After my scalding hot shower brings no clarity whatsoever, I pull on a casual long-sleeve black dress with buttons at the top. I leave them undone, let one side fall off my shoulder, and pull my sleeves up my forearms.
Now that enough time has passed and I’m sure everyone has gone out to brunch or something, I walk back into my room. I discover that I’m not so lucky.
“Oh, you’re still here.”
Olivia has taken up post on the edge of my bed, facing Carson who is still cross-legged on her mattress.
“Yeah, I wanted to come talk to you about last night. I hope you’re not still mad at me.”
“Mad at you? For what?” Maybe she has some insight into what happened last night.
“You don’t remember? Crap, I shouldn’t have said anything. You were pissed.”
“I’m about to be pissed all over again. Spill.”
“Okay, well, last night got a little out of control. You went back into a private room with some guys to do I don’t know what and I was nervous for you. Carson tried to stop you, but you wouldn’t listen to reason.” She’s wringing her hands in front of her and avoiding my gaze. “Your sister had nothing to do with this, I want you to know that. It was all me.”
“What was all you?” The words erupt from between clenched teeth. I’m beyond frustrated and want her to get on with whatever the hell she did. At this point, I don’t care, I just want to know.
“I found you in the back room. You were doing coke with about three guys and I couldn’t leave you there alone, but I was scared. Carson didn’t know what was going on and I didn’t want to drag her into this scene so, I, uh, well, I called your brother.”
For fuck’s sake. Why is she always calling Lucas to tattle on me? “But he was at his bachelor party.”
“Wow, you really don’t remember.” She rubs a hand over her forehead. “He and his friends came to take you home. He was not happy you put yourself or me in that situation. I had most of the other girls with me, but we couldn’t get you to leave. I didn’t know what to do.”
“But that’s still like, four hours of time missing if Carson left around one and I didn’t get back to the room until five.”
“No, it wasn’t that bad. You see, by the time Luke showed up, you were all over this one guy, one of the dancers. We had to fight to get you to come with us, but Lucas scooped you up and threw you into the car. By the time we got back to the apartment, you’d all but forgotten about the guy you were with. You kept saying something about Liam and if he could sleep with his ex you could get laid too? You weren’t making a lot of sense. We plied you with coffee and water and made sure you weren’t going to pass out and get sick. Luke stayed for a while to make sure you didn’t kill me; like I said, you were furious, screaming about how sisters were supposed to watch out for each other, not tattle. But I want to be clear when I say this was me looking out for you and—”
“Yeah, yeah, I got it. Keep going.”
“Okay, right, anyway you were wired, pacing the room, nonstop on your phone and then around five you literally said out loud ‘I’ve had enough’ and stormed off to bed. It’s like Luke and I weren’t even here. He left to get some sleep and I passed out in my room after you went to bed.”
I’m quiet for a long time, not sure what to say. My emotions are split a million ways. Part of me wants to thank her for not leaving me and I’m even a little grateful she called my brother, not that I’ll tell her that. Another part of me is upset and she doesn’t think I’m responsible enough to take care of myself. I’m an adult, for Christ’s sake. A third part of me is wallowing in guilt knowing I was all over another guy and also knowing I ruined Olivia’s bachelorette party and she spent the night taking care of me instead of enjoying herself.
Then there’s the biggest part of me that is terrified to look at my phone. Liv said I was on it nonstop all night. There’s only one person I would’ve attempted to contact, especially with how pissed off I was.
I pinch the bridge of my nose and swallow my pride knowing what I have to do. With a deep breath, I say the words I never in a million years thought would ever come out of my mouth.
“Shit, Liv, I’m sorry. You should’ve been the one doing coke with strippers, not babysitting me.” Her face contorts. I wouldn’t peg her for the coke-head type, but you never know. “Th-thanks for calling Luke.” The words are a mere whisper, but the room is dead silent; I know she heard me.
