He gets us home in no time and I promptly pass out into bed. I decide to just take a little nap so my night won’t be thrown off. When I wake up Jason isn’t in bed. These moments aren’t my favorite. I walk downstairs and find him in the kitchen talking to Trance. I only have on yoga shorts and a tank top since I was sleeping and I have no idea if Jason’s going to be mad. It’s not exactly appropriate, but it is my house.
I walk over to where they are and Jason pulls me into his arms. I look up to Trance who’s smiling at us, “Hey Trance.” He smiles bigger, “Hey, did you check your phone? I think Kris tried to call you a couple times.” I shake my head, “No, I didn’t. I fell asleep when we got home. I’m actually not sure where my phone is.” He nods, “You should call her.” I let out a little laugh, “That’s what’s expected right?” He gives me a weird look, “I’m the quiet one. The one that lets them say whatever they want, and then it’s all just forgiven? It’s okay that she hurt my feelings, but it’s not okay for me to take some time to process my feelings?” Jason gave my waist a squeeze as Trance’s eyes get big. I look to Jason and give him a questioning look, “Babe, proud of you for stickin up for yourself, but you may have just done it to the messenger.” Oh. Woops. I turn back to Trance, “Sorry. It’s been a weird couple of weeks.” He smiles at me again. “Soph, it’s okay. I just know she feels bad.” I nod again. I’m sure she did. “She wasn’t very nice.” Jason squeezed my waist again and I looked over at him, “I’m gonna kiss you now.”
He caught me off guard so when he pulled me into him and kissed me I let it happen. When I pulled away I realized that Trance just watched an extremely personal moment. Personal enough that I was probably blushing. I hide my face in Jason’s chest as he laughs. I swat at his chest with my good arm and he grabs it pulling it to his lips, “Are y’all done?” We both look to Trance. Jason nods and I shyly smile. “I better head out then. I’ll let Kris know you were sleeping.” I nod. “You do that.” He shakes his head and walks out the door.
I turn back to Jason who is smiling, “What?” He laughs, “I’ve never seen you stand up for yourself like that except to me.” That was probably true, “Yeah, but you never let me actually do what I need to do. Even if I stand up to you, you win.” He laughs harder, “Trance had no idea what to say to you.” I roll my eyes, “She said that I was too young to know what I really wanted out of life. That you and I proved her point because we broke up and now we’re back together. She said my life was perfect. Said that now that I had you back in my life all was right in the world, but we all couldn’t have perfect lives like mine. She has no idea what I’ve been through. They just look at me as the quiet, shy, little, perfect girl. They have no idea, and today was the first day that I wanted her to know. Just so she could feel bad about her words. That’s not me! I don’t want pity. I just wanted her to stop. I ended the conversation being sarcastic, and I probably hurt her feelings in return. The worst part about that is, I feel bad about hurting her feelings! I can’t even be sarcastic or hurtful without feeling it to the bone, but she can say all of that and just call me to apologize and she thinks it will all go away? Unfortunately, she’s right. I’ll forgive her and move forward. Sweep things under the rug and just let it all go. I mean, little Sophie, she’ll take it all. Why not? Her life’s perfect.” At this point, I’m pacing. Right in front of my table that Jason was sitting at.
When I go to try and move I feel an arm come to my middle and I stop instantly falling into his arms. He pulls me close and doesn’t say anything at first. Just holds me. That’s when I hear, “Do you think I did that to you?” I swing my eyes to him, “What do you mean?” He sighs and stands me up so he can look in my eyes, “Did I bully you into being with me? Force you to forgive me and move forward? Did you sweep everything under the rug forced to let it go because of me?” My eyes get a little big. Did he do that? It was then I realized I was taking too long to answer. The reason I realized this was because Jason stood up moving me out of the way, and punched his fist at my door as he walked passed it. I stood there in my kitchen observing the hole that was now in my door. “What the heck just happened?” No one responded of course, because this was whispered to my now empty house.
