Sarah laughed, and as her eyes closed and she rolled over in a fit of giggles, he pressed the lengths of their bodies together. “Any guy who regrets your sexual history would be stupid. If you had to waste bad kisses on some other blokes, I’m happy to get these ones.”
“Woo!” Sarah exclaimed in a sarcastic tone.
“Practice makes perfect, baby,” he whispered in her ear. “I adore all of you.”
ALERT
NOW
Sarah had the whole weekend to herself. No work, and she didn’t have to study anymore. It’d been only yesterday evening that her dad and Alyssa came over. Malik had been spending lots of time with her, so she wasn’t surprised when he texted to say he would be working late. She said that was fine. She didn’t want to burn him out, or make him get bored with her, no matter what she said. Their relationship felt like she was on a dream cloud, permanently. The longer she could extend that, the better.
“Bye, Sez!” her mum called from downstairs.
Sarah ran downstairs to the front door. Her mum was in a semi-transparent blouse with a singlet underneath, a fitted pencil skirt and heels. She had a cardigan draped over her arm and a clutch in her grip. Even though she was almost fifty, she had a good body for her age, and looked sexy, even to her daughter.
“Are you going on a date?”
“I don’t know how I ended up with such a dramatic daughter.”
Sarah stepped closer, hand on the doorknob as the night air breezed in.
Her mum shivered. “I’d never go on a knee-jerk reaction date. Just drinks with some girlfriends.”
Sarah was about to open her mouth, but the home phone rang, and she begrudgingly had to let her mum leave.
“Hello?”
“Sez girl,” her dad said. “I wanted to try the home phone in case you didn’t get my text or whatever. How are you?”
“I check my mobile.” She closed her eyes, and cursed herself silently for sounding angry. Control, she thought. “But yeah, I’m good. You?”
“I’m fine, but I’m not sure if you and I are. I don’t know how I keep stuffing up. I thought it was right to come over, and then you all lost it at us. Alyssa was shaken up. I know it’s not ideal, but better we sorted stuff out, ‘ey? Otherwise I’d still be with another girlfriend.”
“You were never meant to be with her,” Sarah said, clarifying. How could her dad not see that?
“I am, and we just get hot-headed, is all. She’s a wonderful woman. Which brings me to why I called.”
Sarah had thought he called to come over again tonight. That was bad enough. Sarah home alone. Two against her one? She preferred it that way, so she wouldn’t have to put her mum and Malik through that again, but if she really had a choice, she wished she could make the two of them go away and undo them bringing a life into their messed-up world. She hated that she had to think that way. That was an innocent baby who deserved the best, better than what it would get.
“Yeah?”
“I thought it’d be a good idea for Alyssa to come over. Just chat with you ladies. Keep the men out. It will be good, minus the hot-headedness.”
“All right,” Sarah replied.
A minute ago she would have said the usual no, and then pushed back her dad’s efforts until they had a disagreement and hung up feeling sour. But that little baby was growing, and would one day enter the world. It’d be her half-sibling, a connection she’d always dreamed of. She wanted to help be responsible, be a good sister, a support whenever he or she needed someone.
It didn’t make Sarah hate Alyssa any less, but she had to try.
“I’ll let her know to come back over today, if that’s okay with Gina?”
“Mum’s out. Tell her I said it’s fine to come tonight.”
• • •
NOW
This time, Alyssa looked laid-back when she came over to visit Sarah. Her hair was slung in a low ponytail. She had looser jeans on and a scoop-neck sweater. Sarah waved her in, and strangely, she picked the same seat as she had the day before, so Sarah sat in her same spot.
I hope it won’t end the same.
Silence filled the huge gap between them, and dense air hung in the room. Sarah’s eyes fell to Alyssa’s belly, but there was nothing of it. She was washboard flat.
“How long have you and my dad been together this time?”
She thought she saw a smart look pass Alyssa’s expression at the edge of her mouth, but maybe she imagined it.
“Just under two months.”
