by P J Gordon
Manda retrieved her cell phone from the kitchen counter, and after a moment’s hesitation—it was very late, after all—she composed a text message.
Are you awake? Call me. I need to talk to you.
A few short minutes after she hit “send,” her phone rang in her hand. She answered it during the first ring.
“Richard?”
“I’ll be there in fifteen minutes. Is that okay?” He sounded stiff and tense and Manda squeezed her eyes shut and grimaced. That wasn’t a good sign. Neither was the fact that he’d come home early.
“I’ll be waiting for you,” she replied, and the line went dead.
Manda paced restlessly until she heard the car pull into her driveway. She peeked out between the slats of the window blinds as Richard emerged from the back of the black sedan. He must have come directly from the airport or he would have been in his own car...if he used a car at all. She unbolted the door and swung it open as he crossed the front porch. His usual smile of greeting was noticeably absent. Definitely a bad sign. Her fears were confirmed when, without a word, he steered her into the living room and pushed her gently down into the armchair. He sat down on the ottoman in front of her and leaned forward, cupping her face between his hands.
“Are you all right? How badly were you hurt?” he asked in a tightly controlled voice. His usually sparkling blue eyes were hard and grim.
Manda folded her hands between her knees inconspicuously, trying to hide the bandages as much as possible. “You heard about it,” she sighed.
“Of course I heard about it. Are you all right?”
“I’m fine. It was no big deal,” Manda reassured him. “Really.”
“That’s not what Josh and David said.” His voice was still rigidly controlled.
“They called you?” she groaned in dismay. She would have a few choice words for those two.
“Josh did. He, at least, tells me when something happens that I should know about. After I talked to him I called David to get his take on it. They seem to think it was a big deal. They’re both worried about you.”
“They are both overreacting. It was just a stupid stumble. Nothing injured but my pride.”
Richard growled impatiently and grasped her wrists, extending her arms out in front of her and turning her hands palms upward to display the bandages.
“This doesn’t look like nothing.” He released her wrists and pulled a folded sheet of paper from his pocket. He smoothed it open and held it out toward her. “And this is certainly not just injured pride.” He dropped the color printout onto her lap. It was an image very similar to the one she’d seen on television, except that in this one Josh was by her side as well as David. “Please, Manda. Just tell me the truth.” His control was wavering and he was almost pleading now.
“Honestly. I’m okay.” She held her hands up dismissively. “This is nothing.”
“Manda...”
“Richard,” she interrupted, “I’m really fine.” She made her voice as forceful as she could. “You don’t need to worry about it.”
Richard sat back, his expression suddenly grim again. “Okay. Understood. You wanted to talk to me?”
Manda fidgeted nervously. She’d never seen him so distant and tense...so unapproachable. “Yes. I...I just don’t want you to get angry,” she blurted out in a rush.
He flinched slightly. “I won’t be angry at you, Manda. I told you before, I’ll understand.” His strained tone confused Manda as much as his words did. If she’d been asked to put a name to his emotions at that moment she would have called it despair, but that couldn’t be right. It didn’t make any sense.
“Richard, I’m not worried that you’ll be mad at me. I...I’m confused. What are you talking about?”
“What are you talking about?” he responded slowly.
“I told you. I just don’t want you to overreact to this.” She gestured to the picture in her lap. “It was just a clumsy stumble and it’s honestly nothing to get worked up about.”
“That’s what this is about? You’re worried about my reaction?” He seemed both relieved and incredulous.
“Yes,” Manda replied, still confused by his odd response.
“And that’s all this is about?”
“Well, yes.”
All of the tension drained out of Richard and he dropped his head into shaking hands.
“What did you think I wanted to talk to you about?” Manda demanded, baffled. Whatever it was, it had definitely not been anything good.
Richard was silent for several minutes and Manda waited while he collected himself. Finally he spoke without looking up.
