A niggling fear in the back of my mind hopes we will continue to have moments like this. That Carter coming back into my life won’t change our relationship and cause doubts to take residence where there were none.
Only time will tell.
Chapter 23
From the second I woke up this morning, something felt off. I know I need to talk to Carter at some point and I’m just waiting for him to come waltzing through Nate’s parent's house demanding to see his daughter. That’s my biggest fear. That he’ll use his wealth to hire the best lawyers and take custody of Hazel. The Carter I got to know wouldn’t do that I keep telling myself, but three years is a long time for someone to change.
“You look like you’re thinking mighty hard over there.” Nate’s dad Judd comes out on the deck to join me with his cup of coffee. “Where’s Hazel?”
“I woke up early and couldn’t sleep. She was still sleeping, and so was Nate, so I left her in the room with him.” I shrug my shoulders and look out at the beautiful backyard.
“Do you need to talk? You’ve been through an awful lot over the past twelve hours.”
“I think I’m still processing and my brains only letting me assume the worst.”
“Worst?”
“Carter wanting custody of Hazel, having to share the light of my life with someone else. The thought of her spending a few days or even a summer wherever Carter is gutted me. It feels like someone’s jamming a knife into my heart.” I hiccup on a cry and bury my face in my hands.
I’m pulled into a warm body, and it’s not at all weird that Judd is comforting me. Sure, I just met him, but it feels like I’ve been a part of this family for a lot longer than the months I’ve been dating Nate. He rocks me from side to side saying nothing. Just letting me be.
“One thing I do know about Carter is that he’s a standup guy. At least I thought so before he abandoned his kid. Jackass. He won’t take her away from you, and if he does, you come and let me know. I’ll handle him.”
I pull back and wipe at my eyes. “Thanks,” I laugh picturing him taking care of Carter.
I hear a noise beyond the deck, and when I look towards the edge of the house, I see the top of someone’s head retreating. The hairs dark and I’d know who it was anywhere.
“Carter,” I whisper.
“I think it’s time for me to go back in the house… if you want me to?”
I stand up and wrap my arms around his shoulders. “I’ll be alright.”
A few minutes later I hear footsteps on the deck stairs. I don’t acknowledge Carter nor do I when he takes a seat next to me. I always had a speech prepared if I ever ran into Carter. It’s aggressive and full of statements to make him feel as horrible as I felt when he left me. The speech is wiped from my memory in the actual situation, and I settle on letting him lead this talk. I’ll jump in when I feel comfortable.
“She’s beautiful. I didn’t know you had a girl,” Carter’s voice cracks surprising me.
“How could you know? You weren’t there.”
“Fair enough. I never planned on running into you guys, even though I regretted breaking up with you when you got pregnant. I figured you’d be better off without me. I was such an idiot.”
“You were, and I’m not saying that as a scorned ex-girlfriend. I say that as the mother of a beautiful girl who I’ve watched grow over the past two years. You’ve missed out Carter. I pity you for everything you chose to miss.”
He’s silent for quite some time before he speaks again, “I want in.”
“What the hell does that even mean?”
“I want to be a part of her life. I want a chance to be a father.”
“Don’t you think it’s a little too late, Carter?”
“No. The second I realized that amazing little girl was mine, it lit something up inside me. I’ve been going through a rough time since Benji died and I’ve felt so lost. Seeing her has made me see my life’s purpose. It’s to try and be the best person I can possibly be, day in and day out because she deserves it.”
“We live on opposite coasts,” I argue. “If you think I’m shipping her off to you, a stranger, for weeks at a time you’re crazy. I’ll never agree to something like that.”
“I don’t expect you to. Last night I did some thinking, and I’m moving to Willow Creek. It’ll take some time to find a place, but the outcome puts me with my daughter fulltime.”
“Easy as that?”
“Listen, I know I hurt you, Lex. I’ve beat myself up over leaving you every single day. There is no bigger regret in my life than how I reacted and my actions after I found out you were pregnant.”
