After walking up the steps, I set the presents on the bench next to the front door. I hesitated for only a second before knocking. Ellie and I were in a really good place, I just didn’t know what she’d think about me dropping by unannounced.
The front door flew open and Ellie immediately greeted me with a warm smile. “Hey.” She seemed pleased, which should have made any residual tension leave my body.
But I was starting to realize that I would always feel this way around her. There wasn’t a single part of me that didn’t crave this woman. My hands were constantly itching to touch her, my lips begged me to weave my fingers through her hair and pull her mouth to mine, and my cock—
No. Nope. Not going there.
How she managed to entice me this way, especially when she had antlers on her head, was beyond me.
My lips twitched when she realized what I was staring at. She reached up and quickly whipped the headband off before tossing it inside, her cheeks turning as red as her shirt.
“It was for Andy. He really liked them…”
“I figured.”
For a second we stared at one another. The air between us felt charged, poised for something neither of us were acting on. It was like this every time we saw one another lately, and it was only a matter of time before we were sucked in, powerless to stop the collision. I didn’t want to stop it; I wanted to fall into it.
Ellie cleared her throat and waved me inside. But when I saw the other people I quickly shook my head. “I can’t stay long.” Spending time with Ellie and Andy sounded perfect, just not with an audience.
“Okay.” She didn’t pressure me. She hollered to Damien that she’d be right back before stepping onto the porch with me. Her brother’s eyes connected with mine, and he nodded as Ellie closed the door.
Even though it was Christmas, being in Arizona meant the temperature wasn’t unbearable, so I didn’t feel bad about asking her to step outside.
She was wearing black tights and a baggy red sweater with a reindeer on it.
“No special Christmas socks?” I asked.
Ellie blushed and crossed her arms over her chest. “I have a pair for later,” she mumbled.
“I wish I could see them.” My voice came out more wistful than I was expecting. When she looked up with parted lips, I gestured to the gifts. “I brought you something.”
“You got me a Christmas present?” I hated how surprised she sounded, like she wasn’t used to getting them.
Nodding, I grabbed the green rectangular box and handed it to her. Ellie took it with an excited grin on her face. She slowly unwrapped the paper and lifted the lid. With one last peek up at me, she removed the tissue paper, revealing a pair of thigh-high socks. I watched her run her fingers over the patterns.
They were dark gray with various superhero logos: Captain America’s shield, Thor’s hammer, Iron Man’s mask, and a few others. I didn’t know what they all were. After searching online and realizing there wasn’t a large market in woman’s apparel for superhero thigh-high socks, I called my sister.
I’d never asked her to design anything. When I asked her to create thigh-highs with Ellie’s favorite superheroes, The Avengers, she was glad to. Excited to. And with only a minimal amount of teasing at my expense. It had felt good. Normal. It, just like lunch today, made me wonder why I’d ever thought isolating myself was a good idea.
“How…?” She shook her head. “I’ve never seen these before.”
Shrugging my shoulders, I answered, “I had my sister make them.”
Ellie’s head snapped up and her eyes bulged. “Really?”
“Yeah.”
“Grayson… these are… I love them!” she exclaimed with a large smile. She spun around, quickly depositing them on the bench, before turning back toward me and throwing herself in my arms.
I froze, my arms limp by my side for a couple of seconds. Then I easily wrapped them around her and pulled her closer to my chest.
We’d hugged before, of course. But now she was practically plastered to me, and it felt perfect. Right. My body molded around her tiny frame, like that’s what it was meant for.
This certainly didn’t help my raging hormones, though. Almost like they had a mind of their own, my fingers skated down her spine. Ellie shivered as my hands settled against the small of her back.
Could she feel my restraint? How it took everything in me not to shift my palms a couple inches lower?
I looked above their front door, mentally counting the tiles in an effort not to do anything wildly inappropriate.
