by Judy Corry
My whole body felt like I was sitting in a sauna. I pulled my shirt away from my now sweaty skin and started to fan myself with it.
This was getting out of control.
"There really isn't anything to tell. We're, uh…" I looked around the room. Where was Mrs. Willis? I needed her to start class now, so I could stop digging my grave even deeper.
But of course she was late on the one day that I needed her to distract someone from my socially inept mouth. Harrison was staring at me like I was a freak, so I hurried and held up my left hand. "I'm still wearing my purity ring. I'm not hooking up with Noah. I'm not hooking up with any guy anytime soon. I wouldn't even hook up with you." I clamped a hand over my mouth, and when I glanced at the row in front of me, I realized just how loud I’d said that last sentence. The whole saxophone section was looking at me with wide eyes.
Was it possible to die from humiliation? Because the Grim Reaper had to be around here somewhere. Please, just put me out of my misery already.
Harrison held up his hands, turning to the onlookers. "I wasn't planning to hook up with you, Lexi. I have a girlfriend, remember?"
"Of course I know you have a girlfriend." But it certainly would have come in handy to know that information last week. I rubbed my fingers over my eyes and then down my cheeks. "I was just saying that Noah and I aren't doing anything bad together."
"So it's true that you and Noah Taylor are secretly dating?" Chrissa Fatone asked from the chair beside me.
Was everyone listening to us?
"That's what Ava told me this morning," Nate Baker said.
I felt dizzy. This was not happening. How many people did she tell? "She wasn't supposed to say anything!"
"And you believed her?" Harrison asked, his voice incredulous.
"Can I have your attention please, class?" Mrs. Willis's voice cut through the hysteria threatening to take over my mind.
Everyone who had been staring at me and Harrison now turned to face our band teacher. And I was left with my mind scrambling to figure out a way how to make myself just disappear.
I alternated between speed-walking and going at a regular pace as I headed toward the lunch room. And here I'd been anxious all weekend about the possible rumors that might have been started, but that anxiety had nothing on me now. I was in full-blown panic mode after what happened in band.
I needed to talk to Noah. I needed to make sure he knew what was being said about him, and what people were now thinking we were doing since I'd opened my big stupid mouth.
I rushed to the lunchroom as soon as the bell rang and found Noah sitting at his usual table. But since the universe seemed to have a grudge against me, of course he was already sitting with one of the cheerleaders, Raven Rodgers, and she was practically hanging all over him. Her chair was so close to his, her hand perched on his shoulder as she leaned in. Her long, black hair cascaded down her back. She'd been friends with Easton and Noah since the beginning of the school year, and it was pretty obvious that she was impatient for Noah to finally get over his ex-girlfriend Ashlyn so she could move in.
But what I needed to say to him couldn't wait, so I adjusted my glasses and stood as tall as my five-foot-three-inch frame could allow and walked over to them.
"Hey, Noah," I said, my voice breathy with nerves. I still had no idea how I was going to tell him what everyone was bound to be talking about already.
He turned to look at me. When his eyes reached mine, they didn't hold the usual amusement I was used to seeing. Had he heard then? Was he mad?
He was probably regretting the moment he'd stepped in to save me.
"Hey, Lexi." His voice sounded not just tired when he spoke but completely drained of its usual life.
"H-how are you doing?" I rocked back and forth on my toes.
"I've been better."
"So you heard then?"
His brow knitted together. "Heard what?"
I hesitated for a moment, trying to figure out what to say.
"Just spit it out, Lexi." Raven crossed her arms, obviously annoyed that I was distracting Noah from her. "We were having a very important conversation."
Noah moved his shoulder, so Raven had to lean back from her perch, and looked up at me with question in his eyes. "What is it?"
I looked around to see if anyone was watching or listening. Of course, eyes from tables all around were staring right at us.
This was bad. My heart thundered in my chest. This was really, really bad.
But if he hadn't heard about what I'd said in band, why was he looking so depressed?
Images of him standing on my front porch came to my mind. I'd almost forgotten about how strange he'd acted Saturday night, since I'd been so worried about my own mess.
"It's like she forgot how to talk," Raven said, following it up with her high-pitched mocking laugh.
Noah rolled his eyes. "Just let her talk, Raven."
I looked at them both, feeling even more flustered. Why did Raven always have to be around Noah at school?
"So, what did you need to talk to me about, Lexi?" He rested his elbow on the table and lifted his face at me, his shaggy hair falling across his eyes.
He really had no idea. Part of me wanted to just run now and not add to whatever was making his life hard at the moment. But I knew I needed to get this over with before I actually got physically sick.
So, I drew in a deep breath and bent over so I could whisper in his ear. "Did you hear all the rumors? A-about me and you?"
I pulled back so I could watch him. His eyes sparked to life and his lips quirked up into a half smile. "Are you telling me that those girls didn't keep our secret?"
I shook my head. "Pretty sure they told everyone." And I only made it worse. I held my breath, waiting for him to get mad about being lumped in with someone like me.
"What secret?" Raven crossed her arms and looked at us both expectantly.
Noah shrugged. "It sounds like people are gossiping about how Lexi and I are secretly dating."
