by June Kramin
After climbing the few steps that brought her to the casket, she stared at the handsome face of her husband. They had done a good job, she thought. He looked like he was merely sleeping. She reached in and placed his wedding ring back on his finger. They had given it to her when she left the hospital with Troy. She was upset that they had taken it off. Next she removed the hair that she had carefully weaved around her fingers, placed it into his hands and squeezed it tight.
“I’ll love you forever,” she whispered as she stroked his cheek and rested her head on his chest. “I’m sorry about the salt shaker.” She hadn’t even noticed Troy was behind her until he touched her shoulder. Spinning around, she threw her arms around his neck and fell into him. Her body suddenly felt like rubber and her knees went weak. Sabrina had gotten to them when Troy bent down and picked Reggie up. He carried her out of the church and no one looked back.
Reggie curled up in the back seat of the car on the long drive to her house. No one spoke for over an hour.
“I have to get back to work, Bri,” Troy finally said.
“We can’t leave her like this.”
“I’m not saying we should. Pack her a bag and bring her home. She has nothing to keep her here.”
“His family is as bad as hers, the poor thing. I swear we’re all she has, babe.”
“Van always said his family was a little too conservative, even for his taste. They never left their town. Everyone knew everyone’s business and no one missed a Sunday sermon. He was glad he joined the Guard and was able to see more of the real world. Reggie was especially a change of pace for him.”
“They really did seem like oil and water in the beginning, didn’t they?” Sabrina said with a laugh.
“I never thought he’d break down that wall she had up.”
They thought she was sleeping, but Reggie listened quietly to every word.
“I never told you but he called me after some fight they had, wanting to know who hit her.”
“Did you tell him?”
“Am I afraid of you two?”
“What did you tell him?”
“I played dumb. That was always her call. If she wanted to leave it buried, I respected that. I always have. I’d still pummel the bastard myself, Bri.”
“I know.” Bri paused. “I’ll book us flights home for tomorrow when we get to her house. You’re right. She needs to come home.”
“So what’s with the hair? She losin’ it?”
“I don’t think so. I think she’s wanted to cut it for a while and only kept it because Van loved it. She put some in his hand.”
“Yeah, I saw that.”
“I suppose in her eyes it belonged to him. Maybe it’s a fresh start for her, too. She’s going to be a long time getting over him.”
I’m never getting over him. Reggie thought to herself. She finally drifted off to sleep dreaming about him.
~*~
“Ouch! You’re pulling my hair, Van.”
“Sorry, baby,” he said as he moved his arm.
They had been making love, but a shift of position brought an abrupt halt to things. She pulled her hair free, twisted it, then tossed it up over her head. “I should go get it all cut off.”
“Don’t you dare,” he said, pulling her close and sinking his face into her neck with a playful bite. “You know the only thing that is better than your gorgeous long hair against your naked body?”
“What?”
“Your gorgeous long hair against my naked body.”
She laughed. “Some days I do want to chop it off though.”
“I’ll get you a whole litter of kittens if you don’t.”
“But you’d die from sneezing.”
“So put a lock of your hair in my coffin. Don’t cut it, baby. Please?”
“For you, okay.” She nuzzled into his neck. “You going to finish the job?”
“I don’t know. Thinking I hurt you kinda killed the mood.” He kissed her lips. “Wait. I know.” He grinned and kissed down her chest.
“But what about you?”
“It’s not about me tonight.” He kissed past her naval and kept going south.
They snuggled afterward; she was still gently moaning and let out an occasional soft giggle. Damn, he’s good. “Promise to do that again sometime and I’ll keep the hair for as long as you live.”
~*~
“I’m not going with you, Bri. I need to stay here for a while and get things sorted out.” Reggie was sitting at the kitchen table with her arms wrapped around her legs, her chin resting on her knees. She hadn’t said anything since they woke up until now. Bri and Troy had been making arrangement to take her home, talking around her like she wasn’t there.
“Hon, you can’t stay here by yourself. I don’t trust you to eat. I know how you get. Come home with us for a while; at least a week or so.”
“I don’t want to go home, Bri. This is my home.”
“This was your home with Van. Now your home is with us again.”
Her eyes welled with tears and she sunk her face into her legs. Troy reached from behind and held her tight. “Come with us, Reggie. Please. I have to get back and I don’t want to leave you here.”
She picked her head up and wiped her eyes. She didn’t think she could possibly cry any more. “You’re not letting Van down by leaving me alone, Troy. I need to stay here.”
“Why? There’s nothing here for you anymore, certainly not his family.”
“This place is all I have left of him. I’ll never have anyone else. I want to stay where he fixed thing up for us. We were supposed to have a life together here.”
“How can you say you won’t have anyone else again, Reggie?” Sabrina said. “You’re young and gorgeous. Give it time. You’ll heal, hon.”
“No, I won’t!” she screamed. “He was my one! The one! You only get one, dammit!”
“Are you high? Listen to yourself. Out of all the billions of people on the earth, you’re only allowed one? What a crock of shit!” Sabrina wrapped her arms around her. “We don’t need to think about that now, but please, hon, come home with us.”
