by Judy Corry
I looked around anxiously, wishing someone would jump in and save me from this conversation. But of course, everyone was minding their business for the first time as they walked down the hall.
So I did something that I could only blame on desperation.
I looked at Raven with as much confidence as I could muster. "We haven't been kissing in public because Noah kind of thought you might have a crush on him, and he didn't want to make you feel bad when you saw it."
"He what?" Finally, it was her turn to be the most uncomfortable person in this conversation.
I nodded, not having to fake my confidence quite as much now. "I think he felt sorry for you." I shrugged and broadened my smile. "But I'm actually really happy that you brought it up. Because you have no idea how hard it has been to see those soft lips of his at school and not just kiss him in front of everyone."
She didn't say anything, just pressed her lips together and stared straight ahead.
We were almost to the cafeteria now, and I needed to make sure I came out of this conversation swinging.
"So can I tell Noah that you don't mind?" I waited for her reaction.
The corners of her mouth slowly turned up into what I could only describe as a smile-grimace. "Of course you can tell him. Don't let me stop you."
In the cafeteria, my gaze immediately zeroed in on Noah who was already sitting at our table. It was amazing how instantly my senses were able to find him now. Like I had some sort of Noah tracker in my brain.
Before we could reach him, I turned to Raven. "Thank you so much for chatting with me. I can't wait to tell Noah."
I scooted my seat closer to Noah, my palms getting all sweaty. I wiped them on my pants, trying to get them less clammy in case Noah decided to hold hands again.
"I need to talk to you," I whispered. "Something came up with Raven."
Noah glanced at Raven who was setting her purse down and taking her seat.
"Private conversation or public?"
"Private."
"Okay, come with me." Noah tugged on my hand and pulled me out of the room. I only caught a slight glimpse of Raven's reaction, but I hoped she assumed we were sneaking away to make-out.
Noah pulled me through the cafeteria's back exit, down the hall, and then to the stairs that led to the gym.
"Is this private enough?" He stopped us about halfway down the stairs.
"Yeah."
"So what did you need to talk about? Does Raven know that I slept at your house last night?"
I covered his mouth with my hand and quickly looked around. "Shh. Don't say that here."
"I thought this was private enough."
I shook my head. I didn’t think there was a place secluded enough for us to start talking about that. I could still barely believe it was real. An image of us standing in my closet, so close with his hand caressing my arm, came to mind.
I blinked my eyes to get the memory out of my head, telling myself that it hadn’t been a romantic moment. He'd just seen something in my glasses after he'd kept me from falling over like a klutzy fool.
I drew in a deep breath and stared into his dark eyes. "Do you still want to continue this fake-relationship thing?"
A worried crease formed on his brow. "Why do you ask?
"Raven was asking me questions today, and I'm thinking she might be onto us."
He leaned in closer. "What kind of questions?"
"Um..." I tried to remember, but the way he was looking at me made it hard for my brain to form coherent thoughts. I had to look at my hands, unable to return his intense gaze. "She asked me why we never kiss in public." I blew out a long breath and adjusted my glasses. "She said you've never had a problem with PDA before, and so something must be off with the way you feel about me."
He scrubbed a hand over his face. "She really is paying attention, isn't she?"
I nodded. "So what are we going to do about it?" I dared to look at him, anxious for his answer.
"Do you think we need to do something about it?" His voice was more gravelly than usual, and my mind had a really, really hard time not thinking about how it sounded super sexy.
I was not supposed to think that way about Noah anymore. I had gotten over my crush a long time ago. Noah was out of my league. A non-option, unless we were just pretending.
But I couldn't bring myself to say no. Because deep down, I still wanted Noah Taylor. "I don't know. Maybe?"
"Maybe?"
Couldn't he just make the decision for us, so I didn't have to give away that I might still have feelings for him?
But him letting me have a say was kind of sweet in its own way. Could it be possible that he might want something to happen, too?
I cleared my throat and tried to appear much more level-headed than I felt. "I guess we have two options. If we want to keep this going, we'll have to ramp everything up. But if not, we'll need to stage a break-up soon."
Please don't pick the second option.
There was a gentleness in his eyes that I wasn't used to seeing. He seemed to be forming his thoughts carefully. "I'm not ready to break up with you. I don't want to stop this yet."
He didn't? Hope blossomed in my chest and I sagged with relief. I shouldn't want to keep dating him like this, because it wasn't real. But spending so much time with him was becoming addicting.
"I don't want to stop it either," I admitted.
"Which leaves us only one other option," he said.
"And what's that?"
"We might have to break those rules we set in the beginning. If we want this to be believable, I'm probably going to have to start kissing you."
My heart jolted to a stop. "Kissing?" I couldn't keep my voice from raising an octave. I knew that was why I'd started this conversation in the first place, but having him actually say it caused butterflies to flap uncontrollably in my stomach
"I think that's what we'll need to convince Raven." He reached over and took my hand in his.
"There's just one problem with that." I had never kissed a guy. And if I was going to kiss Noah, something I had daydreamed about a thousand times, I didn't want to mess it up. Especially not with an audience.