“Truthfully, sweetie, I thought...I thought this was going to be goodbye.” Manda had to strain to hear him and at first she thought she’d misunderstood. “I thought this was going to be the thing that drove you away—and I wouldn’t have been able to fault you for it.”
Manda was at a loss. He’d come tonight expecting her to break up with him? That explained his odd behavior. She was appalled. She imagined how she would feel if the tables were turned, and her heart ached for him. At the same time, she was a little disappointed by his lack of faith in her. He was seriously underestimating her level of commitment if he thought something like this could send her running. She didn’t know what to say. Apparently, her promise to tell him when she’d had enough and couldn’t deal with the attention anymore had done nothing to alleviate his worry. It had simply left him waiting for the other shoe to drop. That promise had been a mistake. They would never be able to make this work if he was always waiting for her to end it.
Manda finally found her voice. “You know what? This was a bad idea. I should never have agreed to it. It’ll never work.” She leaned back in the chair, tipping her head back and staring up at the ceiling, trying to organize her thoughts and think the problem through.
Richard made a choked sound and in a rough whisper asked, “What are you saying?”
Manda’s head snapped up and her eyes widened in alarm. “No! Not goodbye! Definitely not that!”
Richard sucked in a long, shuddering breath and ran his fingers through his hair. “Manda, if you love me, please don’t ever do that to me again...unless you really mean it.”
Manda flushed guiltily. “I’m sorry!” She leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his bloodless lips. ”I was just thinking out loud. I promised I’d tell you if I’d had enough and wanted out. That’s what you’re waiting for. That’s the problem. It was a stupid promise and I’m taking it back. It’s like a sword hanging over our heads. I’ll make you a different promise though, a better one. I promise not to wait until something is so bad that I can’t take it anymore. I promise to talk to you when something is starting to get to me—not wait until it’s too late to do anything about it. I promise to tell you what’s bothering me when there’s still a chance for us to work on it, and I want the same promise from you. I promise I won’t just blindside you when it’s too late to solve whatever problems we may have.”
Richard’s eyes, which had been so hard and unreadable before, were bright, liquid blue now as he gazed at her. “You are amazing and I love you.”
“I know,” she agreed impishly, and scooted to one side of the oversized chair in invitation. Richard grinned and accepted her silent request, squeezing into the chair beside her, and then pulling her onto his lap.
He wrapped his arms around her possessively and marked a trail of kisses from her jaw line to her collar bone. She shivered with pleasure, then sighed when he leaned back into the chair and gently collected her bandaged hands in his.
“I understand that this is no big deal, but may I please take a look? It would make me feel much better.” When Manda nodded her agreement he slowly and gently unwrapped the bandages and then carefully examined her exposed hands. “That’s not so bad,” he remarked, not attempting to mask his surprise and relief.
“The whole thing looked much worse than it really was,” she agreed, glad that he wasn’t going to
make a federal case out of it. “There was a ridiculous amount of blood at first, but it stopped almost right away. Mikey did a great job of cleaning them up.”
“Mikey’s very good with that sort of thing. I guess I should have listened to him instead of Josh and David, but I assumed he was just glossing over it to keep me from worrying. The other two made it sound as if you’d been half murdered, and that picture seemed to prove it.” He kicked at the printout that had fallen to the floor.
“You should definitely trust Mikey’s judgment in the future,” Manda confirmed with feeling. “And where did you get that anyway?”
Richard grunted in disgust. “A reporter came to our offices with a stack of those. He wanted to get an official statement. Sheila brought it to me right away. I really wish you’d called me when this happened, sweetie. I was so worried, and David and Josh were no help at all. I flew back as quickly as I could.”
“I’m sorry. I really am, but you could have called me instead of rushing back.”
“You would have told me you were fine and it was no big deal, like you just did.”
“I didn’t want to call you. That would have been like admitting it was a big deal. And you’re right—David and Josh didn’t make things any easier! They made it very, very hard to just let the whole thing go.”