A knock at the door made everyone jump. Troy answered it. Alex extended his hand and introduced himself and his wife. “Saw you at the funeral, but it didn’t look like a good time to make your acquaintance. How is she?”
“Stubborn, as always. Come on in.”
Kirsten held up a nine-by-thirteen glass-baking dish. “I brought an egg bake. I’ll get it served up.”
“Sounds great,” Troy said. “Coffee should be ready, too.”
Reggie didn’t stand, but she welcomed the hugs of her friends. Sabrina stood up to help. Reggie accepted the coffee and drank some, but just moved the food around on her plate with the fork. Sabrina and Kirsten exchanged glances; they both were watching her.
“We’re trying to get her to come home with us for a while,” Sabrina said to them.
“I’m right here, Bri. Don’t talk around me like I’m not here again.”
“Hon, when did I…” Sabrina quit talking. She either remembered the time with the thorn or decided not to argue. Reggie didn’t care which.
“I said I’m not going. I need to stay until everything is settled.”
“Until what is settled, Reggie?” Troy asked.
“They killed him, Troy. I’m not just sitting here and taking it. I’m frying every ass I can until I get some answers.” She gave up playing with the food and shoved the plate forward.
Troy knelt at her side. “Don’t you think I did everything I could, Reg? It’s done. They’re not claiming any responsibility. It’s over.”
“I can’t accept that and I won’t.”
Troy stood up, frustrated, and Alex took his place. “I know you don’t want to hear this now, but Van did have a life insurance policy through work. It was part of the benefits. In a few weeks, I’ll be bringing you a rather sizeable check, Reggie.”
“You’re right. I don’t want to hear it. I don’t
want money, I want my husband back.”
Troy yelled at her. “Well, you’re not going to get him, Reggie. He’s gone, dammit.”
Reggie stood. “I’d like you all to leave me alone now. Thanks for breakfast, Kirsten.” She went to her room and closed the door.
~*~
The four of them talked at the table for a long time. Troy and Sabrina had to get back; there was no way around it. As much as they wanted Reggie to go with them, they couldn’t force her.
“We’ll watch after her,” Kirsten said, placing her hand on Sabrina’s. “I promise we’ll take good care of her. I know we haven’t known them for that long, but I do love her like a sister.”
“Thanks, Kirsten. That’ll help a lot. I can’t stand seeing her like this another day. I know she’ll be in good hands with you.” The two gave up the fight for tears and shared a hug.
“You a cigar man, Troy?” Alex asked as he stood up.
“I’ve been known to have one here and there.” The men walked out back, leaving the women to gather themselves.
“He’ll really be missed at the office,” Alex said once they had gotten their cigars lit.
“He’ll be missed, period.”
“True enough. We will do anything we can. I’ll keep in touch and if things get bad at all, I’ll call you.”
“I appreciate it.” Troy let out a heavy sigh. “I wish her parents were more help.”
“We have often thought about how odd that was. I had a friend like that in school. The son was referred to as the ‘Golden Penis’ and could do no wrong. You’d think his sister hardly existed. You guys have kids?”
“We’re working on it.”
“That is the fun part,” Alex said with a nod. “So are we.”
“The money…she’ll be okay?”
“She’ll be okay.”
“That makes me feel better anyway.” Troy ground out his cigar. “I need to go talk to her and we need to head out. I’m going to have to trust the second thing in the world I love most to you.”
“We’ll take care of her. You have my word.”
Troy knocked first then opened the bedroom door without waiting to hear a response. He was sure it would have been ‘go away’ anyway. As luck had it, the bedroom door didn’t have a lock. He sat next to Reggie in the picture window seat. She was staring out into the yard.
“You know I love you, Reggie. You scare me when I think you’re about to lose it and get all emotional on me. How is it said in those damn cat pictures you and Bri love so much? ‘Get all emo on me’?” She leaned into his chest and he held her. “I’m sorry, princess, but you have to snap out of it.”
She ran her fingers through the carpet that covered the window seat. “Van built this for me. As soon as I said I’ve always wanted a window seat he ran right out, bought everything and made it for me.”
“He loved you so much, Reg. If he weren’t already gone, he’d be dead sure as hell to see you hurting like this. You gotta snap out of it, if not for yourself…for him. He wouldn’t want this.” He kissed her forehead and pulled her tighter to his chest. “I don’t want to leave you here, but we can’t make you come with us. I don’t want you kickin’ and screamin’ about being babysat, but let Alex and Kirsten help you when you need it. Okay?”
She nodded.
“Promise you won’t do a disappearing act on us.”
“I’ll call every day. I promise.”
He knew he shouldn’t have taken her at her word, but he didn’t have a choice.
~*~
Reggie quit her job the following day. They begged her to just take a leave of absence. They said she could have as long as she needed, but she turned down their offer. She didn’t know what she was going to do, but she couldn’t go back to living life everyday like nothing had happened. Every detail, every chore, no matter how mundane, reminded her of Van.
Tuesday she drove to Minneapolis to talk with anyone that would listen to her. She was determined to camp out in front of whoever’s door she needed to in order to get some answers. She should have known better than to try to take on the whole US Government, but being rational had never been her strong point. Why start now? Not when it was something this important.
