Never Be Her Hero

by Donna McDonald

  His mouth on hers stopped all teasing and laughter. He thought really hard about not letting her pull away when she put some real effort into trying.

  “My dad got cigar smoke all over me. I need a shower. Tighten your gorilla leash for about fifteen more minutes.”

  Nodding, he let her go. Neither he nor his gorilla liked it. All those feelings disappeared when Della walked over, picked up that giant chair, and propped it under her doorknob.

  “I’m not the only one with a gorilla side,” he said, liking her twinkling eyes.

  Della chuckled as she headed to the bathroom. She was half naked before the door closed.

  Looking down at his laptop, Elliston realized he couldn’t see anything on the screen any longer. His mind was too full of the first woman he’d ever wanted to marry.

  Time must have stood still because his thoughts were still racing when Della came out of the bathroom wearing a man’s shirt. “You’re not getting in here until you tell me that’s your father’s shirt.”

  Della laughed. “Yes, it’s Dad’s. It’s all part of a deal I made with mom.”

  Elliston threw back the covers and let her climb in. He had to slide down a bit when she sat in his lap. He put his hands on her waist to increase his chances of actually hearing the story. “What kind of deal?”

  “I steal Dad’s oldest clothes so she has an excuse to buy him new ones. We’ve been doing it since I was in college.”

  “Fascinating. I’m seeing a pattern here. What did you get in the deal with your mother?”

  “She was never allowed to comment on any boyfriend I brought home.”

  He frowned as he stared up at her smiling face. “Thought you said I was the first guy you brought home to them.”

  “You were—are—she wasn’t allowed to comment on you. That’s why I suggested the green hair. I knew she’d hate it and yet she wouldn’t be able to say a thing.”

  “That is truly evil and yet incredibly admirable. My Uncle John would have loved doing that to his parents. My mom’s his sister. She said he hated been the good son, but he just was one.”

  “I was the model child in most ways. I even took care of my sisters when I had to. I used to barricade them in the family room. They ran wild and I just kept the fistfights to a minimum. I even packed snacks and juice boxes.”

  “Brilliant. You should write a book and call it Gorilla Parenting.” Della’s giggle lit his nerve endings. “Della, I lo…” Her finger over his lips stopped him cold.

  “Elliston, I’ve fallen in love with you.” She removed her finger. “There. I needed to say it first. You’ve made all the moves and I…”

  “Gorilla time,” Elliston said firmly.

  Her squeal of alarm as he shifted and rolled her under him was loud enough to be heard by her parents on the other end of the house. Her laughter wasn’t much quieter.

  “I love you, Dellaphina Livingston.”

  He could only laugh when Della pounded her chest with both fists as she grunted.

  Chapter Fourteen

  “Looking good,” Mariah said, walking into the room with a stack of folders. “Nice suit. Nice hair too. I like the highlights.”

  “Stepping up my game a little. I blame my father. I feel like I have to match my new car. It’s very sleek and shiny.”

  “So are you,” Mariah teased. “Let’s drive across the bridge and have lunch one day. I want to go for a ride.”

  “Absolutely. It’ll be my treat,” Della promised.

  They heard the front door open. “Delivery for Dr. Della Livingston,” a voice called.

  Della giggled. “We’re back in my office,” she called out.

  “You’re always in your office,” Elliston said as he walked into the room. “I got you a plant. This will last longer than the flowers.” He set the wicker pot on the credenza lining one wall.

  “You don’t have to bring me a present every time you come here, Geek Boy.”

  “Boyfriend prerogative,” Elliston insisted. When she lifted a brow, he chuckled. “Leave me alone. I’m working my way up to jewelry. You’re more intimidating in those suits you’ve started wearing.”

  Della smirked as she stared. “Boyfriend prerogative?”

  “Yes, Dellaphina. Boyfriend. Don’t make me unleash the gorilla in front of Mariah.” Her giggle and pink face pleased him greatly.

