by Julia London
One afternoon, Otto started barking, and Dax walked to the door to see what the commotion was about. A family with canoes strapped to the hood of their enormous SUV was unloading at Number Four. It looked like they had four kids, maybe five.
Dax looked at Otto. “Just great. How long do you think it will be before one of those snot-nosed munchkins is over here?”
Otto wagged his tail with great delight. He obviously hoped it would be very soon.
On his wall, Dax had a calendar where he marked the days leading to Ruby’s surgery. He’d texted Kyra to ask about it. Week after next, she’d texted back. There was a bit of a hang-up with red tape over insurance, but it’s worked out now. Ruby started school. She loves it.
He’d studied that text, debating his next one. How are you? he finally texted.
Hanging in there. You?
He was miserable, that was what. He was walking through each day in a fog. Hanging in there, he texted back.
He thought about calling her and having a conversation, but he couldn’t trust himself not to lose his composure, and besides, she had enough on her plate without having to cover old ground. He told himself the less he knew about Kyra, the more control he had of his emotions. But God, did he miss her. He missed them both so badly that sometimes it was a physical ache, like a flu in his bones.
Dax was grateful to the McCauleys for not mentioning the disastrous end of his short engagement. In fact, they didn’t mention Kyra and Ruby at all, as if they sensed the mere mention of their names might cause him to combust.
Dax mentioned his need for a bigger workspace, and Mr. McCauley told him he had a barn on some property nearby. After looking at it, Dax made a deal to convert it into a new, larger workspace than his shed.
“Does this mean you’re going to stay on at East Beach?” Mr. McCauley asked.
He wanted to move to Teaneck to be near Jonathan, and had even gone so far as to look at some properties online. But something was holding him back—he’d told Ruby he’d be here. Right here. And until he knew in all certainty they weren’t coming back, he was going to stay here. “Maybe,” he said. “For now, anyway.”
“Well, that’s fine with us,” Mr. McCauley said. “We’ve taken a liking to you, son.”
Wallace and Janet, however, were much less sympathetic when they learned the wedding was off.
Oh, but they went on about it. “What were you thinking, anyway?” Wallace asked. “I thought we were going to have to straitjacket you to keep you from being stupid.”
“Do you want me to call Heather?” Janet asked.
And all sorts of nonsense that Dax ignored.
The only bright light in his life was Jonathan. His son was smiling now and holding his head up. “He’s strong,” Dax said proudly to anyone who asked. He loved that baby fiercely and would have walked across hot coals for that kid.
On one particular visit, he was lying on the floor with Jonathan, studying the baby’s perfection as he lay on the floor on his belly, surveying the world around him.
“Are you okay?” Ashley asked.
Dax looked up in surprise. “Why?”
“I don’t know. I just know you, and I know how you must feel right now.”
He’d had to tell Ashley about Kyra and Ruby, of course, because he’d opened his fat mouth and let her in on his personal business. Ashley had been sympathetic to the demise of his hastily arranged, and hastily abandoned, wedding. “I’m fine.”
It was a lie. The truth was that he couldn’t stop thinking about Kyra. It had been a few weeks since they’d left, and his heartache wasn’t getting better.
“You don’t seem fine, Dax. You seem so sad,” Ashley said.
Good God, were they really going to have this conversation? “Ashley, please—let me just enjoy my son, okay?”
Ashley sighed as if she were dealing with a recalcitrant child. She shrugged.
“If it were me,” Stephanie said from her throne at the kitchen table, “I’d go get her.”
Dax rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I know what you would do, Steph. You went and got my wife, remember?”
“No, you’re not hearing me, jackass.” She stood up and walked over to where he was lying on the floor with Jonathan. “If you love her, and you want her, then man up and go and tell her so.”
“Have you heard anything that’s been said the last two months?” he snapped. “She’s in Indianapolis so her daughter can have brain surgery. Brain surgery. It’s not the time or the place for that.”
