by Julia London
Whether he was wrong or right, he felt some uncomfortable rumblings in his heart. It was scooting back on its shelf, clinging to the wall at its back in fear of falling and shattering on the cold stone floor of truth.
He turned in early because he couldn’t work and he couldn’t read. But his sleep was shallow, his mind plagued with doubts. Nevertheless, he was asleep when a sound startled him awake. He shot upright and reached for something to swing.
“Dax, it’s me,” Kyra whispered.
His heart was pounding, and he eased back against the headboard of his bed. “What the hell? You scared me, Kyra. I could have hit you.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you, but it seemed weird to throw rocks against your window when your door was standing open.”
“My door was standing open?”
“Wide open.”
“No wonder that damn dog didn’t warn me you were here,” he said and sighed. “Wait—what are you doing here in the middle of the night? Is everything okay? Is Ruby—”
“She’s asleep.” Kyra climbed onto the foot of his bed and started to crawl her way up his body, straddling him. And then she was on his lap, her hands braced against his chest. “Does the offer still stand?”
He studied her in the dim light. He didn’t know if they were still out of balance, but he covered her hands with his and said, “Yes. Absolutely.”
“It’s a weird offer,” she said and leaned down to kiss his cheek.
“Don’t care.” He caressed her, his hand moving over the pajama bottoms that felt like liquid silk beneath his hand.
“It’s insane if you would take two seconds to think about it.”
“What’s your point?” he asked gruffly.
She kissed his other cheek. “I want to tell you that I love you, Dax, but I won’t say it. Not yet, anyway,” she said and nibbled his ear. “Because I don’t want you to think I am telling you I love you simply because you bailed me out. Again. That’s not why.”
He tried to look at her, but she moved to his neck. “Do you love me?” he asked.
“I just told you,” she said, her voice light. “I can’t tell you that.” She moved down to his chest, trailing her tongue and lips across him. “But I accept your marriage proposal.” And she kept moving down his chest, to his hips, dragging his boxers down with her.
Dax sank back into his pillow. He was smiling for obvious reasons—and gasping with sheer delight when she took him in her mouth—but it wasn’t just the physical pleasure. Someone had opened a window in the heavens, and the sun was shining bright in that dark room. Dax hadn’t expected to be happy that Kyra would accept his offer of sudden engagement, but he was. In some strange way, this unusual arrangement felt right to him, like it was supposed to happen this way. He’d done something good for a change.
And he was shockingly happy about it.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Kyra was getting married.
She still couldn’t believe it, and sort of floated through the next day, marveling at how her life had spiraled and flipped and somersaulted into this engagement. She was equal parts happy and worried and confused and certain . . . but she could not deny that after last night in Dax’s dark room, when he’d made love to her so tenderly that it made her heart ache with longing, she’d felt something inside her move off center.
She couldn’t pinpoint the moment when she’d changed her mind about his offer, or what had made her kiss Ruby’s forehead while she slept and then slip out of the cottage last night. But it had happened during her conversation with Mrs. McCauley.
After Dax had left yesterday afternoon, Kyra had walked up to Mrs. McCauley’s to fetch her daughter. Mrs. McCauley was marginally aware of the issues with Ruby’s health, and she’d asked why Ruby was talking about doctors.
Kyra told her landlord the truth, spelling out certain words like surgery and tumor so that Ruby, who was otherwise preoccupied with putting icing on their cake, wouldn’t take note of the conversation.
“Oh dear,” Mrs. McCauley said and caressed the top of Ruby’s head. “Oh my. That must be overwhelming for you.”
“Look!” Ruby said, displaying the mess she’d made on one side of the cake.
“That’s beautiful, sweetie,” Mrs. McCauley said.
“It is overwhelming,” Kyra admitted. “I can’t stop thinking about it.”
“Well, of course not,” Mrs. McCauley said. “Do you have any family to help you?”
Kyra shook her head. “Just my dad in Florida, but he . . . he’s not much help.”
Mrs. McCauley nodded. “Don’t be afraid to lean on your friends.”