He’s saying all the right things I’ll give him that. Part of me wants to scream fuck you, punch him in the dick and tell him to never come near me again. But then… Hazel. Does Hazel deserve to get to know her father? Could I live with myself if one day she questions herself and why her real dad was never in her life, chalking it up to her not being good enough?
It would kill me.
“We do this on my terms, that’s the only way I’ll agree to this. She has no idea who you are, and we need to ease her into getting to know you.”
“Deal.” Carter pulls me into his chest and squeezes me extra hard. “Thank you,” he whispers in my ear.
I immediately push him off of me and point my finger at him. “Do not ever do that again. I’m letting you into Hazel’s life, not mine. You will respect my relationship with Nate.”
Carter looks at the ground visibly upset. “Is it serious?”
“Completely. I’m in love with him, Hazel’s in love with him.”
He looks away clenching his fist. It’s evident my last comment stung. “Eventually she’ll love me too. You won’t regret this.”
“I hope not.”
After I lift up my head, I see Nate and Hazel waving through the glass door. He looks unsure and a little pissed off that I’m out here with Carter, while Hazel waves at me and blows kisses. I gesture for him to bring her to me.
“Morning, Mama.” Hazel beams at me.
“Morning baby. Come here, I missed my morning snuggles.” Nate drops her into my lap, and she cuddles up to my chest. I happen to glance over at Carter and see tears in his eyes. It makes me believe everything he’s promised me.
“Hazel, can you say hi to mommy and Nate’s friend Carter?” She turns in my lap and reluctantly looks at Carter.
“Friend?” Carter questions.
“Friend,” Nate growls, and I almost want to laugh. Nate’s so protective of Hazel I know he’ll never let Carter do anything half-assed when it comes to her.
“Got it. Hey Hazel, good morning.”
“Morning,” she mumbles and her hesitation makes me want to laugh and yell in your face to Carter. If she made it easy on him and took to him right away, I think it would break my heart a little bit. Maybe that makes me selfish, but he needs to earn his way into her life.
“Hey, babe, why don’t you let me talk to Carter for a few minutes?”
I take a deep breath. “Okay. Let’s go, Hazel. Your stinky butt needs a tubby.”
“I stinky!” She claps her hands making us all laugh.
I get out of my seat with Hazel propped up on my hip and walk over to Nate. “Play nice,” I whisper in his ear.
His hand comes to my hip, and he whispers back. “Never.” Making me laugh. He tickles Hazel causing her to giggle then plants a chaste kiss on my lips. I don’t mind that Carter’s a few feet from us, I need to show him that I’m okay without him and that I’m committed to Nate in case he gets any crazy ideas.
Once we walk into the house, I run into Judd. “Well, what do we have here? Were you eavesdropping, Judd?” I laugh.
“Just needed to make sure you were alright. Not that you need to hear it, but I think you’re making the right decision.”
“I do need to hear it. I talked to Nate about it all last night and knew he’d go with whatever my decision was. He needs to know that he’s not
going anywhere nor is he being replaced. Nate and Hazel have a bond you can’t throw away. I guess we’ll have to work extra hard to reassure him if he ever feels insecure about all of this.” I kiss Judd’s cheek and head upstairs. Before I leave the room, Judd stops me by calling my name.
“I’m so thankful Nate has found you.”
“I’m thankful for him too.” Tears prick my eyes as I walk out of the room and upstairs to Nate’s childhood room.
I think about things while I’m bathing Hazel and feel good about my decision. We can ease Carter into her life. He said he’s going to be moving to Willow Creek and that means she won’t be a bicoastal toddler. When she forms a relationship and Carter takes her overnights way, way down the road, she’ll literally be right down the street.
God, sleepovers. I can’t let my brain process that far ahead, plus, what if being a father isn’t what he imagined? It would kill me if he decided to leave again after Hazel’s gotten so attached.