“You’re welcome?” She’s unsure what to say, and I don’t blame her. “And don’t worry about it. It was almost like practice for kids, watching after you last night.”
“Well, if you’re lucky, your kids won’t turn out like me.” I dig into my sister’s bag and grab the bottle of Advil shoved to the bottom. I pour four pills into my hand and swallow them all with a large glug of water.
I notice how quiet the room is. I know this is why Carson never wants me around her daughter. Clearing her throat, my sister sits up straight on her bed and a small smile pulls at her lips.
“So…your boyfriend’s name is Liam?” Sonofabitch.
In my drunken haze last night, I talked about him. If Liv and Luke heard it and now Carson knows…I can’t let them tell Mom. She knows my therapist’s name is Liam. Sure, I could probably convince her it’s a coincidence, but it’s not something I feel like dealing with right now. Or ever.
“How did you meet him?” I sit down on the far corner of the bed away from my sister and future sister-in-law.
“Can the three of us make a sister promise and keep this a secret? Look, I’m not ready for Mom or Daddy to find out about him yet, not even his name.” I hope by preying on their emotions that they cave and take this to the grave. “That goes for Luke, too,” I point at Olivia, hoping she catches my drift. She nods, but Carson isn’t as easy to convince.
“Sure, but if we’re having a full-blown sister moment, you still need to spill.” On a groan, I agree—somewhat. I tell them a very basic story of how we met at a bar and his ex is a nightmare which is why I was so upset after I called him last night and discovered they were together.
“Look, Flynnie, I know we haven’t had the easiest relationship for most of our lives, but I’m still your big sister and if you ever need anyone to talk to, know I’m always here for you.” Her prolonged eye contact and motherly smile is freaking me out.
“Me too. I already consider you both to be my sisters.” Liv gets all emotional with tears welling in her eyes and I need to get out of this love fest as soon as possible.
“Uh, sure, thanks. I don’t know about you guys, but I’m starving.” I’ll do anything to get out of this moment and out of this house right now.
We gather up the rest of Olivia’s friends and head to a brunch place on the pier with a killer view of the ocean. Most of us could’ve probably spent the night at home, but we wanted easy access to the beach and to all be together. No, let me rephrase that—Olivia wanted us all to be together. And who needs access to the beach right now? We live here. We can go to the beach when-fucking-ever. We should’ve gotten out of town, flown to Vegas, done something actually fun and wild. It’s a bachelorette party for fuck’s sake.
I would’ve been fine Uber-ing home, but my mother insisted I spend quality time with my sisters. I’m sure she wouldn’t be happy with how the night turned out and considering big sis can’t keep a secret, Carson is sure to spill the deets.
The girls all get mimosas and toast to Liv and Luke and how they’re so excited for the big day. I roll my eyes and do all I can to not puke at the sappiness of it all. It’s also not lost on me when Liv makes a big speech to all her friends but doesn’t take a sip of her drink.
Fifteen
Liam
“Flynn?”
“Do you always answer the door like that? No wonder random women are here answering your phone.” She pushes past me into the apartment. It’s not like I answered the door in the nude; I’m wearing sweatpants.
“Can we not do this right now?
I’m exhausted.” I never went to bed after Miranda left last night. I had too much on my mind and I’m still spiraling from our encounter. The last thing I need right now is Flynn to have a mental breakdown.
“When would you like to discuss it then? The next time she’s here while you’re mid-fuck?” Her voice is shrill and frankly, it’s giving me a headache. There’s only one option to get her to shut up.
I walk to the wet bar and pour two drinks. I hand her one glass and down the other. “There’s a lot I need to tell you, but you need to promise me you won’t run or freak out.” She nods, though I’m not sure I totally believe her. I inhale and exhale slowly, trying to find the words. They’re heavy and bitter in my mouth. On another exhale, I utter the four words that break my heart. “I had a daughter.”
