by Susan Crosby
“What?”
“You called her your daughter. She’s ours. And maybe you get to make decisions for yourself, but not about her. As her father, I have to work. I get to provide for her.”
“What about me?” Keri thumped her chest. “What about my need to work? I’m trained, too. I have skills I don’t want to lose.” She shoved herself out of the chair, looked around but then didn’t go anywhere.
She closed her eyes for a few seconds, noticeably calming herself down. “The first day you brought me here, you said this was a house, not a home. Just a place to come to. A tax deduction! This isn’t my house. I didn’t buy it or decorate it, but it became my home because of the people in it. It’s where I felt safe. It’s selfish of you to consider only your needs in this family.”
He needed to regroup. He’d never had his emotions raked over the coals like this, never been accused of selfishness. He had awards for heroism….
“I’ll go,” he said, standing.
“What?”
“You and Isabella can stay here. I’ll leave.”
She said nothing. He looked at her for a clue, but her expression was closed.
“I’ll be back tomorrow, though, to see my—our—daughter. You can’t keep her from me.”
“I wouldn’t do that.” She took a step toward him. Her voice softened. “Where will you go?”
“To Joe’s. I’d like to keep this between you and me for now, if we can. Until we figure out what we’re going to do. You know what it’ll be like if Mom knows.” Or worse, Nana Mae, he thought. He didn’t want to tell her he’d failed at something so vitally important. “At this point, no one knows I’m home except Donny. Joe will, of course. Can you pretend for everyone for now?”
“Yes.”
That simple yes gave him hope. If she was positive she wanted to end things, she would’ve hedged a little. At least that’s what he was clinging to, that there was room for negotiation.
He pulled out his cell phone, pushed the speed dial for Donovan. “I’ll have Donny come get me so you have the car.”
“Thank you.”
“Hey,” he said into the phone. “Would you mind picking me up?”
“At your place?”
“Yeah.”
“I’m in the crowd at the fairgrounds. It’ll take me a bit to get to the car, make arrangements for a ride home for Mom and Nana Mae.”
“I’ll start walking. Maybe I’ll beat you home.”
“You okay, Jake?”
He glanced at Keri, who had moved to look out the window. The fireworks were starting. The view from his place was about as perfect as it could get, at least for the big, high, overhead-display part of the show. “Sure.”
He ended the call, shoved the phone in his pocket and headed for the door, where he’d left his packed bag from the trip. “I’m sorry, Keri. I never meant to hurt you.”
“I know. But I need to look out for me, you know? I haven’t been doing that, and I need to.”
He wanted so badly to pull her into his arms and never let go. She looked small and fragile standing there at the window. He never would’ve applied the word fragile to her before. Even in the cell she’d been all fire and rebellion for the first two days, only giving in to her fears when the threats had escalated on the third day. The day they’d ended up making love, comforting each other, afraid of impending death.
Before and after that moment, she’d been amazing in her strength.
“I’ll call you in the morning,” he said.
“Jake?”
Had she changed her mind already? He tried to keep hope out of his voice. “What?”
“Thank you for giving my parents a bed. They were thrilled. It was a lovely surprise.”
“I was glad to do it.” He stepped out into the night and started walking. Fireworks lit up the night sky, booms and pops and crackles alerting him of more to come. Then a dud. One long trail of light that fizzled—no sound, no starburst. Just…nothing. And the quiet seemed unbearable afterward.
Just like his life.
He was about half a mile from Joe’s when Donovan pulled up beside him. He tossed his bag in the backseat and climbed in.
“She kick you out?” Donny asked.
“I volunteered. We’re keeping this quiet, Donny. Mom and Nana Mae and the sisters can’t know. I want to work everything out.”
“No one will hear it from me. You want to talk about it?”
His instinct was to say no. He was embarrassed and hurt, and he didn’t want anyone to see that. He also knew he was in over his head this time. “Yeah, thanks. Joe, too. We’ll wait until he gets home, okay?”
