When It Rains: The Umbrella Collection

by Prudence Hayes

  “Oh, my God. Leave me alone,” I exhaustively stated as I fell backwards on my bed searching for something to take my mind off of the voice that is rapping within my head. I gazed up to the ceiling and saw a small spot of a slightly different tinge of paint. My mind floated off into thoughts of wonderment in how that small spot got altered and in that moment my asinine thoughts drowned out the voice.

  I was startled out of my daze as I heard the front screen door slam shut and a rustle of feet walking down the hardwood floors. I vaulted up off the bed and the voice’s sound started up again, “Finally, going to actually do something with yourself, you fucking pig.”

  My body was half way down the steps when I kept repeating, “Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop,” I let it spill from my mouth each time my foot hit another step in hopes the voice will listen. I made the right turn towards the hall to the dining room and kitchen passing the family room on my left.

  The house had a country feel to it. There was a metal rooster that is hung on the wall above the front door. Red and tan plaid wallpaper in the kitchen, a stark contrast to the plain white cabinets throughout. Along with the wrap around front porch and the couple of acres the house sat on, you would think we are a bunch of farmers, but we are far from it. Dogs were the only animals that we dealt with. Pops is afraid of everything else, including the sporadic tiny spider that happened to make its move inside. The décor inside was decorated by an interior designer that Pops dated a while back. I believe her name was Kathleen or was it Mildred? No, Mildred was the nurse that called Pops at odd hours of the night because she worked night shift. Kathleen was the truck driver that came over only when she was driving through. The interior designer, now that I remember, was Geraldine. See, Pops gets around; it’s hard to keep track. Geraldine decorated the house in the country theme and mid way through she caught Pops at the movies with some other lady and got angry. Then she came over to the house and took everything she could. The rooster was too high for her to reach and she couldn’t take the plaid wallpaper that was already glued to the walls in the kitchen. Kind of wished she could have taken that, though. So, instead of redecorating; Pops decorated around those things.

  I followed the melody of voices and plastic bags being carried then flung on a counter. It brought me into the kitchen where Pops, Brian, Mike, Elijah and Drew began removing the items from the shopping bags with goodies for a get together for my twentieth birthday.

  “Hey, birthday girl!” Mike shouted making everyone stop what they were doing and repeat the same gesture.

  “Thanks, guys,” I dejectedly replied

  “Uh uh,” Pops began, “No way. Wipe that attitude away. We bought all this food and we have that game you wanted to play. Cheer up.”

  “If it was that easy I would have done it by now. Don’t you think?” I mumbled while I peeked inside of a bag that wasn’t emptied of its contents, yet.

  “What?” Pops asked

  “Nothing. Where is everyone else?”

  “Evan, Brady and Colin went to get the sodas we forgot. Alex is outside starting the grill, or at least trying to,” Pops said as he peered out the window above the sink. He spied on Alex on the back porch fidgeting with the knobs, “and John is at work. He should be home any minute. Are Skylar and Lauren coming?”

  “Skylar and Scott are coming. Lauren isn’t, though.”

  “Everything alright?” he asked

  “Yeah,” I responded.

  But, the voice had a different answer, “Liar! Tell him how much of a fucking bitch she is.” I quickly shook my head trying to rid it of the junk it spewed.

  “Yeah, everything is fine. I just haven’t talked to her in a while.” I finished up perusing the groceries and headed out the French doors out onto the porch to see if Alex needed help.

  “Hey, need any help?” I asked as I walked nearer to Alex. He looked rather dressed up for the occasion, but come to think of it I have never seen him look untidy or disheveled. He wore a pair of high-end blue jeans and a white T-shirt with a dark gray vest over it, along with his leather shoes that he gets made. His hair was long and sandy blonde that formed curls at the ends. He looked handsome, even though he had a half unpleasant, half calm grimace upon his face, as if he was trying to hide the fact that he knew nothing about what he was supposed to do.

  “Um, no. I think I got it,” he said as he fiddled around with some more knobs.

