“Yeah. Pretty sure you’re just a bitch.”
“I always preferred the word cunt, honestly. Gets the point across with that lovely sound in the back of the throat. But bitch works too.” Shari sipped some of her tea. “You know, this is one of the only things I can easily remember. Muscle memory. Once I’m in front of the register, the words come out, and I have a drink I’m pleasantly pleased with. I can’t remember what it tastes like. Just that I’ll like it. A nice little present every time I go out, although baristas give me crap for always ordering the same thing.” Shari put her mug back down. “But it’s not the same thing to me.”
I’m definitely looking this up when I get home. This could be an elaborate ruse because Shari was more than a sociopath. Maybe she’s a sociopath and has a degenerative brain disease. Wouldn’t that be a lovely combination?
“We were talking about Vivian.”
“Who?”
Sighing, Kat showed her the picture again. “You fucked her up. You should be apologizing to her.”
“Perhaps I will. But there’s something I wanted to ask you.”
“God, what?” When would this be over?
Shari enjoyed another sip of her drink. “Why did I dump you? I’m guessing I must have hurt your feelings too, if you’re this flippant toward me.”
Kat’s cheeks burned red in anger. “You basically told me that I was too manly for you.”
“Oh.” Shari looked her up and down. Quick. Critical. Decisive. “You are. You’re not my type at all. I vastly prefer femmes.”
“You didn’t have a damn problem with how I looked those first few weeks we dated.”
“Maybe I did. Maybe I didn’t. I definitely didn’t know I was sick yet. I’m not trying to use it as an excuse for hurting your feelings, by the way. It’s just a fact. If I didn’t have it, I might not come off as rude, and maybe I would have more empathy, but honestly, it’s amazing I can construct full sentences sometimes.”
“You don’t seem to have a problem right now.”
“I have my good days and bad days. I really should stop online dating, though. I’m always disappointed by the person I meet in real life. They look nothing like their pictures.” Shari laughed. “That’s how I found out about this thing in my head. I was ranting about how everyone is so fake online when a Facebook friend realized my typing mistakes were reminiscent of her grandfather’s dementia.”
“You don’t have dementia, though.”
“It could turn into dementia. It might as well be dementia, by the time it’s done with me.”
“So what? You’re gonna live in a nursing home sometime in the next decade?”
“It’s a possibility. I have savings set aside for it. But sometimes I wake up in the morning and forget it’s a reality until I go into my kitchen and see everything, from the cupboards to the pictures on the wall, labeled. It’s a good thing I label things, too, because I would throw out old treasured keepsakes or forget what my nephew looks like as he grows up. He hates me, though.”
“Because you’re a bitch?”
“We prefer to call it being too honest. My brother is too nice to me.”
“The crab fisherman.”
“Yes. You know fishermen work very long and hard hours, and my brother doubly so. My parents don’t much want to do with me because I burned those bridges a long time ago, so I spend most of my time with my brother when he’s available. He has the patience of a saint. Although he says he pities the nurses who will have to take care of me one day.”
“This is insane.”
“Yes, I often do feel insane.”
Is that why you lash out at people? Again, which parts of her were the real Shari, and which parts were her disease? At what point did she become her disease? I can’t believe I’m entertaining this. It’s so ridiculous.
Shari sighed, the tension in her face easing as she pointed her nose down toward her tea. “I’m sorry. Truly. I am.”
Kat didn’t say anything. She still had yet to try her coffee.
“The doctor says my attitude is normal. Granted, I’m pretty sure I’m an angry, spiteful person in general, but I like to believe I was better at managing it before I forgot to put on underwear every day. Okay, so that’s an exaggeration. I don’t forget to take off underwear. I mean put on. I think that’s what I mean.”
Kat still had no idea what to say.
