“Oh.” His tense shoulders relaxed. “I didn’t mean to intrude.”
“You’re not. Like I said, this is actually perfect. Damien and I can’t go, but we really need a tree.” Naomi forced a pout and I almost rolled my eyes. Then my gaze caught on Grayson, who appeared hopeful but unsure.
“I don’t think I’d be able to lift it on my own.” I pretended to flex my muscles, even if the action was lost in my puffy jacket. “Would you mind?”
Grayson smiled. “I’d like that.”
I opened my mouth to respond, but Naomi beat me to it. “Excellent!” She rolled Andy forward. “Have fun.”
I looked down at him and frowned. His hair was still a bit wet. I pulled out a hat and fit it on his head. “He’ll get a cold if his hair’s wet.”
“You don’t catch colds that way. It’s a myth,” Naomi said, grinning down at him.
“Oh.” I sucked my bottom lip into my mouth before pulling the hat down further on Andy’s head. “Well, just in case.”
Without a word, Grayson grabbed Andy’s bag by the front door and walked down the driveway toward his car.
Not a single word was spoken on our way to the tree lot. The radio was off, and Andy was surprisingly quiet for most of the ride.
It was the most uncomfortable I’d ever been around Grayson.
When we finally pulled into a parking spot, I practically jumped from the car. He made a normal exit and shot me a frown over the roof. I ducked and pretended to be too busy with Andy’s car seat to notice. He was giggling as I unbuckled him.
“Hi, baby.”
More unintelligible noise exploded from him. I lifted him and met Grayson by the trunk, where he’d taken out and unfolded Andy’s stroller.
“Hey,” Grayson said softly, grabbing my elbow. I looked into his eyes, noting the unease. “I didn’t mean to show up out of the blue. I had gotten in my car and before I knew where I was planning to go, I was at your house.”
Warmth exploded in my chest at his words, and I held Andy to me tighter. “It’s okay. I’m glad you did.”
“Yeah?” His eyes lit up.
“I’ve missed you,” I admitted. His distress dissolved and was replaced with relief as he let out a breath.
“Me too. God. I’ve missed you so much. I’ve been walking around in a constant state of feeling like I was forgetting something. Did I turn the stove off? Did I fill out the correct paperwork at work? I finally figured out it was you I was missing.”
Pure joy swept through me until I remembered the reason we’d been missing each other. “I’m sor—”
“No,” he immediately cut me off. “Please don’t apologize. You have nothing to be sorry for. You had every right to be upset.” Grayson must have sensed I was about to say more because he kept going. “If you want to talk about how I fucked up, or you want to demand I crawl around on my knees all afternoon to prove how sorry I am, then by all means yes, let’s continue this conversation. But if you don’t, I’d really like to forget the last couple weeks ever happened. I just want to enjoy today with you and Andy.”
“I want that too,” I said with a grin.
He smiled and stepped back, allowing me to put Andy down. We started walking and I noticed his hands fidgeting by his side. I’d come to realize that Grayson was the kind of person who wanted to be useful.
“Hey, would you mind pushing Andy for me?”
With an eager nod, Grayson took the handles and we started through the lot. It seemed we couldn’t get more than ten feet without someone stopping us so they could look at Andy. He was cute, I totally got it, but I drew the line at random strangers reaching in and petting him like a dog.
“Why do people believe babies are communal property?” I grumbled as the latest woman walked away. “They’re not. Andy’s not. He’s mine.”
“I don’t think he minds,” Grayson commented.
It was true. My son loved people. So much so that when the last person left, Andy started kicking his legs, and I knew what was coming. In three, two, one…
“WAHHHH!!”
I cringed against the sound and looked at Grayson. “He hasn’t been loving his car seat or stroller lately, and when people are around it’s even worse. I might have to hold him for a bit.” I’d moved only a few inches when I felt Grayson’s hand on my arm.
“Can I?” he asked quietly. “I missed him, too.”
With a lump in my throat, I nodded and stepped back. I watched Grayson unbuckle Andy before carefully lifting him up and into his arms.