Sarah smiled by way of a reply while she did the math in her head. You normally wouldn’t announce a baby to everyone until you were twelve weeks along. More so, if they’d only been together very recently, she’d have to be at least a few weeks along, meaning she fell pregnant right away. It hit her, what would have happened, and Sarah dropped her head and rubbed her forehead with the heel of her palm. It was clear when she looked up that Alyssa knew what she thought.
“We weren’t going to lie, but Nigel told me to tell you if you figured it out.”
“You guys …” Sarah looked away, keeping her emotions in check by concentrating on a vase on an end table beside her.
“We know we started off wrong, and don’t want to unnecessarily clog you up with information. But we’re together, and we’re having a baby. That’s what counts.”
“Were you drunk when it happened?”
Alyssa expelled a big breath. “You really want to hear it.”
“Of course. I hate lies more than I hate hearing about your affair and subsequent break-ups and get-togethers.”
“First, for what it’s worth, I’m sorry. Malik and I had just had a baby and she was growing. I had no life. I was in a shit place. I didn’t try to pick him up. We just happened to be having drinks in the same place when I finally started getting out, and we formed a bond. He’s an amazing man.”
And she stole him. To Sarah, all the other crap still didn’t make it okay, not even all these years later. Why was honesty such a big deal? Surely Alyssa could see she stole this “amazing” husband from an extraordinarily gorgeous and caring wife. That everybody got in shit places, but it didn’t give her the right to uproot everyone else’s lives to make hers better.
Breathe.
Sarah pushed that aside, too. It took two people to make an affair. Her dad was just as guilty. He could have stopped it. His choice was to go ahead anyway.
Sarah nodded, and Alyssa continued. “Malik … I’ll always feel bad about what I did to him. He had a heart for me, so big and caring. And he’s gorgeous. And faithful. I know what I lost.”
Sarah began to feel sweaty. She stood and asked Alyssa if she wanted a drink, and she said yes, her mouth was parched. Coming back from the kitchen, Sarah brought two glasses of water. She watched Alyssa clutch her glass and toss back the water in three big gulps.
Watching, thinking. Sarah was bothered most by the fact that Alyssa used present tense when describing Malik. He should have been gorgeous to her, not currently gorgeous. Her heart thumped loudly, and Sarah decided to down her drink, too. The water was fresh, cool and made for at least partial relief.
Alyssa’s tone was monotone as she went on. “But this baby? Your father and I want you there. You can be a part of every stage if you want. And,” Alyssa set her hands in her lap, sat straighter, “Malik is welcome, too. We know you two are a couple, and as hard as it must be for him, he’s a part of your life, and this baby will be in yours.” Alyssa touched her belly at the end of her speech.
“Thanks,” Sarah said, then added, “for coming over.”
“Are you okay with all this?”
Sarah took a breath. “Look, outside of relationships, you seem nice. Besides what you’ve done to my family and my boyfriend, you seem nice.”
Alyssa looked like she wanted to say “But” however smartly kept her mouth shut. They both didn’t need a further explanation, because tonight was about acting grown up, cordial and mature. Sarah could do that, even
if she wanted to hurt this lady for many of her sins. Seeing her boyfriend naked. Pleasing him. Hurting him so, so much when he’d given her his heart to take care of.
“When did you two …” Alyssa never finished, rather moving her fingers together, meaning to symbolise being together.
“Recently.”
No way was Sarah giving Alyssa the privilege of knowing exactly when. She didn’t deserve to know any personal information like that. It was awkward and annoying enough she had been as close as she was to Malik. Sarah wanted to keep them far, far apart, for as long as he was her man.
“He’s a great guy,” Alyssa said. “You’re lucky to have him.”
“He’s an incredible man. I am lucky to have him.”
Alyssa’s smile was taut. Her lips were pressed together too tightly; they formed a thin line, and even from across the coffee table where Sarah sat, it seemed like crease lines had formed on her forehead.
Sarah made a note to keep a close eye on her boyfriend when it came to Alyssa. This woman wasn’t trustworthy, and Malik knew that, hated her, but it would pay off to be extra vigilant. An ex-wife, pregnant with a baby to another man, shouldn’t look that jealous.
