by Julia London
“All this time I thought she was easily distracted and the finger thing was a nervous habit. I never thought . . .”
“Have you noticed any seizure behavior on the heels of a fever?” the doctor asked.
“No, I’m certain I haven’t,” Kyra said, not certain at all. “I mean, I don’t remember any. It’s been a while since she’s had a fever.”
“Ruby? Can you breathe really fast for me, like you’re running?”
Ruby began to pant. “She runs around a lot,” Kyra said, uncertain as to why Ruby was required to breathe quickly. Did the doctor think Ruby wasn’t active enough? She realized that Dr. Giannarelli was frowning slightly as she watched Ruby and glanced at her daughter—Ruby had stopped panting, and to anyone else, it would have looked like she was distracted by the figures on the wall. But she was doing the thing with her hand.
Dr. Giannarelli snapped her fingers. Ruby didn’t move . . . for a moment. Then she looked down at her hand, shook it, and began to twirl around.
The doctor made a note on Ruby’s chart.
“My mother . . . my mother died when I was twelve,” Kyra said. “She had a tumor in her brain. Brain cancer,” she added, her voice cracking a little when she said those words out loud.
The doctor glanced at her.
“I mean . . . maybe it could be hereditary,” she said.
“Ruby, can you hold your arms out like this for me?” the doctor asked, and said then to Kyra, “It is highly unlikely that this has anything to do with that.”
“Then what is it?”
“I think it’s probably epileptic childhood absence seizures—”
“Epilepsy!” Kyra repeated, alarmed.
“It’s not as bad as it sounds,” Dr. Giannarelli said. “Ruby has the classic symptoms of absence seizures, and in the majority of cases, the child outgrows them,” she said, echoing what Dax had told Kyra. “But let’s cover all the bases. I’m going to give you the name of a neurologist in Black Springs. See Carol on the way out, and she’ll get you in quickly. Otherwise you might end up waiting a month or so.”
Kyra’s head was spinning. “Does it need to be quick? That sounds so . . . ominous.”
“What does ominous mean?” Ruby asked.
“Important, sweetie,” Kyra said and looked at the doctor.
“Quicker is better than later, isn’t it? They’ll want to do an EEG on her and check her brain’s electrical activity. That also sounds worse than it is. Mrs. Kokinos, I’m sure it’s nothing to be alarmed about,” she said reassuringly. “But we want to rule out anything else. I’m being overly cautious here.”
Kyra nodded, but she didn’t know what she was nodding to. Her thoughts were so jumbled between the remote idea that she could possibly lose Ruby and chastising herself for being so fatalistic. She needed to be optimistic right now. Positive energy into the world, positive energy back. Don’t borrow trouble, don’t assume the worst.
“Come back and see me when you’ve checked in with Dr. Green,” Dr. Giannarelli said. “We need to get her up to date on her vaccinations.”
Kyra thanked the doctor, gathered her purse and the doll Ruby had brought, and stopped at the desk on the way out. The receptionist made Ruby an appointment with the neurologist in Black Springs for a week from the following Monday.
She took Ruby for an ice cream she’d promised on the way to the doctor’s office. When they arrived home, it didn’t look as if Dax had come home. But Otto was outside, sniffing around Mrs. McCauley’s plants.
Kyra wished she would hear from him. At least let her know that his baby was okay. But she didn’t see him that night, either, and agonized about whether or not she should text him. It had only been twenty-four hours since she’d seen him, only forty-eight hours since they’d declared themselves a thing. She didn’t want to appear desperate. She knew he needed his space. She decided not to text him.
Kyra opened her laptop. She meant to study, but instead she went to Facebook and looked up Josh Burton, Ruby’s father.
A couple of years ago, Ruby had gone through a phase of asking about him all the time. As Kyra had explained to Dax, she’d been as honest as she could have been with her. “Your daddy and I only knew each other long enough to make a baby. Sometimes that happens, and the daddy goes away to live with other mommies.”