  Mariah smiled at both of them. She had never been so happy to lose a client before. She passed over a folder. “I know you’re heading home for the day, but I have an assignment for you. She’s scheduled for Wednesday of next week.”

  Della took the folder and opened it. “Oh yay, it’s Jellica. She’s one of your mother’s friends.”

  “Yes. I think she’s the last one of the group we’re doing for free. I thought you’d understand her needs better than I would. We’ll go over the matches you select before you talk to her.”

  “Sounds perfect,” Della said.

  Mariah nodded. “Good. See you on Monday.”

  “Sure. Have a good weekend. Tell John I said hi.”

  Della sighed in happiness as Mariah left. She looked at her self-proclaimed boyfriend. “I don’t think life gets any better than this.”

  Elliston put his hands in his pockets to keep from showing how nervous he was. “Oh, I can think of a couple things that might make life better.”

  “For example…” Della prompted.

  “You could come live in my jungle with me—see if you like it enough to stay. My gorilla misses you when you’re not around.”

  “Just your gorilla?”

  Elliston shook his head. “No, Geek Boy misses you too. All of me misses you. I don’t want us to be apart. I even want to take you to Bert’s Christmas party. I think he’s got a bet going about it.”

  Della walked around the desk and crossed her arms. In her heels, she was eyeball-to-eyeball with her favorite man in the world. “And what happens if I decide I like your fancy jungle tree better than my simple one? Where am I going to go if you suddenly change your mind and kick me out?”

  “I will never kick you out—never. Did I say never? Because I mean never,” Elliston said firmly.

  Della uncrossed her arms and leaned against her desk. “This is no joke, Elliston. How can you be so sure we’ll work out?”

  He pulled a box from his pants pocket and flicked it open. He held it out to her. “Because I want to marry you, Dr. Della Livingston, stubborn woman extraordinaire. Do you want to marry me?”

  Della stared up at him in shock. A desperate laugh finally escaped her throat. “Yes. I’ve wanted to marry you since I first met you. I always knew you could be the perfect man for me.”

  “Then why…” He stopped talking when she pushed her left hand into one of his. He was never going to understand her, but maybe that was half the fun.

  “Give it up, Geek Boy. I’m a Livingston. I will never make sense to your logical side. Ask your gorilla. He understands me best.”

  Chuckling with success, now that he understood he’d achieved it, Elliston slid the ring onto her finger. It sparkled in the evening light coming through her office window.

  “Thank you. It’s the second most beautiful gift I’ve ever gotten from a man,” Della said.

  “Come on,” Elliston teased, wiping the stray tears that kept leaking from both her eyes. She was always going to keep him on his toes. “The man gave you a reconditioned GT Convertible that purrs like the meanest jungle cat. Even my gorilla knows nothing will ever, ever compete with that sweet ride—well, almost nothing. Move in with me and I’ll let you swing from my favorite vine. We’ll see how you feel after that. Tarzan has nothing over on me.”

  His mouth was on Della’s the moment she giggled.

  — The End —

  Get The Next Book In The Series!

  Book 6, Never Try To Explain!

  More info at www.donnamcdonaldauthor.com

  Excerpt: The Wrong Todd

  What is the craziest favor you would do for
a friend?

  Book Description

  What is the craziest thing you would be willing to do for a friend?

  After winning her bid at the bachelor auction, Sabine vows she is never doing another embarrassing favor for a friend. This is especially true for favors that involve spending large sums of money and buying men whose last names she doesn't even know.

  In twenty bachelors, Sabine maybe expected to find several Davids, Mikes, or Johns. But what were the odds of two Todds?

  And now what is she going to do on a very expensive date with the wrong one?

  Chapter One

  Though she hadn’t openly flirted with a good-looking man in a long time, Sabine smiled at the one smiling back at her. Then as casually as she could, she turned her attention back to her emergency phone call.

  “So here’s the deal. There’s a cute guy sitting across from me just out of earshot. He smiles every time he catches me chair dancing to the canned music they’re playing. Should I go over and say hello? Do women get to do that now?”

