Tracy didn't have a clue what her friend was going through and couldn't be much help. She hadn't done much of anything besides listen and Keisha was hesitant to share most of the time. It had only been a few weeks since Keisha found out she was pregnant and she had gone to the initial consultation alone. Before Tracy knew it the appointment date was made and had arrived.
Keisha's belly was the same size it had always been. It was not like she was ever a small girl, but nothing looked different about her besides her moods. She had not been eating any more or craving strange foods. She was always complaining about being queasy which was probably what kept her from eating.
The girls arrived at the same free clinic Tracy had visited just about a month before for her birth control pills. The same receptionist greeted Keisha while Tracy sat in an empty seat. The room didn't feel as small as it had when she was there for her own appointment. It looked like a peaceful space. There were just as many couples and single girls sitting there waiting for their appointments as the last time. Tracy wondered how many of them were there for abortions.
A few of them looked like they could be older than nineteen, but most were her age. The girls came from all different backgrounds, but most of them shared the same worried look. The few guys who were in the room supporting their girlfriends kept their heads down. They flinched nervously whenever a nurse entered to call the next name.
Keisha kept grabbing her stomach and Tracy pretended not to notice. They waited there for what seemed like an eternity before Keisha's name was called.
"I'll be right here."
Tracy clutched Keisha's jacket while her friend left the waiting area. The television was playing daytime talk shows which proved to be a great distraction. Three different shows went off before a nurse practitioner came out to talk to Tracy. The tiny woman informed her that the procedure went well and her friend was resting for a moment before she would be ready to leave. She spoke slowly making sure Tracy confirmed she understood everything she said, She needs to visit the pharmacy and pick up her prescription today, Are you going to make sure she gets home okay? She is not driving, correct? Tracy nodded until the woman was satisfied.
It was all very surreal—sitting there discussing Keisha's postoperative plan. Tracy never imagined she would have to help her friend through this. Just a few months ago they were both virgins cursing the existence of every boy they knew, but a lot had changed. Tracy was glad she had gotten the shot before sleeping with Terry. She felt guilty right away for thinking it, but she couldn't help herself. Tracy wasn't ready for a baby and neither was Keisha. Thank god she made the appointment before anyone else found out.
Keisha appeared in the doorway walking stiffly toward the receptionist's desk. She looked groggy. The two girls walked back to the bus stop without a word. The silence was killing Tracy. They were quiet inside the pharmacy until Keisha was forced to speak to the woman behind the counter.
Tracy couldn't help but feel embarrassed. It felt like the whole world knew what they had just done. That was impossibly ridiculous, but it didn't stop Tracy from thinking it. All eyes were on them. The old woman in the pharmacy knew they were up to no good. Why else would two teenaged girls be in there collecting prescriptions? Did the pharmacist recognize the prescriptions? Girls must have come in for these all the time, but Tracy felt the need to hide, rush, and protect Keisha until they were out of the store.
After they got the antibiotics and pain medication they walked back to Keisha's house. Every step seemed like it hurt. If Tracy could have carried Keisha she would have, but there was no way they would make it five steps.
Brandon was not outside when they passed by his house. Tracy wanted to strangle Brandon. He didn't knock her up, but she wanted to bash her fist into his head like he had. What kind of guy would leave his girlfriend like that without asking any questions? He must have known and if he didn't know how could he be so stupid? Keisha lied on the couch after taking all the pills and fell asleep before Tracy could say goodbye.
It had been a few days since Tracy saw Terry. The visit to the clinic was still so vivid in her mind. Keisha had been distant, but Tracy kept calling to check on her. Her sister Donna claimed she was doing fine, but it was obvious that Donna was unaware of the gravity of the situation. How Keisha kept a secret that big for that long was a mystery, but it was time to get out of the house and try to think about something else.
The guys were having a barbeque across town and Terry had agreed to bring her and introduce her to his friends. She tried to find an outfit that looked mature, but she was not exactly sure if she had anything that resembled that. Dresses seemed universal and Terry liked when she wore dresses. Tracy thought her legs were too skinny to show, but the heat justified wearing them.
They pulled up to a housing project near the center of town. The buildings lined the river and were infested with rats in the nineties, but everyone said they had been cleaned up since then. It was not often that Tracy visited this part of town because none of her family lived in the area anymore, but she tried not to judge.
"You getting out?" he asked.
"Yes."
Tracy bit her lip and pushed the door open. She began to wish she had not agreed to go to the barbeque at all, but she wanted to spend time with Terry. Now she was stuck with no other way to get home.
The barbeque was being held in the square in front of the apartments. There were barbeque pits coming up out of the pavement. A few benches surrounded the area, but none of it looked inviting.
When Terry greeted his friends they were lively. He introduced Tracy as "his girl." As he spoke everyone stayed focused on her. She wished she had worn jeans or shorts like the middle aged woman sitting near the grill.
"I'll be right back, babe."