Ruby accepted that explanation, perhaps because it wasn’t so unnatural in her world. As far as Kyra knew, Taleesha’s father wasn’t in the picture, either. But naturally, Ruby wanted to know if her daddy could come visit—no, he lives too far away. Or if she could call him. Not this time. Maybe when you’re older.
It bothered Kyra that she didn’t have a really good, age-appropriate explanation for Ruby.
From time to time, Kyra had looked Josh up on the Internet. She’d found him a couple of years ago, late one night when she’d been bored out of her mind and had gone on a social media hunt for him.
She looked him up again tonight. He was still living in Indianapolis, by all appearances. Still married to a woman who was the exact opposite of Kyra in looks and size. His wife was petite, with short blonde hair and a wide mouth. There were pictures of Josh and his wife on a boat, pictures of Josh with a bunch of guys, two of whom Kyra recognized from Brandi’s wedding. A picture of him and his wife on a hiking trip in some scenic mountain location, and a picture of a steak on a plate. His page said he was employed by Castlemaine Industries.
Kyra would bet that Castlemaine Industries, whatever that was, had good health insurance.
She typed out a private message to him, telling him that his daughter had something wrong with her and she needed his help.
But she didn’t hit Send.
She deleted it.
Josh had had no part in Ruby’s life by choice. Even when Brandi had gotten in touch with him and showed him pictures of his newborn daughter six years ago, he’d been just as clear with her as he’d been with Kyra. I’m getting married. This would ruin everything. He wanted nothing to do with his daughter. Nothing.
The mere suggestion that Ruby could ruin anything made Kyra so angry. She just hoped her daughter never had to breathe the same air as someone who saw her as a problem.
At half past eleven, exhausted with the worry of the last two days, Kyra closed her laptop. As she washed a few dishes at the sink before bed, her phone beeped. Kyra’s heart quickened, and she punched the button with her elbow to see the text.
You up?
It was Dax. Thank God, it was Dax. She smiled and quickly wiped her hands dry.
Yes. Baby okay?
Enormous. 9 lbs, 8 oz. A crier. You’re probably not surprised.
Kyra smiled broadly. That’s wonderful. She inserted a smiley face.
I’ll be home in fifteen. Come over.
Oh, how she wanted to, but she glanced at the hallway door. Can’t. Ruby.
Then meet me outside. Moon is full and night is gorgeous. Fifteen minutes.
K.
As soon as she sent the last response, she darted into the bathroom. She quickly combed her hair and applied a little blush, then changed out of the awful sweatpants she’d cut off a few years ago and wore around the house as very baggy shorts. She pulled on some denim shorts and a T-shirt, checked in on Ruby, then went out her front door.
She was sitting on the bottom step when Dax pulled into his drive. He got out, bent down to pet Otto, then lifted his hand and waved. She felt lighter seeing him, felt the anxiety of her day sloughing away. He walked across the lawn in the moonlight, Otto bouncing along behind him, tail wagging. As he neared her, he lifted a bottle of champagne and two plastic Solo cups.
Kyra gasped with delight. “Excellent!”
He popped the cork, poured two cups of champagne, and handed one to her.
“A toast,” she said and lifted her cup. “To your beautiful, healthy son.”
“His name is Jonathan,” Dax said, his grin as wide as Kyra had ever seen it. “He’s got a full head of hair. He weighed nine pounds, ei
ght ounces, did I tell you?”
“What was she feeding that kid? He’s a little bruiser.”
“He’s a healthy boy, all right,” Dax said. He fished his phone from his pocket and showed her some pictures of his bundle of joy. Kyra exclaimed over them and beamed alongside him.
As Dax gazed down at the pictures, she asked, “How’d it go with the ex?”
“Who, Ashley? She was fine. It was Stephanie,” he said and shook his head. “She wants to have the biggest balls in the room. I’m ashamed to admit that a few weeks ago I actually thought about not going. I didn’t want that moment to be about Stephanie and Ashley.”
“I get that,” Kyra said.
“But then I realized I was letting her have a moment that belonged to me, and I forgot she was there. It’s the best thing that ever happened to me, Kyra—I wouldn’t have wanted to miss that experience for anything in the world.”
