She was alone, so alone. When she loved, she loved completely. She gave her all and got so little in return. As much as she had loved the men in her life, she had also hated them.
Why couldn’t John Earl look at her just once and see her for who she was? His soul mate. The woman meant to be his wife.
No, she wasn’t perfect. She wasn’t without sin. But then neither was he. For all his goodness, John Earl was as human as all clergymen were. He made mistakes. He sinned. And he, like all others, would one day be rewarded for his goodness and punished for his sins.
Erin curled into a fetal ball and wept.
Chapter Seventeen
Seth had left Sunday night services with his grandparents, and Missy had gone home with a girlfriend, the daughter of a church deacon, for a sleepover. Since Cathy had spent the day with Donnie, Missy and Seth, she didn’t have a way home tonight and had gladly accepted Donnie’s offer to escort her. Otherwise she would have been forced to either walk or allow her mother to drive her home.
The day that had begun so badly had actually ended on a positive note. A couple of hours before Sunday night services, Donnie had persuaded Cathy to go with him to talk to J.B. and Mona. She had agreed reluctantly, but much to her surprise, the visit had gone much better than she had anticipated.
“I believe you’re a miracle worker,” Cathy told Donnie.
When he smiled, shallow dimples appeared in his round cheeks. He was an attractive man in a cute, boyish way. He was one of those people who would look the same at sixty as he had at six, simply older. But what his face lacked in strength and maturity, it made up for in a gentle attractiveness.
Donnie turned to her there in the semidarkness inside his car and smiled. “You give me too much credit. All I did was intervene between the two of you. I reminded Brother Cantrell that in his zeal to protect Seth, he cannot forget that you are Seth’s mother and you love him.”
“And you reminded me that even if I disagree with J.B., which I do, that I owe him and Mona a debt of gratitude for taking good care of Seth while I was ill.”
Donnie spread his arm across the back of Cathy’s seat and leaned toward her, his gaze connecting with hers. “We made progress this afternoon when we stopped by the Cantrells. You showed Seth that you’re willing to meet his grandfather halfway, that you and J.B. don’t have to be enemies.”
“I hate the thought of making Seth choose between his grandparents and me,” Cathy said. “But I felt that J.B. was giving me no choice but to take them to court to regain custody.”
“And now?”
“Now, thanks to you, I’m willing to wait a little while longer in the hopes that J.B. will see reason and I won’t have to take drastic measures.”
“It could take weeks, even months,” Donnie told her. “You must be patient. I’ll talk to J.B. again.”
“In the meantime, I want Seth to be able to spend the night at my home whenever he wants to while we’re trying to settle this problem out of court.”
“Why don’t you let me continue talking to J.B.? I can suggest that he allow Seth to join you and Missy and me for dinner and a movie this Friday night. And if he’s in agreement, I’ll see if he’ll consider allowing Seth to spend the night with you.”
Cathy’s heart soared with hope. This morning, she had been certain that she had no other alternative than to take her in-laws to court. But tonight, she thought there was a possibility that J.B. might eventually see reason. She was willing to wait, just not forever. Seth had all but said that he had changed his mind and wanted to live with her, but he’d been adamant about not wanting to hurt his grandparents.
“I’m all Nana and Granddad have now that Dad’s gone,” Seth had said.
“You’re all I have, too,” she’d reminded him.
“I know, Mom, but you’re young, and you’ll probably get married again and have more kids.”
Surprised by his comment, she had questioned his reasoning. She knew, before he confirmed her suspicions, that he had simply repeated exactly what J.B. had said about her.
Donnie cleared his throat, which immediately drew her back into the present moment. She smiled at him. He looked at her longingly, as if he wanted to kiss her. All she had to do was respond. But did she want him to kiss her? She was sure the experience would be pleasant, but in all honesty, she wasn’t attracted to him in a sexual, man-woman way. How could she tell him without hurting his feelings, which she would never do, not for anything in the world. If he kissed her…
Suddenly he moved back and away from her. He cleared his throat again. “I should walk you to your door and then go home. I need a good night’s rest tonight. I’m working all day tomorrow at the community food bank, from seven in the morning until six in the evening.”
“I appreciate the ride home, but you don’t have to walk me to the door.”
“Of course I do. What kind of Southern gentleman would I be if I didn’t escort you safely to your front door?”
They both laughed.
By the time Cathy opened the car door and stepped out onto the driveway, Donnie was there with his hand extended. She took his soft hand and smiled when he clasped hers tenderly.
There was something about Donnie that reminded her of Mark. Not so much his physical appearance as his demeanor. He seemed to possess a similar easygoing charm and sweet gentleness. And he was a minister of the gospel, a man dedicating his life to helping others. If she were dating Donnie, her in-laws and mother would approve. But if she encouraged a relationship with him, it would be for all the wrong reasons.
He waited with her on the porch while she unlocked the front door. Then, when she eased open the door, she turned to him. “Would you like to come in for some decaf or a glass of iced tea?”
He smiled. “Not tonight, Cathy. Perhaps another time.”
“Certainly.” She kissed his cheek, a simple act of gratitude. “Thank you for trying to help me with J.B. and Mona.”
