by B. J. Scott
“Go back to sleep, Quinn,” Sheena whispered. “I think his nightmare has passed.”
Quinn scratched his head, then yawned. “He has them often. I wonder why?”
“It is hard to say. Something from his past must haunt his sleep. I’m just glad they come and go quickly. Now lay your head down. It is still the middle of the night.”
She waited for Quinn to settle before reclining. She, too, wondered about Lazarus’s nightmares, but it was none of her affair. However, he had been so kind to her and Quinn, she wished there was something she could do the ease his mind.
Chapter 10
Another sennight passed and Sheena’s condition continued to improve to the point where she only experienced a slight discomfort in her ribs if she laughed too hard. Which she did often since letting her guard down with Lazarus. He’d turned out to be quite humorous, often teasing her and playing tricks on Quinn when the lad least expected it. There were times she laughed so hard, tears streamed down her cheeks.
Lazarus strolled into the croft. “It is a beautiful day. You’re healing so well, it willna be long before you dinna need my help.”
“And then you will leave us,” she said under her breath.
“How would you like to join me and Quinn on an outing today?” Lazarus asked.
“Where?”
“We are going fishing and I thought you might like to come along and get some fresh air and sunshine. I can pack some food and ale for us bring along, too. We will make an afternoon of it.”
“That sounds wonderful. I could use some time outside and a change of scenery. I’m about to go mad looking at these same four walls. And fish for the evening meal would be a real treat.” She combed her fingers through her tangled locks. “A dip in the stream to freshen up would be welcome one day soon as well.”
Lazarus shook his head. “It is still a bit too soon for that. We wouldna want you to catch cold. But you could sit on a rock and dangle your feet in the water if you so fancy.”
“That would be nice. Let me freshen up a bit and get dressed. I’ll join you and Quinn outside in a few minutes.” Sheena rose from the chair.
Lazarus lunged forward. “Do you need help?”
While tempted to play the helpless lass so he would carry her to her bed, she smiled instead, then dismissed him with a flick of her hand and reached for the carved walking stick Lazarus had made for her. “I get around quite well with this, so can manage on my own.” Leaning on the cane for support, she he hobbled toward her bed, and when she arrived, she sat upon the edge.
“If you’re certain there is nothing you need, I’ll go outside and wait with Quinn.” Lazarus turned on his heel and left the croft.
A soft sigh escaped her lips. She was enjoying having Lazarus around far more than she should. But he’d been restless the last couple of days and while he had not mentioned it, her gut told her he might be getting ready to depart.
She dipped her hands into a basin of water on the table beside her bed, then splashed some on her face and neck. After drying with a linen cloth, she brushed and plaited her hair, then rinsed her teeth with a combination of mint and fennel. Once ready to go, she rose to a shaky stance, then using her walking stick, made her way to the door.
“About time you came out,” Quinn said. “I wanted to leave without you, but Brother Lazarus said we must be patient with women. That, unlike men, they need lots of time to primp and fuss over how they look.”
“Is that so?” Sheena cast Lazarus a look meant to show her disapproval. “Quinn doesna need any ideas about women put into his wee head.” She faced her brother. “You simply need to learn some patience and it has nothing to do with women or men. Now, let’s go, the fish are waiting.”
When they arrived at the stream, Sheena wasted no time finding a large rock at the river’s edge on which to sit. She kicked off her slippers, then dipped her toe into the icy water. “It is still quite chilly, but it does feel good once your feet are numb.”
Lazarus laughed. “Just dinna scare the fish.”
“Are you implying my feet are either frightening or that they smell?” She knew he was teasing, but tried her best to play along. “I dinna come with you to be insulted.” She covered her mouth to hide a snicker.
“That is not what I meant,” Lazarus said firmly.
“Aye, he does,” Quinn chimed in, giggling. “Mayhap you should sit upstream.”
“What have we here, a family out for the day?”
Sheena glanced up and Lazarus spun around to face the stranger, but he did not reply.
“Are they biting today?” The man moved toward the lad, then stopped a few feet away. “I used to come here with my da when I was your age. Has your father taught you how to catch the big ones yet?” He glanced over his shoulder at Lazarus.
Quinn peered up at the stranger. “He isna—”
Lazarus quickly stepped between them. “Why not try your luck a little further up the stream? Fish like to hide in the tall reeds.” He placed his hand on Quinn’s back and steered him toward his sister.
“You have a fine family,” the man said. “I dinna recall seeing you before. Are you new to Berwick?”
Lazarus faced the man. “We havena lived here long. But if you will excuse me, I wish to make sure the lad’s line is baited properly.” He turned to walk away, but the man halted his departure by placing his hand on Lazarus’s arm.
“I used to have a pair of trews and a tunic just like this,” the man remarked.
“There are many people with similar clothing. Perhaps we purchased them from the same seamstress,” Lazarus replied.
“Mine were stolen from a tree out back of my croft. I washed them and hung them to dry, and when I went to fetch them, they were gone.” The man moved closer and looked Lazarus in the eye.