Kyra snorted. “I lean too much as it is.”
“What’s that?” Mrs. McCauley said. “You seem quite self-sufficient to me, Kyra. Trust me, I have a granddaughter named Skylar who is someone who leans too much, and I swear that girl can’t tie her own shoelaces without someone’s help. No, you have a good head on your shoulders, and you work for what you’ve got.”
Kyra smiled. “Thanks.” She wished it was as simple as working for what she had.
“Now, Dax, there’s a good friend,” Mrs. McCauley said a bit slyly.
Dax was more than that—he was her knight in shining armor. “He’s been very helpful,” Kyra agreed.
“He kissed Mommy,” Ruby announced.
Mrs. McCauley arched a brow. “He did, did he?”
Kyra blushed. “Ah . . . he’s been great, he really has,” she said, bypassing the kiss remark. “But I feel as if I am taking advantage of him.”
“Can’t take advantage of someone unless they allow it,” Mrs. McCauley said. “You have to look at it from his point of view. He’s been alone for a long time, mean as a snake, and with no one to talk to but that flower-digging dog.”
“Otto,” Ruby offered.
“Otto,” Mrs. McCauley agreed. “No one can live like that for long, Kyra. Everyone needs a purpose, a reason for getting up. Maybe he found that in you and Ruby.”
She hadn’t really thought of it that way. “But that doesn’t make it fair,” she said.
“For heaven’s sake,” Mrs. McCauley said and clucked her tongue at Kyra. “What’s fair in this world? Seems to me that man has some pretty broad shoulders, if you ask me.”
Maybe Mrs. McCauley was right. Maybe it wasn’t such a bad thing to let Dax help her in this way. And maybe . . . maybe there was a small part of her that wanted this thing between them to go on forever. She really did love him.
She couldn’t believe it. She couldn’t believe she was actually going to marry him for insurance.
Deenie really couldn’t believe it.
Kyra had asked Deenie to meet her at the municipal park where she’d brought Ruby to play for the afternoon. It felt like madness to keep this news to herself, and Kyra desperately needed to tell someone, anyone. She thought—okay, she hoped—that Deenie would reaffirm her decision to take Dax up on his offer when she’d explained it all.
But Deenie didn’t do that. She frowned, and she frowned deeply. “That is the dumbest thing I ever heard, Kyra.”
Kyra’s bubble instantly began to deflate. “It’s for the insurance.”
“What is it for him?”
“I don’t . . . I think he just wants to help.” She thought about what Mrs. McCauley had said, that she and Ruby were his purpose, but in the glare of Deenie’s disapproving look that sounded silly.
“Wow, you sound so certain,” Deenie said sarcastically.
Doubt began to creep into Kyra’s thoughts. She could probably google it—what does it mean when a guy offers to marry you so you can use his insurance?—and find all kinds of reasons to assure her this was a bad idea. Maybe she should have done that before she’d crept into his bed or so excitedly texted Deenie. But Kyra shook that off—she knew Dax. Mrs. McCauley was right—he wanted to help. Kyra wasn’t gullible—she knew what she was doing.
“That’s insurance fraud, anyway,” Deenie said as she examine
d her lipstick in a compact mirror.
“Is it?” Maybe Kyra didn’t know so well what she was doing.
“Yes! You can’t marry someone just to use their insurance and then divorce them.”
Kyra hadn’t said anything about divorce. She had very specifically not said anything about divorce because of her hope that this horrible awful nightmare would turn into a fairy tale and that maybe, just maybe, it could really work. She’d heard crazier stories, people who didn’t know each other and married, and somehow it had all worked. Hell, the TLC network dedicated show after show to improbable unions. And what about the Bachelor franchise? It could happen. She wanted to argue this with Deenie, but she wasn’t getting a conciliatory vibe off her friend.
“And what if he’s really into you and this is his way of sealing the deal? Then you’re just taking advantage of him.”
The heat of shame crept up her neck. But Kyra wasn’t taking advantage of him. She and Dax clearly understood one another. Didn’t they?