We stayed that way for several minutes, and when we finally pulled away, I didn’t let her go far. Our noses were only a few inches apart, and her breath smelled of peppermint as it ghosted over my face. My gaze was trained on her lips, lips I’d imagined tasting hundreds of times in the last few weeks.
“Grayson?” she whispered. I lifted my eyes to hers, a question and an answer lingering in their hazel depths. I moved forward, painfully slow, and right before our lips met, boisterous laughter from inside jolted me, breaking us apart. Ellie’s arms unwound and I was forced to let her go. She stepped back, her cheeks flaming. Then she tucked a long blonde strand of hair behind her ear. I hated that the ground had her eyes instead of me.
I cleared my throat, turned to the bench, and picked up the other box, this one square and wrapped in red. “This is for Andy.”
She teared up again. “You got him something?”
Nodding, I held it out. “Let me know how he likes it,” I said, preparing to step away. I needed to get out of here. My self-control was dangerously low.
“Nonsense.” Ellie waved her hand at me, backing up and grabbing the knob. “I’ll go get him so you can see for yourself.”
Before I could protest, she disappeared inside. I rocked on my heels and burrowed one hand in my pocket while lamely holding the box.
Less than a minute later she came back out, with a huge smile and bright eyes. Her son looked exactly the same. His wide eyes took in the surroundings as he kicked his chubby legs with glee. I grinned at his outfit, not the least bit surprised that Ellie dressed Andy in a reindeer onesie, complete with antlers on the hood.
“It’s nothing special.”
She gave me a look as she sat down next to her gift and patted the spot on the other side of her. I hesitated. Did she have any idea what she did to me? Probably not considering most of the people in her life made her feel like a burden, if they bothered to notice her at all.
With a strained sigh, I walked over and took a seat.
“Will you open it?” she asked, bouncing Andy on her lap. I gave her a quick jerk of my head before peeling back the paper and removing the lid. Andy started clapping when I pulled out the stuffed animal.
“Look!” Ellie exclaimed in a high-pitched voice. Andy stared at his mom with wide, trusting eyes. “It’s a lion. A big, strong, brave lion.”
He started laughing and reached for the animal—his mother’s spirit was contagious. As soon as he had it, he smashed it to his chest and stuck part of the mane in his mouth.
“It was mine,” I told Ellie.
“What?” She looked up from her son to me. Whatever moment we’d been in the process of creating seemed to have completely vanished for her. I couldn’t begrudge her for that; it was beautiful to watch Ellie and Andy together.
For a woman who constantly doubted herself, and her role as a mother, I couldn’t imagine anyone more perfect. She may not have done everything right. But she did the most important thing: she loved her son more than anything.
“The lion,” I said. “It was mine when I was a kid. Actually it’s the second one. I pretty much destroyed the first.” I laughed, thinking about how I’d dragged it everywhere. “The first one I abused so much my parents had to throw it out, and I cried because it had been my favorite. So when they bought me a new one I became paranoid about keeping it clean and intact. It mainly sat on a shelf, so you don’t have to worry about germs or anyt
hing.” I paused as something occurred to me. “Of course, if you’d prefer a completely new toy, I can get him one. I didn’t think of that. I wasn’t trying to be cheap—”
“I know,” she cut me off. “And no, this is perfect. He loves it.” Andy pulled the lion away, spit dribbling down his chin, and she chuckled. “I think he’s going to repeat your torture.” She bounced her son for a few more moments before she cast her eyes to the ground with a frown on her face. My lips immediately followed.
“What’s wrong?” I asked. My hand formed a fist on my thigh, trying to prevent myself from reaching out and touching her. She gave me a sad smile when she lifted her head and looked at me.
“I don’t have anything for you,” she said softly, sounding embarrassed.
Was that all?
“Ellie,” I said with a chuckle. That was the furthest thing from my mind. “Don’t worry about it. I wasn’t expecting anything.”
I thought the words would wipe away her sadness, but they seemed to do the opposite. To my horror, her eyes glassed. “You expected me not to get anything for you?”