  “Oh, really?” I asked as I back pedaled to the door, “Well, let me know when you push that big red start button on the side there and get that thing fired up.” and I walked back inside letting Alex decide when he would swallow his pride and just hit the button.

  A minute passed as I stood there by the door, “Aha, I got it working everyone. “ Alex bellowed loudly.

  “How did your pride taste?” I questioned as I poked my head out the doors and Alex turned and gave me a nasty look.

  The next hour was filled with Alex burning food on the grill, everyone sitting around the large teal painted picnic table laughing at him as he constantly muttered, “Oh, shit,” as he tossed another burnt hotdog in the trash can beside him and Pops yelling at Drew to get his hands out of the food until the rest was ready.

  The doorbell rang and I cupped my hands around my mouth to elevate my sound and yelled, “We’re outback!” Mike sitting beside me inched his body a little to his right to get farther away from my piercing voice and held his ear. A few seconds later, Skylar and Scott walked up alongside the house. Skylar with her long brown hair blowing in the wind and wearing a blue sundress and brown cowboy boots, was holding a tray of my favorite Red Velvet Cupcakes. Scott, whose skin was sun-kissed from his trip to Hawaii, was carrying a case of beer with a red wrapped present sitting on top of it, was in stride with Skylar.

  They both got closer and wished me a happy birthday as they placed everything down on the table. Scott was tanner up close than he was from afar. When they got comfortable, Scott told us all about his amazing trip and how the kids really loved painting on the beach. Skylar sat mesmerized by his words as he recounted each activity he did with them.

  John exited the house, after showering when he came home from work, with a beer in hand and started yelling at Alex about what he was doing wrong at the grill. John is the designated griller of the family. This is his duty when we have a get together and, for some reason, his food always tastes better than everyone else’s. He pushed Alex aside and took over and we all clapped with enthusiasm at Alex’s demotion. Alex sheepishly walked to the table and sat down with the rest of us as the doorbell rang once again and Pops got up to go answer it. When he came out through the doors again there was a lady right behind him. She was wearing an ivory wrap dress and a brown floppy hat with platform heels. She was Pops age, but it was very obvious that she was trying to fight that fact due to the amount of makeup she slopped on her face and the amount of Botox that was injected into her forehead. I noticed it right away when her forehead didn’t move when she got close enough for an inspection. Pops introduced us all to her as Sarah a receptionist at his Doctor’s office. She was nice, but had the highest pitched voice I have ever heard, to the point that I dreaded even the thought of being stuck in that office she worked in.

  In no time at all, John had the food perfectly cooked and we were stuffing our faces with the juicy burgers and hotdogs along with french fries, macaroni and potato salad. Most everyone got up to bring in the dirty dishes and leftover foods. I did not; it was my birthday. I wasn’t moving. Hey, I do the same for them. When they came back out, Mike was carrying a square present and Pops had one of his own in his hands.

  “Here you go. We all pitched in for this, so you better like it,” Mike said as he handed me the square pink and white striped present that I quickly unwrapped unveiling a brand spanking new laptop.

  “Oh my God! Thank you so much!” and I got up to give everyone a bear hug during my happiness. Any signs of positive emotions are usually not outwardly expressed by me, so when it happens you bett
er like and cherish it.

  Next, Skylar leaned over the table and placed the red present in front of me. “Here. It’s from me and Scott.”

  I opened it and gasped. It was ‘Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix’ book and movie. “This is the best present EVER! Well, tied for the best, or course. This and the computer,” I said as I looked around with an over exaggerated smile trying to satisfy everyone. Skylar leaned back with an accomplished grin and Scott put his arm around her.

  Pops picked up the long package that he had carried out and handed it to me, “One last thing.”

  By the shape of it, I knew what it was. “Oooh, I’m guessing my collection will be getting bigger,” I guessed and then I began to untangle the mess that was surrounding it. Even though, Pops has given me these as presents for ages, he still hasn’t mastered the skill in wrapping them. Out of the mess came an umbrella that was black with yellow stars covering the surface. “I like.” I stated shaking my head up and down.

