Turning his attention from Doran to me, the large Equiarre gave me a thorough but unthreatening examination. “Hello, young witch,” he said, offering his very large hand for me to clasp. I did so weakly, still trying to regain my balance. He noticed, and did not grip very hard, although I could sense the strength in his thick fingers. “I believe I have met some friends of yours.”
“Cate and Larna?”
Hassa nodded. “They arrived safely at Ardu four days ago.”
“Four days?” I asked, surprised by how quickly they had traveled. The past week and a half had been so full of change that I had scarcely been able to process it.
“Wyr travel faster than Humani.” Fighting back another wave of nausea, I did not bother asking about the unfamiliar term. “I did not have an opportunity to meet with them for long. The one with the glowing red mane asked me to come here. Her instincts were right.”
Rapunzel immediately noticed when my body began to shudder and moved her steadying hand from my arm to my back. When it came away sticky and red with blood, she gasped. “Ailynn, you’re still bleeding…”
Since the edges of my vision were growing fuzzy, I allowed her to help me sit down near the edge of the canyon. “Dry dressing for the wound,” I said, leaning my head back against the vertical sheet of rock. “If there’s infection, then we can see about a poultice…”
For all of my experience with treating wounds, I was a very poor patient. Reluctantly, I allowed my lover to clean the wound, but it hurt, and I complained and fussed under her gentle hands. It was fresh and bled freely, and after she had bandaged it, we fully removed my ruined shirt. While I instructed Rapunzel, the other Liarre, who I could not help staring at, began to build a makeshift camp. There were sleeping pallets to be rolled out, small fire pits to be dug, and bags to be carried. They had been temporarily left behind while the warriors reached for their arrows.
“Ailynn, what is… she…?” Rapunzel asked softly as she helped me pull a new shirt over my head. Discreetly, so that no one would see, she pointed at the huge, spider-like woman with eye tattoos on her cheeks. Her large, hairy bulk was surprisingly quick and coordinated, and I wondered if she was able to scale the canyon walls.
“That is an Arachniarre. I have told you the story of Lir’s creations before.” Rapunzel knew almost as much of the history of Amendyr as I did. Like me, she enjoyed reading, although she preferred fairytales.
“I knew that,” she mumbled, slightly embarrassed. “I suppose I didn’t expect them to be so… large? When I think of Liarre, I picture Equiarre or Feliarre… not giant spiders,” she whispered, not wanting any of the nearby creatures to overhear.
“I suppose Arachniarre are too frightening for Serian and Amendyrri children’s stories,” I mumbled, wincing as I shifted my shoulder. There was no heat in the skin surrounding the wound, and I was hopeful that it would not become infected. Once it began to close, I would see about dressing it with herbs, but even novice healers knew never to press a poultice over an open wound.
“Frightening is right,” said the Arachniarre, who was a good distance away. She approached us on eight thick, hairy legs with a bend in the middle, and she built up a surprising amount of speed. Rapunzel’s eyes grew large, but to her credit, she did not look fearful otherwise. “There are many stories about the Arachniarre, little mother,” she said. “But your mate is right; we make most humans… uncomfortable.” She grinned, revealing a black tongue and an impressive pair of needle-like fangs. They were probably poisonous, and I wondered if a spider bite that large would be fatal.
Rapunzel’s surprise changed to embarrassment at being overheard. “I find you rather impressive, actually,” she said, and although she was trying to placate the giant spider, I could tell that she was being truthful.
“Really?” The Arachniarre’s large mouth curled around the words in a curious accent, one that I had never heard before. I supposed it was carried over from the Liarre’s own language. “My name is Jinale. Hassa and I were sent here to find you. The shamaness and her Tuathe will be glad to hear that we were successful. We have been asked to bring you home to them.”
“We were on our way,” I protested, imagining Cate’s accusatory tone.
Jinale’s intimidating smile remained. “But now you will travel faster.”
I swallowed nervously, not entirely sure what that would entail. Liarre were notorious for being offended when humans asked to ride on their backs, but if it was their suggestion…
Beside me, Rapunzel looked equally uncomfortable. I hoped that, for her sake, one of the other Liarre agreed to carry her. For some reason, I did not think that either of us would enjoy mounting a giant spider for the next few days.
“You would allow us to ride you?” I asked, surprised by the offer despite my hidden discomfort. “That is an honor and a privilege. We would be incredibly grateful.” The majestic Liarre were not always fond of humans, especially those that possessed superior attitudes and treated them like lesser beasts.
“Humani are too slow,” said the spider, but her facial expression – what I could read of the strange planes and angles, anyway – seemed friendly and not menacing. “We will carry you and the young mother-to-be. For now, we will set up camp. It is growing dark and the Wyvern will retreat to their nests on Catyr Bane.”