Deenie was frowning at her, and Kyra had to consider that maybe they didn’t understand each other. After all, wasn’t she already beginning to treat him differently? Wasn’t she treating him with deference because he was saving her daughter, instead of the way she might treat a boyfriend? This morning, when he’d wanted to take Ruby to see Jonathan, hadn’t she said yes because . . . because she didn’t want to displease him?
“I don’t know, Kyra,” Deenie said and stood up, hooking her purse over her shoulder as she glanced at her watch. “It just sounds really crazy to me.”
“What am I supposed to do, Deenie?” Kyra exclaimed. “My daughter has a brain tumor—”
“I’m sure there is a way you can get help without getting married. This just smacks of desperation.” She peered down at Kyra. “Wait—you’re not doing this because of Phil, are you?”
“Phil! What are you talking about?”
“Do you maybe think this is your chance to be married?”
That remark hit Kyra squarely in the gut. “No! Jesus, Deenie, give me a little credit! I’m not desperate like that! This is about Ruby, and that’s all.”
“Is it, really?” she asked, then glanced at her watch. “Look, I gotta go.” Deenie leaned down to kiss Kyra’s cheek. “I’m sorry if I upset you. But if I won’t say it, who will?” she asked cheerfully and winked. “See you tomorrow.”
Kyra nodded, her head still spinning from the conversation. She’d thought this meeting would be fun. She’d thought they’d talk about dresses and venues and who should come. Jesus, Deenie spoke to her like she was living in a fantasy land.
When Deenie left, Kyra turned her attention back to Ruby. She was annoyed with her friend. This was not a winking matter. This was not a girlfriends-talking-about-boyfriends conversation. Okay, maybe she’d started the conversation that way, but really, this was serious, and Deenie shouldn’t have dismissed it so readily. This was deadly serious.
And yet the conversation left Kyra feeling a little funny. Like the universe had pitched forward and she was leaning back to keep from falling.
The confusing vacillation between loving Dax and worrying that she was using him trailed Kyra like a tail for many days afterward. Their routine returned to normal: Dax watched Ruby while Kyra worked, and Kyra cooked dinner for him and took his laundry with her every morning. Once or twice, as she watched the clothes go round and round in the washer, she wondered if she and Dax had assumed their roles in preparation for a fake marriage, and it was nothing more than that. If she was completely honest with herself, she might admit there was something else that was bothering her—Dax had not said how he felt about her. Yes, he was attentive and kind and—give the man props—wonderful in bed. But he hadn’t said he loved her or was falling in love with her.
And as if the burden of her guilt wasn’t heavy enough, Kyra felt even more guilt for wanting him to say anything more than he already had. What more did she need from him? He’d made a grand and selfless gesture, and now she wanted him to spice it up by declaring deep feelings for her after only a short time dating? Now that was unfair.
Kyra was making herself crazy.
But she’d set the wheels in motion, and all of this angst and uncertainty was just going to have to work itself out, like that knot in her shoulder she sometimes got from carrying trays. They had the marriage license. Dax was on the hunt for someone to officiate. They sat Ruby down together and explained to her that Mommy and Dax were going to get married so they could help Ruby together. “Help me what?” she asked.
“Do all the doctor stuff,” Kyra said.
Ruby blinked. As Kyra expected, Ruby didn’t really understand the importance of marriage in this context. In fact, she shrugged and said, “Okay. Will we all live here?”
“Maybe someday,” Dax had said before Kyra could respond. “But for now, we like having two cottages.”
They hadn’t actually decided that. Frankly, they’d been so busy with everything else, they hadn’t really discussed the living arrangements. “Me, too!” Ruby said. “All my toys are in this house.”
Kyra glanced at Dax. He shrugged a little. When Ruby ran off to get another doll, Kyra said, “We’re going to keep the two cottages?”
“We’ve got enough going on, don’t we?” Dax said. “It’s not like we have to make that decision right now.”
Well, no, they didn’t . . . but she wondered about it.
