by P J Gordon
“I’m good. It’s okay. I’m glad you showed this to me.” Richard replied thickly. He stood up and began pacing slowly around the room. His mind was racing. The overpowering sadness that had haunted him for so long was suddenly replaced with burning intensity. Here was a little bit of Manda. Something that would live on and show the world a tiny glimpse of what it had lost. He couldn’t ever bring her back, though he would give his life if he could, but he could at least send this little part of her out into the world as a testament to who she had been. Abruptly he ceased his pacing and turned to Josh.
“I want to release this as the new video for Fairy Tale. What do you think?”
Josh grinned. “I was thinking the same thing! And how about this? Since this is the last date on the tour, I think we should show it during our concert tonight. I’ve wanted to do that for weeks and this will be our last chance. We’ll have to re-record the track on it before we release it, but for tonight we could just play the video without the audio and accompany it live.”
Richard hadn’t even realized this was the last city of the tour, but he supposed he should have—they were in Denver, after all. He’d been more out of touch than he realized. It had all passed in a black blur. He thought about Josh’s suggestion. He’d never sung that song for anyone but Manda. Josh was the one who sang it during all of their performances, but she had created it with Richard’s version and it felt like a betrayal to present it with Josh singing. Would Richard be able to sing Manda’s song in front of an audience? Would he be able to sing it at all?
“I’ll sing it,” he finally decided. “We’ll need to get to the arena early if we’re going to get this set up. We’d better move. Call Lizzy and let her know we’ll be there soon. She isn’t going to be happy.”
Richard strode to his bedroom and tossed the contents of his pockets onto the bed. He pulled fresh clothes from a suitcase and tossed them on the bed as well. Within twenty minutes he was showered and dressed. He returned to the sitting room only to find his haste wasted. He could hear the shower just starting in Josh’s bathroom. Richard sighed. Josh liked to take long showers.
Richard sat back down in the chair he’d occupied earlier and looked at the blank computer screen in front of him. He thought of Manda. He hadn’t even known that video editing was one of her many talents. She was still surprising him.
He reached out and hit the space bar. The screen flashed to life. He clicked on the play button and sat quietly as the video played through. Once, twice, three times. The third time through he paused it near the end, on the black and white still photograph of himself she had included with the dedication. He was looking directly into the camera and smiling. Had he ever been so happy? Of course he had—with Manda. He sat staring at the picture. Something about it bothered him but he wasn’t able to put his finger on exactly what.
Josh interrupted his reverie. “I’m ready if you are. I’ve got the disc. Everyone will be waiting for us.”
Richard jumped up from his chair immediately. “Let’s go.”
I wish you could be here for this, Manda, Richard thought. He took one final look at the image on the computer screen and followed Josh out.
Two hours later Richard was frustrated and afraid his plans for Manda’s video were not to be.
“I know this is last minute, but you’re the best and I know you can pull it off,” Josh coaxed. “We’ve already worked out the new order with the band. You’ve got three hours to get it all ironed out. It’s not that different really. We’re just removing Fairy Tale from the order and saving it for the encore. We lose the band altogether for it, just Richard and the piano. Lose all the effects.”
“You know it isn’t as easy as you’re making it out to be!” a slender woman with spiky black hair argued. “We aren’t just losing all the effects. You want new, different effects. And if we pull it from the set list up front we have to resequence all of the other effects.”
“I know, Lizzy, and I wouldn’t ask it if it wasn’t very important and I didn’t know you could manage it,” Josh wheedled.
Lizzy, their stage manager, sighed. “You’re killing me, Josh!”
Richard, who’d been sitting at the piano, could see that Josh wasn’t swaying her. She was the best at what she did and there was a reason for that. She was a perfectionist. She didn’t tolerate anything that would interfere with her meticulously organized game plan. Richard had invested all of his newly reawakened passion and creative energy into this project and now, unless they could get Lizzy on board, it was not going to happen. Fighting his growing discouragement, he stood up and walked to where Josh pleaded with the woman. Stepping in front of Josh and clasping Lizzy’s hands, he gazed into her eyes, his own eyes earnest and pleading. Then, shocking both Josh and Lizzy, he dropped to his knees in front of her and begged.
“Please Lizzy,” he pleaded softly, “I need to do this and I can’t do it without you. Please?” His voice was rough with emotion. “Please try. I’ll do anything for you, but we don’t have time to argue about this anymore. Please, do this for me.”
Lizzy stared at him, taken aback. She searched his face, as if gauging his sincerity. His eyes didn’t waver from hers.
“It’s really that important?” she asked, slightly awed.
“Yes. It is,” Richard replied, his voice barely audible. He was surprised how important it had become to him since Josh had suggested it back at the hotel. It wasn’t logical or rational, but this was the first thing he had allowed himself to want since Manda’s death. He wanted to do this for her, and the thought of failure was unbearable.
“In that case, we’ll just have to make it happen,” Lizzy said, turning brisk. “Now get up. You’ve got a lot of work to do. We’ll need to get the synchronization down perfectly if we’re going to pull this off.”