…
Chapter Five:
“What are you doing?” I asked Rapunzel, who was staring at Hassa with a curious expression. He was standing beyond the fire pit, discussing something with Doran in a low voice. The shadows moved over Rapunzel’s face, bringing the points of her cheeks forward and casting the sides of her face into shadow. She turned to look at me, taking another bite of her travel biscuit.
“Studying his proportions,” she said. “The Liarre are fascinating creatures. There is no paper here, but I want to remember what they look like so that I can draw them later.”
I smiled, remembering some of the other drawings that Rapunzel shared with me in the tower. The ones of us in intimate positions were my favorites, but all of her artwork was beautiful. If I ever wrote a book about magical theory, I thought to myself, I would get Rapunzel to illustrate it. All of the best books included pictures. “Are you sad about losing your drawings?” I asked, stroking her cheek. Even in the wavering firelight, I could see the healthy, pink color of her skin.
“Yes,” she admitted, “but I would trade them all for the real thing.” She closed her eyes and leaned in to kiss me. I did not reject her. It was a chaste meeting of lips, since we were in the presence of strangers, but as her mouth lingered against mine for several moments, I felt another piece of my heart begin to mend.
“I feel like I know you and am still learning you at the same time,” I confessed.
It was impossible for me to understand why I felt so close to Rapunzel sometimes, but oceans away from her at other times. Part of her was the same sweet, gentle child I had grown up with, but once in a while, I would look at her and see a stranger.
“I feel the same way.” My lover’s words surprised me. Was it possible that she understood my feelings? Maybe we could navigate the unfamiliar, treacherous landscape of knowing each other again together. “You changed while you were gone. Both of us did. I’m not sure if we became older and wiser, or you saw more of the world…”
“I saw more of the world than I wanted to.”
“And I still want to see it.” Hesitantly, she added, “with you.”
I sighed. “I did not enjoy traveling. I was too focused on what I had left behind to notice the people and the places I saw. When I did notice, it was because something very bad was happening.” Rapunzel did not speak, waiting for me to elaborate.
“I saw three villages burn,” I told her. “Twice, I was almost… there were children screaming. Men and women were cut down. First the Shadowkin came in, crushing buildings and people. Then the Kerak. They butchered every living thing.” Rapunzel seemed upset, but managed to distance herself from what I was
describing. I supposed that after thinking me dead for several months, hearing about my near-escapes was not quite as traumatizing.
“I have a confession to make,” she said, reaching out for my hand. I allowed her to take it, steeling myself for whatever she was going to tell me. I felt my throat close off and my heartbeat pause, but my thoughts were racing. What if she wanted to leave me? I had no idea what I would do… she had become a permanent fixture in my life again so quickly, easily reclaiming my heart. She could choose to break it just as easily.
I did not voice any of these fears. Instead, I waited for her to keep speaking. She did not let go of my hand. “I have not been totally honest with you. I need to tell you why I – why I associated with Byron.” I flinched. Even now, the name stung like a slap.
“Do you love him?”
“No. I was using him.”
“He was using you,” I said angrily, although I was not sure whether I was angry with Byron or Rapunzel. “He took advantage of you.”
Rapunzel interrupted me. “I never thought you were dead, Ailynn. I went months without hearing anything from you, but I couldn’t bring myself to believe that Mogra was telling the truth. That is the reason I entered into an arrangement with him. I wanted to find a way to leave the tower so that I could look for you.”
“Why?” I asked, trying to hide the shake in my voice. The color drained from my face. I had no idea whether this confession made things better or worse. Rapunzel had shared a bed with Byron even while believing I was alive. But she had not lost faith in me. She had wanted to find me. “Why didn’t you tell me this?”
Rapunzel chewed on the corner of her mouth. “Because I knew you would feel responsible. You have always taken responsibility for everything that has ever happened to me. You blamed yourself when Mogra locked me away. I didn’t want my attempts to escape and find you to weigh on you as well. It was my choice, not anything that you did.”
Despite what she was saying, I recognized the bitter taste of guilt as it rose to burn the back of my throat like a foul smoke. “If I hadn’t left…” I started to say.
“You did what you needed to do in order to save me. I know it must hurt that I shared myself with someone else even though I believed you were alive, but I had no way of knowing where you were or if you were safe… If you were in danger, I wanted to be there to help. I… I just had to find a way to leave the tower and find you. He was riding through the woods with his hunting hounds, and I thought…”“If he killed Mogra, you would be free and you could look for me.” I gave her a weak smile. “You read too many fairy stories.”
“Well, the prince or nobleman’s son always kills the evil witch.”
My emotions hung somewhere between hurt, guilty, and warm with the knowledge that she had not just forgotten about me when I left. She had not taken Byron as a replacement because she thought I was never coming back. She had been trying to escape and come to me. As unlikely as it seemed, this conversation was starting to repair the damage between us. We shared a long, silent pause, and when I reached out to touch her hand, she knew that I was beginning to forgive her.
“I think that Doran is going to leave us now that we are with the Liarre,” she said, changing the subject after receiving my silent permission in the form of a nod.