Raven's jaw dropped in surprise, and then she laughed—more like cackled. "People actually think you two are dating?" She pushed on his shoulder gently with her hand and laughed again. "That's the most ridiculous rumor I've ever heard." Then she glanced back at me. "In what universe would Noah date someone like you? Football players don't date band geeks."
Her words hit me like a physical punch to the gut. And despite trying my hardest to keep my reaction out of my face, I felt tears instantly prick at the back of my eyes. This wasn't the first time someone had said something like that to me. The one time I did go to a party with Easton and Noah this fall, I'd sat in the corner all night and listened to people whispering about why I was there and how I was too socially awkward to realize when I wasn't really invited somewhere.
And then of course I'd just done the same thing on Friday night with Harrison. When would I ever learn my place? Cool kids didn't hang out with people like me. We belonged in different worlds.
After searching my eyes for a moment, as if he was seeing right through me, Noah raised an eyebrow at Raven. To my amazement, instead of laughing with her, he said, "Shut up, Raven. You don't know what you're talking about."
Her black eyebrows squished together. "You're not actually saying that you two...?" She waved her hand in our direction. "You're not actually dating?"
It sounded like she gagged trying to get that last sentence out.
Then Noah did something that I'd never expected. He stood, winked at me so only I could see it, and then put his arm around my shoulders. "We've been trying to keep it a secret because of Easton. But, yeah, we're dating."
He met my stupefied gaze, and I knew my face had to show how shocked I felt. He was stepping in and saving me from humiliation once again.
But then I remembered something. He probably hadn't heard the new rumors from this morning. Which meant, he had no idea what all the people who had heard the gossip were thinking we were doing when we were alone.
; I stood on my tippy toes and leaned closer to him to speak, catching a whiff of his too-good-smelling cologne. "I-I don't think you understand what people are saying about us."
He looked around, seeming to notice for the first time that we had an audience. He winked at the freshmen sitting at the next table, staring at us with their mouths hanging open. Noah actually winked at them as if they were all in on some sort of plan together. Then he looked back to me and spoke in a dramatic voice. "I don't care what people say. I only care about you and me."
Okay, now he was just putting on a show.
Then he turned to face me and weaved the fingers of his right hand through my hair. His eyes dipped down to my lips.
Excitement and terror exploded inside me at the same time. What was he going to do? Was he going to kiss me? Right here in front of everyone?
I'd barely had time to register that I didn't know the first thing about kissing or whether I even wanted him to do it, when my brother's voice boomed from behind me.
"What's going on here?" Easton came to stand by us. "When I heard the rumors, I laughed at them. But..." His blue eyes inspected us, taking in the way Noah was holding me. Then his hands clenched into fists at his sides. "Are you sneaking around behind my back?"
I extricated myself from Noah's arms, rubbing my sweaty palms on my jeans. "Noah's just joking around. O-of course there's nothing going on between us."
From behind Noah, Raven's brow furrowed. "It's just a joke? I knew it!"
Noah instantly pulled me against his side again. "Of course it's not a joke."
Easton raised his eyebrows. "That's my sister! I know how you are with girls, Noah. How could you even think this would be okay?" He crossed his arms. "And Lexi, what do you expect Dad to say when he finds out?"
My heart pounded harder at the mention of Dad who definitely couldn’t find out about this.
"Noah's just pretending. We're not dating." I slipped away from Noah again.
But Noah wasn't listening. Instead, he put his hand on my arm. "Lexi, seriously. You don't need to hide it anymore."
I looked at him, so confused. Why was he pushing this?
I cleared my throat. "Can we go talk in the hall? I think I need to tell you something before this goes any further."
"Sure." He winked. "We can go talk."
Easton perked up at that. "I'm coming, too."
I almost expected Raven to say she was joining us as well, but she stabbed a piece of pineapple with her fork instead. "Oh fine. Just leave me to eat my lunch alone."
Noah looked over his shoulder at Raven before leading me out of the lunchroom. "We'll be back in a few minutes."
We found a private spot outside in the hallway. Easton crossed his arms and demanded, "So what's really going on? Because, so help me, I will beat you up if you're really messing around with my sister." His jaw clenched, and he'd never looked so much like my dad before. He wasn't quite as big as Noah, but from the protective glint in his eyes I wouldn't put it past him to get a few good punches in before Noah stopped it.
"Calm down, Easton, and let me talk." Noah leaned against the cinderblock wall behind him, not seeming nervous at all. "It's kind of a crazy story..."
Noah told Easton all about how he'd pretended to be my secret boyfriend on Friday night.
When Noah finished, the fire that had been in Easton's eyes before completely extinguished. "So you're not really trying to date my sister?"
Noah scoffed. "Of course not."
The incredulity in his voice stung, especially after everything Raven had said.
"He was just helping me save face in a really embarrassing situation."
Easton pursed his lips. "But this doesn't explain why everyone was talking about you taking my sister's virtue. What did you do to get that rumor going around?"
"They think we hooked up?" Noah turned to me with a mixture of shock and confusion on his face.
