by Judy Corry
"Kind of." Why would I have a reason to think otherwise? He had a reputation for being a player. Why would that suddenly change now?
He laughed. "Well, I'm trying not to be that guy anymore."
"What kind of a guy are you trying to be then?"
We made it to the bottom of the stairs. He looked around. There were still a few people milling around the basketball court, but they didn't seem to be paying any attention to us.
"I'm just trying to be a good guy," Noah said. Then he leaned in closer and spoke into my hair, causing shivers to go down my spine. "And a good boyfriend."
He pulled back, his mouth spread into a huge smile. I wanted to shove him but didn't, because he actually seemed to like it when I whacked him. So instead I matched his smile and tried not to look like I really wanted his words to be true. "Well, I guess you better take me home then, Boyfriend, because I still have all that homework to do."
"Then let's go." He held his hand out to me.
I stared. He wanted to hold hands?
My heartbeat spiked. I'd never held a guy's hand before. What if I did it completely wrong? What if he could tell that I had no idea what I was doing?
"I promise that I wash my hands every time I go to the bathroom," he joked.
I laughed awkwardly. Why was I so awkward? "It's not that."
Just grab his hand, Lexi. Put your trembling little hand into his big, strong, manly-looking hand.
It was just there, reaching out to me like it was the most normal thing in the world. At least it probably looked normal to everyone around me who actually knew a thing or two about hand-holding. But I wasn't one of those girls. I'd never seen people holding hands much in real life since my mom had left when I was little, and my siblings had never dared bring anyone around my dad.
Was I supposed to just slap my hand on his and give it a squeeze? Or was he expecting me to do that interlocking-fingers thing?
My palms started to sweat, which was just the worst timing. I didn't want him to think I was this gross, sweaty girl.
This was ridiculous. I was sixteen years old. I should be able to hold a guy's hand without analyzing it to death.
I released a big breath and decided the truth was probably the best in this situation. I forced myself to meet his gaze. His brown eyes were a lot less certain now than they had been a moment before. "I-I, um, think you should know that I've never actually held a guy's hand before and..." I let my voice drift off, not knowing what else to say. This was so humiliating.
"And you want it to be special? To mean something?"
Sure I'd go with that. That would be much less embarrassing than having him think that I just didn't know what I was doing.
He ran his hand through his shaggy hair. "I don't think I've ever been shut down like this before."
My throat constricted. I hurried to say, "I'm not shutting you down, Noah." I'm such a loser.
"But what about those guidelines we set yesterday? I thought hand-holding and cuddling were on the ‘ok to do’ list."
He was right. I’d been naive enough to think that I could handle doing those things with Noah. "Yeah, they’re on the list." I looked down at my boots. "I guess I just want you to know how inexperienced I am, so you can help me not look so awkward in front of everyone."
Instead of laughing at me, he stepped closer and put his hands on my shoulders. "I promise to handle you with care and make sure you look good."
I slowly lifted my gaze to meet his again, and there was only understanding in his eyes. "Okay," I breathed.
He dropped his hands from my shoulders. "So, Lexi Stevens, will you do me the greatest honor of letting me walk you to my car?" He held his hand out to me once more.
My lips slowly turned up into a smile. "I would like that." And I did the bravest thing I'd done in a long time and slid my hand into his. His hand was warm and rough, but it also felt really nice. Like our hands were meant to be together always.
When Noah curled his fingers around mine, electricity traveled up my arm. I would have floated away if he hadn't been tethering me to the ground. And though part of me knew I should have wanted my first hand-holding experience to be real, and actually mean something, the other part of me was ecstatic that I was holding Noah Taylor's hand. His grip was steady and strong, and he knew what he was doing so I didn't have to worry as much as I thought I would.
As he led me through the crowd of students on the gym floor, a few eyes flicker to us. And then just before we made it to the back exit, I saw Raven and the sour expression on her face.
"Don't look now, but I'm pretty sure Raven wants to strangle me," I said.
Noah searched the crowd for a moment until his gaze landed on Raven. She immediately turned her scowl into a too-sweet smile and waved flirtatiously at him.
"She might," he said, shooting a smile in her direction. "And since that's what we're going for, I might have to hold your hand more often."
My heart really liked that idea. But instead of letting him know that my heart was being stupid, I said, "Why can't you just tell her you're not interested in her? Wouldn't that make more sense than getting a fake girlfriend?"
"Things are complicated with Raven right now. And I just want to take the easy way out."
I wanted to ask him why things were complicated but decided it wasn't really my place. Noah was the kind of guy who was an open book when he wanted to be, and a vault when he didn't.
We reached the back exit and Noah held the door open for me. I walked through and was surprised when he took my hand again. No one we knew was outside to watch us.
But I let the warmth of his hand envelop mine anyway, telling myself it was just so he could steady me if I happened to slip on the ice.
