by April Lust
“I’ll ask her,” she said casually, taking a big drink of water to wash down the food that she’d just swallowed. “But I think she wants to keep her space from the MC for a while. You understand.”
Arnold stopped chewing, staring hard at Macie for a long moment, making her feel like her skin was crawling, trying to climb its way off her body and escape his penetrating gaze. Macie was just about to ask him what the hell was going on when he spoke up again. “I’m not sure I do understand…” he said before taking another bite of mashed potatoes and asparagus.
“Well, she just went through a bad break-up, honey,” Macie said a little defensively, worried that Arnold was about to accuse her of lying to him about Jessica. God, she hated this so much, dancing around her words with her own goddamn boyfriend. “Look at it this way, if we broke up tomorrow, even if you dumped me, would you really want to see my face every day, constantly being reminded of me and everything that went wrong between us?”
“I guess that makes sense,” Arnold said, but his eyebrows remained furrowed. “I don’t know, though. I guess I just think it’s such a shame that you two don’t get to hang out all the time anymore. I mean, you’ve barely seen her since last month, right?”
Macie hesitated, unsure of how to answer the question without completely, directly lying to her boyfriend. “Here and there,” she finally said, taking another big gulp of water to cover up the fact that her face flushed as a consequence of her almost-lie.
“Well, just let me know how she’s doing,” Arnold said. “I worry about her.”
Yeah, I bet you fucking do, Macie thought, feeling anger replace her guilt and fear. If she had any doubts that Arnold was keeping tabs on Jessica, they went out the window now. It was clear that he was pumping her for information, trying to get into Jessica’s headspace in any way he could. Macie felt immediately protective over Jessica, but at the same time she was offended that Arnold didn’t just ask her for her help directly. They were supposed to trust each other, right? They were supposed to be each other’s number ones. What was going on in the MC that made Arnold so secretive, so afraid to talk to her? All Macie knew was that somehow, it had to be Gary’s fault.
But at the same time, as she and Arnold cleaned up the plates and headed off to bed, Macie couldn’t help but think that Arnold must have been getting ever closer to Gary, maybe even becoming his number-one man. What was good for Arnold was good for Macie, too, right? She was practically a Nightwalker herself, after all, despite the club’s rules excluding women from official membership.
Maybe she should have been happy that Arnold was climbing up the ranks, elevating both of their statuses.
But somehow, she couldn’t help but say a silent prayer for Jessica before she fell asleep. Keep her safe, she whispered inside her mind. Protect her. Guide her to where she needs to go.
Macie didn’t know if she could do those things for Jessica anymore. Maybe someone else would have to step in.
Chapter Fourteen
Jessica
Jessica felt all the warmth leave her body as Macie exited her apartment, probably heading over to see Arnold. She felt completely cold, like all of the hope she felt before tonight had abandoned her body at the same time.
“I don’t know what to do,” she whispered out loud, more to herself than to anybody else. Pax was still around, but honestly sometimes it was hard to remember that given how silent and still he usually was.
But maybe he was just waiting for Macie to leave, as he now walked over to the couch and sat down next to Jessica. “You can’t do anything about it tonight,” he said.
“Yeah, well, I can’t do anything about it tomorrow, either,” Jessica said, a little more harshly than she’d intended. It wasn’t like she was mad at Pax or anything, but she couldn’t listen to reason right now. Her entire brain was buzzing, and not in a good way. It was like all of her thoughts were rushing to be heard, to be voiced all at the same time, bumping into each other until all Jessica could make out was incoherent static. The more she tried to hold on to any string of thought, anything that could be reassembled into something resembling a plan, the more she sunk into despair. There was nothing she could do. Gary was going to come in on his bike and ride over her shiny new life before she even got a chance to really enjoy or explore it.
“You need to get some sleep,” Pax said. “You’re not going to be able to do anything but beat yourself up about it right now, and that’s really not going to help anything.”
Jessica nodded, even if some part of her wanted to fight back and argue against Pax’s reassuring message. “I don’t know if I can sleep here tonight,” she mumbled, picturing herself rolling around in her bed for hours on end as memories of the confrontation between Tom and Gary haunted her mind.
“So don’t,” Pax said, and Jessica finally turned to look at him, confused as to what he meant. “Come to my place. Sleep there instead. You’re not going to be able to think clearly or do your job if you’re running on no sleep.” Jessica said nothing in response, staring at him like he was speaking another language entirely, until Pax got to his feet and stood above her, staring down at her expectantly. “Come on, you’re just wasting time here sitting still and doing nothing. Come back to my place and you can relax.”
Jessica was still frozen on the spot, so in shock that she honestly felt like she might have hallucinated Pax’s offer to come back to his apartment with him. He’d never suggested anything like that before, not even for sex. Did this mean he actually cared about her? Or was he just annoyed about her moping and doing something out of the goodness of his heart to make her stop?
Finally, Pax sighed heavily and offered his hand forward, keeping it outstretched until Jessica’s brain finally got with the program and grabbed it. Pax pulled her to her feet, grabbing her other arm and rubbing her bare skin a few times before pulling away entirely. “Get a coat. You’re going to need it.”
