So I'm Not a Vampire? (Peaches - A Paranormal Shifter Romance Book 1)

by Rosi S. Phillips

  I looked back to Bane, eyes as wide as they could go. “Seriously? How do you know how to do that?”

  He gave me a funny look, then reached for my heels, kneeled, and started to close the three straps of the heel around each of my ankles. “What are kings before they are kings?”

  A riddle? I looked at Bane’s lowered head as he put my shoes on. It was a weird gesture, but he was also a vampire and Egyptian. “Princes?”

  “Before even that.” His voice was soft, far away, and finally contained that note of ancientness that I’d always expected from a vampire.

  I thought about it. I mean, really tried for this one. “Babies?” I cringed, feeling like that was the wrong answer.

  He looked up at me, and I saw a completely unguarded look in his eyes. I saw power, ancient and massive. I saw dynasties built and destroyed. I saw everything romance novels and TV shows said would be in a vampire’s eyes. The whole span of human emotions, placed beneath a microscope and blown up until every joy and pain I’d ever suffered in life paled to what I saw in his eyes. Apparently, during those five seconds of gazing into Bane’s brown eyes, I became a poet.

  His lips quirked like he was trying to suppress a smile. “Men, habibi.” The words were heavily accented, and I didn’t realize until that moment he’d been speaking with a totally East Coast American accent. “Before kings are kings, they are men, warriors, servants.”

  I reached out, needing to touch Bane and make sure he was real. “Which one were you?”

  The smirk spread into a full-blown smile. “A smart man does not choose one, Peaches. I am all.”

  That American accent was back, and his eyes weren’t speaking to me anymore. There had been a lot of stuff in those few words, a lot of mystery and intrigue I knew I’d have to unpack later.

  He left, and I reached behind me, rifling through my new purchases for a bra and panty set. I zipped up my bustier, pulled on my skirt, and walked out of the bedroom feeling de-licious. We were soon out the door and in that red hot car that went perfectly with my outfit. I had a stupid grin on my face because I had just discovered something better than bathing, TV, and chocolate combined: figuring out Bane.

  Chapter Eight

  I Ain't No One’s Property, But I Am Everyone's Fool

  I know it was probably stupid, but given Bane’s car and my sexy outfit, I sort of thought our entrance would be epic. I pictured us driving up slow, fog all around us as we approached the club. Hoards of people would be standing outside vying for entrance to the party, but every one of them would pause and suck in a deep breath when they saw us.

  Bane would find a spot that fit his Lamborghini perfectly, and then we would get out of the car, a gentle breeze tousling my hair as I looked over the hood at the goth teens and vamp wannabes. Bane would come to my side, wrap an arm around me, and lead me past everyone and straight into the club. A driving beat and way too much alcohol would send us into a dark corner to scrap at each other and duel with our tongues until he spun be around and took me from behind.

  That wasn’t what happened. Not even close.

  “Are you listening, Peaches?” Bane growled for, like, the fifth time.

  “I heard you the first time,” I growled right back and folded my arms angrily over my chest. “I am your servant. If I say I’m not, then I renounce your protection and become an all-you-can-eat vampire buffet.”

  Thankfully, he didn’t take his eyes off the road when he spoke. “They will try to trick you into—”

  “Stop worrying!” If the car hadn’t been so tight and small, and my ass hadn’t been sticking to the seat, I would’ve turned around and yelled at him. “I’ll be fine.”

  His knuckles tightened on the steering wheel, and a tick started in his jaw. Bane swerved fast and I bumped my head against the glass. “Ow!”

  I wanted to punch him when I saw a ghost of a smile appear on his lips. We spent the rest of the car ride in silence. When we finally arrived, there was no fog we emerged from, no line of people anywhere in sight, and I even saw a woman rocking a crying baby as she walked her dog.

  I wished I’d brought a jacket. I wasn’t into flashing little kids my cleavage. “Where are we?”

  “Navy Yard.”

  That meant nothing to me. I stared out the window and looked at the water we were passing and the park in front of it. Apartments and restaurants were on either side of us, and the entire place screamed residential to the max, especially when I saw a building with a sign that proudly announced where a new Harris Teeter was going to be built.

  Seriously? A vampire goth, emo, whatever party was being held here? The place looked better suited for clowns and carnivals.

  Instead of parking in a space that had been crafted just for his car, Bane went down into a parking garage. We reached the second or third level and parked next to an elevator. I hoped we wouldn’t have to walk far, because, while adorable and sexy, my shoes were not meant for walking. I gripped the black faux leather clutch close to me, happy that I’d been able to find some last minute fold up flats in my size.

  I was not willing to ruin my feet even if I was dead.

  Bane got out and I followed suit. It was only then I noticed a kid standing by the elevator in blue jeans and a blue patterned button-down shirt, with a camel brown vest thrown over it. He tipped his fedora at Bane, but barely regarded me.

  The kid stepped forward and spoke without so much as a “Howdi Do”: “Which fruit is a vampire's favorite?”

