by P J Gordon
Kastl suppressed a smile. “No. Not at present. I mean a real, outside-world project, not some made-up busy work.”
Manda’s surprise and skepticism must have showed on her face.
“Of course you won’t be able to take credit for it, or accept payment. I thought maybe some pro-bono work. Surely there’s a charity that would benefit from your abilities. Anna could be your go-between if necessary. It would give you something meaningful to do and allow you some interaction with someone outside these four walls—assuming of course that you’re careful. And it goes without saying, no interaction at all with anyone who already knows you.”
As soon as Kastl mentioned charity, Manda immediately thought of the Raines Foundation. There was a project... Her forehead crinkled and her eyes narrowed as she concentrated, trying to see the path to what she wanted. Kastl misconstrued her frown, however, and frowned back impatiently.
“Don’t be difficult. You need something to do or you’re going to be miserable and drive everyone else crazy.”
“No, you’re right,” Manda countered with the first spark of enthusiasm she’d shown in months. “It’s a brilliant idea, and I know just what I’d like to do. It’s a project I thought of back in June. I just never had a chance to follow up on it.” She proceeded to outline her idea to Kastl. He was opposed at first, but she was able to talk him around, overcoming his objections with well-reasoned arguments of her own and assurances that she would in no way compromise their secrecy. Eventually he became an ally in her plan, and between the two of them they ironed out the last wrinkles.
Manda would create a promotional video for the Raines Foundation. She’d thought of it while sifting through the videos and still shots of Richard and Josh they’d taken to use for their fundraising concert at Red Rocks. She had been looking for images of the organizations that benefitted from the foundation’s work, but there had been much more material than she could use. She’d been listening to music while she worked and as the version of Fairy Tale that Richard had recorded for her played, her mind started pairing different photos and video clips with the lyrics of the song.
On her computer right now Manda had everything she needed to complete the video; it had just seemed pointless to do it if it would never be used. If Kastl would let her send it to Mikey though…
That, of course, had been the stumbling block. Richard, Josh, and Mikey would all recognize the footage and want an explanation of where the video had come from. The solution they came up with was to claim that Manda had completed the project before the baseball game. Kastl agreed to arrange its delivery to Mikey through a lawyer who he knew could be trusted. They could blame legal hold-ups for the delay in delivering it to Mikey.
When they had the details worked out and she’d gotten Kastl’s go ahead, Manda was so eager to begin that she practically shooed him from her room. Within an hour she was showered, dressed, and bent over her computer in the loft, oblivious to everything but the project at hand.
With no deadline to meet and nobody to please but herself, Manda took her time and finessed the project until it coincided with the vision she’d constructed in her mind. It was a luxury she was seldom afforded. She was totally engrossed in her project, working on it during all hours of the day and night. The nightmares still came, and Chelsea and Richard still made headlines, but these torments weren’t quite so overwhelming now that she had something to push them from the forefront of her mind some of the time.
When she first began working on the video, Manda had used the version of Fairy Tale that had been released to the public—the one Josh had sung. Then she realized that this was a huge mistake. That version hadn’t been completed until after her “death.” She switched, a little reluctantly, to the only other version she had…the one Richard had recorded for her and only her. She also limited herself to imagery that she already had on her computer. That would keep her from inadvertently purchasing an image or video clip that had been posted after she’d gone into hiding. She still had more than enough to work with. So much, in fact, that only a fraction of it would actually fit on her computer. The majority was housed on an external hard drive.
It took Manda days to sort through the raw content and gather what she wanted to use. It took even longer to assemble and edit it, create and add effects and graphics, and fine tune it until it melded with the music perfectly. When it was finally done, she handed it over to Kastl with both excitement and regret. Regret because it was finished and she would no longer be able to escape into the distraction it offered, and excitement because Richard would see it soon. In a way it was like sending him a reminder not to forget about her.
The days that followed were agonizing as Manda waited for word from Kastl that the final project had been delivered to Mikey. She checked the Raines Foundation Web site repeatedly, half hoping to see the video posted there even before she heard from Kastl. It was a silly hope and she knew it, but she couldn’t help herself.