Richard rose to his feet and enfolded Lizzy in his arms. “Thank you,” he whispered fervently. “I will always owe you for this one.”
She pushed him away and growled at him. “You play dirty!”
Richard chuckled sadly. “You don’t know the half of it.”
The arena was sold out that night. Richard threw himself into his performance as he never had before. Anticipation had his heart racing, lending almost manic intensity to his performance. Josh, playing off of Richard’s energy, took his own performance to new levels as well. Lizzy, true to her word, was a dervish, somehow managing to pull everything together. She was continuously running from one problem to another, defusing each just in time to throw herself at the next. By the end of the evening she looked exhausted and frazzled. As they prepared for the encore she approached Richard at the black baby grand piano.
“I’ve done my best Richard. If anything goes wrong just improvise I guess. I think we’ve got it all worked out, but the lift was acting up earlier.”
“Whatever happens I know you’ve done your best. Thank you. We’ll just cross our fingers and hope.” He gave her a reassuring smile.
“You’re up,” she said, backing away from him.
Nerves flared in Richard’s stomach. He closed his eyes and waited for his cue to come to him through the monitor in his ear. He felt the rise and spin of the platform lifting him onto the stage from beneath, then the faint dampness of smoky fog on his face as he rose. He opened his eyes. The stage was black. He thought of how the last encore he’d played here had given Manda chills and he smiled—a melancholy smile. At that moment his cue sounded in his ear and a single spotlight illuminated the haze of fog, creating a brilliant cone of light around him. His hands danced across the keys and the video screen that towered behind him glowed to life. As he played he watched the images flash by and poured both his love and sadness into the song, his voice caressing every word. As he sang the crowd grew quiet, enraptured by the depth of emotion expressed in every note. Finally, his hands stilled and his voice carried the last note alone as the final image flashed onto the screen—the photograph of Richard smiling. Again, something about it plucked at h
is memory and then was gone. The screen went black and the spotlight on Richard winked out.
He sat still at the piano in the darkness as the last note faded away and silence settled over the arena for a fraction of a second. Then the roar of the crowd buffeted him. He let out the breath he had been holding and closed his eyes. Thank you, Lizzy! You did it!
In the darkness of the stage he felt Josh suddenly beside him. “That was incredible, Richie. Well done.”
“Thanks,” Richard answered, covering his headset microphone with his hand. He stood with Josh and both men stepped clear of the piano and lift platform. He felt the vibration of the machinery lowering it from view and then the stage lights flashed back on, illuminating the two brothers. The thunderous applause was deafening. Girls crowded into the area fronting the stage, lofting the usual collection of flowers and stuffed animals toward Richard and Josh. Richard bowed once and then reached down and scooped up a bouquet of roses that someone had thrown at his feet. He walked a few steps toward one side of the stage, where he’d spotted Lizzy peeking out from behind an equipment crate, looking fatigued but triumphant. He tossed the roses to her and his smile was brilliant as he blew her a kiss.
“You are amazing,” he said, his voice rough from the emotions he’d poured into his song. The live mic picked it up and broadcast it to the arena. Lizzy smiled broadly.
“I know,” she mouthed.
He laughed and then walked back to Josh, throwing his arm over his brother’s shoulder. He reached back and flipped off the microphone pack at the small of his back.
“I feel like a wrung out washcloth,” Richard groaned, still smiling and waving to the crowd.
“Me too. It’s been a really, really long day.” Josh draped an arm over Richard’s shoulder as well. “Has it really been just one day?”
With final waves to the audience, the two walked off stage, followed by the thunderous roar of applause.
“Let’s get out of here,” Josh sighed. “I could use some food and some sleep.” He yawned and then stumbled slightly. “Well, maybe just the sleep first.”
Richard gave his little brother an appraising look. Josh looked haggard. The previous months had taken a heavy toll. Though he was intelligent and capable, Josh didn’t enjoy being in charge. The stress of shouldering all of the responsibility for both himself and Richard, added to his worry over Richard and his own grief over losing Manda, had matured him and left him too solemn. Richard regretted the unfair burden he’d forced on his brother. It was time to turn the tables back around and assume some of the responsibilities he’d been neglecting.
“I need to wrap up a couple of things first,” Richard told Josh. “Why don’t you head back to the hotel and go to bed. You look like you’re about to fall asleep where you stand.” Richard suspected that the scene at the airport was catching up to his brother.
Josh yawned again. “Yeah, once the adrenaline wears off the crash is going to be vicious. You won’t be long, will you?” His protectiveness toward Richard wasn’t going to fade overnight.
“No. I just want to go over a few things with Lizzy. And promise to be her slave for life. You know, the standard deal.”
“You’d better plan on living a long time then, ‘cause she’s not gonna settle for less than a century of servitude.” Josh flashed him a grin that turned into a yawn. “Night, Richie.”
