by Love Belvin
I think today was the first day the beast of the media finally came full circle for me. This is what Elle and her team wanted: my face out there. A handsome kid, and talented athlete from urban, USA at the start of a successful career. Those pictures from a restaurant in L.A. had earned me an expedited endorsement deal from Ase Garb. Already, they were offering me twenty-seven million for a shoe design. And Elle was right: it was unprecedented. I’d heard of the deal they did with StentRo, Bailey, and Tori McNabb last year—all of who were signed to Love Is Action sports agency like me. That was pennies compared to this.
I should be jumping for joy and trying to fuck Emily for her part in this, but I didn’t want to. I wanted to get back to Connecticut. I wanted sleep. Wanted soul food that nourished more than my belly. I wondered what Parker was doing now. It was late on the East Coast, but she didn’t sleep through the night. She hadn’t called me since I’d been out here. I hadn’t called either and couldn’t justify why.
I pulled out my phone and scrolled through Instagram. It was more popping than this party. My moms was hosting bingo in her yard. I laughed at her and her old ass friends posing for pictures with beer, Henny, and Mauve bottles she made sure Divine kept her stocked with. She stayed lit with that bingo shit. Jordan was with his lady, Cole, in the water where he said they opened the pool for the summer. Terrance Grant’s whack ass was in my feed. It reminded me to delete him. His shits stayed corny. What black man mountain climbed?
“Fuckin’ dweeb,” I whispered to myself.
But Grant had a picture of a big ass bouquet of roses. His caption said something about he was about to hand deliver them to that special lady. See! Soft ass motherfucker. I kept scrolling and saw Kings running back, Ramsey Bishop and his wife, Wil Cunningham, giving their little boy a bath. Kids were corny to me, but this pic was kind of cute. Bishop was a good guy. He was probably a good dad, too.
Then there was a video of StentRo in his big ass backyard filled with lights, a bouncy house, a merry-go-round carousel, and other festive looking shit. He held his little girl in the air, making her believe she was flying. I didn’t know whose smile was bigger: his or hers. StentRo had the smile that made his damn eyes disappear. His laughter in the video with hers made me chuckle.
I saw pictures from my peoples in college. A few from my peoples on the block came up, too. They were still mourning B-Rocka, something I could’ve been doing if I didn’t have this career to chase. Then there came pictures Erika Erceg had begun posting from the party. I saw a few of me in the background, and she caught one of that conversation with the Bravo lady. That’s when I decided to get off.
There was no privacy no more. Every fucking thing was on a social media app. The only quiet time I had was with Parker. That reminded me of her birthday coming up. It would be cool to do something for her, especially with how she held me down at B-Rocka’s funeral. My mind starting going with how I could do something with a chick who couldn’t leave her front door step.
I tapped the phone and dialed my assigned assistant at Love Is Action. Elle made sure I had someone who could help me with booking shit like flights and car rides. She said anything I needed.
“Hello?” she whispered.
“I know you’re sleep. My bad,” I hope I sounded convincing.
“No. No!” she spoke even louder. “Totally cool, Rut! What can I help you with?”
I let go of a deep breath, not used to this beck and call shit.
“I need a gardener.”
“Like a landscaper?”
“Yeah. Them. Just some basic shit, nothing fancy. I’ll text you the address for them to go and cut and clean out weeds and maybe trim a tree or two.”
“Okay.”
“And I need rentals for a movie set up—but first!” Something else hit me.
“I need flowers delivered to my coach.”
“Coach?”
“Yeah, Coach Brooks. They can go to her office.”
“Any particular kind?”
I had no clue.
“I’ll let you decide. Just make them pretty.”
“What should the note in them say?”
I hadn’t thought of that either. Brooks complimented me at the close of minicamp. That hadn’t escaped my mind. She was trying. She was a fema—woman. Women deserved sweet gestures.
“Just thank you.” I shrugged.
“Okay. Got it.”
“Then I need chocolates delivered to somebody else.”
