Lucas is sixteen and spends all his time in his room or bathroom doing things I don’t want to think about. Flynn is in her prime of being a spoiled, bitchy teenager at thirteen thinking she’s the hottest thing since the surface of the sun.
The three of us may look similar, but we couldn’t be more different. Where I’m the scholar, Lucas is the fearless pothead, and Flynn is the reckless rebel. She’s going to be one hell of a nightmare when she gets older, and I don’t think it’s a coincidence that my parents stopped having kids after her.
I join my mom at the table downstairs just as my dad walks in the house and kisses her on the cheek before taking his briefcase to his office. I hit the parental lottery when I was born. Christopher and Alice Fletcher are sickeningly in love and more supportive than imaginable.
I take my seat at the table, next to my dad’s chair, and wait for the rest of my family to join. Lucas trudges down the stairs with headphones in his ears, a permanent scowl, and a cloud of pot smoke circling him. Flynn looks like Jenny from Gossip Girl when she went batshit crazy and wore a pound of eyeliner.
“How was your first day, angel?” My dad kisses the top of my head and takes his seat beside me.
I open my mouth, but it’s not my voice that comes out. “Oh, Daddy, it was so wonderful. I spent all day in class, sucking up to my teachers and ignoring everyone my own age. I already got an A in all of my classes. It’s so good to be me!”
Although my sister’s impression of me isn’t baseless, I don’t see the humor in her sarcasm. My brother chuckles, giving himself away that he’s not listening to anything, but is pretending to so he doesn’t have to socialize.
“Flynn, don’t make fun of your sister.” My mom always plays bad cop when it comes to my baby sis. She’s a total Daddy’s girl and he can never discipline her.
“It was good. My classes seem interesting, but I’m sure they’ll be tough.” I place some roast beef and potatoes on my plate before passing the dish to my brother.
“Nothing my little girl can’t handle.” He’s right. I was valedictorian at graduation and am a political science and business major, following in his footsteps to hopefully go to law school in four years.
We eat in near silence, with the occasional small talk sprinkled throughout. We’re a Leave it to Beaver family, but we’re happy, and that’s all that matters.
After helping my mom with the dishes, I want to get a head start on the reading for the rest of my classes this week. I open up a textbook, but my mind keeps wandering back to my psych lecture and the handsome stranger sitting beside me.
I dig into my pocket and pull out the tiny scrap of paper with a scribbled phone number. Before I think better of it, I type the number into my phone and shoot off a text.
Carson: Hey, Maddox. It’s Carson from psych 101. I hope it’s okay I messaged you. I just forgot if we had any psych assignment for Wednesday.
I place my phone upside down so I can’t see him respond to me. Even my text messages are immature and virginal. He probably just hoped I’d immediately text him a picture of my boobs.
I force myself to keep reading and not stare at my iPhone, but my efforts are futile. There’s no way I’m getting anything done tonight with my mind this preoccupied.
With a sigh, I climb off my bed and do my nightly routine. I take an extra-long shower and braid my hair before brushing my teeth and putting on my favorite cotton pajama set.
I grab my phone—for no other reason than I need to set an alarm—and notice a text from my new friend.
Maddox: I was wondering when you’d text me. Did you know colleges are considered one of the best places to flirt?
Carson: Where do you come up with all your facts?
The phone starts vibrating in my hand and I stare at it like I’m in a one-sided no-blinking contest. He’s calling me? Boys never call me. Well, to be fair, neither do girls. I never had many friends and certainly never anyone who I felt comfortable enough to talk to on the phone. It’s the twenty-first century. We should be limited strictly to texting.
I glance over to make sure my door is shut and locked before sliding to the floor to take the call. For some reason, sitting on the floor gives me a peaceful sense of privacy against prying ears.
“Um…hello?” I’m a squeaky, confused mouse. This will be the first and final time he calls me.
Why am I such a freak?
“I thought this would be easier than texting you all night.” His voice comes through the phone like hot caramel—sweet and tempting.
“You think we’re going to be talking all night?” I’m incredulous which makes me sound lame. Why can’t I be sultry and seductive? I should call a sex hotline just to listen to and mimic their voices.
“Only if I can convince you to stay up past your bedtime.” There’s laughter in his voice and despite it being at my expense, I want to keep hearing him laugh more than I want to breathe right now. I’m pathetic. My first crush and I’m already giving up my life for him. I understand Juliet so much better now.
“I’m eighteen years old. I don’t have a bedtime.” Though, if I’m being honest with myself, I can’t remember the last time I was up past eleven o’clock. But it’s not a strict rule, it’s just how I prefer to live my life.
“So, tell me something that is true about you.”
I rack my brain and can’t come up with one interesting detail about myself. I also feel like I’m on a job interview and if I don’t say something extraordinary, I won’t get the position. The position to, what? Be his girlfriend? He’s a stranger!
“Last year I got to walk the red carpet at an awards show and met a bunch of famous people. I’m talking Jennifer Aniston, Jim Carrey, a couple bands and singers, no big deal.” I may be fabricating the story a little bit.