“How do you know?” I asked, but I had sensed the same thing. Even now, he was gesturing back and forth from us to the rest of the Liarre camp as he talked with Hassa. He was very powerful, but his body was old and he belonged at home, not traipsing about in the wilderness where Wyverns or Mogra’s pets could find us.
Rapunzel shrugged. “I… wondered if you wanted to go back with him. Or wanted me to go back with him…”
My forehead tightened as I lowered my eyebrows. “What do you mean? I am the whole reason we are making this journey… why would I go back?”
“You have not finished your training with Doran. I am the one Mogra wants. If you are not with me…”
“She will probably seek me out anyway. I escaped with her greatest treasure. She cannot afford to let me remain alive. It would be a blight to her reputation; to her pride if nothing else. Do you… do you not want to stay with me?”
Fingers caressed the line of my arm through the fabric of my shirt. “Of course I do. But do you want to stay with me? I want you to be with me, but you need to choose what is best for you, not what is best for me, especially now that you know I have lied to you… I was trying to protect you, but it was wrong. I still don’t know what you think of me for being with him while I still believed you were alive.”
“What is best for you is best for me,” I said, deeply hurt and unsure if Rapunzel was just trying to find another way to get rid of me. The guilt in her eyes convinced me otherwise. “You believed in me. That’s all that matters.”
“None of this is fair to you, Ailynn. You have spent your entire life watching over me. Even though you left me, it was to find a way to save me. You came back. Now, I cannot help but wonder if your life would be better without me in it. I want you to stay, but maybe it is time for you to start putting yourself first. It would be selfish of me to keep you here if you needed to go.”
“I want to stay.”
“For me or for you?”
“For both of us. If you are unhappy, I am unhappy. Your joy is my joy. I know it is the same for you.”
“Please believe that I love you and want you to be happy,” she said, almost pleading. “I want that more than anything else… even if it means you need to leave.”
“I am not going anywhere.” Perhaps the saying about letting someone go if you truly love them is overused, but it has the ring of truth, I thought. Rapunzel’s offer was sincere. I felt another layer of the trust that we were slowly rebuilding slide and lock back into place. We were slowly rebuilding.
“Then please stay. I know I am being selfish, but I don’t care.”
I was suddenly taken by how beautiful my lover was in the fading light. Her skin was surprisingly clear, with a sensual glow that stole my breath. I had read that pregnant women could look and feel more attractive, but had never noticed the phenomenon before.
“You’re beautiful,” I breathed softly, stroking a line through the center of Rapunzel’s palm. The touch made her shiver, but she was smiling at me.
“I am glad you see me that way, Ailynn. I know… this…” she gestured at her stomach, “has been hard for you. You are a Saint.”
My voice became a low purr that I had no idea I was capable of producing. “Only Serians believe in the Saints, and my thoughts of you are far from chaste at the moment.” I purposely ignored the fact that I was attracted to my lover while she carried someone else’s child. It was too much for me to process emotionally. Her pregnancy was becoming more and more obvious with each passing day. In fact, she was already much larger than I had expected at this stage.
Slowly, my touch trailed to the soft skin of her inner wrist. A flush rose in her cheeks and she looked around at the Liarre just a few yards away. Although they were talking amongst themselves and eating some of the food they had brought, the reminder of their presence distracted me from my train of thought. “I wish we were alone,” I whispered, pulling aside her hair to place a kiss behind her ear. The brush of my lips against her skin made her shiver. “But maybe… it’s a good thing that we need to wait. The first times were… not planned. And…”
“You want to touch me just because you love me, not because you want to reassure yourself that I still belong to you. I understand.”
“Am I crazy for wanting to touch you?”
Rapunzel’s blush grew deeper. “Maybe, but I don’t mind.”
For a moment, I was too frightened to keep touching her, not because of the audience we might have, but because I was afraid of my own desires. Sometimes when I looked at her, so many feelings of love and want and possessiveness swirled inside of me that I was worried that I could not control them.
Although my mother had no sexual desire f
or Rapunzel as far as I knew, sometimes I wondered if our feelings were the same. I did not think Mogra loved Rapunzel as I did, but what if the emotions I thought to be love were only a disguise for the twisted evil that had corrupted my mother? If it had grown in her, could it grow in me as well? Perhaps she had loved Rapunzel too, once. The thought made me sick to my stomach.
“I need… a little time,” I told Rapunzel. I desperately wanted to be alone, but I knew that it was not safe to leave camp and I also did not want to hurt her feelings. She sensed that something was wrong, but seemed grateful that I had accepted her confession.
“Do you want me to hold you?” she asked, hoping that physical touch would help heal the wounds between us.
And even though I had my doubts, that offer was too tempting to refuse.
…
Chapter Six:
It was still dark when a soft nudge to my shoulder jolted me out of a deep slumber. Doran’s familiar, wrinkled face peered down at me, a colorless silhouette against the slowly lightening fuzzy gray skyline.
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