by Skye Jones
I owed him an apology but worried whatever I wrote might make me look crazier or pathetic. What should I say?
A loud beep had me looking around for my phone. I found it resting on the table, a text flashing up at me from Diane.
Hey, gorgeous. What you up to? So sorry I let you down and we aren’t there together. Call me if you want to chat or anything. Love you, sweet pea.
Needing to talk about everything that had happened, I grabbed up the phone and called her before I changed my mind.
“Hey, sweet pea! You okay? I feel so bad I let you down.”
“It’s fine.” It wasn’t really, but I didn’t want to fall out with Diane on top of everything else. “I met a guy.” I blurted it right out there.
“You did? Wow, go you. What’s he like?”
“Gorgeous. I mean, really, stupidly gorgeous and out of my league. But he seems not to realize it.”
A long sigh came down the phone at me. “I should castrate Roger for doing such a number on your self-esteem. Although…it’s never been great to begin with.”
I winced. Roger might not be my favorite person, but I didn’t want him to lose his balls. Not literally. Figuratively would be nice.
“Tell me how it happened. How did you manage to meet a guy in the middle of windswept nowhere?”
I sat at the table and smoothed my hand over the worn wood. I’d like a table like this back home. “The short version is in the local pub. We were reading the same book. I got a bit tipsy, he walked me home, and we arranged to take a walk on the beach the next day.”
“Ooh, romantic. So…did anything happen?”
“Yes, and I’m not giving you the gory details, so don’t even ask. But it blew my mind…and then I ruined it.”
“You ruined it? How?”
I so didn’t want to share this bit. But I needed to. I wanted her opinion. “I let all my neuroses come out. He said something about it being a mistake, or…his actual words said he’d been stupid.”
“What a bastard!” Diane’s indignation traveled through the phone in her shrill tone.
“He left me a note saying I’d taken it the wrong way. Asking me to see him again before we both leave.”
“Do you want to see him again?”
Did I? Yes…I did. Very much so. But I didn’t relish having to explain my overreaction. Or, I realized, listening to his explanation. It might be something I didn’t want to hear.
“I do and I don’t. I mean, what if his explanation upsets me more?” My heart and tattered confidence simply didn’t have it in them to take many more bashings.
“You won’t know until you hear him out, though, will you? And if you don’t see him, you’ll spend the rest of your life wondering what he had to say.”
I laughed then. Trust Diane to overdramatize things. “I doubt I’ll wonder about it the rest of my life. It’s only a one-night stand.”
“Not to you, hon. And don’t even bother trying to pretend otherwise. You’re not me. You’ve only ever been with one guy. It’s very likely this guy is your rebound shag. A way to move on and get used to the idea of having sex with someone other than The Dick. But you’re still going to think about him, as he’s only one of two. For now, anyway. Once you get back here, I’m going to fix you up with this gorgeous guy I work with.”
As usual, Diane simply assumed I’d go along with her scheme. Sometimes, in her own way, she controlled me as much as Roger had. I needed to find my backbone. Once I returned home, I determined to work on it. For now, I’d save my emotional strength for meeting with Adam.
“Okay. I’m going to take your advice and meet him. See what he has to say.”
“Good girl. Let me hear all about it. Huge loves to you, gorgeous.”
“Back at you, beautiful.”
We finished our familiar sign-off, and I hung up the phone.
In order to pay Adam a visit, I ought to wash up and change. I must look a terrible mess.
After half an hour in the bathroom, attempting to make a half-decent impersonation of someone mildly attractive, I hooked Humphry’s lead on and headed out the door.
I shivered once on the dunes as the weather turned somewhat and a chill wind blew. I looked out to sea and swallowed hard. Thick black clouds roiled out over the sea, churning up the waves. Oh, Lord. I hated storms. Humphry did too. I paused, stuck in a moment of indecision. I didn’t want to spend a night alone, in a tiny cottage on an isolated beach, as a massive storm raged around me. No way. Instead, I’d pack up the car and head on home early. But part of me wanted to follow through and see Adam before I did. This way would be less embarrassing. I’d tell him I was sorry and then tell him I’d be leaving, thereby removing any need on his part to feel he needed to spend further time with me. Perfect.
