Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Zombies

Home > Other > Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Zombies > Page 13
Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Zombies Page 13

by Mogk, Matt


  Pontypool (2008)

  GRANT:

  Can you tell us what happened? What’s happening there, Ken?

  KEN:

  I’ve seen things today that are going to ruin the rest of my natural life. And I’m scared, I’m scared!

  GRANT:

  Ken, listen to me. It sounds like you’re okay where you are, so don’t move.

  KEN:

  They’re like cannibals and some were naked. They’re like dogs. And their eyes, that look!

  But a more immediate concern could be psychogenic illness, a phenomenon whereby people experience medical problems despite having no damage to their physical bodies. And I’m not just talking about a mild headache. Vaughan Bell, PhD, explains that symptoms can include paralysis, loss of consciousness, and even blindness:

  They appear in many forms, most spectacularly in what is now diagnosed as conversion disorder, where people can be, to all intents and purposes, blind or paralyzed without having any damage to their eyes or nervous system.48

  Bell points out that more than 30 percent of neurological patients have symptoms that are only somewhat explained by physical condition. Imagine what that number will be when the dead rise.

  Furthermore, psychogenic illness can cause a chain reaction of symptoms that rapidly appear in groups of people. In a zombie plague, this social contagion can leave large swaths of the population unable to defend themselves properly against the undead.

  DEATH BY DESPAIR

  In the coming zombie plague, panic in the face of extreme stress or delusional thinking when forced to go it alone will likely be a recipe for certain death. But as easy as it is to fall into these and other psychological pitfalls, it can be devastatingly hard to pull yourself out.

  Posttraumatic stress sufferer and mental health expert Michele Rosenthal uses her own experiences to warn of just how seductive common trauma disorders can be:

  For a long time, even while I felt controlled, manipulated and devastated by my extreme PTSD symptoms, I wouldn’t have given them up, not for anything in the world.49

  Rosenthal points out that psychologically damaged thinking often makes us feel safe and reinforces our new traumatized view of the world. In other words, illogical actions and dangerous assumptions may seem logical and wise inside the reactive loop of trauma.

  To fight this hidden danger, solid preparation and a trusted survival team are essential. It may be impossible to get fully ready for the shock of zombies walking the earth, but the goal should be just to get ready enough to survive.

  We can clearly see the damaging effect of trauma in the Chilean mine accident that left thirty-three men underground for months in late 2010. Despite their rousing exuberance after being freed, all but one of the miners have since been diagnosed with severe psychological problems. One miner is building a ten-foot wall around his house, and he can’t explain why. Another isn’t able to sleep, eat, or even sit in a room with anyone else without being on heavy medication.

  In a February 2011 interview, the jovial leader of the miners, Victor Zamora, said that he wishes he were dead because the residual mental and emotional pain is so great.

  60 Minutes, Episode 44:23 (2011)

  ZAMORA:

  Before I was a happy guy. Now I am having night-mares. I’m having problems. I’m not the same person.

  BOB SIMON:

  What kind of nightmares are you having?

  ZAMORA:

  Being trapped. Watching my friends around me getting killed. Rocks falling. The old me was left to die back in that mine.

  There is also a clear connection between chronic despair and prolonged starvation. As acceptable food for human consumption will likely be in short supply when the dead rise, this will be another contributing factor to widespread mental-health issues.

  In 1966, the New England Journal of Medicine published reports about the linked relationship between starvation and brain damage:

  During the early stages of hunger, irritability and emotional lability are the rule, but later profound and continuing apathy occurs. In the most advanced stages of inanition, defects of memory, confusion, hallucinations, delusions, and intellectual deficits become evident.50

  In addition to having a zombie emergency kit filled with essential gear, maintaining a positive attitude in a catastrophic undead outbreak is just as vital to your survival. Depression and despair already cause negative side effects in tens of millions of people worldwide. In a zombie pandemic, these same mental obstacles will often be the difference between life and death.

  This established mental survival kit for wilderness adventure can be easily modified for use in an undead disaster:

  1. Learn and adapt. As we’ve seen, anyone who tells you they know exactly how zombies will behave and exactly how to survive them will likely be the first to get eaten. You must be ready and eager to learn from your changing situation and adapt your strategies as needed.

  2. Do what it takes. When the dead rise, you may have to do things you never imagined, from eating disgusting foods to living in horrid conditions. You need to embrace your new reality unflinchingly and forget about your old home, room, clothes, and other comforts of a world that doesn’t exist anymore.

  3. Stay positive. Nothing will turn out the way you hope in a zombie survival situation. Failure will be the new norm. If you allow negative thoughts to enter the equation, they’ll eat your brain faster than any zombie horde, leaving you exposed to mortal danger on all sides.

  4. Visualize success. No matter what, you must not lose sight of your ultimate objective of establishing a safe and stable life over the long term. Your family and friends may all be gone, but believing in the possibility of a brighter future is the only way to make that future happen.