After several days of suspense, Manda found all of the other cabin dwellers waiting for her in the kitchen when she arrived for her usual morning caffeine scavenging expedition. Anna had broken routine this morning and cooked a large breakfast, and all five agents were waiting for her with broad smiles. Well, four were smiling. Kastl’s expression was more of a faint smirk. Manda’s spirits lifted. Surely they were celebrating the completion and delivery of the project. She thought it was reason for celebration anyway. She hadn’t realized the others would think so too—which of course, they didn’t.
“Happy Birthday!” they all sing-songed in unison, except for Kastl, who grinned at her startled reaction.
“Oh! It’s my birthday? Already?” Manda had so lost track of time that she hadn’t even realized it was February. “Thank you.” She hoped they would attribute her damp eyes to gratitude, but actually she was fighting back tears for another reason. As they had called out their well wishes, she’d been vividly reminded of her last birthday…with Richard. The memory of him standing in her flower-filled and candle-lit dining room in his tuxedo, so breath-takingly handsome, was like a physical blow. She struggled to stay in the here and now, showing appropriate appreciation to her cabin mates.
“I made your favorite,” Anna announced happily. “French toast.”
“Thank you. That’s so sweet,” Manda managed with a fairly convincing smile.
“We didn’t have a chance to wrap our gift,” Joe announced on behalf of himself, Terry, and Leon. (Manda had long-since stopped thinking of them as the Three Stooges.) He pushed a large white shopping bag across the counter toward her. Inside was a stack of newly released novels and graphic design magazines—things Manda had sorely missed, trapped here as she was.
“Thank you,” Manda responded. The tears she suppressed were beginning to actually have more of real gratitude and less of sadness about them.
Without a word, Kastl held out a plain white legal-sized envelope to Manda. She took it from him with a questioning look, to which he just smirked again. She tore it open and pulled out the folded sheet of thick white paper. As she unfolded it he explained.
“That’s a copy of the letter that was delivered to Mikey yesterday with the video. I won’t even tell you what a nightmare it was arranging it so our tracks would be covered. Happy Birthday, Manda.”
Manda could have shouted. At least Richard would have this fresh reminder of her on her birthday. Maybe he too would think about their first Valentine’s Day, just as she was. She hugged Kastl tightly, startling him so that he stiffened momentarily before loosening up and hugging her in return.
“Thank you, Alec,” she whispered, not even realizing that she’d used his given name for the first time.
“You’re welcome,” he replied simply, and then stepped away. “Let’s eat.”
Chapter 44
Manda wasn’t sure exactly what to expect after the video was in Richard’s hands, but she did expect something. So, she was frustrated when nothing happened. Nothing at all. It didn�
��t appear on the foundation’s Web site—or anywhere else for that matter—and nothing changed with Chelsea. Manda wasn’t sure why she’d thought anything would change there, but for some irrational reason she had.
After two weeks without any indication that her video even existed, the flame of interest and enthusiasm that the project had ignited in Manda was guttering. It was extinguished completely when a fresh wave of speculation about Richard and Chelsea surfaced.
With her spirits already low, Manda began her customary Internet search, expecting the usual photos of Richard and Chelsea and reports on where they had been and what they had been doing. Manda usually drew hope from Richard’s expressions and body language in these photos. He always looked tense and sad, and often a little angry, and he was never looking at Chelsea. Also, though Chelsea was often touching Richard, holding onto his arm or draping herself around him in various ways, Richard never reciprocated. He never touched her.
Manda had fixated on those details. She’d even looked back at the photos of herself and Richard to compare and he had almost always had his arm around her, or held her hand, or in some other way connected himself to her. He’d also looked at her often, with looks that still gave her butterflies. The contrasts between these pictures and the ones with Chelsea were glaring, and it gave Manda hope that maybe Richard and Chelsea’s relationship was purely one-sided. The latest pictures and reports strained this hope however.