I trudged over the sandy grass, battling against an already surprisingly strong wind. A small part of me thrilled to the power of nature evident far out to sea, but the idea of it coming nearer, of it being overhead as I sat in my rental home all alone terrified me.
Banging on Adam’s door a few moments later, I held my breath. After what seemed like a couple of minutes, I turned to head back to my own place. He’d obviously gone out. I’d write him a note and post it through before I drove home.
The door opened behind me, a shaft of bright light landing on the sand alerting me to the fact.
“Hey.” I waved awkwardly, half pivoted toward the light spilling from the doorway, half still walking toward my own cottage.
“Hi there.” Adam’s face broke into a friendly grin. “I’m so glad you called round. Come in. You’ll catch your death.”
“I can’t.” I turned and moved toward him so we could talk without shouting over the rising wind. “I’m going to pack up the car and head off.”
“What?” It came out much harsher than his usual tone and took me aback.
I shrugged and wiped a strand of hair out of my face, only for the wind to whip it right back into my mouth again. “I hate storms, so I’ve decided to head off home today. It’s going to be dark in an hour or so, sooner if that thing moves in quick.” I pointed out over the ocean. “So I’m going to pack up in superquick time and head off home.”
“You can’t.”
My head jerked back a bit at his words. “I’m sorry?”
“There are severe weather warnings in place. They are expecting floods along the main roads out of here. The river is already full to bursting, and there are two storm fronts, the one out to sea and another farther inland that’s been raging for at least two hours. Here’s the safest place to be right now.”
My stomach did a violent flip at the idea of getting stuck all alone in a storm. Two storms!
“Oh, shit. I really fucking hate storms.”
Adam laughed. That glorious, beautiful, carefree laugh he sometimes let loose. “Oh, baby. You really must hate them. I don’t think I’ve heard you curse in all the time we’ve spent together.”
“No. I generally don’t swear. But I really do fucking hate thunder.”
He laughed again, and I joined in. “Tell you what. Why don’t you leave Humphry here, go and get some things you’ll need for the night, and come stay with me?”
He held his hands up as my eyes widened with shock. “I’ll sleep on the couch, promise. I’m not trying to get you naked again.” Disappointment hit me at his words. “Unless you want me to. Then I’ll try my damnedest to get you naked again.”
And there went my stupid heart. Flip-flopping in giddy excitement. Did I want him to? He rather overwhelmed me, but I liked the option being on the table.
“I’ve some steaks in and a great bottle of red. We can eat, have a glass of wine, and watch what promises to be a great natural display from the safety of this warm and comfy abode.”
Abode. An old-fashioned word, and one I’d not heard for a long time except in jest. The sort of welcome to my abode thing people did jokingly. Adam used it differently. In a more serious way, as if he called places his abode a
ll the time.
A low rumble of thunder reached me on the wind, and I gulped. “Okay. Here, take Humphry.” I almost threw the lead at Adam. “I’m going to rush back and grab some stuff. I’ll be two minutes.”
He nodded. “I’ll be standing right here. I won’t close the door until you’re back.”
How did he know? He always seemed to say the right thing. The words to soothe me and comfort me. Well, except for earlier, when I’d overreacted to his remark.
I reached up on tiptoes and pecked him on the cheek on instinct. A flash of surprise and pleasure danced in his eyes before I turned and headed back to my cottage at breakneck speed.
It only took me a few minutes to pack up my stuff. The raging seas and howling wind were a great motivator. As I jogged back across the sand, the wind whipped my breath away and slapped at my cheeks.
Bright, jagged lightning split the sky and hit the sea in an astonishing fork of fury and light. The heavy rumble of thunder followed moments after. The storm neared. My heart skipped, and I honestly couldn’t guess whether in pure terror or a heady mix of fear and excitement.