His round face flushed a light pink. “I’ll continue doing all I can to help you and Seth and the Cantrells.”
Cathy stood in the open doorway and watched Donnie until he got in his SUV. Then she went inside and closed and locked the door. She felt a sense of hope wash over her. A day that had started off with a trip to the sheriff’s office was ending peacefully. Thanks to Brother Donnie Hovater, she felt that it might be possible not only to reclaim her rights as Seth’s mother without involving lawyers, but to salvage her relationship with her in-laws.
In all the years they’d been together, Bruce Kelley had never lied to his wife. But today, not only had he lied to her, so had their three children. However, the deception had been for her own good. If they had told her Mirabelle Rutledge would be living with them as her companion and jailer, Sandie would have protested. She wouldn’t have understood. In her lucid moments, she tried to deny her illness. And in her incompetent moments, she was incapable of understanding.
“I met Mirabelle when I visited Bright Side recently, and I really liked her,” Kira had said shortly before Kim and Mirabelle arrived. “She’s such a dear, sweet person. I think you’ll just love her.”
“This arrangement will be good for you and Dad and for Mirabelle,” Kevin had told his mother. “She needs a home and—”
“Of course we’ll give the poor child a home,” Sandie had said without hesitation. “Your father and I have worked with foster children in the past, so this won’t be very different, except that Mirabelle is a grown woman with a child’s mind.”
“Actually, she’s quiet intelligent,” Bruce had said. “I believe she’s simply a little slow.” He had reached over and squeezed Sandie’s hand. “She’ll want to stay with you all the time, you know, the way a child would with her mother.”
Sandie had smiled. “And I’ll do my very best to be a mother figure for her.”
Later in the afternoon, before Kim left, she had reinforced his earlier comments. “Mirabelle will want to stay right with you whenever Dad’s not arou
nd. She doesn’t like to be alone.”
As Bruce looked down on a sleeping Sandie, her lovely face peaceful, her slender body covered only by a sheet and lightweight blanket, he swallowed his tears. An hour before bedtime, she had become disoriented and for a few moments hadn’t known where she was. As happened occasionally, this evening her mind had wandered back to a time in her own childhood, and oddly enough she had thought Mirabelle was her mother.
The sweet, gentle young woman had helped him with his wife, taking over with an ease that surprised him. She had aided Sandie with as much patience and tender care as a mother would have taken with her own child. And when Mirabellele tucked Sandie into bed and kissed her on the forehead, Bruce had known that bringing this girl into their home had been the right decision. Indeed, it seemed to be a blessing.
“I will stay here,” Mirabelle told him. “You mustn’t worry, Mr. Bruce. I won’t leave her. I will sleep beside her. It’s all right that she doesn’t know who I am. She’s happy because she thinks I’m her mother.”
He patted Mirabelle on the shoulder. “Yes, she did go to sleep happy, didn’t she. I’ll be in the guest room across the hall. If she wakes in the night or if you should need me…”
“I’ll come and get you, Mr. Bruce.”
He gazed into the girl’s warm brown eyes and saw beyond the slow mind and into the loving heart. Abruptly, he turned and walked out of the bedroom just as the tears he could no longer control trickled down his cheeks.
The room is dark and quiet. Lying on my back staring up at the ceiling, I see only a glimmer of moonlight creeping through the closed blinds. I feel as if I’m floating on a peaceful black sea. Safe in God’s hands. Nothing bad can happen to me. No one can hurt me. I am surrounded by a cloak of holy protection.
What is that tune humming inside my head? Oh, yes, it’s a beautiful hymn that I learned as a child. My earliest memories are of being at church, inside the blessed sanctuary for the righteous, each service a haven for God’s true children.
That’s what I am—one of God’s true children. I am not like so many who profess to be brothers and sisters of Christ and yet prove themselves unworthy of the name Christian.
“The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?” The words of Psalm Twenty-seven echo inside my heart. “When the wicked, even mine enemies and my foes, came upon me to eat up my flesh, they stumbled and fell.”
With my eyes closed against the ugliness of the world, I am so blessed to be able to recall the Holy Scripture. King David’s psalms are some of my favorite passages from the Old Testament. “When my father and my mother forsake me, then the Lord will take me up. Deliver me not over unto the will of mine enemies: for false witnesses are risen up against me, and such as breathe out cruelty.”
The world is filled with evil and cruelty, with those who profess to love the Lord and do His work. But some are false prophets. Those are the ones God commands me to punish.
I’m listening, Lord. I know who You have chosen next to receive Thy swift and harsh punishment. Give me the time and day of his death, and I will do Thy bidding. I am Your humble servant, Your avenging angel of death.
Knowing she had a busy day tomorrow, even with Treasures closed, Cathy took a shower and prepared for bed earlier than usual. She and Lorie were in charge of the Lansdell Estate sale, which was scheduled for two weeks from yesterday. They would have to begin clearing the junk from the old house and preparing the furniture and the saleable contents to be displayed and priced. As she towel-dried her hair, she debated whether to use the blow-dryer or simply let it dry naturally overnight. After hanging the towel across the shower curtain rack and running a comb through her wavy, damp strands, she put on her floor-length cotton gown and padded barefoot into the bedroom.