  “It’s ugly. You and your fucking crazy obsession,” the voice said reappearing after a long hiatus.

  Go away, I thought to myself. Go away, I repeated and occupied my mind by trying to mentally find a space in the house to fit this new additive, until it went away.

  “Thanks so much, Pops.” I said after a moment of silence and I stood up and gave him another hug.

  At that moment, Alex came out trying not to miss a step down the porch while he carried a cake that was ablaze with candles and began a rendition of ‘Happy Birthday’ and everyone else joined in. It didn’t sound good, but it’s the thought that counts. He slowly walked over to where we sat and placed the cake in front of me. I sat there listening, slightly embarrassed and waited for them to finish. When they did I took in a deep breath, closed my eyes, and wished for my life to be filled with happiness and exhaled dramatically causing the fire to extinguish. Brian cut the cake and Alex handed each piece off to someone while Skylar walked around giving a cupcake to everyone. But, not to Sarah; she is watching her figure.

  “Well, I think its game time,” I proudly said after I was finished eating and an echo of “Ugh”s followed. I guess the guys didn’t want to be a part of a ‘Just Dance’ party. “Come on. You guys promised,” I said and I was almost begging.

  “Okay, we did promise,” Elijah chimed in and stood to walk into the house and everyone else did the same.

  Inside, Drew and Evan removed the long couch with the rooster pillows from the family room. Brady and Colin grabbed the small one with the plaid pillows. John picked up the coffee table to put it across the hall to make room for some dancing as I pushed Pops’ recliner to the corner of the room.

  “Let the games begin,” Brian said unenthusiastically as he pushed play on the game system and everyone got into position. The rest of the night was filled with the delight of a bunch of men that couldn’t find the beat and two girls that were showing them how it was done. After that game, we followed it up by a game of bowling on the Wii, in which I won, surprisingly since I typically lose. Then it was time to call it a night. They enjoyed it. I could tell by the look on their faces, but I’m sure this pack of manly men would deny it. Mike walked down the hall to grab his jacket and things from the kitchen and an umbrella happened to be in his path.

  “God damn it! These fucking things!” he swore and kicked it into the corner.

  “Hey, I don’t believe those fucking things grew feet and moved in your fucking way. So, perhaps you should watch where you are fucking going.” I declared with attitude as Mike shooed me away. I will defend them to my death.

  As everyone was leaving I yelled out the weather forecast for tomorrow something that I have always done. “There’s a 55% chance of rain tomorrow” I said as I kissed each person goodbye. “So, be careful and use that umbrella I gave you.” Pops and I, stood on the front porch waving goodbye to them all as they left and I then realized that the voice had been gone for a while now and I don’t feel it lingering and on the verge of speaking. I felt good.

  Pops turned to me and said, “Another piece of cake?”

  “You know me so well.”

  I sat up that night getting used to my new computer and watching ‘Harry Potter’ and I suddenly heard Diablo. That’s weird, I thought to myself. Being that it’s only 3 o’clock in the morning I know for certain it is not Pops. He goes to sleep early and wakes up early. I waited, anticipating hearing another sound, but nothing followed. So, I shrugged it off and went back to what I was doing.

  4

  Two Peas in a Pod

  Darren Levington; Birthdate: July 16th, 1973. He lives at 1463 River Road. He is a baker downtown at Carson’s Bakery. He likes to go golfing and collect shot glasses. He’s 5’9 about 170 pounds, huge beady eyes and has a mustache that he so badly needs to shave. He has a scar above his right eyebrow from when he got in a fight with Bobby Breecher in the 10th grade. He drove a bright canary yellow pickup truck with a bumper sticker that read “Honk if you love pussycats.” Classy, huh? He has a son, Dante, whom he hasn’t seen since the day he was born.