10
Noah
I looked at the current temperature on my weather app as I trudged back to my car after Mr. Stevens kicked me out for the night. It was ten degrees right now and it was going to get even colder. I really needed to figure something out. When I talked to my mom today, she told me that Paul was still uptight, worried about his job and still didn't want me there, but she assured me that I'd be free to come home this weekend. I just needed to make it through the next four nights. I hated how that man had the power to decide when I got to sleep in my bed and when I didn't. Hated that my mom lets him have that power. But I tried not to be too bitter about it. They did assume I was safe and warm at my dad's house.
It was already ten-thirty when I climbed into my car. I didn't have it in me to drive all the way out to the woods north of town, so I drove a couple of houses down and then pulled my sleeping bags and things from the trunk. I let the heater blast as much hot air into the car as I could while I did my nightly routine of brushing my teeth and spitting it out the door. Then I pulled a hoodie on and slipped my feet into the thick wool socks I'd bought myself when I got the extra sleeping bag.
I was going to have to wash my laundry somewhere soon. Maybe tomorrow I'd find a laundromat on the other end of town, so I could get my clothes unstinkified without anyone recognizing me. I climbed into my double sleeping bags, put on a beanie, and let the heater warm me until I was sweating. Then I turned it off and hoped I could just sleep through the night.
A tap on my window woke me up. Then someone called my name from the other side, the sound muffled.
I sat up, wondering who was at my car door. The windows were frosted over and the light from the sun glared harshly, reflecting at just the right angle that I couldn't see anything outside.
"Are you in there, Noah?" I recognized Lexi's voice this time since I was more alert now. Adrenaline immediately shot into my veins.
What was I supposed to do?
No one was supposed to know I was sleeping in my car. Especially not her.
I whipped my arm out of my sleeping bag and pushed the lock button down, in case she tried to open the door. If I just stayed quiet, she might leave and assume it was someone else's car. She wouldn't know my license plate, would sh
e? I didn't even know it. I always looked for the New York Jets magnet on my trunk.
It was then that I realized my mistake. That magnet would tell her it was definitely my car, and she was probably wondering what the heck I was doing parked on her street this early in the morning.
She knocked again.
"Noah. Are you in there?"
My heart thundered in my ears. She wasn't leaving. Was she going to stay out there until I came out?
If the windows weren't crystallized right now I would have just turned on my car, slid over the center console, and drove away. But I couldn't see a thing.
The handle on the passenger side creaked like she was lifting it, the frozen seal cracking.
Didn’t I lock that?
But then the door opened the rest of the way, and I came face to face with a very worried-looking Lexi. She wore her gray thick coat with the furry hood pulled over her head, and her hazel eyes were wide behind her glasses.
"Noah!" She put her hand to her chest. "What are you doing in here?"
Her eyes traveled from my face to take in the rest of me.
"You're sleeping in your car?"
I pursed my lips and tried to decide what I was supposed to do. Should I just shut the door on her and actually lock it this time? Or tell her the truth?
Run, talk, run, talk?
I sighed and turned on the engine. It was freezing. Then I looked back to her and cleared my froggy throat. "I wanted to sleep near you after that awesome date we had last night."
She crossed her arms over her chest. "This is serious, Noah. Why are you sleeping in your car in the middle of winter?"
I adjusted my seat to sit up straighter. "Technically, it's not the middle of winter. It's only the first week of December."
"Noah."
I turned away, not wanting to meet her gaze. "Remember how I said my life is complicated right now?"
"Yes?"
I sighed. "Okay, I'll tell you what's going on, if you promise not to tell anyone."
"Not anyone?" she asked. "What about Easton?"
"Not even Easton." The fewer people who knew about my situation, the better.
She tucked some of her hair behind her ear, her face going through a range of emotions as if she was having an internal debate on whether she would keep my secret or not. But then she finally said, "I can keep a secret."
"Okay, climb in." I pointed to the driver's seat. While she made her way around my car, I shimmied out of my sleeping bags and stuffed them in the backseat.
She climbed inside. I angled the heater vents so they were now turned toward both of us instead of just at the passenger side like I did during the night. That was when I saw the time. It was already seven. I must have turned off my alarm and not even noticed. I wasn't going to get my sneaky shower in today.
"What are you even doing outside this early in the morning? Don't you have to get ready for school?" I asked, trying to distract her now that the moment of truth had actually arrived.
She shrugged. "Last night, I saw you drive the wrong way home and park down the road. I didn't think much of it, just figured you were pulling over to text someone or something, but then when I looked out my window and saw your car was still there, I got worried and had to check on you."
She was worried about me? No one else seemed to care when I came and went, but Lexi actually cared? I didn't know how I felt about that.
She became serious. "Are you going to tell me what's going on, or are you going to keep trying to distract me with questions?" she asked.
My shoulders sagged. I stared straight ahead. "My stepdad kind of kicked me out of the house last week."
"Your stepdad kicked you out?" Her voice came out loud and disbelieving.
I held a finger to my lips. "You don't need to announce it to the whole neighborhood." They didn't need to know that no one wanted me around.
"Why did he kick you out?" she looked worried—like she thought I might have done something unforgivable to get myself kicked out of my own home.