“What kind of chocolates?”
“I ‘on’t know. Good ones.” I looked around me and only saw a guy walk down the hall the balcony was off. It was Rick, Ellis’ ex-boyfriend. He looked behind himself, real suspicious like. I turned to face that way, leaning on the railing. “What do cute girls like?”
She laughed. “I’ll figure something out.”
“Okay. Send her that and a pair of shoes.”
“Shoes? What shoes?”
“YSLs. I got a pic in my phone I can send you.”
“Okay. What size?”
“I think a six and a half.”
“Okay.” Emily zipped down the hall in the same direction as Rick just seconds ago. And like him, she was so busy looking over her shoulder she didn’t even recognize my big ass outside, a few yards away. “Anything else?”
I hesitated, feeling that familiar gut instinct. “That’s all for tonight. I fly out tomorrow. If I think of anything else, I’ll hit you before I board.”
“Okay. Cool.”
“A’ight.”
“By—” I dropped the phone and tapped out of the call before she could get out the last syllable.
I made my way into the hall. My head swung left where the door to the room of the party was, and Erik, Emily’s brother, stuck his head out.
“Yo.” He raised his Corona bottle. “Mom said the photographer’s ready. You and Em need to come on.”
I tossed my chin. “A’ight.”
Erik went back into the room and I went right where I saw Emily take off just two minutes ago. This was a formal dinner party where the dudes had to wear fucking tuxedos and hard bottom shoes so I made sure I treaded lightly. That gut feeling told me to be easy. I went all the way to the end of the hall where there was nowhere left to go but left. Trekking down another long hall, I checked a few doors along the way that were locked. I walked all the way down to turn another left, which meant I was on the other side of the house from where I started.
After a few steps, I heard smacking, a familiar version of it. That made my steps even more stealth. I stopped at the first short hall and what I saw made my fucking face open.
Emily peeled her face then body from around Rick before screaming. Rick went to comfort her and she pushed him away.
“Holy shit. Rut!” She started my way.
The smile on my face was from the weight being lifted from my back.
The moment I saw the lights of a car pull into the driveway, I took to the front door. After stepping outside on bare feet, I closed the door behind me. This was a surprise I was still processing. I waited until he stepped out of the car, jogged over to the passenger seat, and pulled out a huge bouquet of flowers.
When he made it to the steps, I smiled. “You didn’t have to do this.”
“I did. Especially after seeing those pictures of him out in L.A.”
I shook my head and rolled my eyes. “Rut is a single man. He has every right to behave like one.”
“But he wasn’t behaving like one when he pulled you out of Townhouse Hall before Young Lord finished his set.”
I took the bouquet that reached wider than my frame, planted in a square metal vase and sniffed.
“Mmmmmmm…” I sniffled again. “These look and smell amazing. Thanks, Terrance.”
“Ain’t no thing.” He swiped my cheek. “I’m just glad you let a brother drop them off. I know you’re busy with your hands full in there.” He nodded toward the house.
Jimmy had a rough time last night and had
been sleeping all day. It was close to nine at night and I wondered if I’d be sleeping in his room to keep an eye on him because he’d be wide awake tonight.
“Yeah. It’s been a time,” was all I offered, not wanting to share the details of Jimmy’s health with strangers. “Not our best day.”
Terrance stepped closer. “That’s why I’m grateful for you letting me stop by.”
Grateful? It’s not like I was inviting him in.
“Well, thanks for these. I can’t remember the last time I was given flowers.”
“That’s because I’m a man. Women should only give their time to men, not boys, who chase fame out in Hollywood.”
I knew that was a jab at Rut, and after seeing those pictures with him, Emily, and her brother, Erik, eating at that restaurant earlier, I didn’t think it was wise to defend him. Rut told me in so many words he was going to L.A. for business with her, but seeing the “business” tore at something in me. I’d been telling myself for hours to not take it personally. Rut was young, rich, and free. He shouldn’t be chained to someone who has the lifestyle of a seventy-year-old married woman.