  I cocked my head and regarded the hipster kid. What kind of question was that? Was it like some kind of password thing? It was probably a blood orange. The word had blood right in it.

  I opened my mouth to answer, but Bane beat me to the punch. “Nectarine.”

  Wrong. Nectarine didn’t have anything to do with vamps; it was definitely blood orange. I turned back to the kid, about to tell him that Bane was stupid and give him the right answer, but the boy stepped aside and let us into the elevator.

  “I am not stupid.” Bane shot me a dirty look as he pushed the button and we went down. “Blood orange is the likely choice. They weed out people who aren’t supposed to be here with that riddle.”

  “Oh.” In a twisted way, that made sense. But it was a very complicated and twisted way. “Can’t people just look it up on their phones or take time to think about it?” The riddle didn’t seem very foolproof.

  Bane shrugged. “They change the password every time. Sometimes it’s a word or a phrase; sometimes you have to finish lyrics to a song. You only get five second from the time the guard asks the question to answer. If you don’t answer within that time, or answer incorrectly, they kill you.”

  My hand went to my throat. That kid had been a guard? He didn’t even look old enough to buy cigarettes, let alone kill.

  Bane’s voice was soft, and his hand curved around my waist and pulled me closer to his side. “Looks can be deceiving, habibi.”

  The elevator stopped and we both got out. All around me was deafening music, writhing bodies, and half naked people. Now this was the club I expected. As we walked further into the melee of bodies, a half naked girl bumped into me, turned in our direction, and threw up in our path.

  I jumped back and hissed. “That’s disgusting!”

  The chick finished retching, looked up at us through her dirty blonde hair, smiled wide, screamed excitedly, and ran back into the crowd. Bane picked me up, stepped over the puddle of vomit, and put me down, and we kept on trucking.

  I was still a little miffed about the throw-up girl, and I was looking at every party goer like they were a volcano waiting to explode. So I didn’t notice when we stopped in front of a silver metal door with a girl in front of it. She was dressed in a slinky black dress with heels that made mine look like flats. Her black hair was pulled to the side in a fishtail braid. She was wearing thick kohl eyeliner and orange lipstick, and she looked like she could fit between the crack of a double door.

  I wondered if we’d have to answe
r another stupid riddle that I’d likely get wrong. But no words were spoken as Bane pulled out what looked like a business card from his back pocket and handed it to the girl. How he managed to stuff anything in those tight leather pants amazed me.

  She looked at it for a second, then glided wordlessly aside. It was that glide that made me think she was a vampire, and the smile that twisted her lips confirmed it, because she’d probably read my mind.

  My creepy meter was starting to beep warnings at me as Bane and I entered a dimly lit, windowless room with about thirty or forty people in it. They were all dressed in similar dark shades and a similar goth vamp style. I knew I’d just stepped into the V.I.V.—Very Important Vampire—room.

  Bane pulled me closer as we stepped fully into the room. I swear the door behind us closed with an ominous creek and that every head turned our way for a split second before everyone turned back and resumed their individual conversations. My creepy meter skyrocketed, and I wasn’t so sure I really wanted to be at this vampire shindig. Maybe Bane was the exception to the rule, and every other vampire in the room wanted to kill me.

  “Peaches.” It was the equivalent of Bane reminding me that everyone could read my mind, and also telling me to shut up.

  For once, I didn’t argue. Instead, I tried to think of the most monotonous, boring stuff I could think about. That wasn’t hard considering I’d been a manager at Kmart. My thoughts were somewhere between chewing out Lisa because she’d been talking to her boyfriend yet again on the job, and ordering some more stock.

  A person—I wasn’t sure if he was a vamp because it was too dark to see his eyes—came to Bane and me, a grin splitting his face. As he got closer, I noticed his skin was Scandinavian white, his eyes bright blue, and his hair surfer boy blonde. My immediate thought was that Hitler would have used him as a poster boy for the Aryan race.

  “Hitler?” Ironically, the man sounded German. “Is that the really best thing you can come up with? I’ve been told I look like a Viking.”

  Damn! I’d figured that thought had been stuffed under boring Kmart stuff. “I’m so sorry—”

  Bane let go of my waist to wrap his arms around the man in a bear hug. “Casper!”

  The friendly ghost? The name fit the dude perfectly. Casper gave me a pointed look over Bane’s shoulder, and I tried to remember I was supposed to be thinking about Kmart things.

  “Who’s the girl?” Casper nodded to me.

  “No one.”

  The hell I wasn’t! Both heads turned to me, and I stared right back. He could call me a servant all he wanted, but I wasn’t no one.

  Casper stepped around Bane and up to me. He began to circle me like I was prey, and even took a big whiff of my scent. Bane had never done that before, and I wondered if Casper did it more out of curiosity or because he wanted me to be frightened. Well, he’d figure out I didn’t frighten easily, and I sure wouldn’t take being prey. Act like prey, get treated like prey.

