick back son… Ta. See it’s better I have it, just in case; it might be busy in the pub, I dont want to be tripping ower cunts’ feet. Sammy sniffed. So is that us then? We know the score? Eh?