“So, you admit there was something to let go of,” Richard noted astutely. “You were upset at first, weren’t you? The guys were right about that, but when you pulled it together so quickly they just assumed you were internalizing it all. You do that, you know.”
“Well, I was completely humiliated at first,” Manda admitted, “but it’s really not a big deal. It was just so stupid. Like I said, nothing hurt but my pride.”
“Sometimes that hurts the worst. It shook you up, Manda. It’s okay to admit that, you know.” He pushed his hand through his hair again. “I really owe you an apology.”
“For what?” Manda asked, unable to imagine what he had to apologize for.
“This was something that upset you. I know you pulled it together really well, but it still upset you. And you were so worried about how I was going to react you felt like you had to hold it together in front of me, too. That’s not how it should work, and I’m sorry that I made you feel that way. I should be the person you don’t have to have it all together for. I should be the shoulder you can cry on. So, the truth now. I promise not to overreact. You’ve had a really bad day, haven’t you?”
Manda nodded silently, finally recognizing how tightly she’d been holding on to her emotions, and not trusting her voice just then.
“It’s okay, sweetie. I’m just sorry I wasn’t here.” He hugged her tightly and stroked her hair. The safety of his embrace and the comfort of his words unlocked the door she’d hidden her anxiety behind all evening, and tears filled her eyes and trickled from the corners.
“I missed you.”
“Oh, sweetie,” he murmured into her hair. He held her close and Manda relaxed in the safe harbor of his arms. Tears slid down her cheeks, but they were short lived—just a release of the stress she’d been dealing with for the last several hours. She was too content now that Richard was with her and everything had been resolved. Well, almost everything. She shifted restlessly.
“What is it?” Richard asked immediately. “Your heart rate just went up. You’re upset...but just a little.”
“Cut that out!” Manda objected, half-heartedly poking him in the ribs. “You drive me crazy when you do that!”
He grinned unrepentantly. “Get used to it. Now, what’s wrong?”
“I just remembered that I’m a little annoyed with you.”
“Okay. Why?”
“Because you were so quick to believe that I was going to say goodbye. One little bump in the road and you’ve got me running for the hills. Honestly, I’m a little offended by that. I mean, have a little faith for goodness sake! Do you not understand how much I love you?”
“Please don’t think I was underestimating you,” he rushed to assure her. “That’s not it at all. I’ve always had faith in you, even if I don’t really feel like I deserve you.” He shook his head ruefully. “It’s more that I overestimated what happened today. I was under the impression that it was a lot worse than it really was. Not that it wasn’t bad enough. That would have seriously rattled a lot of people with much more experience dealing with the press than you have. You handled it beautifully though. I’m very proud of you, sweetie.” Manda beamed with pleasure at the compliment.
Richard tilted his head thoughtfully. “You know, now that you mention it, I do think I misjudged you. I was sure you’d struggle with this whole media thing, but actually, I think you may be a natural.”
“Yeah, right,” Manda said disparagingly, “because I was the absolute model of self-possessed grace today!”
Richard chuckled. “Don’t beat yourself up. Everyone trips sometime. But the way you handled it was good. This could have been a very traumatic experience if you’d let it become one, but you didn’t. You took it in stride, with no drama and no hysterics. You just said, ‘Yeah, I looked kinda foolish, but what the heck.’ I really should have known you’d do fine. You’re one of the least vain people I know, and you aren’t one for playing the drama queen either. And let me just clarify; I don’t think you looked foolish at all. I’m just guessing your thought process was something like that, wasn’t it?”
“Something like that,” Manda agreed with a shrug.
“Something like that.” Richard rolled his eyes. “You didn’t look foolish at all.” He kissed her neck again. “If anything, the photographers should be embarrassed. They’re coming out of this looking like the villains. The blogs are already condemning them. Josh has been forwarding me the posts. The morning talk shows will pick up on it by Monday.”