That ‘red carpet’ was more of a path through Madame Tussauds’ wax museum in New York. And yes, all those celebrities were, in fact, wax models. Though, I did see Rachel Ray from a distance before her show taped, so that’s something.
“You know, Carson, I think we’re going to get along just fine.” He chuckles like he doesn’t believe my story, and I don’t blame him. But we spend the next hour and a half talking about anything and everything and it’s the best time I’ve had in my entire life.
Carson
Wednesday couldn’t come fast enough. Maddox and I talked for another two hours on the phone last night and now I feel like I know him. Butterflies flap their incessant wings in my belly as I sit in my seat in Psych waiting for him to show up.
I pull out my notebook and pen, chewing on the end as I wait. I’m trying not to look desperate by glancing over my shoulder every two seconds, but the temptation is strong. The classroom is filling up and some random dude tries to sit beside me, but I tell him the seat is taken.
It’s utterly absurd. I barely know the guy and I’m already saving him a seat. He could already be here, sitting beside someone else, sharing his fun facts with a new girl. It’s only day two of this class and I’m already asking him to sign a marriage license.
Professor Ellar walks in with a broad smile and her blonde hair pulled into a sleek ponytail and Maddox still isn’t here. My heart sinks.
“Good morning, class. Glad to see most of you came back.” Crap, what if he dropped the class? Wouldn’t he have told me?
I sink into my seat as Ellar starts up the PowerPoint. As the computer boots up, the doors to the lecture hall open and shut and half the class turns to look at the disruption. I stay firmly rooted in my seat and instead pull out my phone, ready to text Maddox to see what’s going on.
“Sorry I’m late. Traffic was a nightmare.” The auburn-haired fox slinks into the seat beside me, a lazy smile perched on his perfect pink lips.
“I was afraid you weren’t coming or dropped the class.” I bite my lip, uncomfortable with sharing the truth of my feelings. Most girls don’t wear their hearts out in the open, at least not when they barely know the guy. But I’m treading new water
s and I’m not a normal girl. I’ve never been crazy over a boy before. I don’t know how to react, but honesty has never bitten me in the ass before.
“I would have told you if that were the case. Besides, I have a great fact I have to share with you. One I couldn’t just tell you over the phone.” His hand grazes my knee and the contact leaves goosebumps on my exposed flesh.
“Must be good then. What is it?” I lean in close to him, whispering as our professor starts with the basics about Pavlov and conditioning.
“Only eight percent of the population has blue eyes and people with blue eyes are seen as kinder and sweeter.”
“And why couldn’t you tell me that over the phone?”
“Because I wanted to look into your beautiful, crystal blue eyes while I told you that.” I’m glad I don’t have a mirror because I’m sure my face is Coke can red right now. “You’re cute when you blush.”
His breath tickles my cheek with his whisper and my entire body is flushed. I wish there was a window I could crack to get some fresh air in here.
As the hour passes, Maddox continues to make comments under his breath. I have to stop myself from bursting out laughing at his ridiculousness.
When the class is over, disappointment takes root in my gut. I pack up my things and pray I could jump right to Friday to my next class with Maddox.
“Go out on a date with me.”
I pause, shocked. He’s standing over me with a confident smirk. He doesn’t seem worried about me saying no, as if it just isn’t an option. “Okay. When?”
“While I don’t want to wait to spend more time with you, a real first date takes place on Fridays. So I’ll pick you up at seven.”
My heart flutters at the promise and I’m already mentally going through my closet trying to decide if I have anything date-worthy.
My day passes in a haze thanks to my heavy course load. When I burst through the door of my childhood home, my mom reads the panic plastered on my face.
“Honey, what’s wrong?” She walks to me, a caring hand coming to rest on my shoulder.
“Nothing is wrong, Mom. Everything is right, or, it could be.” The confusion on her face deepens. “I have a date on Friday and I don’t know what to wear or say or how to act. I need your help.” Peter Quill could hear her squeal in the next galaxy.
“Oh, honey, I’m so excited for you. What’s his name? Or…hers? Who is it?” I knew she suspected I was a lesbian.
“His name is Maddox, and truthfully, I don’t know much else about him. But he’s handsome and funny and so kind.” My mom’s excitement diminishes and concern replaces the look.
“Baby girl, you’re going on a date with a stranger? And he’s picking you up here? Have you learned nothing from those serial killer documentaries you watch?”
“Momma, once you meet him, you’ll fall instantly in love with him, I promise. I understand your concern, but this is something I want to do. I have to.” I’m gripping her hands as desperation and desire course through my veins.
“Well, I hope the lesson you learn isn’t going to end up in your murder.”
“Mom!” Though my jaw drops, I can’t help but laugh.
“Alright, come on. Let’s go look in your closet—no, scratch that. We’ll go shopping tomorrow after your classes.” Her wince tells me everything I need to know about my fashion sense.
The next day after I get home, my mom couldn’t be more excited to take me all around town, turning me into a glamour project. I feel like I’m about to audition for America’s Next Top Model.