My laughter filled the lot when Grayson stuck his tongue out with wide eyes. Andy quieted instantly, almost unsure. But when Grayson made another funny face, my son lost it. He giggled and kept reaching for Grayson’s jacket.
“You love attention, don’t you?” Grayson asked. Andy started slapping him on the cheek. I winced every time. But Grayson didn’t seem to mind. He made a few more funny faces that Andy tried to copy before we started moving deeper into the tree lot.
We walked around for close to an hour—Andy in Grayson’s arms the whole time—before we found a tree. It wasn’t huge like some I’d seen. It couldn’t have been a foot or two taller than my five-six frame. Grayson was strapping it to the roof of his car when I asked him if he’d gotten his yet.
“I usually don’t get one,” he said. He finished tying the last bit down and turned to face me. “There doesn’t seem much point with only me there.”
I frowned. I knew he wasn’t super close to his family, but I guess I’d never thought about what that entailed. “You could put one up for yourself.”
Grayson smiled, dropping his hand to my back and walking me to the passenger side door. Andy was already in his car seat, completely passed out. “I’ll consider it.”
I grabbed his hand as it settled over the handle. “Consider more than that. I know I don’t know everything. I know that something about seeing your family makes you sad, but maybe you should try to reach out.
“I love Damien. He’s an amazing brother and an even better person. But he was the only family I had. I’d have given anything for two parents who loved me and a handful of siblings who would stand behind me, no matter what.”
Feeling a little embarrassed by my sudden declaration, I removed my hand from his and stepped back so he could open the door.
I knew he missed his family. He didn’t have to say it. And after getting to know the wonderful man he was, I could only imagine how much they missed him.
DECEMBER 11TH.
It was easily my least favorite day of the year, and it was finally here. I’d managed to keep thoughts of Taylor at bay for the first few days of December. But the past week I was practically drowning in memories. Just like every year around this time. I always began acting weird in the days prior to the day—today. I knew it. I’d tried to curb it in the beginning. But there was no stopping it. I usually requested a day or two off and went somewhere quiet, somewhere I could be alone and think.
This year I didn’t want to be alone. I wanted to see Ellie. The only problem was I’d have to tell her what was wrong. She undoubtedly already knew something was up. I didn’t know if I’d have the courage to say the words aloud.
What would she think when she knew? She’d always seen me as a hero, and I’d have to shatter that illusion. As selfish as it was, I wasn’t ready for that. I may not have believed in the idea of heroes or even in myself, but I liked the knowledge that she felt that way about me.
My eyes moved to the white envelope sitting on my kitchen table. It had arrived this morning, and I knew what I’d find when I opened it.
Still.
This was the hardest note to accept. I was always tempted to crumple it up and throw it out. I didn’t deserve to feel loved today.
I was jolted out of my thoughts when I heard the doorbell ring. With a sigh, I walked to the door. Rebecca, Taylor’s mother, always stopped by on this day, and while I didn’t necessarily want to see her, she was relentless. I grabbed the k
nob and pulled it open, my standard lie of I’m fine on the tip of my tongue, when I saw Ellie’s anxious face.
“Hey.” She shifted back and forth on her feet. I looked over her shoulder and saw Damien’s car idling. I could just make out Andy in the backseat.
I didn’t respond. I was too shocked.
I hadn’t seen her in a little over a week—eight days and four hours to be exact—yet somehow she knew today was the day to stop by? More and more I was beginning to question fate and its role in my life.
“Is this a bad time?” she asked.
My gaze moved to her delicate throat as she nervously swallowed. Out of the corner of my eye I saw her hands twitching and her feet shuffling. Numbly I moved my head up and down. God, I couldn’t believe she was here. How did she know?
“Oh.” Her shoulders slumped as she wiped her palms along her skirt. When I looked up into her eyes, I was surprised by the amount of despair there. “I—I understand. I’ll just go…”
Frowning, I watched her back up and hitch her thumb over her shoulder toward the car.
She’s leaving?
It wasn’t until she was moving down the first step that I realized what I’d implied.