Chapter Ten
I looked outside to see that Jason had left. I thought I heard his truck, but I thought for sure he would never leave me. I look to the side of the house where I see Gunner is parked on his bike. He was on babysitting duty. Did Jason do to me what I accused Kris of doing? I hadn’t really ever thought of it like that, because I liked where I had ended up. I mean, I was truly happy. It wasn’t pressured or forced. We were just…us. I plop down onto the couch and turn on the TV. Music videos played in the background until I had to shut them off. I couldn’t get my thoughts together and Jason still hadn’t come back. I decided it was now that I was going to have to make the next move. I hit send on his phone and waiting. It rang all the way to voicemail, and I almost chickened out before I said, “J. Please come back. We need to talk about all of this. Please?” I hang up, because I don’t know what else to say. I let out a frustrated yell and it isn’t two seconds later I hear a knock at the door.
I go over and see Gunner standing at the door. I open it and give him a questioning look, “Hey, I heard a yell. You okay?” I shake my head, “Did Jason say where he was going?” His face gets tight, “No, he just said to stick close.” Great. I sigh and I know Gunner is fighting to say more. “Is there something I’m missing. You seem to know what’s going on.” He looks pissed. “He’s not comin back.” I give him a weird look, “What?” He shakes his head, “He has guys scheduled round the clock. Said that we were going to need to be here because he wouldn’t be.” My mouth popped open. Seriously? This is his way of handling this situation? Running away? “Where would he go? Why would he leave me like this?” Gunner makes an indication that he wants to step inside, so I move letting him know that it’s okay. “Listen, he didn’t say much. I heard him mutter something about forcing you to be here, and not wanting to be that man. Sophie, are you sure you don’t know what’s going on here?” I fight to not cry in front of this guy, “I have an idea, but it wasn’t supposed to apply to him. Gunner, how much danger am I in right now?” He half shrugs, “We aren’t sure the next play, but we aren’t taking any chances.” I nod. “Can you get word to him?” He nods, “Please tell him to come home. Please?” He half nods at me and I take that as the best I’m going to get.
Gunner leaves the house and I lock the door behind him. What was I supposed to do? I climbed the stairs and went to bed. Well, I tried. Sleep didn’t find me and Jason didn’t come home either. Not a single phone call throughout the entire night. When I showered the next morning I had to figure out a way to do everything on my own. It wasn’t pleasant, but I made it through. I head downstairs to make my coffee and get my day started when my phone rings. I move a little faster than I would like to admit and grab it. When I see the caller ID I want to scream. Kris. I throw the phone into the living room where I hear it land on the couch. I finish the coffee deal and head into my office.
Throwing myself into my latest projects, so much so, that I turn around and three in the afternoon. I haven’t heard from anyone, and no one has come to the house. I needed to go shopping. I wanted to get baby Connor some presents and I needed to go to the hospital. I head into my garage and start my car. When I go to back out I see four bikes in my driveway blocking me in. All our guys, so I get out and approach Gunner. “Where are you heading Sophie?” I sigh, “I’m going to the mall. I hadn’t heard from anyone, so I figured it must be fine. Right?” He runs his hand through his hair, “I gotta send someone with you.” I shake my head in a confused manner, “Why?” He steps closer, “You’re still one of us.” I laugh sarcastically at that, “According to who? Gunner, I’m going to the mall. It’s a public place. What could go wrong?” I don’t give him time to respond. I just go get in my car. Surprisingly, they move. I don’t know if it’s because Gunner knows I need
to get out of the house, or if maybe they really do believe I’m not one of them, but I can’t think about that right now.
I make the fifteen-minute drive to the mall and head in with a plan. My plan is simple. Spend money. I don’t really need anything, but Connor has nothing right now. I mean, we had a shower, but that was all gender nonspecific. I needed stuff that was for a boy. That’s why three hours and fifteen stores later my car was loaded down. I made different trips to the car since I couldn’t really carry that many bags with one hand, but I finally made it out. Mel would be home tomorrow and whether Brantley allowed or not, I was going to be there. I head back home without incident and let myself in. It was then, that I realized I had left my phone on the couch all day. Woops. I head over and grab it seeing multiple missed calls. Including, Mel, Brantley, Trance, and Kris. Lovely. I don’t want to worry Mel, so I do call Brantley, but just as I hit send there’s a knock on the door.