“No. I mean… I didn’t mean it like that. I meant I don’t need anything.” I thought about what she’d said her mother called her.
Selfish.
Inconsiderate.
“Ellie. You have a baby. Did you get him something?”
“A learning gym and a matching quilt,” she answered with a grin. Her son never failed to put a smile on her face. “I can’t wait to see him use it.”
“Exactly. You’re not inconsiderate. You’ve been focusing on Andy, as you should be. He’s the most important thing.”
Her eyes lifted to mine. “You’re important, too,” Ellie whispered. “You’ve helped me so much and I appreciate it. I don’t want you to think I don’t. I started searching for a gift. Nothing seemed right though, and before I knew it, it was Christmas.”
“You want to give me something?”
She nodded quickly. “Yes. You name it and I’ll get it.”
I smiled, thinking about the one thing I really wanted. “Ellie, I have everything I want.”
“Really?”
I looked her over. “Well… almost,” I said softly.
Ellie swallowed nervously before deflating a bit. “I want to get you something, Grayson. Something useful or important or meaningful.”
I knew she might not read between the lines of what I was about to say. Or, more accurately, I knew she wouldn’t let herself believe it, but I couldn’t keep lying. I gently put my hand on her knee to steady it. “Ellie. You’re all those things. You’re important. You mean something. And you’re what I want.” I swallowed, my Adam’s apple bobbing. “More than anything.”
She blushed and her eyes widened. “I…”
“You don’t have to say anything. But it was time I said it out loud.” I stood up. Andy was still babbling with the lion pressed to his chest. Now he was pulling on the mane and beating his fists against it.
Ellie cleared her throat and lifted herself off the bench, moving her son to her hip. “Where are you going?”
“I’m heading home.”
She frowned. “No one should be alone on Christmas. You could stay. No one would mind.”
“I wasn’t alone. I went to my parents’ place this morning.”
“You did?” she asked with raised eyebrows.
“Yeah, and this has been the best Christmas I’ve had in eight years.” I gazed down at her. “Because of you.”
Placing my hand on Andy’s back, I said, “C’ya later, buddy,” before turning around and walking down the steps. When I reached the bottom, I looked back at his mother. “Merry Christmas, Ellie.”
Her smile matched mine. “Merry Christmas, Grayson,” she whispered back.
I stepped back inside and leaned against the door, listening to Grayson’s footsteps fade before hearing his car start and drive away. The longer I stood there, and the farther away he got, the more unsettled I became.
Things had felt perfect with Grayson here.
I glanced into the living room at the people we had over. Besides Damien and Naomi, there was Derek, Naomi’s mother, Julie, and her mother’s boyfriend, Mark. We’d invited Naomi’s other close friends, but they were spending the holiday elsewhere.
Damien caught my eyes and smiled. I nodded for him to follow me into the kitchen. I set Andy in his high chair and turned around to find my brother frowning.
“Is everything okay?” he asked.
“Yeah. Grayson’s going home. Alone.”
“He’s not spending Christmas with his family?”
I shook my head. “He’s not very close to them anymore.”
“Anymore?”
“It’s a long story.” I hesitated to voice my reason for asking him in here. Taking a deep breath, I admitted, “I want to take Andy over there and hang out for a bit. I figured it would give you and Naomi some alone time once her family left.”
Damien nodded. “Okay. Let me know when you’re ready and I’ll walk you out.”
“You don’t think it’s weird, right?” Before he could answer, I added, “You don’t think Grayson will think it’s weird?”
My brother smiled and came over to wrap his arm around my shoulder. Pulling me close, he kissed the side of my head. “No, I don’t. I think he’ll probably love it.”
I stood up on my tiptoes and kissed his cheek. “Thanks, D.”
“Anytime, Ells.”
I was at Grayson’s house within an hour. Andy was buckled in the backseat with his new learning gym on the seat next to him. Once I parked the car and got out, I saw him still holding Grayson’s gift.