“This disease mostly fucks up my interpersonal relationships. I don’t recognize people unless they’re around me constantly. Even that will slip away one day. If it weren’t for my brother, I’d probably give up being happy at all. But a part of me thinks it’s worth it to go out on dates while I still can. One day, everyone around me will say it’s too dangerous for me to date and have sex. That I won’t be able to legally consent because my disease has advanced that badly. Forget not being in the right mind to vote. I’ll miss sex the most. Dating. Harboring dreams that maybe I’d meet a woman who could tolerate my nasty attitude and see past what I say and see who I really am inside. That was before who I really am became the disease. Doctors think I’ve had it my whole life, though. That I was born with it. Can you imagine? Not knowing who I really am supposed to be?”
“I admit, I had been wondering.”
“It’s so exhausting that I stopped caring about it. I want to spend the last of my energy on more productive shit. Did you know I’ve been trying to write a book for years? I keep such extensive notes that my notes are basically my book now. I just need to pretty it up with better prose and toss in a few transitions.”
She really likes hearing herself talk. “What does this got to do with me?”
“I’m trying to apologize, okay? Sorry that I suck so much at it.”
“You should apologize to Vivian,” Kat reminded her. “I’m in the ancient past. Vivian is still reeling from you confirming her worst fears. Or so she tells herself.”
“You know what? Set me up with her, and I’ll do that. Feel free to tell her about the worm eating its way through my memory, first. Might sound nicer coming from you.” Shari enjoyed a nice, long sip of her tea. “This is really good. It’s weird, you know? I can’t remember what it tastes like if more than a few minutes go by and it’s left my tongue.”
“Okay. I’ll do it.” Kat stood up, her to-go cup in hand. “Drop by the bar sometime Wednesday night when Vivian and I will both be there. You can apologize to her.”
“All right. I’ll put it in my calendar right now.” Shari took out her phone. “Otherwise I’ll forget.”
Kat held up her cup in recognition. “I really gotta get going. I need a shower.”
“Yes, you do.”
Sick or not, Kat really did not miss Shari. Not even a little bit.
Chapter 12
Vivian was in that stage of self-doubt that said she was reading way too much into what happened with Kat. Sure, they had great sex. Sure, they parted ways amicably and with the promise to meet up again soon. And sure, sure, sure, Kat looked goofy when she said she was excited to go out with Vivian sometime later that week.
We’re also still exchanging texts. So when does it blow up in my face?
Because she couldn’t let things remain nice. Her brain had to take facts and twist them until her stomach started twisting as well. Preferably, when she was in the middle of lunch Wednesday afternoon.
Her turkey sandwich had too much mayo. Vivian didn’t mind a little mayo on her sandwich, but the deli had slathered it on as if they were desperate to get rid of the batch. Every time she took a bite, mayonnaise oozed out of the sides of her sandwich and dripped down her hands. She had gone through five napkins already, and she swore she tasted nothing but mayonnaise with a side of honey nut bread.
“Wow,” Lisa said from the other side of the table in the break room. “Do you know how many calories is probably in that sandwich?”
“Don’t remind me. I’m trying to gain weight, but not at the expense of my taste buds.” Vivian mopped up more of the mayo with
a fresh stack of napkins. “How did your sandwich turn out?” They had both picked up their lunches from the same deli across the street. As far as Vivian knew, hers was the only one slathered in condiments.
Lisa shrugged. “BLT is fine. Bit vinegary, but I like it that way.”
Vivian’s phone buzzed and lit up with a message. She was inclined to ignore it while she cleaned up her mess, but that was Kat’s name flashing across her screen. She had to answer it!
“Aw, fuck!” Mayo splattered across her phone screen. Maybe she should have wiped her hands off before grabbing her phone.
“Wow,” Lisa said again. “Amazing. I think you should go back to work like that. The lawyer-heads will love having dried-out mayo clotting their documents together.”
Vivian frantically wiped mayo off her phone and hands. A nice smear remained on the screen as she unlocked the contents of Kat’s message.
“Hey, sexy. What are you doing tonight?”
Were Vivian’s hands clean enough to respond? Lisa was waiting to find out.