Sarah told Alyssa she appreciated her coming over, and said it was nice to clear the air. As soon as Alyssa left, Sarah rested back against the front door and felt more wound up than before. She decided it was Friday night, and she’d cope with a glass of wine. Or two.
• • •
THEN
When Sarah was sixteen and her parents were separated, she’d still have to see her dad, even when he was with Alyssa. Her mum’s promise if she went there and stayed, was for the next two days, she’d make Sarah’s lunchbox, and she’d do all the dishes, and for one day, her mum would rent a movie and buy a dessert of Sarah’s choice.
It mostly worked. With just the two of them, they shared house duties equally, and doing absolutely nothing, like most of her friends did, was a treat she hardly passed up.
But she’d been to her dad’s five weekends and been good. She couldn’t stand it any longer. This time, she’d sneak out, and no one would be the wiser. Sarah had thought this out the day previously. She’d act shitty, which wasn’t hard, and then retire to bed early, but not too early. There, she’d stay until her dad checked on her. Once he did that, she was sure she couldn’t get caught. It was a foolproof plan. After that, he’d go and have sex with the slut, Alyssa. Or fight. Whichever. The last two weekends she’d stayed proved they were as likely to do each other as try to outdo each other.
But tonight, Sarah struggled to act shitty thanks to Alyssa acting so nice. One inch of a smile, or a true-to-the gut, honest cackle—anything that seemed friendly—her dad could try to involve her in something: TV, a game, or help him in his garage.
Alyssa was the problem. She didn’t pick a fight. Not once, and Sarah wanted to yell because of how nice she was. But she shouldn’t have. Wasn’t Alyssa being nice so much more bearable than Alyssa being short, cut-off or bitchy?
The dinner was exquisite. The mashed potatoes … Sarah only just remembered not to moan in pleasure although they were ultra creamy, salted to perfection, and the right touch of butter and herbs to top them off. The beef had no fat, or “jelly”, as Sarah would call it. She couldn’t start slicing and then complain it was too hard to eat and go to her room. It was flavoursome and juicy, just tender enough. Alyssa even brought wine to the table, and though neither she nor Sarah had any, her dad sure enjoyed it. By the end of dinner he was talking twice as much as usual, and he then went to the TV and didn’t leave, even after Sarah had spent so much time on Facebook she was bored, which rarely occurred. She had browsed YouTube. Surfed for pictures of celebrity hunks with their shirts off. Finally, Sarah just told Alyssa the excuse her eyes were sore from staring at the computer for so long. She went to tell her dad so, too, but his head was hung back over the couch, and snores snarled and caught in his throat softly, then loudly.
Perfect!
Sarah lay in bed for only forty-five minutes that night. God, her girlfriends would be squealing and so excited to get an extra hour and a half with her.
At a quarter past nine, Sarah was ready to sneak out. Her bedroom at her dad’s was easy to escape from. It was a single storey, and she just had to walk down the side of the house, open and shut the gate, and duck off.
It was as Sarah was closing the gate, only metres from the sidewalk—her freedom—when she heard a noise.
Shock pierced through her body, rendering her motionless, until the pricks of adrenaline calmed and she could think without feeling like her mind had an enormous pressure on it. Moments passed, and then the sound was all too clear. It was a car pulling up outside her home. She didn’t hear a rev, but the engine growled, like the engine of the eighteen-year-old boyfriend of one of the girls in her group. He was the only one who was of legal age to drive, and so she made an effort to be nice, hoping to catch a ride. He had always boasted how he’d had his car altered. His exhaust was louder than standard, and he’d made adjustments inside the bonnet to enhance the performance.
The sound of that car was different to not only little Honda Civics, but also the V8 Ford Falcons her friends’ dads drove.
As Sarah clutched the gate and pushed the rest of the latch back in place, she knew it wasn’t just a big car, it was a hotted up car. A guy’s car. Her dad was asleep, so it wouldn’t be one of his friends. And her friends absolutely, positively knew to never come past. If she could sneak out of one of her parents’ houses, she’d call them when she made it out. They all lived close by, two of her girlfriends in the same suburb. She’d only wait out front for two minutes, tops.