  Ultimately, your survival depends on a combination of luck, circumstance, preparation, and mental ability. If luck and circumstance go your way and you’ve done what is needed to be physically prepared, don’t risk getting killed by zombies or hostile humans because your head’s not in the right place.

  ONE MISTAKE IS FATAL

  Christopher McCandless was twenty-four when he died in rural Alaska. He had safe shelter, fire, and plenty of drinking water. It was the middle of summer, so the dangers of hypothermia did not exist. But he made the single mistake of thinking he was trapped on the wrong side of a raging river, not knowing there was a rope bridge just around the bend.

  That error led to another, as it’s theorized that McCandless improperly used a book on native plants to scavenge food, not realizing that the poisonous wild sweet pea is easily mistaken for the nutritious wild potato plant. He ate the wrong one, which made him violently ill and eventually led to death by starvation.

  In a zombie outbreak, as in many extreme disaster situations, all it takes is one wrong decision to spell certain doom. A single mistake can find you being eaten by an undead horde, attacked and killed by hostile humans, or simply left on your own to perish slowly. Even a sprained ankle can result in deadly complications, meaning that every decision, no matter how small, is life or death. But you won’t be the one who makes a silly mistake, because you have a better chance of surviving a zombie outbreak than most, right?

  According to several extensive studies done between 1976 and 2002, people have an uncontrollable tendency to believe they are superior to their peers in everything from disaster preparedness to popularity. In fact, this widespread defect in perception even has a name: the Wobegon Effect.

  The Wobegon Effect is named after a fictitious town created by radio personality Garrison Keillor, because in Lake Wobegon, “all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average.” But research psychologist Kim Orleans points out that in reality, at least half of all people are below average in any measurable category. Unfortunately, that’s not how we see it:

  85% of high school students surveyed think they’re in the top 50% in ability to get along with others, and 25% of those say they’re in the t
op 1%. What that means is there are a lot of kids feeling a lot more confident about things than they should.

  And this phenomenon doesn’t change as we grow older. A recent study of graduate students at Stanford’s business school revealed that 87 percent think they’re in the top 50 percent of academic performance. Sixty-eight percent of professors at the University of Nebraska believe they are in the top 25 percent of teaching ability. Ninety percent of drivers of all ages say they’re safer than average, and 75 percent of senior citizens think they look younger than their fellow seniors.

  People across the board think they’re less likely than others to have heart disease, get fired, be divorced, or be killed in a natural or man-made disaster. In short, we think we’re smarter, tougher, and better prepared than our neighbors.

  To combat your own Wobegon Effect in a zombie outbreak, careful preparation is essential. And when you feel that everything is going according to plan, expect the worst just around the next corner.

  22: PREPARE OR PERISH

  Zombie survival over the longer term requires adjusting to a world without the modern conveniences we take for granted. With no power grid, there is no instant access to heat and light at the flip of a switch. Recharging electronic devices such as phones and radios will prove impossible for many. Those few who have battery- or gas-powered generators will enjoy an advantage for a short period of time, but very soon batteries will die, fuel will become scarce, and the world will be plunged into a darkness it hasn’t experienced in hundreds of years.

  A promising technology for the coming plague is solar power. Portable solar generators offer a noise-free, maintenance-free alternative designed to last a lifetime. And most can be wheeled to any location, recharging your essential survival gear.

  With that said, I’m a firm believer that zombie-survival advice should be practical. Recommendations that don’t easily translate to the real world are worthless. And with a price in the thousands and potential cartage concerns if traveling by foot, solar generators aren’t right for everyone. But I personally rely on solar as a backup power source, and it has served me well in past times of need.

  A visual inspection was made of all the weapons. The solar panels are running efficiently. I dread going on the roof to clean them because I’m sure I’ll be spotted. I should do it at night.

  —Day by Day Armageddon (2009), J. L. Bourne

  When it comes to solar power for zombie survival, one small town on the edge of the Mojave Desert has taken a major step toward keeping the lights on when the dead rise. Nipton, California, is almost completely powered by an eighty-kilowatt solar installation, guaranteeing that as the rest of the world is plunged into the dark ages, Nipton will still have all the comforts of modern life.

  Nipton’s solar power means easy refrigeration, water purification and pumping, tool recharging, weapons manufacturing, and enhanced food production and procurement. Furthermore, the town’s isolated location and rugged population of just 250 makes it arguably the most ideal location for zombie survival in the whole United States.

  One potential danger facing Nipton is the unwanted attention that electric lights can attract, signaling desperate humans and zombies from great distances in every direction. But the natural defenses of the expansive open landscape and a heavily armed population skilled in wilderness survival suggest that Nipton is an example of the kind of community that will make it through the worst of the coming zombie plague.