“Yeah, and why not?” Stephanie answered smartly. “You act like she’s in China behind the Great Wall and you can’t get to her. If that’s who you want, Dax, you have to fight for it. Don’t be a pussy.”
“Steph!” Ashley protested.
“Thanks for your sage advice,” Dax muttered.
But that afternoon, as he drove back to Lake Haven, he had to agree that maybe Stephanie was right—which annoyed him to no end, but still.
He figured he’d wallowed in his despair long enough. He didn’t want to live like a sad-sack shut-in all his life. His feelings for the Coconuts hadn’t changed, and maybe the wedding had been a bad idea, but it didn’t change his feelings. He loved those two.
Maybe it was time to make a stand. But no matter what else, Dax decided his self-pity was coming to an end.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Ruby’s surgery was a success, although Kyra found that hard to believe when her daughter came out of the recovery room with tubes coming out of her and half her head shaved. The surgeon had come to the waiting room where Kyra, Liz, and Josh were waiting and said, “We got it all.”
He said a lot more than that, but all Kyra could hear was that they got it all, and the results of the biopsy would be available within a few days.
She texted Dax at some point during that very long day: Surgery over. They got all of it.
A moment later, her phone pinged. Thank God. I want to come and see her. Okay?
Okay? It was more than okay. It was the best news Kyra had heard since we got it all. It filled her with happiness. And hope. And longing, such indescribable longing. Yes. Yes, yes, Kyra texted back.
I’ll be there Thursday.
Thursday! That was only a few days away. She wished she didn’t look so puffy with all the carbs she’d been stress eating, but it didn’t matter—Ruby would be so happy to see him. Maybe as happy as her mother, although Kyra doubted it.
Over the next few days, Ruby’s recovery from the surgery took a little longer than expected—there was an issue with an infection at the surgical wound, and for two days she was fevered and uncomfortable. Thankfully, she was on the mend now.
Kyra spent every day at the hospital, sleeping when Ruby slept. At night she went to work at a diner on the interstate. It was the only job she’d been able to find in a hurry, and it was one of the worst jobs she’d ever held. Her plan was to keep it until Ruby was out of the hospital and back in school, and then find something that did not require working the vampire shift.
In the meantime, she counted down the days and hours until she saw Dax again. She missed him so much, so deeply, that she couldn’t even think of words to tell herself how much. When she wasn’t thinking of Ruby, she was thinking of him, imagining him puttering around the cottages, Otto following him around. She was remembering the way he looked at her, and his slow, sexy smile. She felt hollow without him—she knew now what all the love songs were about when the lyrics talked of emptiness. Were it not for Ruby, Kyra thought her heart would be completely barren.
On the morning Dax was due to arrive, Kyra was a nervous wreck. She had finished her shift and was getting ready to leave work. She had just enough time to change out of her uniform and spruce up, best as she could, in anticipation of seeing Dax. But as she was removing her server’s apron, her manager, nineteen-year-old Tyler, told her she had to stay. “Maureen is late.”
Kyra panicked. “But I have to go, Tyler. You know my daughter’s in the hospital.�
� Plus, it was imperative that she have time to change out of that polyester, yellow waitress dress she had to wear. She could never launder the bacon smell from it, and it scratched at her skin. She didn’t want Dax to see her like this.
“You can’t leave me shorthanded,” Tyler said, looking just as panicked.
It was ten o’clock before Maureen deigned to show up. Kyra didn’t bother to change, but headed straight for the hospital. Now she was worried that Ruby would be awake and wondering where she was. Ruby hated the hospital—it scared her.
Kyra could have called Josh to be there when Ruby woke up, but his fatherly instincts had quickly worn off once they’d arrived in Indianapolis. Apparently the few attempts Josh had made to connect with Ruby had left him frustrated. He seemed to think Ruby ought to be very happy to know him.
Honestly, Ruby didn’t seem to like Josh much. Kyra had assumed when she told Ruby the truth about who Josh was that her daughter would be thrilled to finally know the man she’d wondered about all her life. Yet surprisingly, Ruby didn’t seem very interested in him. She didn’t sparkle when Josh was around like she’d sparkled in Dax’s company. She seemed to view Josh with suspicion, like she didn’t really believe he was her father.