“Thanks for these, Terrance. I should be getting back inside now.”
“Hang on.” He stepped closer. “When can I take you out again?”
“I don’t know. It’s kind of rough to do much after five.”
“We did it before.”
I sighed. “I know. That was an unusual circumstance. I told you.”
“And what about the concert this week? You were out late.”
That’s because Rut paid double for the whole day, something I didn’t want to get used to him doing.
“Another rare circumstance. But maybe lunch. There are a couple of new restaurants around the office. I can take a few extra minutes more at lunch.”
“Okay. I’ll take whatever I can get from you, beautiful.”
That sounded so cheesy coming from him, but I grinned and bore it. I even held my breath as he bent down and kissed my forehead. Not being able to take much more, I stepped back.
“Thanks again, Terrance.” I opened the door and stepped in. “I’ll see you around.”
He gave a neck bow as I closed and locked the door.
My phone vibrating caused my eyes to fly open. I turned to the nightstand and tapped for it. The bright light glared in my eyes.
Rut: You sleep?
My heart galloped at his name.
Me: Yes.
Now leave me alone…
I swallowed hard over that lie as I turned over, kicking my leg in the sheets.
Rut: I’m 2 blocks away. Open the door.
My eyes flew open at that. Here? He was coming here? It was almost two in the morning. I didn’t even know he was back on the East Coast. And at this hour? Was he crazy?
Is my heart really beating like a mad woman?
Why was I appalled and excited at the same time? I leaped out of bed for my purse. Lip gloss. I needed sprucing.
The cut of his engine could be heard from inside the house. I watched from the window near the door as he jogged up the driveway to the door. Before he could ring or knock, I pulled it open.
He wasn’t out of breath and his expression was cloaked of emotion, but his eyes glimmered with vibrancy. And it was there. Hidden beneath the repression of desire was a teeming volcanic energy fomenting. He wanted me but showed restraint. That act went against constitutional Rut.
And I hated it.
I rolled my eyes, rounding him to lock the door.
“I’m going back to bed,” I muttered on my way to the stairs.
Beyond beautiful.
He couldn’t help it. His foot covered in a black ankle sock was just at the edge of the mattress. The opposite knee was folded, nearly reaching the other end of the bed. How was I able to fit on there with him was beyond me. Then I remembered my place was on his chest. My head against his chest was where I found the most peaceful cadence providing siesta. His arm folded over his head bulged with wrecking balls. His entire upper body sparsely littered with colorful graffiti. His full lips were parted and his lashes made infinitesimal flutters. That’s how I knew he was awakening.
Rut patted his chest. I knew he was in search of me. When his eyes flapped open, I turned my head to the side cheekily.
“I made breakfast.” I lifted my brows before walking away.
I made sure to do it slowly and make a show out of my attire. Bra, panties, thigh-high hosiery, and black patent leather YSL Opyum sandals that were delivered yesterday.
“You’re up already? I wanted to sleep in.”
That stopped me in my tracks.
I turned to peer at him from over my shoulder. “I couldn’t sleep after I checked in on Jimmy a few hours ago,” I fibbed.
I slept so well on his chest, I’d actually overslept and didn’t get to Jimmy until about an hour ago. I stayed away so Rut couldn’t wake me in his usual fashion. Each moment since, I wondered if I made the right call. I’d love any form of intimacy with him. Craved it.
“I wanna go away,” those morning chords churned out.
“Excuse me?”
He rubbed his eyes. “I wanna go away.” His hand dropped, and Rut looked me in my eyes. “With you.”
“I can’t, and you know it.”
“Do I?”
I didn’t answer.
“You can ask one of Wright’s kids to pick up for a couple of weeks—”
“Breakfast is getting cold.” I continued into the bathroom and closed the door.
I’d just put the orange juice away and closed the door when I was pressed into the refrigerator, groped at the waist up to my breasts, and my chin was yanked up until my mouth met soft, moist lips.
“Mmmmmm!” I released something between a startling cry and a moan.