I move the curtain and see Brantley standing there. I open the door, “I was just calling you. I just got home, and had forgotten my phone here this morning.” He doesn’t say anything. He just moves inside and heads toward the kitchen. “Brant. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to worry anyone, I just had to go to the mall.” He turns quickly. “I know. What I wanna know is what the hell is going on?” He caught me off guard so I start to stutter, “Uh…umm…you mean in reference to?” He shakes his head, “Well, let’s see I’ve pieced together that Kris was a bitch to you, and you finally got the nerve to stand up for yourself. What happened with J?” To this I laugh, “Your guess is as good as mine. He walked out on me.” I look to see Brantley completely speechless. “What do you mean he walked out on you?” I shake my head refusing to cry, “I was telling Trance that I was sick of people walking all over me because they knew that I would just forgive them, and brush it under the rug. Then J was up asking if he did that to me. I didn’t know what was happening, because I had just had a pretty big defining moment for myself. In that time period, he chose to walk out punching my door on his way. See?” I point to the door and Brantley’s eyes follow my hand.
He throws his head back and I know he is realizing this isn’t my fault. I needed to know, “Have you heard from him?” He nods. “I have. I need to get some things straightened out.” I laugh at that, “Yeah. You can tell him though, at first I wasn’t mad. Now? I’m pissed. He isn’t welcome here. I don’t run away from things. You’re supposed to talk things through. So whether you get things straightened out or not, it doesn’t change my current situation. Oh, and I’m coming over tomorrow because the mall doesn’t have anything left for a baby boy. I don’t have a baby boy here; it only makes sense for me to bring it to your house.” To this Brantley laughs. He pulls me in for a hug and says, “Do you need help with anything while I’m here?” I shake my head, “No, I need to relearn to do everything on my own now.” I feel him sigh and he releases me. I step away and he heads out. I head upstairs for a night of girly primping and then I’m going to pass out from exhaustion. After a nice long bubble bath (awkward with my arm, but I managed) I crawl into bed and promptly fall asleep.
At some point in the middle of the night I heard a noise. I lie here wondering what that was when I feel my bed dip. My body goes completely tense. Someone was in bed with me. What the hell am I going to do? This person slides under my covers and when they get close I instantly smell him. Jason. “Are you fucking kidding me?” I push his arm off of me and I jump out of bed. My tone made him jump because his arm hurried off of me. “Soph.” I shake my head, “Don’t you dare, Soph me. You can leave now. I was actually sleeping.” I see Jason stand up and turn the lamp on beside the bed. “I got your message.” To this I laugh. Not that it’s funny. Just because he’s got to be joking. “Jason, that message is null and void.” He shakes his head, “No. I was having an issue. I thought that I had forced you back into a relationship with me. Had I made you say you loved me back the morning I said I love you? All of those things went through my mind, and I realized that I was just like Kris. Only worse…” I don’t know what else he had to say, I was done. “Listen, that’s all well and good, but we’re gonna get few things straight. First, you’re insane if you think I would ever be in a relationship that I didn’t want to be. I’ve told you multiple times that I love you, and I thought I had made myself clear. As if I would ever tell you I love you and not mean it! The way you handled all of this speaks volumes. Secondly, if you aren’t leaving then I’m sleeping on the couch. I’m tired. I didn’t sleep last night and I need to be up early and head over to Brantley’s in the morning.” With that I was out of the room and headed downstairs. I grabbed my blanket and plopped onto my couch pulling my legs up and hoping that sleep will find me quickly.
Chapter Eleven
I open my eyes and feel like the sun is beaming on my body. Why was I so hot? I feel an arm over my waist and I realize that I’m in my room. How did I get here? I go to roll out and the arm tightens around me. “Babe, we gotta talk.” I sigh. This cannot be happening. How did I sleep through him moving me? I was exhausted and I had just fought him after having a minor coronary that someone was in bed with me. “We don’t have to do anything. I’ve said what I needed to. I can’t believe you carried me up here.” I feel him lightly chuckle and I want to hit him, “You sleep like the dead, babe.” That was probably true. “You have no right to do that.” He starts to spin me, and even though it’s uncomfortable I lie here on my bad arm looking at him as he starts to speak, “I was wrong. I thought that you were feeling obligated to be with me because I had forced you to forgive me. I shouldn’t have punched the door, and I definitely shouldn’t have left.” His thumb is now rubbing on my cheek and I feel like I’m completely lost in his stare.