Nevertheless, Kyra couldn’t complain. Josh was doing his part with the insurance and expenses . . . well, Liz was doing his part.
Liz worried about Josh’s relationship with Ruby. Liz worried about everything, thank God, or Kyra might have been fighting insurance issues all day. Liz did that for her. It was her way of helping, she said. Liz seemed like a genuinely good person to Kyra, and she thought that in another life, they could have been friends. Kyra now knew that Liz had discovered her text on Josh’s phone, and when she’d discovered the existence of Ruby, and the truth about her situation, she’d put aside her own disappointments and had thought only of a six-year-old girl out there who’d needed their help. Liz was devoted to making sure Ruby got what she needed—it was Liz who had figured out how to add Ruby to Josh’s insurance, Liz who had chased down the referral to their surgeon, and Liz who had taken care of everything when Kyra was too exhausted or focused on Ruby to do anything else.
“I wish Josh would try harder with Ruby, you know?” Liz had said to Kyra one day as they sat at the edge of the hospital bed while Ruby dozed.
“Ruby’s not exactly letting him in,” Kyra said. “I’m hoping she comes around.”
Kyra guessed that part of Ruby’s disdain for Josh was that she wanted Dax. She asked about him and Otto frequently. Kyra had finally figured out that even though Ruby had always wanted to know about her dad, Dax had come along and been that dad she’d been missing before she even knew Josh existed. Ruby didn’t want to lose Dax, and she didn’t want a different father figure. She didn’t care that Josh was partially responsible for her being on this earth—she wanted Dax.
Kyra understood exactly how Ruby felt—she hadn’t wanted to lose her mother, either, and when her father began to date again, she hadn’t wanted a substitute mom. She’d wanted her mother. She still wanted her mother.
Kyra still wanted Dax, too, and drove like a maniac to the hospital. She hurried down the hall, waving to the nurses who were so wonderful with her daughter. How she would ever adequately thank the people who had taken such care of Ruby, she had no idea.
Ruby’s room was at the end of the hall, and she could see Ruby sitting up in bed, alert and awake. She was talking to someone, and Kyra’s heart began to race. He was here already? She quickened her step, and just as she reached the door of the room, Ruby said, “Mommy! Look what Dax brought me!”
Her heart stilled at first, because he was there, he was really there, standing in her daughter’s hospital room like some storybook angel. He looked magnificent, and sexy, and Kyra’s heart began to swell and work again. She couldn’t draw a breath, much less speak, because her heart had leapt into overdrive and was beating so wildly that she was momentarily arrested.
Emotion scudded across his face, and his gaze locked on hers. He swallowed and said, in a rough, low voice, “Hi.”
Kyra dropped her bag in the doorway. “Hi,” she managed.
“Mommy, did you see?” Ruby asked, trying to lean over the bed.
Kyra tore her gaze away from Dax and looked down. A massive wooden house was at his feet.
“It’s for my Barbies!” Ruby said excitedly. “Five of them can live there. But not Ken. Dax said he had to live next door with his dog.”
Kyra lifted her gaze to Dax again, her heart beating like a high school drum line. “It’s . . . it’s so good to see you,” she said, wishing her voice wasn’t shaking as badly as it was.
He nodded. “Same here.”
“I wanted to change clothes,” she said self-consciously, running her hands over her uniform.
He shook his head. “You look beautiful,” he said, and his eyes seemed to mist. He opened his arms to her, and Kyra walked right into them. She closed her eyes and buried her face in his neck. She felt like she was falling into a white, fluffy cloud—she felt at peace in his arms. Safe and comforted. Loved. God, how she’d needed him these last few weeks, had needed his strength and calm to wrap around her and hold her when no one else would.
“You smell like bacon,” he said.
She laughed, then lifted her head and kissed him. She kissed him right on the mouth with all the longing she’d felt for him. His arms wrapped tighter around her, his fingers sank into her hair . . .