I couldn’t carry it all in with me, plus I wasn’t entirely sure he’d want us to stay. But I had hope that his declaration from earlier meant he wouldn’t mind. Maybe he would even be happy. No, he would be. I needed to stop second-guessing everything, especially when he implied he was interested in more than friendship.
With Andy perched on my hip, his head resting against my shoulder, I walked up to the house and knocked. The door swung open a minute later. Grayson’s surprised gaze moved from me to my son and then to Damien’s car on the street.
“Hey?” He tilted his head.
“Hi.” I spoke softly so I wouldn’t disturb Andy.
“Is everything okay?”
“Yeah. We were hoping you’d let us keep you company.” I rested my head against Andy’s and batted my eyelashes. Grayson laughed, and all his confusion was replaced with overwhelming happiness. It seemed to radiate out of him. His eyes shone a little brighter, his smile spread a little wider, and his whole body relaxed. Even more so when he saw the lion in my son’s grip.
“I’d be a fool to pass up on that offer.” He held the door open and stepped back. Once I crossed the threshold I held up Damien’s keys.
“I left his diaper bag and new toy in the backseat.”
“I’ll grab them,” he said without pause. Our fingers brushed as he took the keys from me. I felt the effects all the way up my arm. I was still shivering when he came back carrying everything.
After he shut and locked the door, we walked into his living room. Grayson deposited the things in his arms on the couch and pushed his coffee table against the wall. Andy started wiggling, so I laid the quilt on the carpet before setting him down. I looked left and stopped short.
In the corner sat a small Christmas tree. Everything about it was simple, with just a string of white lights and a gold star on top.
“You got a tree?” I asked, spinning around with a big smile. Grayson was sitting on the floor, opening Andy’s present. He shrugged as he took everything out and set the instructions on his lap.
“You can be pretty convincing.”
“I mentioned it once, offhandedly. If you want to talk about someone being convincing, that’s Naomi.”
“I don’t mean you’re forceful about it. I mean if you say you want something, even once, I’d try like hell to give it to y
ou.” He was focused on his task, setting up the learning gym. Nothing about his posture said he was uncomfortable with what he said. In fact, he hardly seemed aware of how sweet it was. He didn’t know how sweet he was.
“Today was the first time I watched my nieces open presents on Christmas morning.” His voice softened and his eyes dimmed.
“How old are they?” I lowered myself to the ground.
“Four and three.”
“They probably couldn’t do much up until now.”
My attempts at making him feel better were unsuccessful. Grayson shook his head. “I still should have been there.”
It took every ounce of bravery I possessed to reach forward and wrap my hand around his. “You were there today. Don’t dwell on what you can’t change.”
His fingers weaved through mine and squeezed. Every part of me solidified. Air was trapped in my lungs. My heart was suspended between beats. And my wide, unblinking eyes were glued to our joined hands.
After what seemed like an eternity Grayson’s thumb gently swept over my knuckles. I was working up the courage to return the sentiment when Andy started babbling and lifting his arms. Only then did we break apart. I kept my gaze lowered. There was no way I could look at him right now. He’d see everything I was feeling.
Turning toward Andy, I ran my fingers over his stomach. My smile widened as his giggles filled the room.
“I read he should be starting to understand peekaboo soon.” I’d started checking a few websites to make sure he was hitting all his important milestones. I was also attempting to begin early on a few of them.
Covering my eyes with both hands, I listened for his reaction. After a few seconds I pulled them away and softly yelled, “Boo!” Andy immediately erupted in giggles. My lingering nerves slowly faded while I watched him laugh and wave his limbs around. But my thoughts never strayed too far from the man only a few feet away.
Despite my head’s stubborn insistence that Grayson was a friend, my heart knew better. It had become a rowdy thing, demanding my attention every chance it got. So I knew where my true feelings lay.
Unveiling Fate Page 16