That car left only one option, and she hated that she was surprised. Her anger crept up on her and she slammed her fist into the gate, until she feared she’d get splinters. Her dad may have not treated her the best, and he was horrible to her mum, but did he deserve to have Alyssa cheating on him too?
Sarah had to see if she was right.
She backed against the bricks and sidestepped, her hands pressing to the wall. Her hair and top snagged on the bricks, but she had to remain in the shadows, out of the streetlamp that was out the front of her dad’s house on the nature strip.
Sarah leant forward until she could just see two figures. She knew Alyssa perfectly. Long, silky straight hair. Thin body, with clothes that always hugged every inch of her skin, or that revealed a whole lot.
Alyssa walked up to the male figure, wrapped her arms around his waist and let him paw at her ass. They kissed, which turned into what looked like a pash with the angles of their heads on the side, working furiously, and then she reached between them to stroke him.
From the silhouette, Sarah saw the pin heels of Alyssa’s, and the rest of her dark frame, walk up to the passenger side and slip in.
Sarah didn’t move for a minute after they’d left. She counted down sixty seconds, and then allowed herself to look around and to listen for movement. There was nothing.
Sarah looked to the path she was going to take and turned back, creeping along the side of the house, and into her bedroom. She texted her friends, saying she couldn’t come tonight.
For hours, Sarah waited up. She started drifting off, but by the time the sun rose, she’d hardly slept, and nothing deep enough to make her feel rested. Finally, she decided there was no point waiting for Alyssa. She hadn’t come home.
After Facebook stalking for fifteen minutes she found, through friends of friends and their posts, the guy Alyssa’d met up with. Why people left their posts public was beyond Sarah. If a teenager knew not to do that, why didn’t adults who were adept at using social media?
Robin Treel. She noted his profile, but knew she’d remember him anyway.
In the bathroom, Sarah almost squeaked when she saw her reflection: bags under her eyes, and red, bloodshot corneas. She looked a fright. She wondered if the computer excuse would work again.
Sarah made a bowl of cereal and sa
t down to eat. It was then Alyssa walked in the door, sporting leggings and an old t-shirt. She had a carton of milk in her hands.
“Oh, hey, Sarah. You’re up. Just got some milk.”
Sarah lifted her bowl. “We already have some.”
Alyssa tutted. “Damn! What a waste, I could have swore we didn’t have any.”
“Nope, still three-quarters left.”
When Alyssa joined her at the table, Sarah had to stop herself from squealing again. The state of Alyssa’s eyes matched Sarah’s. Sarah hadn’t been wrong, or fallen asleep. Alyssa had been out all night, masked by the excuse of grabbing milk.
PLANS
NOW
Sarah picked up the phone to see if Malik wanted to go to the movies with her. Maybe this time they could see the new Will Smith flick. As she held her mobile in her hand, her mind went back to the first day they’d met, and their random movie date. She’d never be able to see a movie at the cinemas with him again without a reminder of the night he’d swept her off her feet.
When he answered the phone, Sarah said, “How about that Will Smith flick tonight? We never got to watch that one.”
Sarah’s smile took over her mouth before she’d finished talking. She sounded deliriously happy. But Malik didn’t say yes right away, and moments ticked by. Sarah was on the edge of her bed, flicking through her bag of make-up. Brown or grey eyeshadow? Suddenly, it didn’t matter.
“I have to go out tonight.”
“Oh, that’s okay. I’m sick of you anyway.” She forced a giggle. “I was starting to get over this whole thing we have.”
“You better not. I wish I could see you.”
That piqued her interest. She pushed away her make-up bag and crossed her legs. “What are you up to?”
“I’m going to the movies with Lucy.”
Sarah let out a breath, one she’d held on to for too long. She had no reason to worry; Malik’s attitude toward her and their relationship proved that. Still, she’d never trusted guys and unlearning that habit, she was realising, would take a lot more time. She looked out of her window where the bright sunlight filled her room. She inhaled and looked out at the towering trees with the intense green foliage, and the two children on scooters racing each other while what appeared to be their mum jogged behind in exercise gear. Maybe she could go out and exercise instead. She could visit the gym. Yes, she’d go to the gym later, spend her time there.
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