“Wait.” The word was almost hysterical, and if I wasn’t so desperate I might have been embarrassed by it. But she couldn’t leave. I’d barely been able to stop myself from going to her house; now that she was here, there was zero chance I was letting her go.
I stepped outside, my bare feet immediately chilling when they touched the cement. Ellie had turned around and was staring at me, confusion written all over her beautiful face.
“Are you okay?” She stepped forward and placed her hand on my arm.
“Not really,” I answered honestly. “Can you stay? Please?”
Nodding, she turned around to wave at Damien. He stayed for a second or two longer before pulling away from the curb.
Like they had a mind of their own, my hands reached out and immediately pulled her against my chest. I buried my face in her hair. My nose grazed the soft skin under her ear and my lips lightly kissed her pulse. My arms moved between her open jacket and her shirt, tightly winding around her waist. Ellie’s hands cradled my head and she slowly started running her fingers through my hair. Occasionally her nails lightly dragged over my scalp.
I wasn’t sure how long we stayed like that, but I wouldn’t be the first to pull away. Only when she whispered, “Grayson?” did I pull my head back and look down at her. Our arms were still securely in place.
“It’s kind of cold,” she said with a shy smile. And even though I hadn’t thought it possible, my lips rose for the first time that day. My fingers lightly traced her spine and I smiled wider as she shivered.
“I see.” Ellie blushed at my words. “C’mon.”
Her hands fell from my head, but I kept one of my arms inside her jacket, wrapped around her waist as I guided her through the doorway. Not even when I shut and locked the door did I remove it.
“Do you want something to drink?” I asked, squeezing her hip.
“Sure.” She seemed nervous when I finally pulled away. Or maybe it was simply my nerves projected onto her. That was a strong possibility.
Stopping at the mouth of the room, I looked back at her. “I’m sorry I haven’t been around and have been so out of it. It’s not you, it’s…” I trailed off. “I didn’t mean it that way.”
“What way?” she asked.
She got me to smile for a second time. “I may be socially inept at times, but even I know that you never use the line ‘it’s not you, it’s me.’ Even if it’s true.”
Ellie smiled back right before I turned and left the room. I had just finished pouring her water when I heard another knock.
Shit.
How had I already forgotten about Rebecca?
I walked back in to see Ellie hovering by the fireplace, unsure if she should’ve answered it.
“I got it.” I didn’t want her opening the door when I didn’t know one hundred percent who was on the other side. Like most cops, I patrolled in a different city than where I lived, making day-to-day life safer, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t always aware. There were no windows by the door like Ellie’s house had, but I did have a peephole.
I froze at the sight of the woman on the other side. Pulling back, I gazed down at my feet. I knew she would stop by, but why right now? Before I’d had a chance to explain anything to Ellie.
“Grayson,” Ellie called out softly. “Aren’t you going to answer?”
I looked out the peephole again. She was still there. Anyone else might have given up, but if she knew I was home she would have no trouble waiting me out.
Nodding, I cleared my throat before stepping back and pulling the door open for the second time in ten minutes.
“If you’re adamant about pretending you aren’t home, you should consider parking your car in the garage.” There was no judgment or malice in her words. Rebecca always wore a look of understanding, but that didn’t mean she would ever stop trying to reach out to me.
Without another word, she stepped inside and embraced me. As I wrapped my arms around her, I snuck a glance at Ellie. She was frowning, her brows dipped into a deep V, and a million questions swam in her gorgeous hazel eyes. This hug didn’t feel like Ellie’s. It was nice, comforting, but nothing special.
“How are you doing? I know that’s a stupid question—” She stopped talking as she pulled away, finally catching sight of Ellie.
“Hi.” Rebecca smiled brightly at Ellie, who looked like a deer caught in headlights. Her eyes widened further as Rebecca crossed the floor and stopped right in front of her. “I’m Rebecca.”
Her hand awkwardly hung in the air until Ellie reluctantly shook it, her stare darting between us, trying to connect us. She could easily deduce Rebecca wasn’t my mother if she’d been looking at the pictures on the mantel.