“Are wedding bells in the future?” one headline asked, and other stories continued the theme. Amidst a fresh batch of pictures featuring Richard with his arm wrapped possessively around Chelsea or their hands entwined were reports that Chelsea had been spotted browsing through posh bridal boutiques and ring-shopping at exclusive jewelers. Speculation was that a proposal either already had or would soon be made.
And yet Richard still looked miserable, and even tenser than before. Chelsea wasn’t making him happy. If he married her, would the rest of his life be just as miserable? If it was, would it all be Manda’s fault? She considered calling off her deal with Kastl and running straight to Richard to stop him from…from what? Manda wasn’t thinking clearly. What if he truly did love Chelsea? Maybe the reason he looked so tense and miserable was because he was worried about her safety? After what had happened to Manda he must be frantic with worry for Chelsea. No. Manda had to carry through with this. Even if she lost Richard, at least she could help make Chelsea safe and finally allow Richard to have some peace and happiness.
With her last strand of hope fraying, Manda clung to that one last, thin thread and waited. The nightmares however got worse, and as sleep became even rarer and exhaustion more extreme, the thread stretched to the breaking point.
By the first day of spring, Manda was lucky if she got two or three hours of sleep a night and those were not restful. She suspected that Kastl had resorted to slipping the sleeping pills into her food just to make her sleep even that small amount. The dreams she had during those few hours were particularly vivid and terrifying and often seemed more real to her than the waking world.
She knew she was a mess but she had no idea what to do about it. A few times when she came down to dinner she had been sure that everyone had been talking about her right before she entered the room. She was willing to concede that it could just have been paranoia on her part though. Everything seemed to be falling apart around her. The logical part of her mind told her that this was just the sleep deprivation’s affect on her, and that with a few solid nights of rest things would look better. Unfortunately, sleep and Manda were not on friendly speaking terms these days.
Kastl made no secret of his concern for her. When she informed him that she wasn’t interested in working on another project, he took away her computer.
“If you’re not going to use it for anything useful, I’m certainly not going to let you torture yourself with it,” he told her severely. “Read a book instead.”
He’d also expressed his disapproval when she began to hide away in her bedroom again. She listened when he ordered her to stop and then promptly ignored him. She even tried skipping dinner once, only to discover that Kastl’s forbearance didn’t stretch quite that far. He’d tossed her over his shoulder and carried her to the table. He wasn’t as tall or broad-shouldered as Richard or Josh, but he was a shapeshifter, and therefore just as strong as they were. Manda hadn’t even bothered to struggle. She also hadn’t tried to skip dinner again.
On another evening, Manda came down for dinner a little early and heard Kastl and Leon talking in the room they used as a lab. Dinner wasn’t quite ready yet, and she hadn’t visited Leon’s lab animals lately, so she drifted in that direction. She stopped before she reached the door when she realized the two men were arguing.
“You need to put an end to this now,” Leon snapped. “She’s not going to make it much longer without serious consequences. She needs help that we can’t give her.”
“I know she needs a professional. Thanks for stating the obvious. But the only one qualified is Mikey and he’s not exactly available, is he?” Manda could hear the anger in Kastl’s voice.
“When I say put an end to this, I mean this whole thing,” Leon clarified. “Send her home where Mikey can help her. I don’t think she can hold out for the full year. Hell, she never sleeps! I’m surprised she isn’t having hallucinations.”
“I know, I know,” Kastl muttered. “I’ve been thinking of pulling Mikey away from Richard and Josh and bringing him here. They’re so close though. This might be our only chance and I don’t want to disrupt that. I don’t think…” Kastl stopped in midsentence and growled. “Manda, quit eavesdropping and go help Anna with dinner if you don’t have anything better to do.” Manda had fled to the kitchen but hadn’t been able to erase the conversation from her thoughts.
A few days later, Manda was laying in bed thinking about that conversation as snow swirled outside her window. The calendar might say it was spring, but March was usually one of the snowiest months in Colorado. Winter didn’t seem to want to relinquish its hold anytime soon.