I couldn’t decide before his tongue pierced my lips and swiped against my teeth. A delicious yet familiar fragrance danced in my nostrils. My mouth opened to him with ease and our tongues caressed each other with slow speed, rendering me tingly and stinging at the nipples. I stood on the tips of my toes to get closer to him and could feel the excitement of his efforts against my cheeks behind. He wanted me.
Good.
I pulled my mouth away. He breathed down heavily on me, nostrils angrily wide.
“Why’ve I been picking up crazy cold vibes from you?”
“Making you a hot breakfast is cold?”
“I don’t like not waking you up before I go.”
A delicious sigh coursed my lungs and anger flashed just as swiftly. I bumped him to move.
“I have to work today. And so do you,” I murmured, going to the table.
“Nah. I’m off today.” He turned toward the table. “I plan to chill, maybe get a damn massag—”
His abrupt silence had me looking up from my plate. Rut’s eyes were on the bouquet of flowers on the table. I watched how the muscles in his face went south.
“Where those come from?”
My throat closed, eyeing the roses as though they were foreign to me.
“Terrance,” slipped my lips softly.
“He was here?”
“Briefly.”
Then his eyes landed on me. “Why?”
“He called and ask if he could drop something off.”
“When?”
“Saturday.” Victory swelled in my chest. “Why?”
“Why?”
“Yes. Why?”
“Because he got no business coming by Wright’s place.”
“But you do?”
“C’mon, man,” he breathed. Rut rolled his eyes and switched stances. “Because I’m your friend.”
I angled my head and pushed out my lips, considering that claim. “Friends like Terrance and me or friends like you and Emily? I’m asking for a friend.”
“Oh, that’s what this’s about? Fucking Emily!”
“Yeah. Are you fucking Emily? Because that would then be a different friendship than what you have with me and
I have with Terrance.”
Rut’s eyes widened. “That’s what this’s about! Us not fucking?”
When I gave him a pointed stare, he got his answer.
“Shouldn’t you be happy I’m not trying to fuck? Don’t that make girls like you happy?”
“No. Because I’m not a girl, Rut. I’m a woman. And more than the sex we don’t have, I have every right to be concerned about the sex you do have with other women.”
“I don’t have sex with nobody! My dick been drier than a desert since—”
My finger shot in the air. “Don’t lie! You told me she went down on you two weeks ago.”
Rut recoiled, almost in disgust. That reaction decreased my faith in male species just slightly. How can you be repulsed by a woman but let her put her mouth on you?
“But I eat your pussy and ass almost every day! Shouldn’t that mean something?”
“It’s just weird.”
“Weird?”
“Yes! I could understand if oral was your fetish, but you’ve made it clear to the world you’re particular about where you put your mouth on a woman.”
“Because I fuckin’ am!”
“But you put it on me—a lot! You come here at night and spill your heart and mind out, wake in the morning and make my body quake like a Taser, and go about your day. Meanwhile, back here on the ranch, I’m left deluded from orgasms and confused as to why a young, spritely man your age won’t go any further!”
“I WANT TO!” thundered from his belly.
I jumped in my seat, pulse pounding in my neck as I tried catching my breath.
“Then why don’t you?” I whispered. “I know I’m being selfish here. I know I can’t give you more than that.” I ducked my head and swallowed back upending tears. “I get that I’ve pre-aged myself with this commitment I’ve taken on. I really do. But since you’ve come around, I realized how lonely I’ve been. How starved I’ve been of companionship. If you don’t want to—” I sucked in a breath, not knowing what to say.
Rut didn’t seem to either.
“I’m lost in this. As fast of a time as it’s been, I don’t know the protocol.” I lifted my head to face him. “I like you, Rut. A lot. I don’t pretend to agree with half of your views, but I trust your heart. Almost every day, I learn something new about it. Like…” My eyes danced across the table. “Your charity work in Trenton. You didn’t even share it with me, but it was no surprise you could extend yourself to people that way.”