After four days of being sent from department to department, she finally found herself in the office of a man who would be the end of the line for her. The office walls were covered with animal heads of every sort. Stuffed ducks, pheasants and other wild birds filled the shelves. A bearskin covered one wall. She was sickened the second she walked in. Ten minutes after being seated in the office by the secretary, a man in a suit joined her and sat behind his large desk. He introduced himself as Roy Goodyear; she refused the handshake.
“You’re a civilian?” It was the first thing out of her mouth. She had been dealing with nothing but military people in every shade of uniform with too many medals. Everyone had excuses; very few had manners or time.
“This surprises you?”
“This is a military matter. I assumed I would be dealing with military personnel.”
“It’s a government matter, Mrs. Kimball. I assure you, you’re still dealing with Uncle Sam when you’re dealing with me. You won’t find many faces above mine as far as the VA or military hospitals go for the entire state unless you go to the President of the United States himself. You don’t see the president in a uniform now, do you?”
“Frankly, I don’t give a goddamn what the president wears. What I do care about is that your organization killed my husband and no one will talk to me.”
He opened up the file in front of him and flipped through a few papers. “I see the exact opposite. I have depositions from several people that you have talked to.”
“Talked to but didn’t get any answers. All I get is the same bullshit runaround.”
“You were given the answers; you just didn’t get the ones that you wanted.” He shut the folder and placed his elbows on his desk, lacing his fingers together. “What exactly is it that you are after, Mrs. Kimball?”
“I want you people to fess up to killing Petty Officer First Class Donovan William Kimball, my husband. My kind, sweet, caring, give-you-the-shirt-off-his-back and save-your-ass-while-he’s-at-it husband! He was twenty-seven years old and you people killed him!” She stood up. “Do you want his last four?”
“You’re not even saying how much you want?”
She was taken aback by his comment and sat back into the chair. “Excuse me?”
“How much is this information worth to you? One million? Five? How much are you after, Mrs. Kimball?”
She finally understood and bolted out of her chair again. “I’m not asking for any money! I don’t want your goddamn money! I want you to admit what you’ve done. I want to make sure that some other poor woman doesn’t go through what has happened to me. You robbed me of the love of my life! You ruined our future…my…life.” She collapsed back into the chair. Her eyes filled, but she had no tears left.
“Your husband had a reaction to the numerous medications in his system in combination with the anesthetic. Period. End of story. It happens in hospitals all around the world every day, military or not, and is no fault of those in charge. Do your research. A thirty-year-old woman died in Minneapolis last month from a reaction to plain old Tylenol. My wife’s aunt died in St. Paul going in for an eyelift. She had a reaction to the anesthetic. These things happen. It’s a sad fact of medicine, Mrs. Kimball. There is nowhere else for this to go. You simply need to accept it as fact.”
He opened up his folder again and flipped through the papers. “Until you are married again, you may keep your military ID and your Champus insurance. The lifesaving incident was military-related and we have done our part there compensating him for it. It’s not standard procedure, but we will continue to do so in his absence and send the payments to you out of respect to him. He was a good man. It’s the least we can do to honor his memory. If he hadn’t injured his back, he would have gone far with us. This mat
ter, however, is officially closed, Mrs. Kimball. We’ve done everything we can and then some to help you. You can spend a fortune on a lawyer but you are going to get nowhere. Think what you want, but we did nothing wrong. Just accept our checks and move on.”
She stood up and approached his desk. Reaching into her purse, she pulled out her military ID and whipped it at him. “You can keep your ID and stick it wherever you see fit. I don’t want your damn money either. I’ll get by without your guilty charity.” She leaned on his desk and looked him square in the eyes. “Shove those checks up your ass. If I so much as smell one of them within ten miles of me, I’ll come do it myself.”
Reggie stormed out of the office and made it to the parking lot, not even remembering how she arrived there. She was unwilling to accept defeat but the matter was closed. Dishonoring Van’s memory with the hate her heart felt for the organization wasn’t what she wanted. Without it, they wouldn’t have met. She closed her eyes and pictured him in his uniform. He was never more handsome than when he came home wearing it. He was one of the rare ones, one of the few who joined because he wanted to make a difference in the word, unlike his CO who joined so he’d have a right to boss people around with his rank. She quickly shoved the memory of Garner out of her mind, vowing never to give the military a thought ever again—least of all, him.
That night, she drove to Big Lake and spent the night on the grave of her husband after she once again found her tears and sobbed herself to sleep.
Chapter 16
REGGIE DROVE THE THREE HOURS home to pack a few things then drove back to Minneapolis. She parked in long-term parking and purchased a ticket for Florida. She wanted to go see her parents. They had their excuses for not being able to make it to the funeral and she forgave them for it, but now she really needed them. Sabrina had actually called them for her, since she couldn’t bring herself to do it. She had been more upset than Reggie had ever seen her before. Reggie would have given anything to see the look on her mother’s face when Sabrina yelled, “Kiss my black ass!” into the phone. God, she loved her.