Joe didn’t get home for almost two hours. By then Jake and Donovan had indulged in a couple shots of whiskey chased by tall, cold beers. Half-empty bags of pretzels and chips were scattered across the coffee table, crumbs everywhere.
Joe came in, looked around and said, “Where’s mine?”
When his blood-alcohol level caught up to theirs, he kicked back, put his feet on the coffee table and asked the question Jake kept asking himself.
“What the hell happened?”
“I messed up.”
“Well, that goes without saying,” Joe muttered. “But how did you mess up?”
“Treated her like the ‘little woman.’ Thought I could be the man of the house and make all the decisions.”
“There’s your mistake,” Donovan said. “You have to be willing to let women make all the decisions. Makes for a much happier life. For them, anyway, which can spill into yours, too.”
“Says the expert.” Joe aimed his beer bottle toward Donovan, then took a long swig.
“Just because I haven’t been married doesn’t mean I don’t know anything about it. I’m a world-class observer, you know.”
“Observe me this, Donny,” Joe said, his words a little slurred. “Why doesn’t a world-class observer such as yourself not see he’s going through a midlife crisis?”
Donovan scoffed. “That’s crap. I’m thirty-three. I’ve got seven years to go. What’s your excuse?”
“I’m not the one hiding out from life in the very town I ran away from and never looked back.”
“What the hell are you talking about? I come back.”
“For weddings and funerals.”
“And birthdays, when I can. I stayed this time because I haven’t had a vacation in twelve years. I was overdue.”
Jake tried to keep his eyes open. There was an important discussion going on, but the words weren’t sinking in. “Are we still talking about me and my problems?” Jake asked, confused. “I’m in real pain here.”
Joe glared at Donovan. “I understand what you’re going through, Jake. I know it hurts.”
Jake straightened. He set his half-full bottle of beer down. “What happened between you and Dixie over the years doesn’t equate. I’m not diminishing your own situation, Joe, but there’s a child involved in this one. And a woman who did become my wife.”
“Then I guess you’ll have to work harder than I did to fix it.”
Even in his haze, Jake heard Joe’s grief. Why hadn’t he and Dixie worked it out this time? How was it different from their other breakups?
Jake looked toward Donovan and saw he was out cold, his beer bottle still clutched in his hand but his fingers loosening. Jake slid it free, gathered the other empties and took them out to the kitchen. Joe was right behind him with the snack bags.
“Maybe I’m not the best one to give you advice, Jake, but it doesn’t take a relationship expert to see where you should start. I’ve come to my own conclusions about how you and Keri ended up together, and—”
“I don’t—”
Joe cut him off with a gesture. “You don’t have to tell me anything. And if I’m right, what I’m about to say will make sense to you, and you’ll consider it. She never had a courtship. Women like courtships. It fills their memory books. Haven’t you heard Nana Mae talk about Grandpa Will and how he courted her
? How many times has she told that story to us?”
His kid brother was making a whole lot of sense. “Enough that I’ve got it memorized.”
“There you go. But even more important? You need to figure out how you feel about her. She shouldn’t have to settle for anything less than what she wants. Nor should you, for that matter. But Keri in particular. She’s been through a lot. I admire her.”
“So do I.”
“It’s a good place to start. Now, let’s haul Donny to bed, so I can get to sleep, too, and you can have the couch. One of us has to get up and go to work tomorrow morning.”
Chapter Eighteen
Keri heard a car coming down the driveway early the next morning and was annoyed. He’d said he would call. She’d hardly slept and was still in her robe. Isabella was down for her morning nap. Keri had hoped to take a shower before Jake came.
It wasn’t Donovan’s car, however, but a bright red sports car.
Keri groaned. Laura Bannister. She’d made arrangements to drop off the paperwork for their new trust so Keri and Jake could read it before coming in to the office to sign. Keri had forgotten.
She felt dowdier than usual. Laura was always dressed so perfectly, her hair and makeup flawless.
Oh, well. Keri finger-combed her hair, grateful she’d brushed her teeth, and opened the door at Laura’s knock.