“Mom, don’t you think this is a bit much?” She’s dragging me into a lingerie store as if I’m going to give up my milk for free on the first night. It’s also plain unsettling to go shopping for sexy underwear with my mother.
“If I were telling you to buy edible undies, that’d be a bit much. I’m not telling you to hop into bed with this stranger. Frankly, I hope you wait. But confidence is sexy and dressing sexy will boost your confidence. Got it?” Sometimes my mom sounds more like my best friend than the woman who birthed me.
“Fine, but nothing see-through or edible or anything that will make my boobs sit at my chin.” We spend the next hour perusing the lingerie store, where my mom buys a few items herself, which makes me want to cut out my eyes.
By the time we get home, we’ve spent an atrocious amount of money, have enough outfits to clothe a small country, and personally, I have more nerves than ever before.
My hands are shaky as I hang up my new purchases in my closet. I can’t shake the anxiety and fear that once Maddox gets to know me, he won’t like me anymore.
“I can hear you worrying in the hallway.” I lean back on my bed and my mom joins me, lying beside me on the mattress.
“What if he doesn’t like me?”
“Sweetheart, if he doesn’t like you, he’s blind and dumb.” A harsh laugh escapes me. “You know I have to say these sappy things. I’m your mother. But just because I’m your mother doesn’t make it true. He’s going to fall in love with you and whisk you away from me. I’ll become one step closer to the empty nest I’m dreading.” Her smile always reaches her eyes and it’s one of my favorite things about her. “I don’t expect him to be the one. You’re only eighteen. But he might be your first love. Or he might be a dud. Either way, enjoy the moment…and the free meal.”
I laugh and we both sit up, so I hug her tight. There’s no love quite like a momma’s.
“Get some rest. You have a big day tomorrow.” She closes my bedroom door behind her and I lie back down on my bed.
Yeah, as if there’s any chance in hell I’m sleeping at all tonight.
Read Selfless here.
Author’s Note
Thank you for taking a chance on me and this book! I hope you enjoyed Flynn and Liam’s story as much as enjoyed writing it.
I know the subject matter got tough at parts. I know it’s something that hits too close to home for entirely too many people.
Cancer. Fucking. Sucks.
If you stuck with me to the end, thank you. If you even picked this book up and gave it a shot, thank you. I appreciate every reader and everyone who takes a chance on a newbie like me.
If you read the story, it would mean the world to me if you would review it. Reviews help indie authors immensely and it helps me grow as a writer.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Acknowledgments
I have so many people I need to thank and the list keeps on growing.
Nicole, for always helping me spin straw into gold.
Crystal, you’re always eager to help and your input is crucial and so, so appreciated.
Kate Farlow, CAN YOU HEAR ME SCREAMING THANK YOU FROM THE TOP OF MY LUNGS? Seriously. You SAVED me and this book. Your magic on this cover made all the difference and I cannot say thank you enough. So thank you. Merci. Gracias. Danke. Grazie. Those are the only languages I know to say it in but you get the point. I am so, so grateful.
Kristen, thank you for your honesty and helping make this the best story it could be.
Harlow, my book bestie, my absolute rock. I can’t even count the number of ledges you talked me off of anymore. I’m grateful for your friendship, support, honesty, and for being my sounding board and helping me keep my sanity. Love you mucho.
Rookies. My tribe. My friends. My rocks. I can’t thank you enough for everything you’ve done. All the knowledge and wisdom you’ve passed down. For always talking me off the ledge. For including me to begin with. I love you all and I’m so lucky to call you my friends. I’m so grateful for every one of you.
Kurt, my human soulmate. The love of my life. Thank you for letting me pursue my dreams and never doubting me. Thank you for being the best person I know and loving me as fiercely as I love you.
Hudson, for being the first love of my life, even when you demand attention and take me away from my books. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Bloggers, for reading and reviewing. Fo
r talking me up. For making beautiful edits. I couldn’t do this without you.
Readers, friends. Thank you for your unwavering support and for following me on this journey. This is my dream and I couldn’t do it without all of you.
About the Author
Kelsey can be found in PA with her two loves of her life—her golden retriever and her perpetual boyfriend, Kurt.
When she’s not writing, she can be found obsessing over her dog, binge-watching Netflix, or listening to true crime podcasts.
Stay in touch!
[email protected]
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More by Kelsey
Selfless
I lost my first love at twenty years old.
Then I was forced to drop out of school
to become a single mom.
I didn’t think I’d ever find love again.
I didn’t want to replace my first.
I didn’t want to erase his memory.
But love isn’t convenient and it’s never easy.
I fought our attraction. I pushed him away.
But my heart fought harder.
I have to decide what’s best not only for me,
but also for my daughter.
Even if that means losing everything.
Fearless
It all started with a bet…
I told Olivia Hart that if she won, I’d leave her alone for good. Little did she know, I was never going to let that happen. She thinks I hate her, but she couldn’t be more wrong.
I keep raising the stakes, making wagers and tricking her into spending time with me.
The more we're together, the harder she falls.
But once she learns the truth, all bets are off.
Filthy Forward
Reckless (A Carolina Coastal Novel Book 3) Page 19