Somehow I manage to say, “You’re right. You shouldn’t have left.” I see him close his eyes as he sighs. When he opens them again, I feel like I can see into his soul. A soul that I wasn’t sure I wanted to see. Oh who was I kidding. Jason had never been this open about feelings. That’s why he shocked me by saying, “The dreams started two weeks after I got back.” My eyes get a little big. I cannot believe that he was telling me this. I give him an encouraging nod as he continues, “First it was a flashback. Things that had really happened. After that, I think my mind got tired from not sleepin and I started making stuff up. Stuff that I thought could’ve happened. None of it was pretty. The men I saw killed. My brothers. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and I had signed up for it. They tell you about the respect you get, but they don’t tell you the hell. I was good, Soph. I was extremely good at what I did. I made my way up through the ranks, and in my last month there, I saw more of my guys get killed than I ever thought possible. My best friend, since eighth grade, fought next to me until my last day there. We came across a bunch of IED’s. He never saw it comin. I took cover and watched as pieces of him flew everywhere. We had no idea that was happening, and when it did, my team was pulled out. A week later my time was up and I got out. He had one more week left to serve. Wanted to come home and meet his new baby boy. He never got to meet him. Once a month, I go to her. I know you know the time period, because I never explained to you where I was goin. She won’t ever see me. I take her money every month, to try and support her like he would have. She blames me. Thinks it should’ve been me. I do too.” To the last part I gasp. He said it in almost a whisper, and I couldn’t believe he said it at all. I was so mad I could spit. His arm couldn’t hold me close anymore.
I jumped out of bed and started to rant, “You think it should’ve been you? Are you insane? That woman, God bless her because of her situation, but seriously? Her husband dying had nothing to do with you. You were all there together, you watched your best friend get blown up, and she thinks it’s okay to take your money, and not let you meet who you probably considered your nephew? Jason, all of this aside, I never want to hear you say that that should’ve been you ever again. If that had been you, then we never would’ve met. If we had never met I would
be alone forever. There’s no one else out there for me. You’re it and as pissed at you as I am, you need to know that what I’m saying is the honest to God’s truth.” Frustrated, I walk into the bathroom and shut the door.
I needed him to understand that everything I just said, doesn’t make him leaving better. I hear a knock at the door and I say, “Just give me a minute.” Apparently, he wasn’t in the mood to comply because the door opens and I see him enter the room. I’m sitting on the tub edge as he kneels in front of me. I feel the tears stinging at my eyes, but I refuse to cry. He lifts my chin gently with his hand so I have to look him in the eyes. I see him close his eyes because I know he can tell I want to cry. When he opens them he says, “Do you really think that of me?” I give him a questioning look because I wasn’t expecting the question, “What do you mean?” He lets out a breath and says, ‘That you would be alone forever if we had never met.” Oh. I did say that didn’t I? “J. I love you. There’s obviously a pull there between the two of us. If something had happened to you and I had never met you, I wouldn’t be with anyone right now.” His lips open and then close as if he doesn’t know what to say. “If I had the ability to shift your mind to make you see exactly what I see right now, Jason, I would. I don’t have those capabilities. You fought for life, and you went overseas to fight for freedom. Something I assume you still believe in?” He nods so I continue, “Your best friend did exactly the same thing. He signed the same papers you did. He knew the risk he was taking. There is a reason that you are here and he isn’t. I don’t have the reason, and I can’t justify it to you at all, but I do know that you’re here. Don’t take the for granted. I also want the name and address of his wife. I have a letter to write.” He shakes his head, “I don’t want her to feel any more pain that she thinks is caused by me. I appreciate everything you just said, and it means more than you even realize. Soph, please forgive me for yesterday.” I feel a tear spill over and I know it hit his thumb that was resting on my cheek. “Do you want to go with me to Brantley and Melanie’s to drop off some presents?” He smiles, “Soph, I need to hear you say you forgive me.” Ugh. “I may not forgive you completely yet. You’re gonna need to give me some time.” He instantly nods and says, “Okay, I’ll come with you.” I nod and say, “I have to get ready.” To this his face softens, “I’ll get the bag for your arm.” I point, “I already have some in here. I can do it myself.” He looks a little hurt at that, but I needed him to see that I can do things on my own.
Shifting Minds (Skull Shifters MC Book 2) Page 8