“How about we just don’t talk about this anymore tonight?” Manda suggested, shifting uncomfortably in Richards arms. She could feel the tension starting to build again as they discussed it.
“Okay. Just relax.” He stroked his hand up and down her arm lightly. “What did you do while I was gone? Anything interesting?” His voice was low and hypnotic, intended to soothe her, and she gladly succumbed, letting her body relax against him.
“I was going to catch up on my to-do list tonight, but instead I did absolutely nothing,” she answered lazily.
“Mmmm. Well, maybe I’ll help you with that tomorrow,” he murmured close to her ear. His warm breath sent a pleasant shiver through her. He tipped her face toward him with one finger and pressed his lips to hers in a slow, seductive kiss. Without thinking, Manda slipped her arms around his neck and twined her hands into his thick hair...and flinched when the pressure caused a flare of pain in her hands.
Richard took a deep, steadying breath and firmly disentangled her arms. “And now I think it’s time for me to go. You need to get some rest, and it’s not fair of me to leave Mark sitting in the driveway for too long.”
“No, I suppose not,” Manda agreed reluctantly, but she pressed herself more tightly against his chest and kissed his neck, just below his jaw.
“Manda!” he growled in exasperation, standing up with her in his arms, then turning and depositing her back onto the chair. “Don’t make this any harder than it already is!”
“Sorry!” she apologized sheepishly. “Will I see you in the morning?”
“Of course. I’ll pick you up at eight and I’ll take you to breakfast. Are we on for dinner too?” He drifted toward the door...a bit reluctantly Manda thought. She stood and stretched then followed after him.
“Dinner. Yes. I’d love that. And thank you for the flowers. They’re beautiful.”
“Not as beautiful as you,” he asserted before brushing his lips across her forehead in a brief parting kiss. “Goodnight, sweetie. Sleep tight.” Then he slipped out the door.
Chapter 34
Richard eluded a fresh spate of reporters at the hotel the next morning and took her to a restaurant downtown.
Over breakfast he announced that he had some business to take care of when they were done.
“It was something I was planning on taking care of on Monday, but since I came back early it would be better to take care of it today. Do you mind? You’re welcome to come along. I promise I’ll help you with your to-do list later.”
“Okay,” Manda agreed readily. After all, doing anything with Richard was more fun than housework any day of the week—which was exactly the attitude that had put her so far behind on her household chores. “What do you have to do?”
“I just need to go sign some papers and tie up some loose ends on a project we’ve been working on. I won’t bore you with the details. There is something I need to talk to you about though. My appointment isn’t far from here. Maybe we can walk over and talk a little?”
He said this with such forced casualness that alarm bells went off in Manda’s head. His tone and his expression weren’t grim, as they had been when he’d arrived at her house the night before, but his patently false nonchalance was oddly even more alarming. Her appetite vanished and she pushed away her half-eaten breakfast.
“Okay. I’m done whenever you are,” she said, trying for a casual tone that she failed to achieve.
Richard grimaced guiltily. “We have time. You can finish your breakfast.”
“No. I’m done.” Manda didn’t think she could eat another bite with her stomach suddenly tied in knots as it was.
Richard sighed. “I shouldn’t have said anything until you were finished.” He gestured to get the waitress’s attention and then asked for a cup of tea and a cup of coffee to go.
They sipped their drinks from paper cups as they strolled through the morning sunshine a short time later. They walked in silence for several blocks. Richard didn’t seem particularly eager to bring up whatever it was he thought they needed to discuss and with each step Manda’s dread grew. She tried to tell herself she was being silly—just because he wanted to talk to her didn’t mean it was something bad—but she didn’t find herself particularly convincing. She didn’t realize that her fists were tightly clenched until Richard reached out and took her hand, forcing it open and twining his fingers through hers. Since their relationship had become public knowledge, he no longer hesitated to display his affection openly.