Kyra understood completely. “How long was she in labor? You’ve been gone a really long time.”
“Oh yeah?” he asked and wrapped his arm around her shoulders, then kissed her temple. “She gave birth at three thirteen this morning. I stayed for a few hours. On my way back to East Beach I went by a place that is selling some old barn wood.” He wrapped a tress of her hair around his fist. “I should have called you, I guess, but I’ve been on another planet today.” He drained his champagne.
“That’s the best planet to be on,” she said as he pulled her close.
“You know, I have tried to imagine this day, but nothing I thought came close to the real thing. It was amazing.” He glanced at her sidelong. “That makes two extraordinary things to happen to me in the last week,” he said and leaned in to kiss her.
Kyra sighed and melted into his kiss. It was the first time in two days she’d felt right, like she’d found a harbor from the rough sea in her head.
But he lifted his head and asked, “Hey, did you see Nora?”
“Dr. Giannarelli? I did. She said what you said—nothing to worry about. She referred us to a neurologist in Black Springs to have Ruby thoroughly checked out.”
“That’s great,” Dax said. “I told you there was nothing to worry about.”
“I know,” she agreed. “But I’ll still feel better once this guy gives her the all clear.”
Dax kissed her temple, then poured more champagne for them.
Kyra swirled her champagne around in her cup, thinking. She really was feeling more optimistic about Ruby . . . but there was that small, dark, pessimistic cloud in her that she just couldn’t shake. Everyone said it was nothing to worry about, and she believed them, and yet that tiny niggle of doubt kept creeping back in.
“Are you okay?” Dax asked.
“What?” Kyra realized he’d been watching her, and something cracked in her. “No,” she muttered softly. “I’m not okay. I’m trying to be okay, I’m trying as hard as I can to be optimistic, but I’m not okay.”
Dax put down his cup to wrap both arms around her.
She turned her face into his shoulder. “I’m a horrible mother,” she whispered.
“Don’t say that—”
“No, it’s true,” she said. “I’m always too busy. It never occurred to me her zoning out was anything but being a six-year-old. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve scolded her for not listening. I wouldn’t believe her that she didn’t hear me. I’ve let her down in the worst way—”
“No, you haven’t,” he said sternly. “That little coconut is a great kid, Kyra, and she didn’t get that way on her own. She’s respectful, she’s fun, she’s happy, she has a great imagination. Don’t try and convince yourself she’s been neglected, because she hasn’t. Stop beating yourself up. Shit happens.”
“I want to believe you, but I know what it’s been like these six years. Always working, always sticking her with people like Fern Miller . . .” She winced and shook her head. “It’s a miracle she’s turned out like she has,” she muttered. “You’ll find out what I mean now that you have your son.”
Dax didn’t say anything.
“Did I say something wrong?” she asked.
“No. Maybe. I don’t know, Kyra, but I’m feeling a little uncertain about what I’m doing here in East Beach when I have a son in Teaneck. I can’t wrap my head around it yet.”
Kyra didn’t know exactly what he meant by that, but she knew a lot of new, raw emotions surfaced when a new life was brought into the world. Love and devotion and the strong desire to never be away from that little person. She sighed and put her head on his shoulder and looked at the moon.
“All I know is that I want to be with my son,” Dax said quietly.
Kyra’s heart skipped a little. Of course he did. But selfishly, she hoped that didn’t mean he was going to return to Teaneck. She couldn’t imagine losing him now that she’d found him. She couldn’t imagine that at all.
“I have some decisions to make,” he said, and he put his arm around her again and leaned back against the steps with her and turned his gaze to the moon, too. “Don’t listen to me. I’m just a new dad rambling right now.” He grinned at her. “I like the sound of that. New dad.”
Kyra liked the sound of it, too. She just wished the sound of “dad” was somewhere closer to East Beach.
Chapter Seventeen
It was amazing to Dax—a man who had eschewed society and women and life in general for the last year or so—how quickly he and Kyra came together and fit into each other’s lives.