She won’t get that long, Richard thought. A few decades at best. Regardless of the day’s events, he still couldn’t imagine living longer than that without Manda. The rest of a normal lifespan is all he would endure. It was enough for most people, after all.
“Night, little brother,” was all he said.
Chapter 53
Richard had trouble tracking Lizzy down. He showered and changed back into his street clothes, then found most of the musicians celebrating the end of the tour with an informal party. As the crew finished up their various duties he knew they would join in the festivities as well. Apparently the feeling this time around had been that neither brother was in any mood to celebrate. Richard guessed that given his dark brooding, everyone had thought it best to forego the usual wrap party. Again, Richard felt the twinge of guilt that was becoming all too familiar to him over the last several hours. He should have made sure that the people who had worked so long and hard to make the tour successful were rewarded with more than this impromptu gathering.
He made apologies for Josh and himself as he moved through the group, looking for Lizzy. He finally found her in a quiet corner, grouped around a plastic table with three women Richard probably should have known but couldn’t put names to. He thought one might have been a cellist. Or maybe a violinist? Lizzy had her laptop open on the table and all four women were watching Manda’s video again.
“I would have thought you’d have had enough of that tonight to last you a lifetime,” he teased, standing just behind her and watching over her shoulder.
She turned toward him with an embarrassed smile. “No, it’s very good,” she disagreed. “Great show tonight, boss.”
“Oh, so know I’m ‘boss.’ Earlier you make me beg and now I’m ‘boss.’” Richard pretended outrage. “Seriously though, I wanted to thank you. You are a rockstar, Lizzy. I will never, ever be able to thank you enough for pulling this off.” He smiled his appreciation.
“Well, it was a team effort. I just threatened everyone with all manner of ugly and painful death if they dared to disappoint you,” Lizzy replied with a bloodthirsty smile, but she slid her arm around his waist and gave him one small, quick hug.
Richard chuckled. “Yeah, about that,” he drew Lizzy off from the group still clustered around the computer. “These guys deserve a better thank you than this. Take everyone out and have some fun. Not too much fun. Charge it to your expense card and I’ll pick it up. Tell everyone thank you for us, okay? And I would really appreciate it if you could try and make sure everyone gets home safely. Oh, and please, no police involvement! You know the drill.”
Lizzy laughed. “I’ll do my best. You’re not coming then?”
“No. I don’t think I’m feeling quite up to that yet,” Richard answered.
Lizzy nodded understandingly. “Go crash then. You look terrible.”
“Thanks,” he retorted dryly.
Richard glanced back toward the table where the video had restarted. He watched for a few moments, unwilling to look away.
“Who produced the video? Was it Amanda?” Lizzy asked him gently. Richard hadn’t been aware that Lizzy even knew who Manda was, but he supposed it was no surprise. Even if she didn’t pay attention to media gossip, word spread quickly in such a small group. They all would have noticed his dark moods, and the reason for them hadn’t exactly been a secret. It had been plastered across the headlines for weeks.
“Is it that obvious?” Richard sighed.
“Well, actually...yes.” Her face was compassionate. “Is that who you were looking at in the last picture?”
“What?” Richard asked, startled.
“The last picture. You look like you’re staring at the most precious and beautiful thing in the world. It’s definitely the look of a man in love. We were all just eating our hearts out, wishing someone would look at us that way.”
It clicked into place then, the thing that had been bothering Richard about that last picture. It was so unlikely that he’d failed to see the obvious. He had been looking at Manda. He was wearing a team jersey in the picture—a team jersey he didn’t have anymore—a team jersey he’d gotten when he sang the national anthem at the baseball stadium. Manda had been snapping pictures of him as they watched the game. The picture had to have been taken less than an hour before she was killed. There was no way that picture could be in the video if she’d already completed it before she died. The video would have to have been completed before the baseball game, before the picture was taken. What did that mean? Maybe she’d created most of it but someone else finished it up after she was killed. But hadn’t Mikey talked to
her lawyer? Hadn’t she already completed it and transferred the rights into Richard’s name before she died?
“Richard? Richard? What’s the matter? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” Lizzy put her hand on his arm. When Richard just shook his head, running frantically through the possible implications in his mind, she looked around nervously. “Has anyone seen Josh?”
Richard patted her hand reassuringly and shook his head again. “No, I’m fine. I just have to make a phone call. Excuse me please.” He was already pulling his phone from his pocket as he strode purposefully toward the nearest door.
He dialed Mikey’s number as he hurried through the service areas of the arena. He glanced around until he found an open loading door. The semi-trailers used to haul the tour equipment were lined up outside in the darkness. He wanted to be alone for this call. He heard the ringing in the earpiece as the call went through. The trailer in the adjacent door was still open. Lights illuminated its interior and he could hear voices approaching. They were still loading that one. The farthest trailer was locked up. It was distant from the light of the doorway and its far side was hidden in deep shadows. Swiftly but silently he dropped off of the loading dock and dashed for those shadows.
On the fourth ring Mikey picked up. “Richard?”