It was well into the afternoon, but she hadn’t felt like leaving the warmth and solitude of her bed. Kastl might glare at her for being a hermit, but as long as she showed up for dinner he wouldn’t say anything.
Manda was trying to get as much rest as she could without actually sleeping soundly enough to dream. She didn’t want to face the nightmares, but she didn’t want Kastl to decide he had to bring Mikey to the cabin either. From the conversation she’d overheard, Manda surmised that Mikey must have some type of psychology training…probably the only mental health professional available to therianthropes and those who had been attacked by therianthropes. It was a fairly exclusive clientele. She supposed his case-load probably wasn’t heavy.
If they were really close to catching her attacker, Manda didn’t want to do anything to interfere with that. If she started hallucinating pink elephants and giant rabbits she would keep her mouth shut rather than give Kastl reason to call Mikey or send her home.
A tap on the door disrupted her train of thought.
“Who?” she called, knowing it would be either Anna or Kastl.
“Kastl,” was the clipped reply.
Manda glanced at the clock to be sure she wasn’t late for dinner, but she still had half an hour.
“It’s not time yet. I promise I’ll be there on time. Now go away and let me sleep.”
Ignoring her orders to go away, Kastl came in anyway.
“There’s been a change of plans,” he announced, standing at the foot of her bed with his arms crossed. “Get up and get dressed. We’re going out. I’ll buy you dinner when we get there.”
Manda’s heart sank and she desperately tried to dissuade him. “You don’t have to do this. I’m trying to sleep. I’ll be fine. We’ve come too far to quit now. I’ll take the sleeping pills. I’ll yell at everyone. I’ll cry on your shoulder if that’s what you want, but we have to finish this. Please?”
Kastl
shook his head. “It is finished. It’s time for you to go home.” He said this sternly, but then his face was transformed by a rare smile. “They caught them this morning. You’re safe now. So, get up and get ready for the ball, Cinderella. I’m taking you to a concert.”
“They caught them?” Manda repeated dumbly. “Really? You’re serious? I can go home?” Kastl nodded his confirmation.
“Tonight’s their Denver concert!” she exclaimed with dawning realization. She had Rain’s tour schedule memorized; she just hadn’t known today’s date. The concert would be starting in a few hours and she had no idea exactly where the cabin was and therefore no idea how long it would take them to get to Denver. She’d better hurry. She kicked off the quilt and stood up. The motion was too quick and she swayed slightly with momentary vertigo, holding onto the bedpost until the lightheadedness passed.
Kastl’s lips compressed and his eyes narrowed with displeasure. “I should have threatened to send you home before if that’s all it would have taken to make you cooperate. Then maybe you wouldn’t be in the shape you’re in now. Get dressed. Make yourself as gorgeous as you can in one hour. I’m bringing you back to Richard a little worse for wear, but maybe he won’t hold it against me if you can dazzle him sufficiently.”
Manda wondered if she was supposed to be trying to outshine Chelsea, because that seemed like a losing battle going in.
“Do you think it will matter?” she asked, recalling his warning about things being different.
“I don’t know,” he answered bluntly, “but we’ll find out tonight. Now, get dressed and pack an overnight bag.”
The sun had set by the time Kastl guided the black Jeep down the cabin’s long, winding gravel drive. It was too dark outside for Manda to see much beyond the headlight-illuminated road and her own dim reflection on the side window, so it wasn’t until they were entering Fort Collins that she was able to place their location. She knew she’d never be able to find her way back to the cabin. She still had only the vaguest idea where it was. Manda had made the drive between Fort Collins and Denver hundreds of times though, and could practically drive it with her eyes closed. She should be excited to be in familiar territory and heading home, but she wasn’t. Instead she felt…still. It was a feeling of stasis, of waiting, but with no idea what she was waiting for. There was no anticipation associated with the feeling, or even expectation, just a blankness that made her want to hold her breath. She balanced on a fine edge between hope and fear. Excitement and dread had struggled against each other and ended in a stalemate. By the time Kastl pulled into valet parking at the arena and led her to the VIP entrance, she felt like a painter’s new canvas—blank and stretched taught.