I sighed. If I had done something wrong, then I could at least understand what was going on and would have the power to fix things myself. But I wasn't the real problem. The real problem was Paul and my dad. "My mom told me to spend some time at my dad's place. But since I like him only a tiny bit more than the stepdad, I decided to give my good old car a try. It's actually not so bad."
"Do you hear how stupid that sounds?" She shook her head. "It's freezing, Noah."
Yeah, pretty sure I knew that better than anyone else in this car right now.
"I'm sleeping in two sleeping bags, and if it really gets that bad, I can just turn on my car and warm it up for a bit. It's not that big of a deal."
She didn't look like she accepted my reasoning, but she said, "What about your meals? Is this why you're always eating out?"
I shrugged. "Breakfast is overrated. You see me eat lunch at school. And your dad and those fast-food workers are pretty good cooks, so I'm good." At least I'd be good for a couple of days until my money ran out. I'd had to fill up my car with gas earlier than I'd expected, thanks to running the heater all night.
"Do you hear yourself? Why don't you just go home?"
I pinched my eyes shut. How could I explain without airing my family's dirty laundry to the world?
Nothing came to mind, so I went with lying. "I'm trying to prove a point to my mom."
"Freezing to death is not worth proving a point. What could be so important to risk that?"
I crossed my arms. "I don't really want to talk about it."
"Does anyone else know?"
"No, and if you're good at keeping secrets they won't know anytime soon."
She was quiet as if mulling something over. Was she trying to think of who to tell all my secrets to? Had she figured everything out and was going to report my mom to CPS or something?
Not that they would do anything since I was technically an adult now.
She finally turned back to look at me. "Just come home with me and you can at least eat some breakfast. My dad was making French toast when I came outside."
As if on cue, my stomach growled. "And how should I explain to your dad and Easton why I'm still wearing the clothes I wore yesterday? Or why I'm even at your house first thing in the morning?"
Her knee bounced. "My dad has to leave in a couple of minutes, so once he’s out we only have to worry about Easton."
"Okay."
Her eyes brightened. "How about I just tell Easton that you thought picking me up would be a great addition to our fake dating plan? Then you can just come over early enough and still be hungry for a second breakfast."
My stomach rumbled again. It would be nice to eat something before lunch today.
"Okay, I guess I'll just change in my car and hope no one else comes peeking into my windows."
She narrowed her eyes at me. "How long does it take you to shower?"
"Five minutes. Why?"
"I just figured that if you're the ‘jump in and get busy’ kind of guy, you could probably fit a shower in after Easton leaves to school, and we could still make it to first period on time."
A shower would be nice. But that was also kind of weird. I'd never showered at a friend's house before.
She put her hand on the door handle, about to leave. "Just bring your backpack with some clothes. Once you see my dad drive away in his truck, come on over and we'll get you fed and showered. Okay?"
"Okay."
She still didn't climb out. "How have you been showering, anyway? Because there's no way that you're not. I would notice something like that."
"Locker room." I shrugged then let a smirk lift my lips. "Have you been sniffing me, Lexi?"
Her face turned red, which I was starting to think was one of my favorite looks on her. She was kind of cute when she was embarrassed.
She climbed out of my car. "I'll see you in a few minutes, Noah." Then she shut the door without answering my question.
Which
had me thinking that maybe she had been sniffing me, and maybe she had liked my cologne.
I grabbed my backpack from the backseat, tossed some clothes and shower kit in it, and then also threw in my cologne, just so I could test my new theory out.
11
Lexi
I rushed back into my house, sneaking in through the back door so my dad or Easton wouldn't realize that I'd been gone. Dad was still in the kitchen puttering around like he wasn't in a hurry at all. I checked the clock on the wall. He was supposed to be gone by now. Had I heard him wrong? Was that tomorrow instead of today that he needed to go into the office early?
I took off my coat and stashed it in the corner before he saw me. Then I tried to walk into the kitchen with as serene an expression as I could muster at that moment.
My dad turned when he saw me. "I left breakfast in the oven. Just put the leftovers in the fridge, okay?"
Okay, good. It sounded like he was going to leave any minute. I inhaled deeply, trying to even my breathing out after my dash down the street.
"Thanks for breakfast, Dad." I grabbed a plate from the cupboard and pulled the scrambled eggs and French toast from the warm oven.
When I turned around, my dad was studying me. "Is something wrong? You seem more anxious than usual."
My dad didn't miss a thing.
I pasted on a smile and laughed lightly. "I-I'm fine. Maybe a little nervous for my history class today."
He put a couple of papers into his messenger bag and buckled it shut. "You have a test?"
"No, but I think we're about to start a group project and those always make me nervous."
He nodded like he understood. "I get that. Just don't let your partners make you do all the work. Stand up for yourself this time."
He knew me so well. I always ended up doing the majority of the work in group projects, because I was usually the person who cared most about my grades.
"Thanks for the advice."
He smiled like he'd just received a gold star for awesome parenting.