Terry walked off with one of his friends leaving Tracy standing awkwardly in the square. She smiled at the ladies sitting down. They shot her a few fake grins and went back to their huddle. Tracy turned to the guys left standing around the grill, but they didn't acknowledge her. Nobody wanted her there and she felt out of place. Why did Terry want to bring her to this thing? It was humiliating.
Terry returned to Tracy's side before long. She felt better having him there because nobody else wanted to talk to her.
"You hungry?"
She had lost her appetite, but there was nothing else she could do at the event.
"A little."
Terry led her to the food table. Some of the meat was done and there were sides waiting. The women hissed among themselves while Tracy fixed herself a plate and they stared at her when she sat down. Terry didn't seem to notice how out of place she felt. It was going to be a long barbeque.
Chapter 3
Tracy hadn't heard from Terry in days. She expected to see him hanging out with his friends at the corner store, but he wasn't there. Tracy continued down the street to meet Sean at his grandmother's house. She found him sitting on the front porch.
"Hey," Tracy said.
"Hello."
"It's so hot."
"I know. I'm dying. Where have you been?"
"Home. I'm trying to stay in the air conditioning as much as possible."
"I know. Are you still talking to that guy?"
"I don't know. I haven't heard from him in a few days," Tracy said.
"Really? What happened?"
"Okay, so he took me to this barbecue a few days ago to introduce me to his friends, but I don't think they liked me."
"What did you do?"
"Nothing! The guys seemed decent, but the women hated me. Most of Terry's friends are my mother's age. I was kind of scared she was going to pop up."
"What? How old is Terry?"
"Twenty-two."
Tracy whispered in order to keep Sean's grandmother from overhearing the conversation through the screen door.
"Welp."
"I know. It's bad but he is so nice."
"Don't get me wrong. I know why you want him. He has a nice car, a little
money, he takes you everywhere, whatever. What I don't understand is why he wants you? I mean, aren't there plenty of girls his age? I just don't get it."
"We met so randomly. I think it was just a coincidence."
"Bitch, I was there! He knew you were in high school. You told him the first day you met."
"I told him I was a senior. He thinks I'm seventeen going on eighteen soon."
"Is that really any better?"
Tracy thought it was. Seventeen was old enough to consent. Terry was a nice guy. If he knew how old Tracy really was he probably wouldn't have asked her out.
"There's a girl in my class who's dating this guy. He is like twenty-one or something. They've been dating a few years, but I just don't get what the guys get out of it. Why don't they like women their own age? You don't think that's weird?"
"Maybe women their age don't like them. I don't know."
"It's all very bizarre to me. I get it from our side but not from theirs."
"We don't really talk about things like that. I don't even think we have all that much in common. So it isn't a great loss or anything. I was just lonely and we had fun together. No big deal."
"So that's it?"
A silver car passing by caught Tracy's attention. She thought it was Terry but realized it wasn't the right emblem on the back. She checked her phone for any missed texts, but he still had not responded. Carrying the phone around was pointless if he wasn't calling her.
"I guess. It wasn't like it was true love or anything. I'm not mad."
Sean looked at Tracy with eyes that showed her he was not buying it. She had begun to develop feelings for Terry, but she was not in love. There was nothing she could do at this point but wait. It was probably best to shift the conversation away from her personal life.
"Are you dating anyone?" Tracy asked.
"No. I don't have time for the games. I really haven't been out much anyway."
"It kills time."
"Have you heard from Chloe?"
"I talk to her a lot, but I haven't seen her in weeks. You know she has cheerleading practice now. So she's always hanging out with the team."
"True. I'm going to St. Louis for a couple weeks to hang out with my aunt."
Tracy's heart dropped when she heard the revelation. There were still two weeks left in the summer and she would have nobody to hang out with until school began.
"Oh no! You were my last hope," Tracy said.
"You still have Keisha."
"Not really. . . ."
"Why not?"
"She is a little preoccupied."
"I don't even want to know."
"No, probably not."
"I'll be back the weekend before school starts and I'll still call you when I'm down there. It's only a couple weeks."
It was clear that the end of the summer was going to be a drag, but Tracy wanted to enjoy what was left of it. She knew she would miss it once the homework and projects started in September.
When Tracy returned to her grandmother's house, her mother and grandmother were chatting in the garden. She took a seat on the porch swing and listened to her them fuss over weeds. Her mind was focused on what she would do for the rest of the summer without any of her friends.
After her mother grew tired of arguing they retreated to the car and headed home. On the way, Janet stopped at the gas station down the street from their house to fill up. Tracy jumped out to go into the store. Inside she waited for the clerk to return to the register so that she could pay for the fuel.
"Hey!"
A voice came from behind Tracy's back. She swiveled around to see who they were addressing and realized it was Sabrina. Tracy had met Sabrina at summer camp a year before. The two of them shared a cabin and had spoken periodically since, but when Sabrina got involved with her ex she stopped calling.
"Hi!" Tracy said.
"How are you?"
"Good. How have you been?"
"Really good. I just came to pick up some milk for my mom. You still have the same number?"
"Yeah, you should call."