  DEATH BY SURPRISE

  When a 9.0-magnitude earthquake and resulting tsunami hit Japan in March 2011, the Tokyo Electric Power Company had a disaster plan for its Fukushima Daiichi nuclear plant that included one fax machine and a single medical stretcher.51 Though more than seven thousand local residents worked either directly at the site or in other related operations, there were just fifty safety suits on hand. What resulted was the worst nuclear catastrophe in almost three decades, affecting the surrounding area and national economy worse than the natural disaster itself.

  Several months earlier and some eight thousand miles away, millions of people took part in the Great California Shake Out, an event designed to raise awareness about basic disaster-survival skills. Still, while experts guarantee that a massive earthquake will hit the West Coast of the United States in the relatively near future, most residents have done little or nothing to prepare.

  Secretary of the California Emergency Management Agency Matthew Bettenhausen said that it’s selfish and irresponsible for people not to prepare for the worst, as a large-scale crisis of any type will likely overwhelm the state. Writer and star of Shaun of the Dead Simon Pegg echoes Bettenhausen’s dire warning, stating that preparation is essential to survival in a zombie outbreak.52

  When the dead walk the earth, who perishes and who stays alive will largely be determined by how well they prepared before disaster struck. Look around you right now. Do you have the ready tools, skills, and mental fortitude to survive over the long term if civilization collapses this instant? If not, you might want to think about making some changes or risk starving to death, dying of exposure, or being eaten alive by what used to be your best friend.

  GET YOUR GEAR

  Recommended by disaster experts for use in the aftermath of everything from a devastating hurricane to a large-scale terrorist attack, a seventy-two-hour emergency kit, or bug-out bag (BOB), is a light and portable kit containing all of the essential items needed to survive for three days. When death comes knocking on your door, your BOB is meant to ensure that you don’t become a casualty in your own home or have to flee empty-handed.

  On May 16, 2011, the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) issued their official zombie outbreak preparedness guidelines, emphasizing the importance of having a well-stocked emergency kit. With a focus on the basics of food, water, and shelter, the CDC lists items that should be included in your BOB:

  Water (one gallon per person per day)

  Food (stock up on nonperishable items that you eat regularly)

  Medications (this includes prescription and non-prescription meds)

  Tools and supplies (utility knife, duct tape, battery-powered radio, etc.)

  Sanitation and hygiene (household bleach, soap, towels, etc.)

  Clothing and bedding (a change of clothes for each family member and blankets)

  Important documents (copies of your driver’s license, passport, and birth certificate, to name a few)

  First-aid supplies (although you’re a goner if a zombie bites you, you can use these supplies to treat basic cuts and lacerations that you might get during a tornado or hurricane)

  If things get really bad, you may not need your passport or driver’s license anymore. The tent poles of modern civilization, like national border security and traffic laws, may already be out the window. But the CDC list does a good job of covering the basics.

  Other useful items include water purification tablets, a reliable fire starter, and weapons just in case.53

  Though seventy-two hours of self-sufficiency is thought to be enough in more common catastrophes, a zombie outbreak that results in complete societal collapse will likely rule out the possibility of any rescue within three days, three months, or even three years. A BOB for zombie survival should therefore hold enough reserves for at least a week, buying enough time to scavenge for other resources or begin to move from one safe place to another.

  The trick is to strike a balance between your bag’s form and its function. Too much gear packed inside makes it impossible to wear for long periods while accomplishing basic daily tasks. Too little, and your BOB is rendered useless in many situations.

  Bite Me, Episode 1.4 (2010)

  MICHAEL:

  Oh, man. This is just like Evil Dead.

  JEFF:

  This is nothing like Evil Dead!

  MICHAEL:

  My God, is this really happening?

  JEFF:

  Listen, the power’s out. Did you take the night-vision goggles?

/>   What’s more, a bedroom closet full of weapons, water, and other essentials does little good when zombies attack you at your work across town or swarm your car stuck in rush-hour traffic. You probably don’t plan to carry a BOB with you at all times in anticipation of the coming plague, but consider having several stashed in various locations just in case.

  Your BOB is there to help save your life, but it can’t do its job if it’s not within arm’s reach.

  MAKE YOUR MIND RIGHT

  The official psychologist of the Boston Marathon, Dr. Jeffrey Brown, is an expert at treating athletes who are experiencing psychological symptoms related to the extreme stress they put on their bodies and minds. In his book The Winner’s Brain, Brown interviewed everyone from legendary blues musician B. B. King to trainers at the FBI Academy’s firearms division, finding that success is overwhelmingly determined between the ears.

  Leif Becker holds multiple world records in martial arts board breaking and couldn’t agree more:

  Success is determined by an individual’s ability to develop the proper emotional state and sustain it while completing various tasks until they achieve their objective. Mental preparation develops clarity, and clarity increases one’s certainty in the actions needed to overcome obstacles.

  In a marathon, the wrong attitude will find you finishing at the back of the pack. In martial arts, it will cause you to lose a competition or fail to advance to the next belt level. In a zombie plague, the wrong attitude will get you quickly killed and eaten by a mob of ghouls or other hostile humans, and not necessarily in that order.

 

‹ Prev