I shouldn’t, but for now, I’m going to give Carter the benefit of the doubt when it comes to her. She deserves to know her dad, and I know it’s the right decision, the right thing to do.
I’m really hoping Carter doesn’t make me regret my decision.
***
Nate
I watch to make sure Lex is inside the house before I walk over to the patio table and sit across from Carter. We stare at each other for a few moments, sizing each other up.
“Don’t get involved if your hearts not in it. I know your backstory now and why you abandoned Hazel.” The tick in his jaw is unmistakable. Did he honestly think I was going to make this easy on him? “Now, if it were my choice, there’s no fucking way I’d let you back into Hazel’s life. She’s been fine without you and Lex has done a damn good job of raising her.”
“She has, and luckily for me, you don’t get the final say.”
“I don’t, but make no mistake, those are my girls. I’d throw down for them, even against you. Someone that’s like family to me. I want to get a few things clear straight away, so there’s no confusion. You coming back into their lives changes nothing. I’ll still continue to love Hazel and continue in the father role I’ve had the privilege of earning.” I emphasize the last word to get my point across. “I’ve been there over the past few months. When she had to go to the hospital, watching her if Lex has a deadline to meet or taking her fishing. I’ve enjoyed every second I’ve spent with her, and that’s not going to change because you’re back.”
“I understand that,” Carter agrees. “I wouldn’t want to pull you away from Hazel with how important you are to her. It helps that I know you’re a decent guy.”
“Thanks. Now on to Lexi. I love that girl with everything that’s in me. You’re back, be back for Hazel. Your relationship with Lex stays strictly platonic. No sending mixed signals and no going behind my back. You just said you know me and that means you know my character. I ask for respect when it comes to Lex and me.”
“And you’re confident in your relationship? That she feels the same way too?” He challenges me by cocking an eyebrow, and it makes my hackles rise. There’s a hidden meaning behind that statement, and it sets me on edge.
“Absolutely.”
One side of Carter’s mouth hitches upward in defiance. “If you’re so sure, then I guess we have nothing to worry about.”
Chapter 24
I’ve spent a lot of today exploring the town with Nate and Hazel. The stores were unique, and I even have a few stores interested in carrying my jewelry. I didn’t set out to work on this trip, but a few of the owners commented on the necklace I’m wearing, and it went from there. After a shitty couple of days, having someone praise my work helped me build some of the confidence I’ve felt seep from me when Carter showed up yesterday.
Now, I’m getting ready for dinner. A dinner I know Carter will be at tonight. To allow Carter back in Hazel’s life was the right decision, but now I feel like he’s being forced down my throat. Here I sit with the man I used to love and the man I’m currently in love with and all I can do is stare at my plate, pushing my peas into the potatoes to avoid Carter’s gaze.
“Lexi, you’ll have to show me your jewelry sometime. Nate’s raved about your store and how successful you’ve become. From what he told me, I might have a chance to start buying your stuff in town.”
I feel Nate’s warm hand squeeze mine under the table in reassurance. “Yeah, I love this little town. Everyone’s so warm and friendly. I’ll see what I can do to get into the stores, I hope it works out. I actually brought some stuff with me to give you Tracey. If you want, I can show you later after dinner? I think that bag’s up in the closet?” I question Nate.
“Yup, safe and sound on top of my old baseball bag.”
“Wow, you have your own store?” Carter breaks his silence, speaking for the first time since we’ve sat down to eat.
“Yeah. I officially own LEX and my stuff is in a ton more stores than before Hazel was born.”
“That’s impressive. I remember you talking about expanding.”
This time I squeeze Nate’s hand to soothe him. In no circumstance would I imagine an ex-boyfriend talking about anything to do with the relationship, feeling good. He’s taken everything pretty well, and he wouldn’t tell me about his and Carter’s conversation from this morning, but I’m so lucky to have him.