“Thank you for the warning. I’ll be sure not to leave my clothes unattended,” Lazarus said. “Now if you have nothing further to discuss, I would like to go and help the lad. Otherwise we may not have any fish for our evening meal.” He turned and strode away.
“I reported the loss to the local magistrate,” the stranger called out. “If yours turn up missing, you might want to do the same. I would also lock your doors at night. There are French soldiers in town asking questions about escaped fugitives they are hunting. I would watch out for them as well.”
Lazarus stopped dead in his tracks, but didn’t turn around. “Thank you for the warning. I’ll keep my head on a swivel,” he replied and continued toward Quinn.
“You do that,” the man said. “Good day and good luck with the fish, laddie.” He paused. “What did you say your name was again?”
“We didn’t. Good day to you too, sir.” Lazarus took the fishing pole from Quinn’s hand. “Let me check your bait.”
After the man was out of sight, Sheena put on her slippers and wandered to where Quinn and Lazarus were standing. “That was an odd encounter. I wonder what on earth he was havering about.” She studied Lazarus for a moment, trying to shake a sudden feeling of uneasiness that washed over her.
Lazarus shrugged, then shook his head, but didn’t look at her when he spoke. “I dinna know, but appreciate his warning. Perhaps we should cut our outing short and return to the hut.”
“But we just got here,” Quinn said then began to pout. He lowered his gaze and kicked at a stone.
“Dinna argue with Lazarus, Quinn. If he says we must leave, then you must mind him.”
Lazarus held up the salmon he’d caught when they first arrived. “We have one fish, but I guess we can stay a little longer. However, if we dinna get a nibble in the next half hour, then we must leave.”
Quinn grinned up at Lazarus. “Oh, thank you. I’m sure there are plenty of fish just waiting for a big fat worm.” He trotted a little further up the str
eam, then cast his line into the water.
“You have gotten awfully quiet all of a sudden, Lazarus. Is there something on your mind you wish to talk about?” Sheena slid her hand over his shoulder, but he shrugged away.
“Nothing is bothering me. But I do think if there are thieves and brigands in the area, we shouldna dally here for long.”
Sheena agreed, but there was something different about Lazarus all of a sudden and she was determined to find out what had caused the change.
They remained at the stream for another half hour, then returned to the croft. Quinn raced on ahead of them, carrying four large fish and a handful of herbs he’d picked.
“I’ll clean our catch then make some dinner.” Lazarus took the fish from Quinn and headed behind the croft.
“Today was fun,” Quinn said. “I hope we can do it again soon.”
Sheena placed her hand on Quinn’s back and gave him a little shove. “Go help Lazarus. I’ll get the fire started and wait for you both inside.”
Sheena leaned back in her chair and rubbed her stomach. “That was a fine meal. However, if I keep eating this way I’ll be as large as a croft.” She glanced at Lazarus’s trencher. “You dinna eat very much. Do you na like fish?”
Lazarus raised his head and their eyes met. “I was not as hungry as I thought I would be. But what I did have was tasty.” He smiled at Quinn. “You caught some nice ones, lad.”
Sheena placed her hand over his and gave it a squeeze. “I know you said everything was fine, but I have a niggling in my belly that tells me something is amiss.”
“Nay. Everything is fine,” he lied. After their encounter with the man from town, he was surprised Sheena had not questioned him further about how he had acquired his change of clothing or the news about the French guard looking for fugitives. But to her credit, she didn’t ask about either.
He stood and began clearing the table. “I’m tired tonight and I might go to bed early.” He looked at Quinn. “You have had a full day. I’d suggest you wash up for the night, while I do the same.”
Lazarus needed a breath of fresh air as well as some time to think, so rather than going to the rain barrel to wash, he wandered into the woods.
The events of the day weighed heavy on his mind and there were decisions he had to make. If the man they spoke to by the stream told anyone about their encounter, it would not be long before the French soldiers got wind of it. Staying with Sheena while she recovered was risky, but to tarry any longer was downright dangerous.
Sheena was now well enough to care for herself. And Quinn had learned a lot about doing chores around the hut. Lazarus had no doubt the lad would be a huge help to his sister from now on. Yet he selfishly wished they could never get along without him.
He’d grown very fond of Quinn and would miss his perpetual curiosity and lighthearted chatter. He admired Sheena in more ways than he could count. Her strength and temerity, not to mention the way she always put Quinn’s and others’ needs before her own only scraped the surface of the truly incredible woman he’d gotten to know. The strong physical attraction he felt toward her grew stronger each day, getting so intense at times that thoughts of making her his own haunted his dreams and occupied his waking hours. The more time they spent together, the more he craved. He hated to admit it, but Sheena was chipping away at the stone wall that guarded his heart. Something he swore no woman would ever do.
The thought terrified him. Not because he didn’t want the responsibility of a wife and son, but because he feared they might be harmed if anyone found out where he was staying. Or worse, that he could never live up to their expectations or those he set upon himself. As much as he dreaded it, he’d leave for the abbey in the morning. But saying goodbye would not be easy.
