He probably thought she was crazy.
Maybe she was.
The traffic slowed ahead, and Abby braked, easing down to 30 mph. A road construction sign warned there were only two lanes ahead. Great.
Half an hour later she was still in the same slow-moving traffic. She turned on the radio, hoping to improve her mood, but it seemed there was a sale on sappy love songs. She snapped it off.
Boo stirred on the seat beside her, looking out the window. A few minutes later the dog started sniffing around. She hopped down on the floor, her nose still twitching.
“Whatcha doing, Boo?”
The Yorkie crammed her face between the seats, tail wagging. She whined, then looked up at Abby.
“What’s wrong, girl?”
Abby eased ahead at what felt like a snail’s pace. The traffic had picked up, and cars were cutting back and forth across the lanes trying to get a leg up. She supposed it would be well after midnight by the time she got there at this rate. She thought of arriving after dark to her empty apartment. She’d have nothing but Boo and an inflatable mattress for company.
Boo whined louder. She sniffed, her exhales against the carpet as loud as her inhales. Probably some stray french fry. “No, Boo.”
When she’d packed her jewelry box last night, she’d come across the seashells from her first date with Ryan. She’d scooped them from their velvet nest and held them in the palm of her hand. So delicate, smooth from the erosion of the churning sea and sand. She remembered that night like it was yesterday, the nervous tension, the undeniable attraction she’d felt toward Ryan, making her hands tremble, her throat dry. She couldn’t bring herself to throw the shells away.
She gave her head a shake. She had to stop thinking about him.
She started a mental to-do list for tomorrow. First she was going to get up and visit a neighborhood church she’d found online. She winced at the thought of getting up early. But if she was going to do this, she was going to do it right.
She had a hard time believing she’d find a church she liked as much as Gillian’s. Not to mention a friend as great as Gillian. In fact, if she was honest, she was having a really hard time believing this new life would be anything close to what she used to dream of.
Why are you running, beloved?
The whisper of a voice came out of nowhere. A heart-whisper, the kind she hadn’t heard in a long time. Her eyes burned.
Running, God? Is that what I’m doing?
Images of Ryan flashed through her mind. The smile on his face when he’d played with Boo, the spark in his eyes when he’d teased her in the ocean, the tears in his eyes as they’d said good-bye.
A knot coiled in her stomach. She never should’ve let him go. All she’d had to do was say yes, and they’d be together right now, rebuilding their life together. But she’d been afraid. She’d been unaware of her own needs. Her own inner battles. She was aware now. She didn’t know everything. There was still so much to uncover, but was it enough?
Was she crazy for even thinking about it? I’m on my way to another state, God. He doesn’t want me anymore.
But did she know that? Was this move what she really wanted? Or was she running scared?
“God?” She dropped her head against the seat and stared out the windshield as if she might find Him there. What am I supposed to do?
She should’ve asked long ago, back when the job came up for discussion. But she was too busy being angry. She just forged ahead, went after what she wanted. But maybe what she wanted wasn’t necessarily what was best. She’d taken a detour when she’d left Ryan, then she’d kept going, never mind that she may have been on the wrong route.
Okay, God. So here I am in . . . She looked around for a sign. Okay, I don’t even know where I am. But I’m not where I’m supposed to be. And I’m not even sure exactly where that is. And I know it’s really late in the ball game to be asking, but I don’t want to make another mistake.
Boo whined louder, pawing at the floor. “Oh, for heaven’s sake, Boo. It’s not a T-bone.”
An exit loomed ahead, and Abby slid into the right lane. She could dig out the sought-after fry and take Boo for a quick walk. It wasn’t like she was getting far in this traffic anyway.
She pulled into a mom-and-pop gas station that reminded her of the little place she and Ryan had walked to when her car broke down. The memory made her feel so alone. Ryan had always made her feel connected. Was it any wonder she felt so adrift when he was absent from her life?
She put the car in park and turned off the ignition. Boo stopped her pawing and looked up at Abby with hopeful brown eyes.
