by Tessi, Zoya
“From the amount of food you picked up, it looks like we’re staying here for a while.”
“I'm still not sure about that, but having enough food can’t hurt.”
When he’d emptied most of the bags and put the food away in cupboards, he took the three bags that were left and put them on the table in front of me.
“It’s not haute couture.”
I looked at the bags, surprised and slow to understand what he meant.
“I know you probably enjoyed cutting up my clothes, but if that carries on I won’t have anything left in my closet,” he shrugged and leaned against the nearest counter, “Go ahead and open them, they won’t bite, I promise.”
I pulled the bags towards me and began taking out the things he’d bought, one by one. In the largest one there were two soft cotton sweats, one in pink, the other in powder blue, as well as some t-shirts in matching shades. In another I found a pair of faded jeans and two perfectly tasteful, checked cotton shirts. At the very bottom there were a few pairs of socks and some simple canvas sneakers that I might have chosen for myself. I looked at all the things in turn as I took them out of the bags, and carefully lined them up on the table.
When two of the bags were empty, I felt a mixture of unexpected emotions. Everything he’d bought was carefully chosen and everything was the right fit. Not only that, they were the best quality. It was obvious he’d thought about it and not just bought the first things he’d come across. This wasn’t what I’d expected at all.
Maybe he likes me after all. Just a little, at least... I know he said the only reason he’d come back for me was my father, but this here has nothing to do with Nikolai. This is for me.
“So? Will they do?”
I lifted my head and looked over at Alex, who had his hands thrust deep in his pockets and was standing at an awkward angle, bent forward, his head angled down. He wasn’t given to looking bashful, but that might have been an adequate description. I guess he couldn’t have known that right then I’d have worn anything that came from him, even an old potato sack, just to know he’d thought of me.
“They’re perfect,” I spoke quietly, “Thanks. I didn’t expect you to...”
“Keep going. You haven’t seen everything yet.”
I bit my lip and turned my attention to the last bag, reaching inside to feel around. Squealing with delight, my hand came upon a large hairbrush and then the obvious curves of some shampoo bottles. I took out several and set them down next to the clothes, discovering three types of body milk, all for different skin types, and at least five types of shower gel, each with a different scent. It was fun to open them and squeeze just a little, feeling tiny bubbles burst in miniature, perfumed explosions under my nose.
Pointing a finger at the pile of toiletries now on the table, I looked questioningly at Alex.
“What?” he shrugged.
“One shower gel would have been enough, don’t you think?”
“Well I didn’t know which one to choose,” he raised his arms in the air as if to defend himself, “You girls have some weird ideas. What if I’d taken just one and that turned out to be the very one you can’t stand? Then you would have taken mine and I’d be left with bloody lavender... Or chocolate, God forbid.”
For a moment I imagined Alex, tall and strong and tattooed, walking round and smelling like cookies. I put a hand over my mouth to stifle a laugh, but it didn’t quite work, and I got the giggles big time.
“It’s not funny,” he looked put out, and I had to grab the back of a chair so that I could stop shaking as another round of laughter took hold.
“I think I'm gonna get stomach cramps,” I managed to say when I’d calmed down enough to string a few words together.
As I took a small paper parcel tied with pink ribbon at the top, which was left unopened, I noticed Alex shifting his weight from one foot to the other in a way that was out of character. He looked from me to the package, seemingly more uncomfortable by the second.
“Err... I have to...” he gestured vaguely with his arm in the direction of the bedroom and vanished.
Puzzled, and increasingly curious, I followed his exit, then went ahead and pulled on part of the ribbon, letting the parcel fall open. When its contents spilled out, I felt my cheeks flush red.
“Hmm... Alex?”
“What?” he responded from somewhere out of sight.
“No wonder you spent so long shopping...” I let my comment hang in the air as I examined the stack of silk and lace lingerie, “I see you had lots of fun in one of the stores…”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Oooh... I think you do know,” I chuckled quietly, “Who would have thought a savage like you had such exquisite taste in ladies’ undergarments.”
“The assistant chose them,” he said, sounding anything but convincing, “I'm going to take a shower.”
I pulled a silk blue babydoll out from the pile and gave it a closer look.
Yeah... right.
It was almost exactly the same as the one I’d tried on at the mall with him.
The assistant chose them my ass.
When I got all my new stuff through to the bedroom, I noticed that Alex had already emptied two shelves in the closet, so it seemed natural to start folding things and putting them away, thinking to myself that if anyone were watching, they’d surely think we were a couple. After all, we were living together, sleeping in the same bed, sharing a closet… bickering like an old married couple from time to time.
Is this what it would really be like to be together? Would Alex still keep his distance if we…
I stopped myself in mid thought, feeling like it might be a good idea to throw a bucket of cold water over myself.
Stop dreaming! Just because he bought you some nice underwear and clothes that match, does not mean he’s suddenly fallen for you. As soon as the threat from Khalil’s history, he’ll leave and you won’t ever see him again!
