“Beautiful,” he repeated. “You were pregnant with my baby. How could I think you looked anything but beautiful?”
Oh, God.
Her insides were melting.
Any minute now, she’d pool at his feet.
Jeff looked down into those fathomless green eyes and even in the dim light, he saw his future. She smiled and his heart was lighter. She scowled and every nerve in his body went on full alert.
He’d listened to her talk about her brothers, about the strength of the bond between them, and he’d hungered at the love in her voice. He’d watched her with them, with Emily, and longed to be included in the easy give and take of a family. Even more than he had when he was a kid, standing on the outside of warmth, looking in.
Then it was just a sense of wanting to belong—anywhere. Now he wanted to belong with Kelly. He wanted to be a part of her warm and generous heart.
This wasn’t just about Emily.
He was in love. For the first and last time in his life. And he wanted it all. Desperately.
“I love you,” he said, relishing the feel of the words on his tongue. He’d never said them before. Never thought to be in the position to say them. Never thought he’d want to say them.
But now he wanted nothing more than to say those words to her for the rest of his life.
“Jeff, don’t—”
“Don’t what?” he asked, still holding on to her tightly. “Don’t tell you how I feel? Don’t ask you to marry me?”
“This isn’t about love, Jeff,” she said, and bracing both hands on his chest, pushed hard in an effort to be free. But he wouldn’t let her go. Couldn’t let her go.
“What is it about then?”
“Emily,” she said flatly. “It’s about our daughter and your notions of what the honorable thing to do is.”
“Maybe it started out that way,” he admitted. Actually, it had started that way. He’d known his duty the minute he’d found out that he’d created a child. But this was so much more now.
This was everything.
“Maybe?”
“Okay, not maybe. But things are different now.”
“Different how?” she demanded, and this time succeeded in pushing free of him. Her feet shifted on the sand, and she threw out her arms to catch her balance. “You don’t think you have a duty to us anymore?”
“Of course I do, but that’s not all of it.”
She sighed and shoved her hair back from her face. “Yes, it is.” Shaking her head, she smiled at him. “I don’t need you to take care of me. I can do that myself.”
“I know that,” he said, and meant every word. Hell, that was one of the things he loved best about her. Her independent spirit. She was a woman who would do what had to be done and wouldn’t sit around waiting for someone to come in and help. In short…she was the perfect Marine wife. “I admire that in you.”
“Thanks,” she said, and lifted her chin. “I had to work hard for it. I have four brothers who’ve spent most of my life trying to tell me what to do, how to do it and when to get it done.”
“I’m not like them.”
“You’re a man, aren’t you?”
“You’re damn right I am,” he countered hotly. “But I’m also a professional Marine. You think we want wives who can’t do for themselves? A Marine needs a woman who can stand on her own two feet. Who can make decisions and pay the bills and take care of minor disasters alone.” He drew a breath and told himself to calm down. He’d never win the day by shouting. “Hell, most of the time, Marine wives are handling cross-country or international moves all on their own. Trust me, honey. Your independence is as important to me as it is to you.”
“I doubt that,” she snapped. “I had to fight long and hard for that independence. Now, you might mean well and all—”
“Might?”
“But,” she went on as if he hadn’t interrupted her, “I’m not going to give it up because you think you have a duty to me.”
“Duty?” he muttered, stung. “That’s what you really think? That this is about duty?” Wouldn’t you know it, he told himself, the first time he admits to loving someone, she doesn’t believe him. Somewhere, someone was getting a real laugh over this. “My ‘duty’ could be taken care of as easily as signing over a part of my check to you and the baby.”
“I don’t want your money,” she said quickly.
“I know.” He threw his hands high and let them fall back to his sides again in frustration.
“Good,” she said, “I’m glad that’s settled.”