The sound of the doorbell at—she glanced at the bedside clock—nine-thirty on Sunday night surprised her. She certainly wasn’t expecting anyone. By the time she’d found her house slippers and lightweight cotton robe, her visitor had rung the doorbell again.
She rushed down the hall, through the living room and to the front door. When she peered through the viewfinder, she sucked in a deep breath. What was Jack doing on her doorstep at this time of night?
Without hesitation, she unlocked and opened the door. He stood there with a peculiar expression on his face.
He looked her over from head to toe. “Were you already in bed? I didn’t wake you, did I?”
“No,” she replied. “It’s been a long, tiring day, which started pretty early this morning, and I have a busy day tomorrow, so I thought I’d try for an early bedtime tonight.”
“I guess I should have called first.”
“It’s all right.” When he kept staring at her so oddly, she asked, “Is something wrong?”
He glanced from side to side. “Mind if I come in? I’d rather not include your neighbors in our conversation.”
“Oh, of course.” She stepped aside to allow him entrance. “Please come in.”
After he entered, she closed the door and turned to face him. He was close. Too close. Only inches separated their bodies. Jack was a good nine inches taller than her height of five-five, and the lanky young guy she’d fallen in love with years ago was now broader and more muscular but equally lean and fit. She stared up into his blue eyes, eyes she had never been able to forget. A shiver of pure sexual awareness rippled along every nerve in her body.
Jackson Perdue was the only man who’d ever been able to light up her insides like a glowing Christmas tree by doing nothing more than looking at her. No matter what else had changed in her life and in their relationship, that one fact remained the same.
His gaze devoured her. “Cathy…”
The way he looked at her and the way he said her name brought back memories of a time in her life she had tried to put behind her.
She couldn’t allow her traitorous body to dictate her actions. She couldn’t do this. She couldn’t! She wasn’t ready.
Easing away from him, putting some safe distance between their bodies, she took several steps into the living room. “Please come in and sit down. I’ll get us some iced tea.”
She watched as his chest moved with the force of the deep breath he sucked in and released, and she knew that he felt the magnetic force vibrating between them as intensely as she did.
“No iced tea for me,” he said as he followed her.
She indicated the sofa. He sat down first, and then she sat on the opposite end of the sofa. “Why are you here, Jack?”
“I’m not sure,” he admitted as he rubbed his open palms up and down his thighs. “I guess I thought maybe you’d call me and tell me how things went today, you know, with you and Seth and—”
“Oh, I didn’t realize you expected me to call you.”
“I don’t expect anything from you,” he told her. “I just thought that maybe you might want to talk, but I guess you’ve got Donnie Hovater to talk to now.”
She caught the hint of censure in his voice and realized that he either disapproved of her budding friendship with the minister or was jealous.
“Donnie is a new friend, and that’s all he is—a friend. He’s trying to help me work out something with J.B. and Mona so that I don’t have to take them to court to regain custody of Seth.”
Jack cocked an eyebrow, the action expressing doubt. “If he can accomplish that, more power to him. But I’d hate to see you get your hopes up for nothing.”
She forced a smile and then changed the subject because there really wasn’t anything else to say about the matter. “How was your lunch at the Cedar House Grill? Did you take Lorie?”
“Yeah, I took Lorie. Why do you ask? Are you jealous?” he asked, a quirky grin on his face.
“No, of course not. What a thing to say. You and Lorie aren’t…Are you?”
Jack laughed. “Hell, no.”
“She’s still in love with Mike, you know.”
&
nbsp; “Warning me to stay away from her?”
“You and Lorie are free to—”
“I’m not interested in playing second fiddle. Like you said, she’s still hung up on Mike.”
Cathy sighed softly. “And it’s pretty much hopeless.”
“Yeah, she filled me in on the situation. I like Lorie. I always did. She and Mike were great together, way back when. But I can see his side of things. It would take a pretty big man to get past what she did.”
“She made some mistakes. We all make mistakes. Are you saying that we shouldn’t find a way to forgive the people we love?”
“Don’t put words in my mouth, honey. All I’m saying is that Lorie bared all in Playboy and had sex with several partners, on film, and Mike’s a proud man and in many ways a very old-fashioned man.”
“If he loved her…”
“Damn, Cathy, you and I know that sometimes love isn’t enough.”
She stared at him, her eyes wide, her heart hammering inside her chest. “I did love you,” she said in a whisper.
“Did you?”
“Yes. With all my heart.” Please, God—please don’t let him ask me why I married Mark if I loved him so much.
He nodded. “We were a couple of kids with raging hormones. I was horny as hell, and you were in love with love.” He shot to his feet unexpectedly.
Cathy looked up at his back, a sick feeling hitting her in the pit of her stomach. How many times during those two weeks they had shared had he told her how much he loved her?
Only a few times—when they had been having sex.
Maybe that’s all it had been for him. Just sex.
She stood, walked over to him and laid her hand on his back. “Are you saying that you didn’t love me?”
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