She chokes on her liquor. “You have a daughter?” So much for not reacting poorly. Her eyes are searching, as if she’s trying to figure out all the details on her own.
“No, I had a daughter. Emily. She passed away several years ago now.” This isn’t something I talk about much and even after all this time it hasn’t gotten any easier.
“Oh my God. I’m so sorry, Liam. What happened to her?” She grimaces at her words, but I understand what she meant. There’s no easy way to ask that.
“Leukemia. She was five. Miranda and I went to grief counseling for a while afterwards, but we were never the same. We grew apart and she cheated and left. I can’t put all the blame on her—I became distant and turned my focus to work. I couldn’t stand to be in the house, to be around all the memories.”
“My sister lost someone to cancer too. Her boyfriend, father of her child, whatever you wanna call him. It’s been years now and she got married to someone else, but it’s still hard on her too.” She rubs my back now, her anger from earlier dissipated.
“I had just opened my own practice and was working a lot when Emily started complaining. At first, I thought she just wanted attention. I blew it off for too long. If we’d taken her to the doctor sooner, maybe…”
“You can’t think like that. I know you did everything you could to help her.”
“She was stage four when we took her in. She got six more months before we lost her.” I down another drink. “Miranda wants to sue me for wrongful death and expose our relationship unless I get her half a million dollars.”
“What?!” She starts pacing around the kitchen mumbling to herself. I brace myself, expecting her wrath aimed at me, but she continues to surprise me. “What a fucking cunt. Can she do that?”
“I don’t know. And I don’t know what’s stopping her from exposing us either way.”
“How did she find out about us? I mean, she had her suspicions but she doesn’t have anything concrete. Right?” She looks nervous and I wish I could get into her head to find out what she’s thinking.
“She kind of backed me into a corner and I slipped up.” I display my guilt loudly on my face. Flynn should know it was my fault. I gave Miranda the ammo she needed.
Her face softens as she takes a seat at my bar and waves me off. “What are we going to do?”
“We?” I look at her and find a rare sight. Her cheeks are rosy, her expression sheepish.
“Yes, we. She’s threatening me too and I want to help you deal with her. She has no right to do this to you.” She taps her fingers against her lips and her brows are crinkled in thought.
She takes a sip of her drink and then I can almost see the lightbulb illuminate over her head. She jumps up and excitement floods her chocolate eyes.
“I’ve got it. We need to dig something up on her. For leverage, you know? Like, if you expose me, I’ll come after you type of thing.”
“I doubt she’d care if anything got out about her.”
“There’s always something, we just need to find it.” Flynn starts talking out loud, throwing ideas at me to spark a memory I might have.
Seeing her like this, willing to do anything for me, causes a carnal reaction. The plotting will have to wait.
“Have you figured out what you’re going to do about her?” Flynn asks, as if we didn’t just spend the last forty-five minutes in bed where I sure as shit wasn’t thinking about my ex-wife. My post-orgasm high is ruined as well as any thoughts of a round two.
“I have to fight back somehow. The lawsuit won’t hold any weight, not where Emily is concerned; I’m not worried about that. She’s not thinking clearly right now. All she’s focused on is the money. I’ll have to get ahead of this. I’ll have to tell my lawyer the truth.”
“About us?” I nod and she sits up, taking this conversation more seriously.
“I can’t let her hold this over my head. It’s the only way right now.”
“You’ll lose your license.” Her eyes are downcast as guilt colors her tone.
“I made my bed.” I pray it doesn’t come to that, but if it does, I’ll take it in stride. I’ve made my choices and if I have to deal with the consequences, I will.
“Your bed doesn’t look made to me.” Her grin is cheeky and I chuckle at her dirty mind. Leave it to Flynn to lighten the mood with sex.
“That’s because you messed it up.” I lean over and place a kiss on her cheek. Her hands play with the comforter and there’s an air of concern surrounding her. “Hey, we’ll figure this out.”