“Oh,” Jeff told her with a shake of his head, “it’s not settled.” He closed the distance between them in one long step and took her upper arms in a firm yet tender grip. Pulling her close enough that she had to tip her head back to look up at him, Jeff let his gaze move over her features before saying softly, “What I feel has nothing to do with duty, Kelly.”
Then he lowered his head and kissed that mouth that he still dreamed about. He tasted the woman he would never get enough of. He gave her all that he was, all that he ever would be, in a long, slow, deep kiss that seared them both with the sizzle of something rare and powerful.
At last, he broke the kiss, lifted his head and met her gaze. “So Kel, was ‘duty’ all you felt just now?”
Ten
Another week raced past, and Jeff was more and more aware of time slipping away from him. Two more weeks and his leave would be up. Two more weeks and he’d be off and running again.
And unless he could get this thing with Kelly straightened out before he left, he figured he’d be pretty much miserable for the next year or so. But damn if she wasn’t as stubborn as she was beautiful. She wouldn’t even discuss marriage with him. And to make matters worse, she’d decided that since she couldn’t be what he wanted, that it would be better for both of them if they didn’t sleep together anymore, either.
Jeff glared at himself in the mirror. “You’ve got a hell of a way with women,” he told his reflection, and wasn’t at all surprised by the scowl he saw in the glass. “Yeah,” he went on, and paused to swipe his razor across his shaving-cream-covered jaw, “real impressive. Now she’s not only determined to stay single, she’s determined to stay celibate. Nice job.”
Damn it. He’d never been so frustrated. And now he wasn’t even thinking about the lack of sex. This frustration stemmed from having Kelly shut the door on the fantasies he’d been building in his mind.
All his life, Jeff had been on the outside, looking in. Until he’d found his place in the Corps, he’d thought of himself as a kid locked outside a candy store. Able to see all the goodies life had to offer—just unable to reach them. Finally, he’d given up wanting them. Given up thinking he’d find a way to have what everyone else seemed to take for granted.
Then out of the blue, he’d stumbled across it. He leaned over the sink, his fingers curling over the cold porcelain until his knuckles whitened. For all the good it had done him. Because now that he’d found it, he’d been locked outside again.
And the pain of knowing he was so close and still been found unworthy, was damn near enough to bring him to his knees. An emptiness more all-consuming than anything he’d ever known before blossomed inside him, and Jeff stared at the man in the mirror as if looking for helpful suggestions.
But nothing came. Just another wave of fatigue that crashed over him with the force of storm surf.
Man, he was so tired, his eyes felt as if they were on fire. But how could a man be expected to sleep when images of Kelly haunted him? Her face, her body, her laugh. For the past week, every time he dozed off, he’d awaken minutes later, hard and hungry and alone. Hell, he’d had more sleep during firefights.
He nicked his chin and sighed his disgust as blood welled up through the white foam. “Perfect,” he muttered, and finished shaving before bothering to stop the bleeding. Of course, the shape he was in, he’d been lucky to just slice up his chin. A few more sleepless nights and he’d be too dangerou
s to shave himself.
The phone rang and he went to answer it, grateful to have something to take his mind off his thoughts. Slinging the towel over his shoulder, he grabbed the receiver like a man snatching at a hastily thrown lifeline.
“Hello?” he asked, hoping to hear a certain husky female voice.
“Hey, boss,” Travis drawled lazily.
Jeff gripped the receiver more tightly, tamped down the rush of disappointment and sat down on the edge of the bed. Man, was his brain fried or what? Hoping for a distraction from thoughts of Kelly, then disappointed that it wasn’t her on the phone.
“Hey, Travis. What’s up?”
“Not a hell of a lot,” the other man said. “Peace is boring as hell, isn’t it?”
That all depended, Jeff supposed, on just how your peaceful leave was spent. If there was one thing the past two weeks hadn’t been, it was boring. But he never had been one to share, so he simply said, “Yeah. Sure is.”
“So,” Travis continued in a slightly more hearty tone, “the guys wanted me to tell you that we’re headed to Tijuana for the day. Thought we’d see if you wanted to ride along.”