“I’m Ellie.” The words were soft and unsure, and her eyes kept shifting to me.
“Is this your girlfriend?” Rebecca asked me. Ellie’s cheeks turned bright red. “Taylor would be so happy you—”
“Rebecca,” I bit out. She turned back at my tone and frowned. I subtly shook my head, but I don’t know why I bothered trying to make it discreet. Ellie was looking right at me. Hurt and confusion, and a little bit of accusation in her stare.
I walked to Rebecca and gently took hold of her elbow. “Can I call you later?” And before she could look at me in disbelief, I added, “I promise I’ll call.”
With a nod, she let me walk her toward the door. She turned around and, with a sad smile, said goodbye to Ellie. Ellie mumbled her own, her gaze now on the floor.
I paused by the open door, my back to Ellie.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to overstep,” Rebecca began. “I know you don’t talk about Taylor lightly and I shouldn’t have assumed you’d tell some random girl.”
I sighed, warring between frustration and understanding. “She’s not some random girl. Ellie’s extremely important to me.”
“So why did she look like she had no clue who Taylor was?” Rebecca asked, hurt coloring her words.
“I haven’t told her yet.” I wouldn’t admit the truth, that I was afraid Ellie would look at me differently if she knew.
“She wouldn’t want this,” Rebecca murmured. “How do you think she would feel? Knowing she ended two lives?” Her words were like a punch to the gut. “Taylor would want you to be happy. Deep down you know what happened wasn’t your fault. You just have to let yourself believe it.”
She smiled and pushed some hair behind my ear. “Sweet boy. You should tell her. If she’s as special as you think, maybe she can help you.”
I took a deep breath before thanking her and pulling her into a hug. When she stepped back, she looked around me at Ellie.
“Bye, Ellie. I’ve never been introduced to one of Grayson’s friends before. It was so great to meet you. I hope we’ll see each other again soon.”
I slowly shut the door behind her and listened through the wood as she walked away. My eyes were squeezed shut as I tried to figure out what to tell Ellie.
“Do you want me to leave?” I looked back to see her arms over her chest. I hated how closed off and fearful she looked. The words had been soft and aimed at her shoes.
I stepped away from the door and walked toward her. When I was close enough I cupped her cheek with one hand. She tensed as I lifted her head up and our gazes connected. “That’s the last thing I want.” I’d expected the words to relieve her tension, but she still looked wary.
“Do you want to talk about it?” I could hear in her voice that she was already bracing for my rejection. “Tell me something that hurts?” she said even softer.
Nodding my head, I watched her eyes widen and her mouth drop open in shock. Ellie had, undoubtedly, been far more forthcoming with her pain than I’d been.
I turned around and moved toward my bedroom, stopping at the mouth of the hall, waiting for Ellie to join me. After a few seconds she did. I listened to her soft footsteps trailing mine.
Ellie paused in the doorway, unsure of her place. I hated that. I hated that there was a part of her that doubted me. I couldn’t blame her, but I didn’t have to like it.
Sitting on the edge of my bed, I reached into my nightstand and pulled out a framed photo that was sitting on top of a leather notebook. Holding it up, I said, “I don’t even remember who took this. I think one of my sisters. It was one of those perfect days. Days you think about all the time.” I gazed at the goofy girl who was smiling wide and putting bunny ears behind my head. My smile was less pronounced, but you could still see the joy in my eyes.
The bed dipped as Ellie sat down next to me. I noticed she sat far enough away so we wouldn’t accidentally touch, but close enough that I could reach over and pull her closer.
“Who is she?”
I stroked the glass. “Her name’s Taylor. Rebecca is her mother. We were sixteen when this was taken. She had just gotten dumped by her boyfriend.” I laughed but there was nothing funny about it. “No, that’s not the right term. I don’t think there is one that doesn’t involve heavy profanity. The guy she gave her virginity to publicly rejected her.” We weren’t touching, but I saw Ellie solidify out of the corner of my eye.
Unveiling Fate Page 14