“Mommy!” Ruby complained.
Dax slowly let her go, his hands lingering on her waist a moment.
He talked to Ruby for a while until the nurse came around to change her sheets and pajamas. Kyra and Dax went to the cafeteria and sat across from each other in a plastic booth with two coffees that smelled burned and that neither of them touched. She asked about Jonathan and smiled with delight at the latest pictures of him. Dax told her he was thinking of getting a place in Teaneck to be closer to his son.
“Oh,” she said. “Wow. That’s . . . that’s news.”
He shrugged. “It’s not that far from East Beach. I found a place that could function as a workshop.”
His life, she realized, was moving on. Without her. Just like hers was moving on without him. The realization staggered her, and she helplessly swallowed down a lump of regret and sorrow. “Really? When?”
“I don’t know,” he said. “I’m not even sure if . . .” He seemed to rethink what he was going to say and suddenly reached across the table for her hand, took it in his, and held it tightly. “I have . . . God, I’ve missed you so much, Kyra,” he said, his voice breaking a little.
“Oh.” She gripped his hand. “I’ve missed you, too, Dax. I can’t tell you how much I’ve missed you. And so has Ruby—she talks about you and Otto all the time.”
He smiled. “She seems good.”
“She’s so good,” Kyra said. “She’s getting stronger every day. I really believe she’s going to be okay. I mean, I still don’t know the results of the biopsy, and they will monitor her for a while, but for so long I kept thinking it was my mother all over again. I don’t think so now, and I feel more optimistic than I have yet. And you know what else? Not one seizure since the surgery.”
“That’s fantastic,” he said. His eyes were roaming over her face, lingering on her mouth, on her hairline. It felt almost as if he’d forgotten the small details of her. “I’ve thought so much about her,” he said, and his gaze settled on Kyra’s eyes. “I’ve thought so much about you. I’ve thought about all the things I said, and mostly the things I didn’t say . . .” He glanced down at the table a moment. “There is something I never told you, Kyra.”
She panicked for a moment. “Oh God . . . what is it?”
“I love you,” he said.
Kyra gasped softly. She wasn’t expecting him to say that. Those three little words seized her, grabbing her up and holding her aloft for a moment before settling into her tissues.
“I should have told y
ou in East Beach, but I . . .” He paused, shoved a hand through his hair. “I guess I’m a little rusty. And maybe a coward. But I love you.”
She couldn’t yet speak. The admission was wending its way around her heart, wrapping it slowly.
He gave her a lopsided, rueful smile. “Aren’t you going to say something?”
She nodded. “I’m trying. But you’ve snatched the breath from my lungs, and my heart is beating like a jackhammer, and I can’t even put words to how happy that makes me.”
His smile deepened. “I’ll take it. I know I’m a day late with it, but I thought you ought to know. I thought I ought to tell you that if I had to do it all over again, I wouldn’t change a single thing. Except maybe letting you leave.”
“I wouldn’t change a moment of it, either,” she said and swallowed, trying to take the nerves from her voice. She squeezed his hand. “I never would have left if I hadn’t been forced to go. You know that, right?”
“But that’s the thing, babe. You didn’t have to go. Yeah, I said so at the time, but I’ve thought a lot about it. A lot. I’ve wanted to pick up that phone a thousand times just to hear your voice, but I wouldn’t let myself. Because I needed to know if what I was feeling was real enough and strong enough to walk out on this limb.”
“What limb?” she asked, confused now.
“I want to marry you,” he said. “Not because of insurance, but because I love you.” He leaned across the table, his gaze on hers. “I am crazy, over-the-moon in love with you. As insane as it is to want to marry someone after only a couple of months, I want to do it.”
Kyra was dumbfounded. She didn’t know what to say—she couldn’t even think, she was so surprised and shocked. His admission was something she’d longed to hear but had assumed she had no right. She had yearned for him to feel this way about her but had convinced herself she’d ruined any chance at it. To hear it now was overwhelming. She needed to absorb it for a moment.