The clerk returned to take the cash and rang up Sabrina's bill as well, but the girl lingered.
"I know. I've just been so busy. . . .I gotta go bring this to my mom, but I'll have to call you and catch up."
"Yeah. Sounds good."
Tracy watched Sabrina leave the store and disappear around the corner. She had wondered what had happened to Sabrina since they last spoke, but did not want to intrude on her life. Sabrina was a free spirit and she did not like to be tied down. Tracy knew this about her, but the girl was fascinating. There weren't many people she knew that dressed and acted like Sabrina. She walked around not caring what anybody thought.
Janet got back into the car as Tracy walked up to open the door. Tracy passed her mother the change and receipt from the clerk.
"Who was that?"
"Sabrina."
"Oh that's Sabrina? She's a weird one."
Tracy laughed at her mother's twisted expression. It was how most people thought of Sabrina. She wore flowy skirts, huge bangles, and gigantic plastic earrings. Her hair was curly and wild, but it fit her personality.
At camp the girls in their cabin laughed at her feminist ideas because she was too young to know about half of the experiences she spoke of. Most of it went over their heads. Sabrina's mother was an activist and Sabrina was determined to be just like her. So she soaked up poetry and books on women's rights. Nobody their age could ever understand that. Tracy did not understand it either, but she enjoyed watching Sabrina's passion flow out of her.
"That's my friend from camp," Tracy said.
"I know who she is. She used to call all the time. I've never seen anybody call every hour on the hour. That girl is something else. I would have never guessed she looked like that."
"She always looks like that."
"I just didn't picture that. She has some pretty hair though."
Janet drove into the garage and parked. Tracy went inside to get settled on the couch. She looked through her cell phone and the caller ID on the home phone, but there were no missed calls. Terry had forgotten about her. She wondered how long it would be before her cell phone was shut off completely. She was glad the split wasn't as dramatic and drawn out as her last break up. It sucked to be alone, but it wasn't the end of the world.
When Tracy woke up the next morning her mother was still gone. Her hours had shifted and she was going in and staying at work later. Tracy ordered take-out and turned on a movie. She tried calling Keisha, but she still was not talking much. The movie was not on long before Tracy was dozing off. Before she could sleep too long the doorbell was ringing. Tracy got up to answer the delivery boy, but opened the door to see Sabrina.
"Hey! I hope it is okay that I dropped by. I was on my way to the park and thought you might want to go?"
Tracy was shocked to see Sabrina again. It was a pleasant surprise.
"Sure. I ordered some food. So once the delivery guy gets here we can leave."
Tracy opened the screen door to let Sabrina in the house and led her to the living room.
"Your house is so nice. I've never been inside before," Sabrina said.
"Thanks. You still live in the same place?"
"Yeah."
The two girls sat down on the couch. Tracy was still tired but happy to have some company.
"So how is everything? The last time we spoke you were getting back with your ex," Tracy said.
"Oh no. He is long gone."
"What happened?"
"It just wasn't working. He wanted to date other people and so I said I wanted to do the same, but he was not interested in that."
"What's the point if you're both seeing whoever you want?"
"I didn't mind him sleeping around as long as I could do the same, but he did not like that part."
"I imagine he did not."
Sabrina laughed. The girls watched television until the doorbell rang again. Tracy could see a guy stan
ding in front of the screen. She went over to pay him and returned with the food.
"What have you been doing since I last spoke to you?" Sabrina asked.
"Not much. Just school, you know?"
Tracy looked down at the plate on the table.
"No boys? No girls?" Sabrina laughed.
"No. Well, one guy, but it didn't last long."
"Why not?"
"My mother didn't like him. So it was hard to keep seeing him after she found out. Plus, I started going to a new school and it was just too much for him."
"Did you love him?"
Tracy looked at Sabrina not sure how to answer. She did not want to make her angry, but she could not think of anything else to say.
"Yes. I guess I did."
"I love my ex, too. He's a jerk, but I still love him. Sometimes I think he will be back. Maybe your guy will come back too."
Everything Sabrina was saying confused Tracy. She couldn't tell if she was looking for friendship or trying to rekindle an old flame. Everything about her was bold and flirtatious, but that was also how she behaved naturally.
"Maybe he will," Tracy said. "I doubt it though."
Tracy knew Sabrina was stronger than her, but she felt the need to protect her feelings. She had missed her before and did not want to lose her again—as a friend and possibly more. Tracy sat back on the couch wondering if they were still going to the park. Sabrina moved closer and stared at Tracy until she turned to face her. Tracy saw Sabrina's giant eyes fluttering. Sabrina pulled Tracy's hands toward her and placed them on her thighs. She kissed her cheeks and lips gently. Tracy thought she should pull back but didn't. The feeling was familiar.
They stared at each other until Sabrina came forward to kiss Tracy again, but she stopped when she heard the sound of the garage door. Tracy looked up to see her mother's car passing the window. She got up to put the food away before her mother could complain.
Janet walked in on the phone and greeted her daughter and her friend.
Moving On Without You Page 3