“No, it’s not that. Um, there’s actually something I need to talk to you about too.” I freeze, already reading into her tone and not liking it one bit. “When I called you last night I was at Olivia’s bachelorette party. We were at a strip club and I kind of missed you.”
That must be why she’s embarrassed. She’s not good with feelings. I rub her arm, a smile on my face knowing she’s about to tell me her actual feelings for once.
“I was pissed when Miranda answered your phone and what she insinuated. I mean she was all ‘he’s in the shower.’” She mocks my ex and I chuckle at her high-pitched impersonation. “So I did a bunch of shots and things got a little out of hand.”
This is not where I was expecting this to go. “What does that mean?”
“Are you gonna go all therapist-y on me?”
“Depends on what you’re about to say.” She sighs and pinches her eyes closed before word vomiting all over the room.
“Okay, I know you’re going to be mad, but I’d probably have to bring it up in therapy anyway so maybe you should act more like my therapist right now and not the guy I’m sleeping with. I might’ve done a little coke and made out with a stripper. To be fair, I don’t remember any of it, but I’m not sure if that makes the situation better or worse.”
I lock my jaw and my hand curls into a fist. I can’t be all that mad about her kissing someone considering I did kiss my ex-wife, not that she knows about my indiscretion. But I am pretty pissed she’s still doing drugs, especially coke.
Running a hand through my hair, I release an exasperated sigh. “Why are you still doing coke, Flynn?”
“That’s all your mad about?”
“I never said that. I’m pretty pissed about all of it, but I thought you promised to stop with the drugs? I told you, stimulants especially only exacerbate your negative behaviors. If you were sober, do you think you would’ve sought out another guy?” She shakes her head. Just what I thought. “The fact of the matter is, you won’t get better if you keep repeating this cycle. Like an alcoholic needing to abstain from alcohol. The substances aggravate your pre-existing condition.” I bite my tongue, not wanting to divulge anything more.
I have a thought about Flynn, about her health, but I haven’t told her yet. I’m not one hundred percent sure regarding her diagnosis, or really where we go with it, and I don’t want to give her false information or false hope. Though she won’t admit it, I know how important it is for her to feel normal, to find out what’s wrong with her. I can see it in how she carries herself and how she tiptoes around her words.
Lucky for me, she’s too focused on everything else happening to latch onto my slip up.
“I get it, I need to stop doing coke.”
“Well, you should probably stop drinking too. Some people like to quit it all cold turkey but other people prefer one step at a time.”
“What would work best for me?”
“There’s a difference between what I think you should do and what is likely to happen.” She eyes me, wanting my opinion. “I think you should quit it all cold turkey, one fell swoop. I think alcohol and pot influence your decisions as much as the coke does. Do I think you will do that? No. That’s not realistic. You’re twenty-one, just starting your life.”
At that notion, my stomach drops. She is young and has her whole life ahead of her and I’m here meddling. I’m here sleeping with her when she should be with someone more suitable for her, someone who won’t make her life more complicated than it already is.
“Where’d you go just now?” Her voice is soft. She hasn’t acknowledged what I said to her but switched the focus onto me.
There’s only one thing I can do. I have to protect Flynn at all costs. She’s my patient, but...it’s more than that. She’s my Flynn, whatever that means. Whatever I have to feel for her doesn’t matter. It takes a backseat to the bigger issues.
I have to protect her at all costs.
“Miranda kissed me last night when she was here. That’s why I’m not overreacting about the kiss, because I did the same thing, but maybe worse. Mine wasn’t a random person I was using to lash out. Mine was familiar, someone I used to love.”
“Wow.” I’m sabotaging this relationship to give her an out. I know we’re just sleeping together and it’s nothing more than that, but there are times it feels like more. My reaction to her kissing someone else is not normal. It’s not casual.
Reckless (A Carolina Coastal Novel Book 3) Page 8