When he returned to the hut, he was amazed to find Quinn fast asleep.
“His eyes closed the minute his head hit the pillow,” Sheena whispered.
Lazarus turned in the direction of her voice and his breath caught. She was standing before the hearth, wearing only a thin cotton nightrail, the soft glow from the fire casting an almost angelic-like aura around her.
In his opinion, Sheena was the most stunning woman he had ever laid eyes upon, and right now, he wanted her more than his next breath. But he had no right to think of her in that way, let alone act on his desire. To join with the lass, knowing he had to leave would be wrong.
While his body ached for her, they hadn’t known each other very long and a quick, casual tumble beneath the pelts for the sole purpose of sating his needs was not something he’d ever considered. He liked and respected her too much, plus, he wanted the first woman he bedded to be his last.
If he was fortunate to find a lass that touched him on an emotional, physical, and spiritual level—which Sheena did—it would be a match he’d commit to for life. So choosing the right time was imperative. Even if it meant going back outside and taking a dip in the cold stream.
She remained silent, casting a longing gaze in his direction, making his decision to abstain even more difficult. He wished he could read her mind and knew what was in her heart.
A multitude of reasons why he should resist temptation raced through his head, yet when she smiled at him and held her hand out in his direction, he could no longer contain his passion.
Drawn by a force too powerful to ignore, he moved across the room, closing the gap between them. He snaked his arm around her slender waist, and hauled her into his embrace. “Are you sure this is what you want?”
She offered a hesitant nod. But he could tell by the sudden look of trepidation on her face that she wasn’t certain. He’d not force her and if holding her for a few minutes was all he was granted, he’d be grateful for small boons.
He’d never made love to a woman before, celibacy being one of the many vows he’d taken when he became a knight. And after the torture he’d suffered in France, he wasn’t sure he could perform as a man.
But Simon was right when he said that he had changed. Since meeting Sheena, he felt things on a deeper level, found joy in simple things that in the past would never make him smile. He was happy for the first time in his life. She was all he could think about. And when with her, reality faded away. He wanted to throw all caution to the wind, believing that together they could achieve anything. Now that she was in his arms, he never wanted to let go.
As his thoughts focused on what it would be like to enter her on the most intimate level and make her his own, his groin stirred, his heart hammering so hard, he was certain she must be able to feel it against her breasts. The unfamiliar surge of desire now coursing through his veins both frightened and thrilled him at the same time.
Sheena tensed, gasped for air, and began to tremble.
Upon sensing her uneasiness, he loosened his hold on her. “Take a breath, leannan, there is nothing to be afraid of.”
“I believe you,” she said on a breathy sigh, then visibly swallowed. “I never thought I would say this to you, to any man, but . . .” She began to speak, but her voice wavered and she glanced at the floor.
He caressed her shoulder. “What is it you’re trying to say? I hope you know that I would never do anything to harm you.”
“It is not you that I fear, Lazarus, but all men.” She planted her hands on his chest and tried to wriggle free. “I was a fool to think I could do this. I’m sorry. You must think I’m a horrible tease, and that what you have heard about me being a woman of ill repute is true.”
He released her and took a step back, giving her some space “Talk to me, Sheena. Tell my why it is so hard for you to trust me.”
She wrapped her arms around her middle, but refrained from looking at him. “I’m sure you will remember how when you first came to help me, I wanted nothing more than for you to leave. I all but threw you out on your ear.”
“H
ow could I forget?” He held back a chuckle, certain she did not say what she did in jest.
“I guess I was pretty adamant. You must have thought me ungrateful, if not mad.” She smiled, easing the tension between them a little, but her eyes remained downcast.
“For a while now, I have been waging an inner battle.” She drew in a breath before she continued. “One against the growing attraction I’m feeling toward you, Lazarus. It isna something I expected or tried to foster. In truth, I have done everything in my power to fight it.”
Lazarus wanted to scoop her off her feet and carry her to the bed, to do whatever he had to prove he was worthy of her trust and affection, but held back. “Go on, Sheena. I want to hear what you have to say.”
“All the men I have known are selfish, womanizing brutes, who only cared about getting a lass beneath the pelts and having his way with her, whether she consented or not. Or men like my da who believed women were only good for two things, breeding and waiting on them hand and foot.”
Lazarus thumped his fist against his chest. “It wounds me deeply to think that you’d believe I could ever be like those deplorable beasts. I detest men who mistreat a woman or dinna show them anything but the utmost respect. A woman’s love and body are a gift, temples to be worshiped and cherished.”
Lazarus spoke with such sincerity and conviction, she wrapped her arms around his neck and drew him close. “Nay. You’re like no one I have ever met,” she whispered in his ear, then eased back and peered up at him through tear-filled eyes.
He stroked his knuckles along her cheek. “Not all men are cruel, Sheena. Some actually appreciate a woman’s strengths and qualities as much, if not more than their physical attributes.”