I looked at my Chuck Taylors, feeling myself blush. "I um..." I bit my lip. How was I supposed to tell him that I had started that rumor?
Noah stepped away from the wall and tilted his head toward mine. "Who told people that we hooked up? Was it Sarah and Ava?"
I shook my head and forced myself to meet his intense gaze. "I accidentally said something this morning that got twisted into something about that. And before I knew it, the whole band class thought we were..." I let my voice drift off, not daring to say the actual word out loud.
"They think we're having s—"
I covered his mouth with my hand before he could finish his sentence. "Shh. Don't say that out loud."
I slowly removed my hand from his lips. I could tell the moment when he realized exactly what was happening, because he got this shocked and dazed look in his eyes. Then he appeared nervous for the first time.
He held his hands up in surrender at Easton. "I swear I didn't lay a finger on your sister. I didn't even kiss her."
Easton folded his arms across his chest. "I would hope not."
Noah pointed his thumb over his shoulder. "Is that what all those people in there think we're doing?"
I nodded. "I think so."
He ran a hand through his tousled hair and blew out a long breath. "Wow. That's uh..." He scratched behind his ear and stared at me like he really didn't know what to say. "That's not what I was expecting to come from this."
"Yeah, me neither." I shuffled my feet and looked down, wanting to turn invisible.
"I know I don't have the best reputation, but they should know that that's the last thing I would do," Noah said.
"Hey," I said, feeling offended that the thought of being with me would be the last thing he'd ever do. Was I really that gross to him?
He shook his head. "You know I don't mean it like that, Lexi. I'm just saying that I know all about the purity ring and college thing, and I'd hate any guy who would take that from you."
"So now that we've got that all cleared up," Easton said awkwardly, rocking back on his heels. "Let's all just focus on the real win for today."
"And that is?" Noah asked.
Easton clapped Noah on the back. "I didn't have to beat up my best friend for hitting on my sister."
Noah laughed. "Like you could even hurt me."
Easton laughed, too. "I know." Then after he'd laughed some more, he asked, "So are you going to keep this lie going?"
"No!" I said.
"Why not?" Noah said at the same time.
What?
"You want to let people think that we're actually dating?"
He shrugged. "I don't know. I mean, it would actually help me out right now."
I pulled my head back, not believing my ears. "How would this help you out?" While it would boost my reputation, being lumped with a lowly sophomore would cause a serious hit to his social status. Not to mention all the girls who wanted to date him, like Raven, would have to sit on the back burner for a while.
Easton checked the time on his phone then put one hand on mine and Noah's shoulder. "I'm gonna grab some lunch and let you two figure out what you're doing. But just remember, if you don't treat her well in this weird scheme of yours, I will hurt you."
"You have nothing to worry about," Noah said.
Once Easton was gone, I stepped closer to Noah and leaned my shoulder against the wall. I still didn’t understand what was happening here.
"So what do you gain from pretending to date me?"
A half smile lifted his lip. "Well, I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm pretty sure Raven has a thing for me. And while I've been trying to get her to take a hint that I'm not interested in her, she's not getting it. If anything, she's been even more persistent since Ashlyn and Luke started dating."
Ahhh. It all made sense now. "And you're still not over Ashlyn?"
He looked away for a moment, as if that fact made him anxious. "I'm not saying that. I'm just not ready to jump into a relationship at the moment. I kind of have a lot going on in my life right now."
I knew he d
idn't really like his stepdad, and that him and his bio dad didn't get along very well, but what else could Noah have going on that I wouldn't know about?
"So you think pretending that we're dating would help?"
"It would definitely help get Raven off my back. Plus, if you really like that Harrison guy, you could always use this as a way to get him to dump his girlfriend for you."
Okay, now I knew Noah was talking crazy. "How would me dating you accomplish that?" And did I even want that anymore?
"Guys are all the same. We want what we can't have." The way he looked at me when he said that made goosebumps erupt on my arms.
But there was no way he would ever think of me in that way. I was not someone he couldn't have. I was the girl who’d been standing on the sideline for years, just waiting for him to notice her.
I swallowed the lump his gaze had caused to form in my throat. "Okay. But what if my dad finds out? No offense, but you as Easton's friend is one thing. Us dating is another."
"Your dad doesn't need to know. It's not like we'll be actually dating. It’ll only be at school or activities where we’d be seen together. I doubt your dad checks into high school gossip." Noah said it like there was nothing to worry about. And it did sound like a reasonable thought process.
I nodded. "Okay."
"So you're going to help me out?"
I sighed. "I guess. I mean, you kind of did the same thing for me already on Friday. Might as well return the favor."
Noah smiled. "Great. And once we both have what we want, we can just stage a big break-up and go back to normal."
I swallowed, feeling a nervous pit in my stomach at the thought of what we were about to do. "Sure."
This was probably the dumbest thing I'd ever done.
And that was saying something, especially after what I'd already done this morning.
But if it helped me save face, and helped Noah out at the same time, it might just be worth it.
I followed Noah to the double doors that led back into the cafeteria. Before he pushed them open, something occurred to me.
I grabbed his arm to stop him. "Wait."
"What?"