  So when he finished circling me, I took a brazen step toward him and looked him up and down with the same assessing look he’d given me. Casper wore an Armani suit, with the only thing gothic about him being his jewelry. And he had a lot of it: rings, bracelets, earrings, and a cool looking necklace all with varying designs of fangs and crosses. I even sniffed him. The guy smelled like sex on the beach: not the drink, but the act.

  He smiled at me. “She doesn’t seem to think she’s no one.” He turned to Bane and flashed a bit of fang. “She doesn’t smell like no one, either.”

  I noticed two things right away. The first was the fangs. How couldn’t I notice? But unlike the shows, where only the upper canines grew longer by like an inch or something, both sets elongated like wolf teeth. The bottom set wasn’t as long as the top, but neither had me wanting to stick my hand in Casper’s mouth to see what would happen.

  Then I wondered why I’d never seen Bane’s fangs. Actually, if not for the occasional super speed and his weird eyes, Bane would blend right into society. He didn’t act anything like a stereotypical vampire, and I realized I probably needed to stop stereotyping so much. Only most black men had long schlongs, and only some white people couldn’t jump.

  Getting back on topic, the second thing I noticed was the smell thing. I didn’t smell like no one, but wouldn’t no one just smell like air? I wondered what I smelled like. Was it death, and dirt? Rotting flesh and dye-depositing, chemical shampoo?

  “Sweet wind.” It was Bane who spoke, his eyes trained on me. “You smell like honeysuckle and rain-fresh wind.”

  Wow. That was one hell of a description. I stared at Bane and Casper for a minute, trying to figure the vampires out. Bane seemed the more normal of the two, the one versed in modern culture and able to blend in pretty much anywhere. Casper, on the other hand, gave off this “I’m a centuries old vampire” vibe. He seemed to go perfect with the party, but I doubted he could blend in anywhere else.

  Casper smiled ruefully. “You do know he’s older than me, correct?”

  Actually, I still didn't know anything about Bane except his first name, that he was a vampire, and that he might—or maybe even still was—a king and servant. The man was harder to crack than … something really hard to crack.

  Bane fired something that sounded like Arabic at Casper. The man rolled his eyes at Bane and replied back in the same language. There was a—what was the word?—camaraderie between the men, something that made me think they'd waded through some tough shit together, but with a smile on their faces. They went back and forth for a minute, leaving me completely out of the loop, before a striking blonde came up to the men and interrupted their conversation. And I do mean striking.

  She looked like a mix between Marilyn Monroe and Charlize Theron. Silky blonde hair fell past her butt in curls, a light dusting of natural makeup highlighted her beauty, and her full-length silk black dress looked like it had been poured over her. The woman looked about as goth as I looked virgin.

  “Now boys, you’re not going to be rude, are you?” The woman’s voice was pure Southern honey, even though she looked like some kind of British princess. “You’ve been standing here chatting, and you haven’t even come to say hello.”

  Neither of them looked like they even wanted to say hello to the blonde. Both had guarded looks, and Bane moved right back to my side. That move alone let me know the woman was trouble with a capital T.

  I forced myself to run through all the clothes and jewelry I’d bought for the day. Red Mary Jane pumps. To die for blue diamond drop earrings. This adorable little green clutch with—

  “Luther wants to see you.” The blonde tossed her hair back in a “I’m so sexy. I know I’m too sexy. I know you want me” sort of way.

  “He can see us right here.” Casper raised his hand and waved to someone across the room.

  “Bane.” The blonde drew out the word.

  I rolled my eyes, wondering if it was a vampire thing to draw out a person’s name and say about a hundred things with that one word. See, I was fluent in the name-meaning-another-thing language. Here’s what she really said with that one word: Don’t test me, Bane. And you better control Casper. You have to go; there is no choice. If you don’t go there will be hell to pay. If you don’t listen to me there will be hell to pay. And don’t think that just because we’re at a party, I won’t cause a scene and deliver on all those promises. Now, go!

  "Casper, yalah,” Bane said after a long minute.

  Bane turned to me, leaned down, and kissed my cheek. To everyone else, it probably looked like he was placating me, but his eyes spoke volumes. Just like that one-word-meaning-a-hundred-different-things thing, Bane could do the same thing with his eyes. This is what he told me in that look: Remember what I said. Don’t do anything stupid. Don’t say anything stupid. And be very careful; this one’s dangerous.

  Vampires were such chatty people.

  The men left, and I was stuck with the wicked vampire of the party. Great. Just great.

  The woman
smiled at me, all teeth. “You’re Bane’s new toy.”

  It wasn’t a question, so I didn’t answer it. I was going down my mental list of shoes that I’d bought and how any one of those would have been better than the heels I had on. My fold up flats were screaming for me to put them on, but there was no way that was happening without a chair or someone to hold onto. The buckles were the biggest problem, and since Bane had done them—

  “You’re not very bright, which means you must be a wonderful fuck.” Blonde chick vampire raked me with a dismissive look. “You must let him do anything he wants to you. Otherwise I can’t see why he’d choose you.”