He squeezed my hand and studied my expression. "What is it?" he asked, like he was worried I wouldn't want to kiss him.
"Remember how I've never been on a real date before?"
He nodded slowly. "Yeah."
My stomach turned with nerves. This was so humiliating. Why did I have to keep having these kinds of vulnerable moments with Noah?
His fingers were drawing circles on the back of my hand. I wished I could just focus on how incredible that felt instead of what I had to say to him. "I-it's probably really obvious, but I've never kissed a guy before, and I don't want to look stupid doing it in front of other people. We've been letting them think that we're constantly making out. It can't look like I've never kissed you before." I said the words as fast as I could, hoping that the quicker I got them out, the less stupid they'd sound.
He didn't say anything immediately. Maybe I'd stunned him into silence with a new level of social-ineptness that had never been before reached by humankind.
My heart pounded wildly in my chest.
But then he finally spoke. "I guess we could practice first." He peeked at me through his lashes. "If you wanted."
"Practice?" I searched his face for a hint that he was kidding. But he looked totally serious.
He shrugged. "Sure. You said you don't want it to look like we've never kissed before, so we can just practice first, and the problem will be solved."
Well, when he said it like that...it still sounded crazy.
Then he stood and helped me up beside him.
"Oh, are you thinking we should practice right now?" I asked.
"Yeah."
"Right here?" I squeaked.
"Follow me." He took my hand and led me down the stairs to the gym. The bleachers were already rolled out for the assembly that we'd be having later this afternoon.
He pulled me under the bleachers.
"Just watch your step," he said, as we went farther under. I watched his shoulders as I followed behind him. And then he suddenly stopped, and I bumped right into his back.
"Sorry!" I jumped back.
"Don't be." He turned and leaned one shoulder against the brick wall. I decided to follow suit and pressed my back against the wall. I needed it for stability anyway, since my legs were so wobbly.
We just stood there staring at each other, his towering frame hovering inches from mine.
When he didn't do anything, I spoke with a shaky voice, "We should probably hurry so we still have time for lunch."
He nodded. "Okay."
"Okay." I sighed, hoping he'd just go for it.
He stepped in front of me, placing one hand on the wall near my head to brace himself as he leaned closer. I suddenly had an understanding of how powerful "leaning" really was. Maddie's favorite movie, While You Were Sleeping, totally nailed it. Noah was a giant compared to me, but I loved how it felt to feel so petite next to him. He was powerful and strong. He'd make an awesome protector if I ever needed one.
He ducked his head closer. "You sure you want to do this?" He was giving me one last chance to back out.
My heart was beating out of control, and I was pretty sure I was on the verge of melting as I returned his hot stare.
"Yes," I whispered. I wanted this. I wanted him to kiss me. And it definitely wasn't because I cared about keeping up a fake relationship anymore.
He ran a thumb over my cheek. "You know Easton will kill me if he finds out about this."
I swallowed. He probably would. "We can break up if you don't want to do this."
"Do you think that's best?"
"Do you?"
He shook his head and spoke in a husky voice, "I don't want to think right now." And then Noah closed the distance between our lips.
I gasped, caught off guard. But his hand cupped my neck, steadying me and pulling me closer as he coaxed my lips to move slowly with his. I had no idea what I was doing. I'd never done this before. But for some reason, my inexperience didn't seem to be an issue as Noah gently brushed his lips across mine once…twice. Then again and again.
He kissed me gently, like he actually cared and wanted to make my first kiss a good experience. I'd always assumed he was more of the go-for-the-gold, kiss-without-abandon kind of guy. But instead of attacking me with his lips and making me feel way out of my element, just trying to catch up, he kissed me as if I was fragile and he didn't want to break me. It made me feel unbelievably special. Noah knew what he was doing, and the slowness of the kiss made my stomach twist and shake with pleasure I'd never felt before.
I could barely draw in a decent breath as his warm lips caused crackles of electricity that sparked mine to life in a brand-new way. I'd had my lips for sixteen years, but until this moment I had no idea how many nerve endings they had or how sensitive to his touch they could be. And I never wanted this practice kiss to stop. It felt much too good to be so close to Noah with his lips capturing mine between his.
Feeling a little braver, I let my hands trace their way up his arms to rest behind his neck. He was so tall that he was almost bent in half to kiss me. I raised myself up on my toes to help him out, and he reacted by pulling me closer and wrapping his arms around me.
"You sure you've never kissed before?" he asked, breaking the lock his soft lips had on mine.
"Pretty sure this is my first time." I sighed, trying to catch my breath, but it was coming in short little bursts. "Do you think everyone will buy this then?" I asked. I really hoped so, though I wouldn't mind practicing for a few minutes more.
"Pretty sure you're a natural." His breathing was more uneven than usual. Could he possibly have enjoyed that kiss as much as I did?
"T-that's a relief."
He rubbed his hands along my back, making it really hard for me to think. "So do you feel that was enough practice before we make our kissing debut?"
The thought of kissing in public scared the crap out of me. But maybe with Noah taking the lead, it wouldn't be so bad.