“Now what could be so important?” She leaned over and rooted under the passenger seat. She came up with a water cap, a pen, and an old Starbucks receipt.
Boo continued to sniff and whine.
“I’m trying.” She stuck her hand back under the seat, reaching deep, fanning across the space, before giving up.
She showed Boo her empty hands. “Nothing there.”
Boo pawed at the carpet. Abby sighed, looking down the crevice between the seats. She reached a flat hand down into the space.
“I hope it’s worth it to you. This is kind of gross.”
Boo wagged her tail, looking at Abby expectantly.
Abby’s fingers latched onto something. She trapped it against the side of the console and slid it up, along with a scrap of paper.
“Aha. This what you’re after?” She held up the doggie treat, and Boo’s tail went spastic. “You want this?”
Boo plopped her rear end down faster than Abby could blink. “Good girl.”
She gave the dog the treat, and Boo snapped it up, jumping onto the seat to enjoy the bone in peace.
Abby moved the paper that had come up with the bone. Only when she turned it over, she saw it wasn’t a scrap of paper at all. It was a photo.
Her heart caught at the image of Ryan dancing with her at her parents’ party. The photographer had captured the moment perfectly. It was a close-up of them in profile. Abby was looking at Ryan’s lapel, a delicate blush on her cheeks. But Ryan . . . his eyes were for her alone, his lashes at half-mast, and there was no mistaking the love that burned there.
All her life she’d longed for a man who looked at her that way, as if she were as vital as his next breath. She’d had it, and she’d let it go. All because she was afraid.
She clenched the photo in her fingers. Is this a sign, God?
There was no answer, only the wild beating of her heart. Her gut told her to start the car and drive toward St. Paul. But her gut, which served her so well in her job, had been the worst of directors in her personal life.
When she thought of continuing this trip, continuing with her plans, she felt only a heavy weight on her shoulders. When she thought of Ryan, of seeing him again, of being held in his arms, of a future together, a thread of hope curled through her.
Is that You, God?
All she knew was she wanted to cling to that thread with everything in her. She wanted to cling to Ryan. She’d learned so much about herself in recent weeks. Was it enough to make a difference this time? Was it enough to make them last?
There was no way to be sure. She couldn’t know the future, and life didn’t come with guarantees, but she knew one thing: she’d never loved anyone the way she’d loved Ryan. If there was a chance, no matter how small, that he’d have her back, wouldn’t she be a fool not to take it?
She set the photo down and wrapped her fingers around the steering wheel. Was she really going to do this? If she was, she needed to be all in. A phone call wasn’t enough. There was too much that needed to be said, and it needed to be said in person.
Heart beating wildly, she reached for the keys, still dangling in the ignition. “Hold on, Boo. Change of plans. We’re going back.”
Chapter Thirty-Five
RYAN SHIFTED IN THE PEW AS PASTOR ADAMS ADDRESSED PJ and Cole. The preacher expounded on the duties of a husband and wife as the hap
py couple stood shoulder to shoulder in front of him.
His sister had had a whirlwind engagement, not quite two months, but she and Cole had been working together in that house for over a year. He supposed they just wanted to be married already.
Across the aisle the four teens from Crossroads fidgeted in their nice clothes. They’d only been at the house since July, but PJ had already taken to the two girls. They’d both been in foster care most of their lives and had nowhere to go when they’d aged out of the system. Cole was doing a good thing for those kids.
The family had been suspicious of Cole in the beginning. He’d had a rough upbringing, and he’d been PJ’s competition for the house. Then he’d made a misstep and found himself on the wrong side of the law. If Cole was patient enough to win the McKinleys over after such a bad start—and he had been—he was worthy of PJ.
The couple began their exchange of vows. PJ’s voice wavered quietly with emotion. It would be a miracle if she made it through the ceremony without going into the “ugly cry,” as his sisters called it.
Beside him, Mom blotted tears with a crushed tissue. Dad slid his hand over hers.
After the vows came the rings. Ryan watched his baby sister place the ring on Cole’s finger. “With this ring I thee wed.”