Adam stood in his doorway, his bulk framed by the kitchen light illuminating all his hard edges. The sort of man people of either gender looked at twice due to his presence. From the first night in the pub, when I’d watched him walk to the bar, he’d been someone I understood could command a room. I didn’t doubt for a moment he made an effective leader. And if I had to endure a storm, I’d rather it be with him than anyone else. Despite only knowing him a short time.
I also found his powerful personality a real turn-on. I hadn’t explored my sexuality much at all, having only been with just the one man in my entire, sad life. But I’d read my erotica, and I quite liked the idea of being bossed around in bed. Sadly, Roger liked our sex life to be fairly vanilla and tame, but he loved to boss me around in daily life. I’d never managed to get a proper say in where we went on holiday. Nor where our daughter, Jane, went to school or where we lived. Our home became the only area where I was allowed any sort of real role in the decision-making, but honestly, choosing wallpaper hardly came to a life-or-death decision. In everything else, he’d repeatedly overridden or ignored my concerns. I would never let a man walk over me in such a way again, but I’d like one to walk all over me in the bedroom, figuratively speaking, so I could see if I enjoyed it in the way I suspected I might, the way the naughty stories made me believe I might.
I reached Adam and looked up at him with a grin. Thank God he couldn’t read my mind.
“Got everything?”
I nodded.
He stood aside, and I followed him into the cottage. I placed my things on the table, and he poured some wine into two huge glasses. I noticed he only poured a small amount into each one, and he handed me the glass as he sloshed his around and took a sniff before taking a drink.
I did the same and liked the floral scent. It was a white, not the red he’d talked about. When the wine hit my taste buds, I almost moaned around it.
I swallowed and looked at Adam. “Oh, my word. This is honestly the nicest wine I’ve ever tasted.”
“Yeah. I thought we’d have a small glass of this now and have the red later with some food. I love this wine. It’s a Gewürztraminer. They’re really fragrant and kind of sweet. My wife used to like it, and she got me into it.”
“She’s got great taste. Nicest wine I’ve tried. I normally stick to Pinot Grigio or Sauvignon Blanc, but I’ll be hunting this down in future.”
I took another sip, leaving the liquid in my mouth for a moment, savoring the rich, full flavors. Just as I swallowed, a loud crack of thunder rent the air and I jumped then started to choke.
My eyes streamed as I coughed and spluttered. Wine burns like crazy when it goes down the wrong way, I discovered.
Adam took my glass, placed it on the table, and rubbed a soothing hand over my back. As my coughing fit finally died down, another huge crack of thunder crashed above us. The storm must be almost directly overhead. My fear returned tenfold, and I wrapped my arms around myself, trying to feel safe.
Adam nodded over to the far corner of the kitchen. “I’ve never seen a dog sleep through a storm like this.”
I laughed at that, though it came out a little shaky. “Humphry isn’t scared of thunder. He’s nervous of other dogs. Scared of cars and terrified of spiders, of all things, and hardwood floors. But he doesn’t mind thunder or fireworks. Slept right through last bonfire night.”
Adam smiled at Humphry, and my stomach flipped in something other than fear. His eyes returned to me, and he seemed to be considering something.
“I said to you I wouldn’t try to get you naked unless you wanted me to, right?”
I nodded as nerves and excitement squirmed in my belly.
“Well, you’re kind of coursing with adrenaline right now.”
I gave another shaky laugh. “How can you tell?”
“Oh, you give it away. The shaking voice, the wide eyes, dilated pupils, and your rapid breathing.” He leaned in close to me. “I can see your pulse in your neck, and it is going fast. Very fast.”
It was too, and his words and closeness weren’t helping the situation.
“All those things tell me you’re having a bit of an anxiety attack right now. One of the best ways to deal with those is to get rid of all the adrenaline. We could go for a run, but I doubt being out there will help. We could put on some music and dance around, shout and sing along. Or…”
He trailed off.