Jeff’s gaze focused on the open sliding glass doors across the floor from him. Sunlight fell into the room, lying across the carpet in a rectangle of golden warmth. His brain raced as he considered his options.
Tijuana with his friends or spending a whole Saturday watching Kelly try to avoid being alone with him? Tough choice. He scrubbed one hand across his face and came away with a streak of shaving cream he’d missed. Hell, maybe the best thing for him and Kelly would be a little space.
They’d been in each other’s faces for two solid weeks. And this past week especially, the tension between them had been thick enough to slice through with a bayonet.
If he went with the guys, he knew it would be easy. The bond they shared had been forged and tested in fire. They were family, and right now he needed to feel as though he belonged. Somewhere.
“Boss?” Travis prodded. “You still there?”
“Yeah,” he said. “I’m here.”
“Good. So what do I tell the guys? You in?”
“Sure,” he said, making the decision his gut told him was the right one. “Count me in. When do we leave?”
“Deke’ll be there to pick you up in a half hour.”
“I’ll be ready.”
He hung up and stared at the phone. Now all he had to do was call Kelly and tell her he wouldn’t be coming over. And hope to hell he didn’t hear relief in her voice.
“So where’s Recon?” Kevin asked as he took a seat on the front porch.
Kelly looked up from the flower bed she’d been attacking for the past hour and shot her brother a look. So much for peace and quiet. When Jeff had called earlier to tell her he wasn’t coming over today, she’d been torn between relief and disappointment. Though she’d miss seeing him, hearing his voice, his laughter, she also needed a little time to herself to think. Which is what she’d been planning to do. Until Kevin turned up out of the blue and planted himself on the porch as if he fully expected to spend the day there.
“He went to Tijuana with his friends today.”
“Good.” He lifted his glass of iced tea and took a long sip.
Sitting back on her heels, Kelly tossed her hair back from her face and demanded, “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing.” He cradled the glass between his palms and stared off down the tree-shaded street in a not very veiled attempt to avoid meeting her gaze.
Blast it. There were just way too many men in her life. Irritation swelled inside her and she took several deep breaths in an effort to calm herself.
It didn’t work.
“Spit it out, Kevin,” she told him flatly. “I’ve got weeds to kill and pansies to plant.” And thoughts to think and plans to make and Jeff to miss, she added silently.
He turned his gaze back to her and stared at her for a long, thoughtful moment. “Okay, I’ll say it. I’m glad he’s not here. I’m tired of tripping over him every time I want to visit my niece.”
Surprise rippled through her. Interesting reversal, Kelly thought. Since Emily’s birth, Kevin and the triplets had been doing nothing but waiting for Jeff to show up so they could somehow force him and Kelly to get married. Now that he was here and determined to do that very thing, Kevin did an about-face?
Why was the whole world suddenly going nuts?
“All right,” she said, staring at him and waiting for the other shoe to drop, “what’s up with you? You’re the one who was leading the ‘let’s marry Kelly off’ parade for the last year and a half.”
“The operative word in that sentence would be ‘was.”’
Irritation rose up again, strong and powerful. She looked at her older brother and blurted out, “God, Kevin, would you just say it?”
“I don’t want you marrying him.”
She blinked at him. Absently, she heard Emily cooing to herself and the shouts of the kids playing soccer down the street. A soft wind tugged at her curls, and she leaned forward long enough to plunge her trowel into the damp earth. Then she sat back again, dusted her palms together and faced the older brother who had sometimes been her nemesis and always been her rock.
“Why?” she asked quietly. “Why the big change of heart?”
“Simple. I changed my mind.”
Kelly laughed shortly, and Kevin shot her a warning glare. “I’m sorry,” she said, holding one hand up, dirty palm out. “It’s just that, you changing your mind is as likely as the sun suddenly backing up and orbiting Earth in the opposite direction.”