Pissed off, having worked myself up a treat, I banged the closet door and marched back to the big room, where I sat down heavily on the couch and turned on the TV. Paying almost no attention, I sat through the weather forecast, thinking what little difference it made whether the sun shone or not if I was stuck indoors indefinitely.
Alex came out of the bathroom holding a single towel around his waist and walked towards the bedroom. I quickly turned my head away and forced my eyes to stay glued to the screen, thinking it ought to be a crime to look that good.
In spite of my best efforts, it was impossible not to glance over towards the bedroom, where he was sitting on the edge of the bed loosening the towel. I held my breath and was about to clamp my eyes shut when I saw that he had on a pair of boxers, and let out a gasp of relief. Of course, I wasn’t naïve as to what a man looked like naked, but the thought of Alex without clothes kindled a flame inside me.
I watched him tear open a paper packet, unfold the contents and lay a white gauze gently over the place where the bullet had grazed his thigh. Holding this in place with care, he then had to take a bandage from its plastic wrapping, and this was proving more difficult with only one hand.
I got up from the couch and went to the bedroom, determined not to let my eyes linger on his bare chest, even for an instant.
“Give me that,” I said when I came in front of him, holding my hand out.
He raised his head and looked from my outstretched hand to my face, seemingly bemused at my sudden appearance.
“Relax. It won’t be my first time,” I lied.
I didn’t mention the fact that I‘d only ever bandaged teddy bears, and then when I was around six years old. It seemed like I looked convincing enough because he did as he was told and handed me the roll of white cotton, albeit a little hesitantly. I took it from him and started carefully wrapping it around his thigh, trying not to let it be too tight or too loose.
It was good that he held something over the stitched gash; otherwise I might have fainted at the sight of hi
s blood. Tucking the end of the bandage carefully inside one of the folds to finish, I sighed.
“Next time, please avoid the bullet?”
“I'll try, Princess.”
He was still sitting on the edge of the bed, with me standing between his legs, and my eyes fell on a long, thick stripe of mottled skin on his right thigh. In comparison to that, the fresh wound on his left leg definitely was just a scratch. I reached out my hand and gently ran the back of a finger along the length of the scar.
“You should try a bit harder,” I whispered, “Where did this come from?”
“Some job went wrong. We got caught in the crossfire. It happens.”
“It seems to happen quite a lot, huh?”
“What makes you say that?”
“I saw the scars from bullet wounds on your shoulder and stomach.”
“Who says they’re from bullets?”
“I've seen enough of them to tell a bullet wound when I see one.”
“Princess... that’s not the kind of expertise you ought to have.”
“Welcome to my life,” I angled my head a little, “You didn’t answer me.”
“Well no, not often. They’re all three from the same round. They did me over pretty good.”
Remembering the conversation I’d had with Nikolai, I kept on tracing the length of the scar with my finger, feeling its ridges and lines beneath my touch, realizing that Alex wasn’t about to let me in on how exactly he’d ended up with it. I sucked air through my teeth and wondered what might have made him risk his own life to save my father.
“Does it still hurt?”
“No.”
“Liar.”
“And you have to know everything, don’t you?” he smiled faintly and got up from the bed, “Sometimes, when I sit or lie for a long time.”
He drew away, but not in a way that made me think he was mad, and I watched as he pulled on some sweatpants and a black t-shirt.
“I hope you won’t use this insider information against me next time you want to retaliate or something.”
“You really think I would do something like that?” I asked very quietly, looking up to stare into his beautiful eyes.
For a long moment, Alex stayed where he was and watched me silently, then approached and stood very close.
“No.”
Very slowly, his face started moving towards mine, his gray eyes shining. When I felt his lips against my own, it seemed like someone had pulled the rug out from under my feet and I was falling.
As the kiss grew more intense, I hugged him tightly round the neck and bunched his hair in my fist. Without taking his mouth away from my own, he drew me down onto the bed as his kisses continued to rain down, his hot breath against my cheeks and his warm tongue pressing insistently against my own. If words could describe it, I felt like I was being sucked up into the eye of a tornado, leaving the world at a frightening pace, never to return.
Waves of consuming pleasure carried my body away as my heart thumped heavily in my chest. Never for a second allowing our bodies to separate, I reached down and gripped the hem of my shirt, pulling it up and over my head in one fluid movement.
“Sasha...” Alex said under his breath, “this is a really bad idea…”
“I don’t care!” I cut him off and moved my mouth around to his neck, biting and tasting salt there.
***
“This could complicate the situation,” Alex spoke in a very low voice that was somehow tender at the same time, all the while stroking his finger up and down along the middle of my back, “We’ve fucked up, essentially.”
“Mhm...” I agreed.
Our bodies intertwined, we were lying in each other’s arms, exhausted. Sheets were strewn across the bed, hanging down onto the floor.
I lifted my head from his chest and pulled a lock of hair away from my face, feeling my lips curl into a smile.
“Oh, that look makes me worry!” he grinned, pulled me towards him and kissed me on the nose, “Come on, let's hear it.”
“You should smile more,” I pressed my index finger over his lips.
“Don’t change the subject.”