“Her store is where we met. One of my buddies had me drop off a package, and the rest is history. She’s really taken the jewelry market by storm, Lexi always downplays her success.” Nate shocks me with that statement and the fact that he’s unfazed by Carter talking about the past. I really need to relax, I’m starting to read into things too much.
“I hear someone has a big birthday coming up.” Tracey wisely changes the subject. “I forget, who could it be?” She taps her chin with her finger.
Hazel giggles and raises both hands in the air. “Me!”
“My, my. Little Hazel’s going to be three in a few weeks. You’ll have to tell me what you want and make it good. I won’t even tell Mommy, so she can’t argue,” she stage whispers.
The two go on talking about some television show and toys when my eyes meet Carter’s. “When’s her birthday?”
“June 23rd. A little less than three weeks.”
“Yup and Hazel wants a princess party. Isn’t that right little H?”
She looks away from Tracey and bounces in her seat. “Yes! With tutus!”
“I hope they make tutus in my size because I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” Nate’s dad states making everyone laugh.
“Now that’s something I would never miss,” Andy says, and I feel extremely happy they all want to be there for her.
“You’re all invited.” I look around the table letting everyone know I mean it, even Carter. “You too. If you aren’t busy.”
“Judd, you’ll have to get two tutus because I’ll be there too.”
I smile then look at Nate. He winks at me then digs back into his food. All the guys make small talk, and everyone seems to get along really well after the initial awkwardness. I suppose everyone needs to see what their place is going to be and what role they’ll play. It’ll be a learning experience, but as long as Hazel’s happy, I’m happy.
“Why don’t you all head into the living room while I clean up.” Tracey shoos everyone out of the dining room, but I stay put to help her clean.
“Hazel, why don’t you go play with Nate outside.” I pick her up out of her highchair and place her on the ground after wiping all the fallen food from her face.
“That sounds like a great idea,” Nate states then he’s quiet for a second before adding. “What do you say we invite Carter outside to play with us? How does that sound? I hear he’s a really good hider.”
I don’t miss the shock on Carter’s face at the invitation. I lean up on my tiptoes and plant a quick kiss on his lips. “Thank you,” I whisper so only he can hear.
“I’ll be expecting some s
exual gratification later,” he says not so silently against my lips making me blush. I avoid Carter’s eyes altogether knowing Nate was talking loud enough for a reason. To make a point.
As I’m carrying all the dishes and silverware into the kitchen, I find myself at the window peeking through, making sure everything’s going okay. Giving Carter some time with Hazel is a good idea considering we’re leaving tomorrow morning and god knows when we’ll see him again.
“It takes a strong woman to be selfless, even for her daughter. I don’t know if I would have made the same decision being in your shoes. I’d like to think so, but I love my sons with everything that’s in me, and I probably would have kicked Carter in the balls and sent him packing.”
I laugh along with her. “The urge is strong Tracey, but if he finally wants in on her life, who am I to stop him? He’s missed out on almost three years he’ll never get back and my entire pregnancy. When I think about that, I figure it’s punishment enough.”
“Like I said, strong woman.”
“You won’t be saying that when I make you call my mom to tell her Carter’s back in our lives,” I chuckle. “She hates him, and she would never be rude to a stranger, definitely not to Nate’s mom. She’s so excited to meet you, and I hope Judd asking about tutus means you’ll be driving up for her birthday party?”
“We’ll be there for sure, nothing could keep me away from that party. It may only be a day since I’ve met you two, but you’re a part of this family now. You’re welcome any time, and I look forward to getting to know you. I see the way Nate looks at you, and I’ve been hoping he’d find someone for a long time now. It’s time for him to settle down and a plus is I don’t have to pester him about grandkids because I’ll already have one.”
“It doesn’t bother you that I come with a little more baggage than most? Especially the freakish coincidence of Carter being Hazel’s dad?”
Fool Me Once Page 13