But in the meantime, they’d agreed to marry the week between Ruby’s MRI and the start of school. The week after school started, Kyra was taking her real estate license exam.
All the wheels were moving in the right direction for Ruby’s sake, and Kyra couldn’t ask for more.
In the meantime, Kyra kept a close eye on her daughter, looking for signs that her seizures were worsening. She agreed with Dax that they were more frequent. The next MRI couldn’t get here fast enough.
The other issue that occupied Kyra’s thoughts was an old and familiar beast—her finances. She was finishing up her real estate coursework, and she owed the last installment of the cost of the course. Her savings account was on oxygen. Short of picking up more shifts, she wasn’t far from needing to borrow money. Every day she checked her mailbox for the money Josh had promised to send, but it didn’t come.
That he hadn’t followed through on his promise infuriated Kyra, and one afternoon she called his number. It rolled to voice mail. Hello, you’ve reached Josh Burton. Please leave a number . . .
“Josh,” she said. “It’s Kyra. You said you would send some money to help me and I haven’t received it. Just in case you lost the address, I’m going to text it to you. Please,” she said and winced when her voice cracked. “Please help me with this.” She meant to hang up with that, but paused and said, “I haven’t asked you for anything in seven years, and believe me, I wouldn’t now if it wasn’t an emergency. This is important, Josh—really important. She’s your daughter, too.” She hung up, and with a sigh, she tossed her phone into her backpack. She didn’t expect to hear from him.
The following weekend, the Caldwells left and took Ruby’s playmates with them. Mr. McCauley, who had come to trim the hedges in front of Kyra’s cottage Sunday afternoon, announced that the Bransons were leaving at the end of the week.
“Who am I going to play with?” Ruby complained.
“This is what happens at the end of summer,” Mr. McCauley said. “The summer people leave and the year-rounders settle in for the long off-season.”
“Guess what?” Ruby said to Mr. McCauley. “Dax made a baby bed for my new doll.”
Kyra, who was in the hammock enjoying a couple of hours before studying, turned her head. “What new doll, pumpkin?”
Ruby looked around. “Dax bought me a doll.”
“He did?”
“He painted the baby bed white. It’s drying in his shed and I’m not supposed to touch it until he says. He said you could make a mattress out of a towel, Mommy. Do you have a towel?”
&nb
sp; “Probably,” Kyra said and sat up.
Her screen door swung open, and Dax stepped outside wearing a red, frilly apron someone had given Kyra as a gift years ago.
Mr. McCauley eyed him from below the porch. “Taking up a new profession?”
“Got a new pasta machine,” Dax said proudly and placed his hands on his hips.
Mr. McCauley laughed and picked up his clippings. “Don’t give up on the furniture business just yet,” he said as he wandered away.
“You’re full of surprises today,” Kyra said, standing up from the hammock. “How’d you learn to make baby beds and pasta?”
“What, you think my college degree is just for show?”
Kyra stilled. “You have a college degree?” she asked as Ruby darted in front of her to go inside.
He looked at her with amusement. “Didn’t I tell you? Yes, I have a degree in business.” He gestured for her to come in.
How did she not know he had a college degree? She had assumed he’d gone into the army out of high school.
“Here’s my doll, Mommy,” Ruby said, suddenly appearing before her and holding up a baby doll.
“She’s adorable!” Kyra said, and to Dax, “You didn’t have to do that. You shouldn’t have done that.”
“Why not?” he asked with a shrug.
“Why not? Because I don’t want her to think she can have whatever she wants just for asking.”
“Hey, Coconut, will you go next door and feed Otto?” Dax asked.
“Yes!” she said enthusiastically, and with her new doll tucked in her arm, she ran out the door. They could hear her call for Otto.
"So what's the big deal with it?" Dax asked. “Sometimes a kid ought to get something just for asking. And it’s not like I’m getting her a new toy every day.”
“The big deal is that I can’t afford to buy her toys except for special occasions, and you keep giving her things, and I didn’t know you went to college.”