The groom’s jaw flinched with emotion as he looked into his bride’s eyes. His love for her was right there for everyone to see—in his eyes, sparkling unashamedly with tears.
Ryan remembered well what he’d been feeling when he’d stood at the very same altar. Like he was the luckiest man in the world. Initially Abby’s pregnancy had shaken him, but once it had sunk in, he’d been nothing but excited for their life together. He’d meant every vow he’d spoken, and he’d thought Abby had too.
He never dreamed it would all come unraveled in a few short years. Sometimes he still couldn’t believe it.
He swallowed against the achy knot in his throat. He missed her so much. It had been over seven weeks since they’d parted. He hadn’t called her since his fruitless trip to Indy, though he’d dialed her number half a dozen times.
He reminded himself what Daniel had said, what his mom had said. He couldn’t change Abby’s mind. So he prayed for her instead. He prayed for God’s will, and he tried really hard to leave it at that.
But a time or two, during weak moments, he’d searched for her on the web. Abby wasn’t on the social networking sites, so the information he’d found was minimal. Last week, though, he’d come across a major piece of news that had left him tossing and turning ever since.
An Indy business journal had reported Abby’s promotion. It had even given a date—easy to remember because it was today, PJ’s wedding day. Her picture had been beside the brief paragraph, one he’d never seen. She’d looked so beautiful, so untouchable in that photo.
In direct contrast with the photo he’d taken at the shack. He still pulled out his phone and looked at it every day; he couldn’t help himself. Her face had been smeared with dirt from the ATV ride, and the helmet had mussed her hair. But her smile stole the photo, and the sparkle in her green eyes was so mesmerizing he had trouble looking away.
The news of her promotion had felt like a kick in the gut. Ryan wondered all morning if her ugly yellow car was already packed full of her things. If she was, even now, loading Boo and heading toward St. Paul, to a life far away from Ryan.
He could feel her slipping even further away, and the knot in his throat tightened until he could hardly swallow.
The pastor’s voice caught his attention. “By the powers vested in me by the state of Indiana, I now pronounce you husband and wife. Cole, you may kiss your bride.”
Cole gathered PJ in his arms, sharing a smile meant only for her, then he gave her a slow, chaste kiss. When they parted, they had eyes only for each other.
Up front, Madison dabbed her eyes while Mom sniffled beside him.
Pastor Adams cleared his throat, setting his hands on the newlyweds’ shoulders. “May I now present to you . . . Mr. and Mrs. Cole Evans.”
The small gathering applauded, standing, as PJ and Cole made their way down the aisle, looking happier than any two people had a right to be.
Moments later the church vestibule got loud as the guests congratulated the couple. By the time Ryan reached the town hall, his jaw was stiff and achy from the forced smile.
He found a table in a shadowed corner with Beckett, who was waiting for Madison to return from pictures at the church. Jade, Daniel, and the twins sat down with them a few minutes later.
“Who’s doing pictures?” Beckett asked Jade.
“Jessie Brooks.”
The same woman had served as his and Abby’s photographer. It had been her wedding gift to them. On his first anniversary alone he’d wondered what had happened to their photos. They’d looked at them after the wedding, but he hadn’t seen them since. He couldn’t imagine Abby wanting to take them with her.
He’d found them during his move to the new house last spring. At some point Abby had put them in an album. She’d wrapped it in tissue paper and tucked it in a box in the back of their closet.
“What’s with the long face?” Beckett asked over the country music filtering through the hall.
Ryan tilted his lips up. “Just lost in thought. Wonder how long the pictures will take.”
“Small party. Won’t take long.”
Mia started wailing, and big crocodile tears flowed down her face. Daniel said something in Jade’s ear, then scooped her up. “Come on, Peanut. Let’s go for a walk.”
Jade leaned toward Ryan and Beckett. “Mia missed her nap today. It’s not too late to find another table.”
“I’m not afraid of a little racket,” Ryan said. Maybe it would keep his mind from wandering.