“Funny.”
But true, she told herself. Kevin was the original hardhead. Maybe it came with being the oldest—but once he’d made up his mind, it was carved in stone. Until, apparently, today.
“Okay, fine,” she said in a placating tone, silently reminding herself that this man had loved her all her life. She at least owed him the chance to speak his piece without interruption. “You changed your mind. Why?”
Kevin rested his forearms on his knees and looked at the lip of his glass as if it held the answers to every question ever asked. Clearly stalling, trying to get his thoughts in order, he waited what seemed forever before speaking. Finally, though, he lifted his gaze to hers. “He’s Recon, Kelly. And Recon Marines are a bad bet as family men. As husbands.”
Her heart ached just a little, though she couldn’t have said why. She didn’t want to marry Jeff anyway, right? So why should it bother her that her brother was now on her side of this? Was it hearing him dismiss Jeff so easily? Was it an instinctive urge to defend? The ache lingered, but she swallowed back the discomfort lodged in her throat and asked, “Why?”
“Kelly, Recon gets the dirtiest, most dangerous jobs there are.”
She’d known that already. The last time Jeff was here, he’d explained to her some of his job. And the rest of her information, she’d gotten from her own research. It really was amazing what you could find on the Web these days.
She’d found enough to terrify her. Recon Marines went into hostile situations at the drop of a hat. Alone, they slipped into trouble spots, did whatever they’d been sent in to do, then tried to make it out alive again.
It sounded to Kelly like a lonely job. Never being stationed in one spot. Never being able to tell people where you were or what you were doing. Living always on the edge, constantly checking your back. She’d wondered all those months when he’d been gone if Jeff had thought of her. If he’d clung to memories to keep him company in those dark nights when danger was too close for comfort.
A chill raced along her spine, despite the bright warmth of the sun on her back.
“Most of the time,” Kevin was saying, “they have to leave at a moment’s notice.” He pointed one finger at her. “And they can’t say where they’re going.”
“I know that,” she said. “I’m the one who got postcards from all over the world, remember?” Postcards with h
astily scrawled messages of hope, longing. She’d saved every one, telling herself it was for Emily’s sake that she tucked them away. But there was more to it than that, Kelly knew. Even though she didn’t want to admit it to anyone. Least of all, herself.
“Postcards,” he said on a snort. “That’s the kind of husband you want? Gone for months at a time? Never knowing where he is or what he’s doing? Spending the rest of your life worrying?”
A flash of temper hit her hard, and she found herself defending Jeff. “Geez, Kevin,” she snapped. “You act like Recon Marines are the only ones who leave families behind to do their jobs. You were deployed regularly until you became a drill instructor.” She scrambled to her feet, prepared to do battle. “And you will be again, once this rotation is over.”
“Yeah, I was,” he agreed with a sharp, hard nod. “And will be. But you’ll always know where I am, won’t you?”
“That won’t stop us from worrying, though, will it?” Hands on her hips, she leaned in toward him. Kevin set his glass aside and stood up, too.
“No, but you’ll always be able to get in touch with me, won’t you? You couldn’t get hold of Recon when you found out about Emily.”
“If I’d been his wife, I could have,” she countered, not even stuttering on the word wife, which should have surprised her. But at the moment, she was far too furious to think about it.
“Damn it, Kelly, you asked my opinion and I’m giving it to you.”
“Yes, well, now I’ve changed my mind. I don’t want your opinion.”
“Because you don’t like it?” He leaned closer to her, reaching out one hand to grab her forearm. “Why the hell are you defending him, anyway? I thought you didn’t want to marry this guy.”
“I didn’t—don’t,” she snapped, then shook her head and pulled away from Kevin’s grasp. This was all too confusing. She didn’t want to get married, but she also didn’t want her brother tearing Jeff apart for doing his job. For being every bit as Marine to the bone as he himself was.
His Baby! Page 9