“Probably watching TV with my sister. But I’m not married to it. Whyyyyy? :)”
“Because you should drop by the bar this evening and have a toast with me.”
“A toast? Why?”
“Because it’s kinda-sorta our one week anniversary?”
“Oh my God.” Lisa dropped her sandwich into its wrapper. “You’re squealing. Is it that girl you’ve been seeing?”
Vivian looked up from the kissy-lip emoji gracing her messenger. “Yeah. Is it obvious?”
“Nice to know that women act just as silly whether they’re in love with men or women.”
“I’m not in love!” Vivian cocked her head. “Do you think I’m in love?”
“Please. I’m not answering that one for you. So? What does she want?”
“She wants me to hang out at her bar with her tonight.”
“The scene of the crime!”
Vivian wanted to say that was how she thought of going back to Kat’s apartment the other night, but refrained. The only details Lisa had were that sparks flew over the weekend. In the best way. (The orgasmic way.) They didn’t go into greater detail about their sex lives… especially in the office.
“You gonna go by?”
“Duh?” Vivian scoffed. “I’d be a total idiot to not go over and hang out with her after this weekend. My sister would have to be getting married or something for me to miss it!”
Lisa held her up sandwich for a toast. “If things go well, make sure you rub some of your good luck off on me so I can get myself a boyfriend. Double dates are in our futures.”
I’m sure Kat would love that. Vivian had to hold back a massive eye roll. Kat might politely go out on a double date with Vivian’s friends, but that would definitely not be how they met. “Depending on how it really goes, maybe we can all meet up soon and get that charade out of the way.”
“Hell yes, girl, I want to meet this cute lady you’ve got on the front burner. Especially if she makes you come into the office whistling like that every day.”
“If it didn’t work out between us, I would highly suggest you try the bisexual life so you could go out with her.” Vivian leaned in with her sandwich. Mayo slopped against Lisa’s. “Best sex of my damn life.”
“Stop it. You’re making me jealous.”
“Maybe I am trying to make you jealous for once.” Vivian took a sloppy bite of her sandwich. “I need something good going on in my life. C’mon.”
She spent the rest of her work day flirting with Kat via text and fielding questions from the rest of her coworkers. Questions like, “What’s got you so happy, Vivi?” and “Since when do you smile this much? It’s a good look on you.”
Naturally, she had the perfect answer lurking in the bottom of her heart. Love had her in its clenches… but it wasn’t her coworkers’ business. She simply said that life was going good, and left it at that.
There wasn’t much time after work to go home and change her clothes to something more casual. Vivian texted a picture of herself in her work clothes, asking Kat if she looked nice enough to come bum around a blue collar bar. Kat didn’t really use words. She used a careful selection of emojis that got her aroused point across.
Lisa suggested she dress the pencil skirt and black blouse down with her hair in a playful ponytail and her sleeves rolled up. Oh, and lose the pantyhose.
By the time she reached the bar, she was as flirty as she was going to get. Good thing the mid-week rush hadn’t begun yet, because it allowed her to slip onto the corner stool and stay out of everyone else’s way.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa.” Kat popped out of the back, sleek as shit in her layered tank tops and distressed jeans. The double-Venus necklace hung down her chest, and her hair had been combed into a side-sweep instead of gelled back. It was a mix of old and new looks as far as Vivian knew, and it looked so damn good on Kat’s body that it was a wonder they didn’t start making out right there. It’s been days since we saw each other. Days! “You’re way too pretty to be in a dump like this. I’m afraid you’re gonna have to leave, Miss. Only slovenly mavens who don’t love themselves get drinks here.”
Vivian propped herself up on the bar, grin the size of her glowing visage. “I think I fit right in, thanks.”
Kat’s eyes were glued to the cleavage popping out in front of her. “Okay. You can stay. If you keep your blouse unbuttoned like that.”