“Nothing special... I just thought your head might swell, if it’s possible for it to get any bigger than it is already.” I giggled.
”What? Why?”
“Well... you’re in bed with a girl who’s ten years younger than you are. You must be very pleased with yourself.”
“Yeah, well, it feels just great when people say that I look older than I am.”
“Only when you put that murderous expression on your face. When you sleep you look like a kid.”
“Like a kid?! I'm not sure which is worse. How do you know what I look like when I sleep, anyway?”
“I was watching you,” slightly embarrassed, I buried my head in his neck.
“When?”
“What do you care…,” I mumbled, allowing myself the pleasure of squeezing his ear ever so slightly between my teeth.
“Hey! I’m not lunch.”
“Hmm... I'm not so sure. You’re my cupcake right now, with double cream on top.”
I almost rolled out of bed as laughter overtook me and it increased when I saw the dumbfounded expression on his face. No one with half a brain would have compared Alex to a cupcake. It was like calling a raging tiger a pussycat.
“I'll pretend I didn’t hear that,” he said when he could get a word in, even though I kept on laughing.
“Whatever you say, sugar.”
“Oh, I'll give you sugar!”
He reached his hands out in my direction with the intention of catching me. I squeaked and tried to get away, but he was on top of me before I could protest, looking at me with mischief glinting in his eyes.
“You forgot to get a hall pass,” he brushed his lips against mine before releasing me.
Getting out of bed, I took the first clean T-shirt I could see from the closet and headed for the bathroom.
Half an hour later, I was sitting on a counter top in the kitchen, devouring the biggest tuna sandwich I’d ever seen, when Alex walked in, looking like a thundercloud set to burst. Everything about him looked perfect, except his expression, which showed his good mood hadn’t lasted at all.
“What is it now? You look as though someone stepped on your toes.”
”We need to talk...”
“Well I didn’t doubt it.”
“Princess... This thing between us... it wasn’t supposed to happen. I think you know that.”
“And?”
“And I don’t want things to go wrong here... Once this situation with Sherazi is resolved, I...“
“Yes, Alex. I know. You're gonna leave and I’ll probably never see you again.”
I did my best to keep my voice steady. It was obvious how this whole thing was going to end, given the way my life had turned out so far, but when I heard my own words, and worse the silence that hung in the air, it sounded so final that my heart turned to lead in an instant. Steeling myself to sound as convincing as possible, I held the air in my chest and willed my voice not to tremble.
“Believe me, I’m not laboring under any illusion that one roll in the hay makes us an item. That would make me pretty stupid. As screwed up as things are, I don’t imagine that one hour of passion would lead to us walking off into the sunset. I mean… It’s a crazy idea.”
“Even if things weren’t the way they are... we’re too different. Complete opposites, like magnets forced together at the wrong end.” he gave me a serious look.
“I’m aware of that, Alex. What we did was pretty normal considering we’re chained together twenty-four-seven. It was just sex, that’s all. I don’t know why you’re acting all melodramatic all of a sudden.”
“I was afraid you'd think...”
“Oh, come on,” I forced myself to smile, “Don’t flatter yourself. The truth is you’re hot, I can’t deny that, but apart from that you’re not my type at all.”
That’s it. Keep sm
iling. Just don’t look him in the eyes, or he will see right through your bluff.
“Well, good. That makes things a lot less complicated.”
I had to summon every last ounce of strength to stay composed, even though inside I felt shattered. Determined not to let my emotions show, I casually shrugged, knowing that if he doubted my resolve that would be the end. He’d call Nikolai and by night time I’d have a new bodyguard.
“In any case, that can’t happen again.”
After this conclusion, Alex turned and headed for the front door. A minute later I heard the door close behind him with a thud and a key turn in the lock.
That was my cue to stop pretending and I brought my hands up over my mouth to stifle the sobs that had been building inside me. If someone had told me a month before that I’d be crying in a kitchen of a serious criminal because he didn’t want me, I’d have thought they were insane.
You're really a fool. Whiny pathetic fool.
I felt the sharp prick of pins and needles in my legs as I stood up, tears falling from my flushed cheeks. After washing my face in cold water over the sink, I went to the fridge, pulled out some frozen carrots and held the bag against my face, hoping the cold would do something for the puffiness round my eyes. I splashed water over my face again for good measure and took a clean dish cloth off a hook to dry myself before leaving the kitchen.
Passing the front door I was surprised to hear the sound of Alex’s ringtone from somewhere close by. Thinking he was coming back, I readied myself for another performance, but the sound of his key in the lock didn’t come. Half a minute passed, and eventually I went right up to the door on tiptoe, bringing my eye to the spyhole.
Half obscured and around eight feet away, there was Alex, smoke rising around him from a cigarette in his hand, sitting at the top of the stairs and staring down at his feet.
When he walked into the living room half an hour later and sat next to me on the couch, I decided to pretend that nothing happened. Keeping my eyes glued to the TV, I watched from the corner of my eye as he smoked, blowing smoke rings from time to time.
“You definitely sulk more than anyone I know. Sometimes you remind me of a big old walrus,” was my comment, eventually.