“I plan to spend my evening dancing with my wife,” Beckett said, glancing at the door.
“Maybe I’ll get some dancing in too,” Jade said. “If we can find a sympathetic family member to help with the girls.” She blinked innocently at Ryan.
“Sure, why not?” He wasn’t planning to dance. Who would he ask?
The main doors opened and Madison strolled in, followed by their parents, Cole’s foster parents, best man Seth, and finally, the bride and groom.
A round of applause and a few piercing whistles broke through the blaring music.
Beckett set down his punch glass, his eyes glued on Madison. “Excuse me, folks. I have a date with my beautiful wife.”
Ryan couldn’t miss the way Madison’s face lit up when Beckett swept her onto the dance floor. No one would ever guess they’d started as adversaries. The odds had been stacked against them, what with Madison’s lingering grief over the loss of her twin and the race to win the regatta. Somehow it had all worked out.
Across the table, Ava squirmed in her seat, reaching toward Grammy. When Jade let her down, Ava toddled across the floor in her fancy dress. Mom swooped her up and gave her a big kiss.
Nearby PJ tucked her hand into her groom’s arm, looking up at him adoringly as they started making the rounds.
“She looks gorgeous,” Jade said. “That tiny waist and flat tummy . . . I remember those days.”
Ryan rolled his eyes. “Stop fishing for compliments. You know you’re still skinny.”
Jade shot him a look. “Sheesh, what’s wrong with you?”
“Oh, I don’t know. I just watched the last of my siblings enter the state of wedded bliss. Meanwhile the love of my life is on her way to St. Paul, Minnesota, as we speak.”
Jade’s face softened. “That’s today?”
He nodded. Why had he brought that up? He didn’t want to talk about it, and he sure didn’t want Jade’s pity.
“I’m sorry.”
“No you’re not.”
Jade scowled at him. “Yes, actually, I am.” She pushed her bangly bracelets up her arm. “Look, I know I wasn’t exactly supportive of your marriage. And I definitely wasn’t too thrilled about Abby coming back into your life. B
ut I’ve realized lately that I wasn’t being fair. PJ’s talked to me about the things Cole went through as a child. The loss of his family, foster care . . . It’s left its scars. I guess when you come from a loving family like ours it’s kind of hard to relate to someone who didn’t.”
“Yeah, well. It doesn’t matter now anyway.” It wasn’t like Abby would ever be a part of his life again.
Jade gave him a sad smile. “I just wanted you to know I’m sorry. I was judgmental. I didn’t really give her a chance, and I’m sorry for that.”
He met Jade’s eyes and saw nothing but sincerity. “Thanks.”
A new tune started, kicking the party up a notch. Daniel brought Mia back to the table and took his wife to the dance floor, leaving the little girl with Ryan. He occupied Mia with a handful of Cheerios, and she charmed everyone who passed their table.
The evening commenced with the toasts; the dinner, catered by PJ’s staff; and the cake cutting. Then there were the first dances and the tossing of the bouquet and garter.
Somehow Ryan found himself on the receiving end of the latter. He posed for a picture, letting the garter dangle from one finger, cognizant of the fact that it had recently encased his sister’s thigh. The woman who’d caught the bouquet, an employee at PJ’s restaurant, was somewhere in her fifties and couldn’t keep her hands to herself. It was the lowlight of his evening.
The party started winding down shortly after that. He offered to help with cleanup, but was relieved when his mom told him they were saving it for tomorrow afternoon.
The happy couple finally made their grand exit, with sprays of birdseed and well-wishes, then they were off for a short honeymoon in Bloomington. Mom was going to stay at the Wishing House to oversee Crossroads in Cole’s stead. In a few days they’d return, and everything would be back to normal.
Somehow the thought only tightened the knot in his stomach.
Chapter Thirty-Six
ABBY’S HEART THRASHED AGAINST HER RIBS AS SHE pulled into Chapel Springs. Her shallow breaths dried her throat where a lump had been lodged for an hour. She couldn’t believe she was here. Couldn’t believe she was about to do this.
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