  Oh, and he is the asshole that decided to drink more than his body weight at O’Reilly’s bar and chose to get behind the wheel and slam that Big Bird of a truck into the side of my parents car killing them both instantly. That’s the only good thing about it. They didn’t suffer at all. My life has been consumed by their death with every thought inevitably ending with something to do with them. They left my life when I was 8 years old and there is a gaping hole where they are supposed to be standing. I went to multiple therapists to help me come to terms with what happened, but the hole I have has never been able to be filled. Maybe, they never will be. Or maybe, I’ll find a way to putty it, so it will be superficially repaired.

  It all happened one night when they were invited out to dinner at Giovanni’s by Dad’s friend Jack Garrison and his wife Miranda. My Mom didn’t like him. I overheard Mom and Dad having a disagreement on multiple occasions about him coming over or Dad spending time with him. She didn’t trust him. I remember Mom being nice to practically everyone. The only person I saw her being standoffish with was Mr. Garrison. She liked Miranda, though, but had said that she felt there was something fishy about their relationship.

  The day that it happened I heard mom and dad having a discussion. “Jack invited us?” Mom asked

  “Yes,” Dad said back.

  “I don’t like him.”

  “Here we go again.”

  “Davey, you know how I feel about him. I don’t trust him at all and I don’t like how he treats Miranda, like she is his servant or something.”

  “Can you just push that aside for one night? One night, I’m asking you to do this for me. Let’s just go and enjoy ourselves. If you start feeling uncomfortable then we can leave. Deal?”

  Mom agreed to go. Later that night as she was getting ready and I was sitting on her bed reading a book about a wizard, watching as she was in the bathroom putting on her makeup. She stood in a red colored dress with her perfectly manicured hair flowing down her back.

  “Mom, why do you have to go tonight?”

  “Mr. Garrison invited us and we will be gone for a little bit. You and Pops are going to have fun. He said something about popcorn and movies.”

  “But, you said you didn’t want to go,” as these words left my mouth she turned her head in my direction.

  “Has someone been eavesdropping again?”

  “Maybe,” I said with the look of guilt written on my face.

  “What did I tell you about doing that?”

  “If you don’t want people listening to your conversations then don’t listen to theirs,” I repeated her lecture verbatim with a mocking tone.

  “Exactly.”

  I watched her closely as she put mascara onto her long brown eyelashes and applied her lip gloss one more time. “When can I wear makeup, Mommy?”

  “When you are older?”

  “How old?”

  “30”

&nb
sp; “Mom! That’s too old.” I said with a whiny intonation.

  “Hey, I am well beyond thirty, so watch your mouth.”

  “Seriously, Mom, when?”

  “Maybe, when you are 13. We will see,” she said as she came over to me and sat on the edge of the bed as she put on her black high heels, “Is that better than 30?”

  “Yeah, I guess.” and Dad walked through the door. He wore a pair of black pants and a bright yellow shirt.

  “Ready, Joyce? We’re going to be late.”

  “Yeah, just one second,” she yelled from the closet that she just went into to retrieve her jacket.

  “Dad, you look like a bumblebee.” I giggled as he made his way to the bed to tickle me.

  “A bumblebee, eh? I’ll show you a bumblebee. Buzz, Buzz, Buzz,” he said as he took his pointer finger and pretended it was a stinger and happily impersonated a bee.

  “Hahaha. Mom! Mommy tell Daddy to stop!” I yelled through the short pauses in my laughter.

  “Dave, stop,” she said as she walked out the closet, “Go change your shirt. You look like a bee.”

  “See, Dad, I told you.”

  “Yeah, yeah,” he mumbled as he pulled that shirt off and went to find another one. I heard a noise coming from outside the window and it was all too familiar. I opened the blinds with my fingers and gasped. I spun around and yelled in my mom’s direction and begged her not to go out tonight. She came and stood next to me and repeated the same motions I did.

  “It’s only drizzling. We will be fine and be back before you know it,” she said. Dad came out of the closet once more after trying on a few different shirts that got a negative response from Mom. This time he was wearing a black and gray sweater.