His eyes dipped down to where I was nervously biting my bottom lip. Then his gaze met mine. "Maybe just a few more minutes?"
I nodded. "Just to make sure."
But before he could close the distance between us again, Ashlyn Brooks and Luke Davenport—of all people—appeared at the opening under the bleachers.
Just let me die, please.
Noah immediately straightened, standing to his full height. I pushed myself away from him at the same time, feeling my cheeks burn with embarrassment over getting caught by Noah's ex and her new boyfriend.
It took them a few seconds, but they soon noticed us, too.
"Sorry, we didn't realize this was your spot," Luke said. "Mr. Sawyer locked the Chem lab today."
Okay, I did not need to know where those two usually made out. It was so weird.
"It's okay. We were just leaving." Noah's jaw flexed as he took my hand and led me out from under the bleachers. I kept my eyes trained on my feet, partly so I wouldn't trip on anything and partly because I was too embarrassed to meet Ashlyn and Luke's gazes. What would Ashlyn think of her ex-boyfriend kissing a lowly sophomore under the bleachers?
I hoped she was too infatuated with her new boyfriend to really care much about it.
And I hoped Noah was over Ashlyn enough not to care about being caught, either. I didn't want him to be embarrassed by me.
Ashlyn and Luke moved aside so we could get past them. "It's all yours." Noah's voice was more gruff than usual.
"Thanks," Ashlyn said, without any hint of awkwardness in her voice. "And I've been meaning to tell you all week, but I think it's so cute that you two got together."
16
Noah
Walking back to the cafeteria with Lexi and our trays of food felt different this time. I was even more aware of my surroundings than usual, hyper-aware of her. While I hated that Ashlyn and Luke had interrupted us, I knew it was probably a good thing, too. Kissing Lexi once under the bleachers for practice was one thing. Kissing a second time—when it was clear she didn't need any practice at all since her trumpet-playing skills really must have translated into kissing skills—now that was crossing the line.
But that didn't keep me from thinking about the kiss. It had been amazing. Better than amazing. Usually, when I kissed a girl, all I wanted to do was slip my tongue down her throat and satisfy some sort of hormonal hunger that was out of control. I never cared about the feelings of the girl I was with. It had always been about me, and what I wanted to feel. But it was different with Lexi. Maybe it was because she'd never been kissed before, or maybe it was because I knew her dad would kill me if he found out. But I wasn't so sure it was either of those things. Maybe, just maybe it was different with Lexi because I was starting to like her as more than just my fake girlfriend.
This was so bad. So messed up. I shouldn't want to kiss Easton's little sister—the girl I'd always thought was too nerdy to check out when she walked by. But spending so much time with her these past few days was making me notice things I'd never taken a second glance at before. Like how Lexi's eyes were more than just the typical hazel. She had lots of green flecks in them, and that had caught me off guard. And I loved that because her glasses were so thick, it made her eyes even more magnified and easier to get lost in.
It was so weird that I liked that about her.
The smattering of freckles across her nose were kind of adorable. I’d probably never used that word before in my life, but Lexi Stevens was freaking adorable and it was making me lose my mind.
"You want to hang out again after school?" I asked Lexi as I walked her to her next class after lunch. She was hugging her books to her chest, and I was worried that kiss might have weirded her out too much to hold my hand at school anymore.
She looked up. "Got more laundry to do?"
I shrugged. "No. I was thinking of act
ually just hanging out."
"Because Easton has work and you have nothing better to do?" she asked.
Man, I really had ignored her pretty badly over the past few years, hadn't I? If I wanted her to see me differently than she always had, I needed to step up my game. Maybe I should suggest a movie? I did have that Pride and Prejudice test coming up, and while I had understood some of the book, I could definitely use a refresher.
"Would you mind watching Pride and Prejudice with me?"
She gave me a wary glance. "You know I don't like movies like that, right?"
Was she trying to turn me down? Was I annoying her with how much time I was spending with her?
"Um, okay... Yeah, I'll, uh, find somewhere else to watch it. That's okay."
Wow, I had definitely interpreted everything wrong between us. Here I'd thought that maybe she enjoyed spending time with me, but clearly, she saw the time spent together as more like a job.
I looked around for a reason to just leave this conversation right now, since walking her to class was probably not the gentlemanly gesture I thought it was.
I bit my lip. "Well, I'll just go—"
"Hey, Noah." She touched my arm and I froze.
"What?" I held my breath because I had literally no idea what she was going to say next.
"I wasn't trying to turn you down. I just don’t want you to get offended if I fall asleep during the boring parts. I used to do that all the time with Juliette and her chick flicks."
I narrowed my eyes. "So you don't absolutely hate the idea of spending more time with me?"
The smile she gave me calmed my nerves enough to let me take a small breath. "Of course not."
She removed her hand from my arm, and I was able to convince my feet to walk down the hall again.
"Okay, so I'll come find you after school?" I asked when we stopped in front of her classroom.
She nodded. "Yeah."
I watched her walk in, and even though a movie with Lexi should seem like a small thing, I kind of felt like I'd just won something.
Jake Haley, one of my football buddies, stopped me in the hall after English.