  “Depends, babe. How old is he?”

  Joe’s excessively loud demand vibrated her eardrum and had her holding the phone away from her head. She glared before pulling it back, but didn’t press it against her head again.

  “Stop yelling, Joe. There’s no crowd here.”

  Glancing at the guy, Sabine saw him smile into his coffee. She hoped she was right about him not hearing her conversation. This could get embarrassing fast.

  “It’s hard to tell how old he is, but he’s definitely not a kid. Judging by his clothes, he went to work today. But then what do I know? I haven’t dated in over a decade. Maybe he’s hanging out and hoping to pick up chicks,” Sabine reported.

  Her description elicited a snarky male chuckle. The phone ended up on her shoulder again as she listened to Joe’s rumbling baritone as he lectured her.

  “Listen to me to me carefully, Sabine. If he’s as young as the others you’ve been scoping out lately, they’re hotties or babes to him, not chicks. Saying ‘chicks’ automatically means you’re way too old to talk to him.”

  Sabine laughed at the critique. “Point noted . . . oh shoot. Never mind. Some teenage girl in a microscopic skirt just came in and sat down with him. My left leg is larger in circumference than her entire body. I’m hanging up now so I can cry in my coffee.”

  When full-out male laughter came through the line, Sabine laughed herself. The younger man she had been ogling slid a covert glance her way, even with his girlfriend present. Her smile back was wide. Maybe single life wasn’t going to completely suck. At least she could legally lust now.

  “Sabine, what I have been telling you? Skip the coffee shops and just go to a bar—an adult bar. Find a slightly younger male—not a kid—who’s had a few and let nature take its course. You obviously need to get that youth thing out of your system. Just remember not to take the kid’s lack of attention too personally. The younger ones are all like that—gay or straight. The last cub I dated had the attention span of a gnat. Make him do the deed a second time if he doesn’t get the job done on his first try.”

  Sabine laughed. “What great advice, Joe. Glad no one else can hear you giving it. You’ve been very helpful in educating me about navigating single life, but even I know the bar scene doesn’t work very well for straight women my age.”

  “Then it’s a good thing you don’t look your age.”

  “Now that’s why I keep you around. You’re such a sweetie,” Sabine cooed into the phone, smiling as she sipped the dregs of her cold drink.

  Despite all his teasing, she had to admit her gay best friend was way more grounded about men than she was. Even after two years of tortuous relationship limbo, her divorce had still rocked her self-confidence. Fortunately, Joe hadn’t let her wallow in her failure. Other than her two college-aged children, Joe Kendall was probably the best thing she had to show for the twenty years she’d been married to his brother.

  “So are you going trolling for grown-up men later? If you want, I’ll come watch and keep you out of trouble.”

  “Thanks, but no. When I go trolling, I get hit on by old guys with open shirts and fourteen neck chains. They want a twenty-year old, but figure what the hell when they see my long blonde hair and big boobs.”

  “Sabine, it works that way for everyone at first. You can pass along the old guys to me. I prefer older men. Neck chains come off—right over the head. And yes, I’ve de-chained my fair share.”

  Sabine laughed, drawing her admirer’s covert stare again. “Gross. Give me a thirty-year-old with lots of energy who can take direction. What’s wrong with that? I just want to feel like my life isn’t over, you know?”

  “Yes, dear, I absolutely know.” There was a long-suffering sigh in her ear. “Fine. Go back to trolling the coffee shop. With the way you work, your days off are too precious to waste a minute.”

  “Oh, I’m just getting started today. I’m moving on to canvassing bookstores this afternoon. Maybe I’ll pick up a young single dad at story time after school,” she said, drawing doodles on her sketchpad.

  “God woman, you need help. Meet me at the Haunted Owl for happy hour if you’re still unattached after five. We’ll troll there together and I’ll show you how it’s done. I’ll even try to look really gay this time so they don’t think we’re married.”

  Sabine laughed at his offer. “You would have been a much better life partner than your brother even without the sex—no offense.”