Vivian begged for a kiss. She got a sweet peck to the lips before Kat looked around the bar to make sure nobody had seen them acting like fools. Aw, that’s cute. But not as cute as the blush on her cheeks.
Only one other person was in the bar. A heavyset woman with bright red hair and a T-shirt that said Nasty Woman. She raised her brows at the spectacle and said, “So this must be the little minx who has absconded with your ice cold heart, huh, Kat?”
Kat dismissed that with a wave of her hand. “Vivi, meet Harriet, the worst patron you’ll ever meet here. Harry, this is Vivian. We’re kinda seeing each other.”
Harriet reached across the bar to shake Vivian’s hand. “Pleasure to meet you. Anyone cute enough to catch her eye must be someone worth meeting. Does Bev know you’re kissing clients around here, Kat?”
“Are the drinks watered down? Because that’s your answer.”
Kat got her girlfriend a drink while Harriet went back to her phone. The bar was so delightfully quiet. A shame to think that the first time Vivian ventured in here by herself, she had been intimidated by the empty stools and the adult contemporary playing on the satellite radio. It meant she was an open target for conversation and the eyes in the room. It meant Kat could easily see her after what had happened the night before. Between them.
Now? Vivian couldn’t imagine any other outcome being the right one. Look at her. That’s my lady! She had to contain her excitement behind her stretched palms. She didn’t want to risk Harriet seeing what a wreck she was in the company of the woman who had changed her life so much in so little time.
She should have never lowered her hands again.
“Whoa,” Harriet said when the bar door opened. “Look what the winter winds blew in.”
Vivian made the mistake of looking over. There, dressed to kill in a slinky red dress and tossing her curls over her exposed shoulders, was Shari.
“Hello,” she said with a curt voice to Harriet. “Is Kat here?”
She reemerged from the back room again. While Vivian stewed in horror, Kat looked as if she had expected Shari to walk into the bar that night. Does she come every Wednesday? If you knew that, Kat, you should have kept me far away! Even worse if Shari’s latest, most unsuspecting date came in after her!
“Hey,” Kat said to Shari. “Glad you could make it.”
What was going on here? Kat had expected her!
Shari sat on a stool two seats away from Vivian. Her floral perfume was strong enough to fell an elephant. “I almost forgot.”
“I bet you did.” Kat glanced at V
ivian. “She’s right here. In case you forgot her, too.”
“I’ll pretend your tone is not super condescending for now.” Shari turned toward Vivian, who held herself to the wall.
“Do you recognize her at all?”
“Vaguely.”
Kat stood in front of Vivian. “Shari’s got something she wants to say to you, Vivi. I’ll be just a shout away if she gets to be too damn much.”
“You knew she was coming?”
“Aw, she didn’t tell you? I must have really left a mark on you, then.”
Man, what a bitch.
“Look,” Shari continued, “Kat convinced me to come apologize to you. About our date last week.”
“Apologize, huh?” Vivian played dumb. “For what?”
“For being an asshole, obviously. Apparently, my comments really hurt you. Not my intention.”
Vivian had no idea what to say. Why was this woman here? Why did Kat know about it? Hell, why did it seem like Kat had facilitated it? Not to mention… Shari didn’t make a lick of sense! There was no need for her to apologize, when she could’ve just disappeared forever! Vivian was content to never see or hear from this woman again. Was it too hard to ask for that feeling to be mutual?
Shari pulled a folded up printout from her pocket. It looked like it had come from either Web MD or Wikipedia.
“You see this? I’m not using it as an excuse, but it’s what I’ve got.” Shari slid the piece of paper over to Vivian. “The bad attitude is all me, though. Sorry.”
Vivian could barely believe what she saw on the paper. Some seemingly made-up disease that made it impossible for people to recognize others based on photographs. There were other symptoms, too, beyond the eventual degeneration. Not remembering what things taste like, how to read directions… according to this, it would one day be a miracle if Shari was able to dress herself, let alone remember how to put her pants on.
“You’ve got this? For real?”
Liquid Courage Page 11