“Oh, no. I’m early, aren’t I? It’s a bad habit of mine. I’m on my way to my Sacramento office, but I could come back tonight on my way home.”
“You’re not early. I had kind of a long night. Please come in.”
“Isabella’s okay?”
“She’s great. Would you like some coffee? I just brewed a pot.”
“I would love some, thanks.” She followed Keri into the kitchen and set a manila envelope on the counter, patting it once. “I’m glad you took my advice and got your estate in order. Most people feel relieved when they’ve done it, especially when there’s a child involved.”
“Cream or sugar?” Keri asked.
“A little milk, please. Jake’s not home yet, I gather?”
“Not at the moment.”
Laura went silent. Keri set her mug on the counter, not looking at the elegant lawyer until it grew uncomfortable not to.
“I’m very good with nuance,” Laura said softly. “And I heard all sorts of nuance in your answer. Jake’s not home at the moment. If he was home he would be aware I was coming and would’ve been here. If he was still out of the country, you would’ve said so.”
Keri burst into tears. Dixie was her best friend, but she couldn’t talk to her, couldn’t share with anyone else, either. But Laura was her lawyer. She had to keep everything confidential, didn’t she?
“Um, let’s go sit down,” Laura said, guiding Keri into the living room.
“I’m sorry. I’m not usually one to fall apart,” Keri said, embarrassed.
“Maybe it’s postpartum depression?”
Keri laughed shakily. “You say that so hopefully.”
Laura half smiled. “I’m solution oriented.”
Keri wiped her fingers over her cheeks and sniffed, digging into her pocket for a tissue. “I’m in love with my husband.”
“And that’s a problem because…?”
“He’s not in love with me.”
Isabella let out a howl. Keri jumped up at the scary sound and raced into the bedroom. Her arms and legs were wildly in motion. Her cry filled the room, echoing, rebounding, ringing painfully loud. Keri checked to see if a diaper tape had gotten stuck to her skin or her onesie was tangled, but she couldn’t find any problem. She held Isabella close and bounced with her, whispering soothing words. This wasn’t her hungry cry.
“What’s wrong?” Laura asked.
“I don’t know. Shhh, sweet girl. You’re okay. You’re okay.” But she wasn’t okay. She kept howling.
“May I try?” Laura asked tentatively.
Keri transferred her daughter into Laura’s arms. Laura murmured, “There, there. You’re going to be all right,” and the crying stopped. Tears shut down. Peace reigned.
“How do you do that?” Keri asked.
Laura shook her head. “No idea.” She lifted the baby onto her shoulder, and Isabella threw up all over her.
“Oh, no!” Keri pressed her hands to her mouth. “Your beautiful suit.” She didn’t know what to do first—take Isabella or get something to clean what looked like a silk jacket.
Laura was paralyzed, too, the bewilderment and, yes, aversion, on her face saying it all.
“Here. Let me take her.” Keri snatched her away and raced to the kitchen to grab paper towels. Laura cleaned up the best she could.
“Please send me your dry-cleaning bill. If it won’t come out, I’ll pay to replace the suit.”
Laura had regrouped, though. “Don’t be silly. I’m sure the cleaners can take care of it. Guess we know what was bothering her, hm?”
“Poor thing. That was some tummy ache, hm, sweet girl?”
“Well, I should get going. Let me know when you want to come into the office—or whatever else you need of me.” She rubbed Keri’s arm for a minute, although the gesture felt tentative, as if she weren’t used to comforting. “You didn’t have a prenup, but I hope there’ll be no need for that to become an issue.”
“You and me, both.”
“Is it really that bad, Keri?”
“I don’t know yet. I said some things last night to him…. It’s hard to know in the light of day how he’ll feel. This is just between us, right?”
“Give me a dollar and we’ll call it lawyer/client privilege.”
Keri headed to get her purse.
“I’m kidding,” Laura said, laughing. “Yes, of course it’s between us.”
Keri hugged her. Laura stiffened first then relaxed into it, Isabella snug between them.