“Or?”
“Or we can go burn off some of your adrenaline in the bedroom.”
And there went my heart, pounding even harder. Did I want to let him in again? “I thought I’d been a stupid mistake?” The words were out before I could stop them.
He shook his head. “No, you’re a beautiful mistake. And one I don’t care about making anymore. I’m in this now. It’s nothing to do with you personally, and I shouldn’t have said those words out loud. It has to do with my role in the pack…erm, the commune. As their leader, I really shouldn’t have started anything with an outsider.”
Alarm bells went off at his words. “You guys are starting to sound like a cult.”
He laughed. “Some probably view us that way. We live an ecological life, which, in many ways, is cut off from wider society, but we don’t bring religion into it. Of course, many of our members have belief and faith, maybe not the mainstream kind of Christian faith you will be familiar with. But we don’t live by any religious rules, and we don’t do weird things like have ten wives or such. People are free to go if they wish. We are strict about outsiders being allowed in, though, as people like to trash our way of life. They want our land, too.”
His face grew serious. “I’m sorry my words hurt you so much. It was stupid of me to say them aloud. I honestly wasn’t thinking straight. You have that effect on me. I’d not planned on staying here. The night I met you, I’d already decided to leave first thing the next morning, precisely because of the way your scent affected me. Yet, here I am.”
My scent? I owed Diane one for buying me perfume. I decided to ignore that for a moment and focus on what else he’d said. “Because of me?”
“Because of you.”
Wow. Okay, his words went a hell of a long way to erasing the hurt of his previous utterance. And I did want him; the wanting wasn’t the issue. My reticence came about because I wanted him too much. We’d soon be going our separate ways, and I already felt in over my head. I’d never been someone who could be practical about things. I tended to lead with my heart, and I got hurt. Before Roger, two men had broken my heart. The first has used me for nothing more than easy sex. Not full-on sex, I hadn’t gone all the way with him, but he used to come around, we’d mess around, he’d have his happy ending, unlike me, then he’d leave. He never took me out, and I found out after a few months of this, when I’d already convinced myself I was in love with him, that he had a fiancée.
The second ti
me around, I ended up engaged. The night I’d decided to go all the way with the man I believed to be the love of my life, my friend rang me and told me she’d seen him the very same day, walking in the park, hand in hand with another woman. They’d kissed by the water fountain, and she’d seen the whole thing. So, once again, I’d been heartbroken. I think, in many ways, it’s what led me to Roger. He’d been staid, safe, and yes, a little boring. But he seemed a safe bet.
And he had been, for the longest time. Time I’d taken to fall genuinely in love. We’d had a child together. Made a life, and just when our kid left home to go all the way across the world, he left me too.
Now, I found it so hard to trust any man. Particularly one as handsome as Adam. If only I could be like Diane and have some no-strings-attached fun, but my stupid heart always wanted to get involved. Of course, I didn’t love Adam. I hardly knew him. But already I’d started to get stupidly strong feelings for him so early in the game. And in a few days, we’d be saying good-bye for good.
I sighed. I’d lived my life taking the safe option, and look where it got me. Time to take some risks, even if they hurt a little. At least I’d have some lovely memories of my time here.
I looked at Adam and gave him a small smile. “Why don’t you help take my mind off the storm?”
“You sure?”
I nodded. “I’m sure. Humphry is fine. We can leave him in here.”
Adam picked up my glass and handed it to me, then took my free hand in his and led me out of the room and down a long corridor to a worn wooden door. With a soft kick, he closed the door behind us. I looked around. Similar in decoration to my own rental, the main difference was the nautical theme going on in this room. I clapped my hands in delight at the things on the window ledge.
“I love these.” Wooden boats painted in blues and whites and reds were scattered on the white windowsill. There were two lighthouses, too. “I get that every gift shop in every seaside town sells these sorts of trinkets, but I’ve always loved them.”