The few days following Jonathan’s birth were some of the best of his life. He could actually say that—they were the best of his life. He had a son. He had a girl. He had a coconut who made him smile every day, a feat he would have thought impossible just a few short weeks ago.
For the first time in months, Dax forgot his heart was broken.
Ashley was great about sending him pictures and texts about Jonathan. He hadn’t asked for that, and he truly appreciated it. He wanted to be there with his son in the worst way, and he went to visit as often as he could. But he had to finish the massive table he’d been working on for Wallace, and there was Otto to take care of. But when he wasn’t working on that table, he was staring at pictures of Jonathan or listening to the fanciful theories presented by Ruby Coconuts about squirrels or birds or dogs or whatever had caught her eye that day.
The little girl with the long, curly red hair had grown on him, that was for sure. Sort of like the old tree up on Juneberry Road that had grown around a fence post and practically swallowed the post in its trunk. He had to give the little twerp credit—she had come over the fence and wormed her way into his life when he wasn’t looking.
Most days, while Kyra waited tables and he worked on his furniture, Ruby got dirty. She and dirt were magnets. Maybe because her favorite sport was digging or planting sticks. Mr. McCauley came by a couple of times and took her on his landscaping rounds with him—maybe to keep her from digging up something important—but whatever the reason, Dax was grateful for the break. Even though he found Ruby easy to babysit, at the end of those days he watched her, he was tired. He didn’t know what it was—maybe having to be constantly alert or maybe the need to engage in constant conversation when he was so out of practice. He couldn’t imagine how tiring it would be to have to clothe her and bathe her and make sure she brushed her teeth or picked up her toys or read her books and talk more about Barbies at the end of a long day.
He had developed a healthy respect for the life of a single parent.
Neither he nor Ruby could wait for Kyra to come home each day, albeit for different reasons. Inevitably, Kyra would shake her head at the sight of both of them. “If I didn’t know better, I’d swear the two of you have been mud wrestling.” And then she’d take over, freeing Dax from the responsibility of Ruby.
That’s when the day really lit up. Dax loved being with Kyra; it was so easy between them. One night he made a picnic for Ruby and Kyra and took them down to the lakeshore. He and Kyra laughed about thei
r most embarrassing high school moments while they ate turkey sandwiches, and Ruby threw rocks into the lake that Otto would swim out and try to catch.
The next night they drove to the fancy resort at the other end of Lake Haven. Because Dax made and delivered furniture to some of the houses on the high-dollar end of the lake, he knew the resort hosted free summer concerts. That night they threw out a blanket and the three of them sort of dog piled onto it and gazed at the stars while they listened to music.
Later, as Dax and Kyra lay tangled in her bed after making love, he asked if he could take Ruby to see Jonathan.
Kyra came up on an elbow, her hair spilling over him like water. “Really?”
“He’s home now,” Dax said. “I can’t wait to see him again.”
“I’m off work on Sunday,” she suggested. “Can you wait until then? You don’t want to take Ruby with you, Dax—you know how hyper she can get.”
“She gets hyped up like any kid.” He played with the ends of Kyra’s hair, brushing them across her nose. “I have a good working relationship with the coconut. We could run a business together. She knows when I say cut it out, I mean it.”
Kyra smiled. “Well, that’s impressive. You’ll have to teach me your trick,” she said, and leaned down to kiss him.
“She’d have fun,” Dax said. “And I could use the company.”
Kyra’s hand was sliding down his leg, distracting him. “As long as you understand what you’re in for.”
“I do.”
“That will give me a chance to study,” she said, contemplating. “I’m getting really close to being ready to take the exam.”
“That’s great,” he said and rolled on top of her. It amazed him that he could be hard again, but Kyra had that effect on him. His hand drifted down her side, to her thigh. “How sleepy are you?”
“On a scale of one to ten?”
He kissed the corner of her mouth.
“A two.”
“That’s my girl,” he muttered and realized, as he kissed her and his hands began to roam a body that was becoming so familiar to him, that he was very attached to the idea of having a girlfriend.