“I’ve never had many girlfriends,” Laura said. “I’ve been making inroads with Dixie, but it’s been an uphill battle. She—most women—don’t take to me easily. I’m sorry if I’m not sure what to say that doesn’t sound lawyerlike.”
“You did fine. I hope you’ll consider yourself officially my girlfriend.”
Her eyes took on some sparkle. “I’d be honored.”
The phone rang as Laura was walking out the door. Keri looked at the caller ID, saw it was Jake.
“Hi,” she said, glad he couldn’t see how horrible she looked.
“Morning. How are you?”
“Isabella’s a little off her schedule today, but I’m okay. How about you?”
“Not okay.”
She waited but he didn’t add anything. She didn’t know what to say.
“I’m on my way,” he said. “If that’s all right. Is she awake?”
“Yes. Um, I haven’t showered yet. And she needs a bath.”
“I can give her a bath while you shower.”
It would seem too homey. Too…normal. But she didn’t know how to tell him no. “That’d be okay, I guess. When will you—” She saw Donovan’s car pull into the driveway as Laura left. “You’re already here.”
“If you’d said no, I wouldn’t have turned into the driveway. I’ll be right there.”
She set down the phone, once again wishing she’d been ready for company. She looked so messy and dull. But he’d seen her give birth, after all. She couldn’t look worse than that.
She pressed a kiss to Isabella’s head. “Daddy’s here, Isabella. Daddy’s here.”
She looked beautiful. He almost kissed her hello and then realized he couldn’t. So instead he reached for Isabella, who scrunched up her face as if ready to cry.
“She doesn’t recognize me,” he said, stunned by the realization.
“Just give her a minute. She will.”
He let her stay in Keri’s arms but kept eye contact and held her hand. He wanted to see her smile, hear her laugh. He’d watched the videos of her and Keri every night.
“I saw Laura leaving as I drove i
n,” he said, trying not to jump to conclusions about why she’d been there so early in the morning—not a normal time to drop by for a visit.
“She brought papers.” Keri gestured to a packet on the kitchen counter.
Jake’s throat closed. Papers? Already? He couldn’t delay another second.
“Poor Laura. Isabella threw up all over her.”
“How’d she take it?” He eased Isabella away from Keri. As soon as she was settled, she smiled at him. His heart turned upside down. She remembered him.
“Surprisingly, Laura hardly batted an eye.” Keri cocked her head. “I think she’s lonely.”
“Seems hard to imagine, but I don’t know her well. She graduated with Joe and Dixie, seven years behind me.” He watched Keri tuck her hair behind her ears. He couldn’t tell if she was nervous or excited or uncomfortable. “You’re so beautiful,” he said, the words just spilling out.
“She sure is,” Keri said, her gaze on their daughter, not seeing that he was looking at his wife.
“You, Keri. You’re so beautiful.”
“Oh. Well. Thank you.” She was flustered. A blush of color dusted her face. “Um, I can fill Isabella’s tub before I get in the shower.”
“I can manage.” It was all he could do to not run his hand down her hair, slip an arm around her and pull her close. He knew he’d missed her. He just hadn’t known how much until he got home.
She walked away. The bathroom door clicked shut. Jake set everything up for Isabella’s bath. He talked to her the whole time he bathed her, even as he kept an eye on the manila envelope Laura had left. Isabella smiled and laughed and kicked and splashed. He heard the shower come on, then stop later. The hair dryer started when he was carrying Isabella to the nursery to dress her, stopped when he carried her back into the living room.
Anticipation built in him. He had plans for the day. Big, life-changing plans, the results of which depended on Keri.
All he knew for sure was he wasn’t going to take the tack that Joe had. Jake wasn’t going to give up. Ever.
Keri couldn’t stall any longer. She was showered, blow-dried and dressed in new cropped pants and a T-shirt that hugged her curves. Was she dressing to tempt him? Well, she was human. But she intended to stay on task, to hold out for a different relationship, a partnership.