  “Offense? What offense? You know I refused to attend the wedding. Besides, I tried to tell you that Martin was a player twenty years ago when I still had an open mind about women. Don’t stand me up tonight. I want to ask you a favor—one that will be fun for both of us.”

  “Oh God, I think a chill just ran up my spine,” Sabine said.

  “Chicken? I thought you were Sabine Almighty, sassy image consultant?”

  “Hold that dare. I’m one more coffee away from an espresso orgasm,” Sabine said.

  “You need to do this, Sabine. You’ve almost forgotten what having real fun feels like.”

  She hung up on Joe’s laughter and tossed the phone in her purse.

  On her way out the door, she couldn’t resist winking at the good-looking guy. His answering guilty blush told her more than anything else that he was definitely too young for her.

  The Haunted Owl was packed as usual for a Thursday evening. Patrons crowded the bar stools for drinks while their restaurant pagers glowed like fireflies in the low-lit room. Sabine lifted her soda and sipped.

  “You have officially lost your mind. Saturday is Valentine’s Day, and since I don’t have a date, I’m going to treat myself to a spa. I’m not spending my first love holiday as a single woman bidding on a new boyfriend for you. I love you, but no.” Sabine grinned when Joe turned puppy dog eyes her way. “You can look as sad as you want, I’m still not doing it. A woman has to draw a line somewhere.”

  “The auction is not Saturday, silly girl. The auction is Friday night. The date is Saturday. All you need to do is bid on my Todd for me. I’ll keep the date for you. Come on—this is my chance to be his hero,” Joe said.

  “Weren’t you the guy offering to show me how to troll bars this afternoon? Are you really that desperate for a hook-up? The man’s not even out yet, Joe. Why would you spend that much money for a date you could probably get in a hundred other ways?”

  “I don’t prey on straight men and Todd is not just another date. And he’s outed himself to me—just not to all of Seattle. His company is making him do this charity bachelor auction. Winning bids will be in all the newspapers and they’re taking pictures,” Joe argued. “Come on, Sabine. It’s a few hundred dollars. I’m good for the money back.”

  She laughed and shook her head. “I work for a high-profile PR agency. My refusal is about all of Seattle seeing me date shopping at a worse meat market than any bar. Who do you think bids on men at bachelor auctions, Joe? Women do. Women like me do—well, n
ot exactly like me. I have never done anything like that in my life. Hell, I’ve even avoided online dating sites so far.”

  “Yes, but just think how smashing you would look standing next to a Rundgren VP, Sabine. You could frame the newspaper clipping and put it in your office at work. Your boss would faint when she saw it.”

  “I could photoshop that same picture and save myself tons of humiliation,” Sabine declared.

  Joe nudged her arm on the bar with his elbow. “Come on. Where’s your sense of adventure hiding? You’ve forgotten how to have fun.”

  Sabine laughed. “Fun? I didn’t hear any fun for me in your suggestion.”

  Joe grinned. “Todd said he had a younger brother who is definitely straight. I bet I could get you a date with him. You could legitimately feed that youth fetish you’ve got going on just by doing me this one tiny favor.”

  Sabine elbowed back. “Do you honestly think I’m desperate enough to trade an expensive date I’m not even going to go on myself for the possibility of one I might or might not get? Nothing you’re offering is a sure thing. What if I get outbid and your mysterious Todd ends up with someone else? What if I buy him and he’s straight after all?”

  Joe shrugged. “Life is full of risks. I know this is a strange concept to you because you aren’t taking any at the moment. But I know you, Sabine. If you do this, you won’t get outbid. Go as high as you need to, so long as it doesn’t require me selling my car to pay you back afterwards.”

  “You don’t even want to tell me his last name,” Sabine said sternly.

  “It’s not that I don’t want to. It’s that I don’t know it. He wouldn’t tell me. The first step is always hard. Most men coming out are cautious about revealing their identity. He told me about the auction, thinking I’d never attend that kind of function. Maybe I even said as much—but you would have too, if you’d seen how nervous he was.”