Over the next fifteen minutes, Pax drove them over to his place, not saying anything on the ride over. Jessica just stared out the window at the blank blandness of the town around her. She didn’t know why she cared so much about this stupid place. It had never done her any good, ever since she’d moved here. But still, she couldn’t stomach the thought of Gary being in control of every last inch of the town. It made her feel like she was going to throw up just thinking about it.
Finally, they pulled up to Pax’s house, which Jessica actually recognized. It was one of Arnold’s properties that he rented out to various people for extra cash. Jessica hesitated for a moment before leaving the car, afraid that she was going to run into Arnold and have to deal with his awkward attempts to get information out of her. But then Pax, who’d already exited the car, walked around and opened her door for her, reaching in to take her hand, and suddenly Jessica didn’t feel quite so terrified anymore.
“Thank you for this,” she murmured as they stepped into Pax’s warm, toasty apartment. Jessica slipped her jacket off and dropped it on the couch, letting the heat of the apartment wrap around her body.
“It’s nothing,” Pax said, grabbing Jessica’s coat to hang up in the closet just inside the apartment’s entrance. “Have you eaten?”
“I can’t,” Jessica said with a sigh. Please don’t make me eat, she added silently. Her stomach was way too torn-up, eating itself alive out of anxiety, to add anything to the mix.
Fortunately, Pax didn’t push the matter. He just nodded and pointed to the back of his studio apartment, where his bed was. “You can go ahead and lie down if you want. I’ll take the couch tonight.”
Jessica stood still in the center of the room, staring at the welcoming bed at the opposite end and considering her options. It was tempting, to just go ahead and curl up under the covers, allowing herself to forget the whole day. But on the other hand, she knew she wouldn’t be able to slip off into sleep that easily, not with memories of Gary’s vague threats against Tom and the Gorge rolling around in her head.
“C
an you maybe lie down with me?” Jessica asked after a slight pause. “It’s just that I’d feel so guilty about you sleeping on the couch in your own apartment, you know, like you should really be able to sleep in the bed and I should take the couch, if anything…” She trailed off, averting her eyes to the carpet to avoid seeing any look of judgment in Pax’s eyes. It was so stupid of her to even ask. It was obvious what she really wanted, to cuddle up in Pax’s arms and let the sweet heat of his body lull her to sleep.
“Yeah, that’s fine,” Pax said casually, as if it was no big deal. “Let me just change my clothes really quickly.”
Jessica expected Pax to go into the bathroom to change, but instead he just walked past her, over to the dresser by the bed to get out a fresh pair of boxers before stripping down to his naked form. Jessica gasped under her breath at the sight of Pax’s firm, taut ass. She’d never seen it before, even though they’d fucked twice already. God, it was so tempting to touch, to just reach out and grab…
But she caught hold of herself, forcing her gaze back down to the floor while Pax changed into a new pair of boxers and lay down on the bed. “Come on,” he said a moment later, an edge of impatience seeping into his voice as he instructed her to hurry up.
Jessica walked over to the bed but paused before getting in with him, staring down at his hard, solid abs, which rose and fell along with his breath. Jessica would be more comfortable, too, if she just got out of some of her clothes, right? It was innocent, just wanting to speed the sleep process up as much as possible so she wouldn’t have to think about Gary and the Gorge and the whole fucking mess. Jessica knew she was lying to herself, but she decided not to argue with her inner thoughts anymore, shrugging out of her shirt and jeans until she was just in her bra and panties.
“Get under the covers,” Pax said, lifting up the blanket on top of the lower half of his body in invitation. “It’s warm, I promise.”
Jessica felt herself smiling again for the first time that night as she complied, stepping over Pax to get to the other side of the bed. She wrapped the blankets around her body as tightly as she could, willing her body to warm up so she could slide off into sleep.
But a second later, Pax’s foot nudged hers, making her freeze in place, unsure of what to do in response. “You’re cold,” Pax murmured, moving his foot up and down her ankle and the lower half of her leg. “Let me warm you up.”
Jessica exhaled shakily as Pax’s words sunk into her brain, the meaning hiding between them becoming clearer as she turned to see a fire burning in his eyes. He wanted her. He wanted her bad.
Jessica flipped over on her side and tentatively reached her arm forward to wrap around Pax’s shoulders, tugging him a little closer to her body. “Thank you,” she whispered, biting down on her bottom lip nervously. “I’m really cold.”
“I know. I can feel it,” Pax said softly, his hands finding her waist and squeezing a little to warm her up. “Are you always this cold?”
“Have been recently,” Jessica answered, gaining the confidence to tangle her legs together with Pax’s, relishing the feeling of his leg hairs brushing up against her bare limbs.
“I can fix that,” Pax said, wrapping his arm around Jessica’s torso and pulling her flush against his chest. “There. That’s better, isn’t it?”
“Mm-hmm,” Jessica murmured, settling her head down on Pax’s shoulder. She couldn’t stop herself. She had to drop a soft kiss against his skin, right above his collarbone. “You’re good at holding people.”
Pax chuckled a little, low and soft, deep in his throat. “I don’t know about that. I haven’t had a lot of practice.”
Jessica pulled her head back a little to stare up into Pax’s eyes. “I find that hard to believe.”
“It’s true,” Pax said. “I don’t really do this.”
“Cuddling?” Jessica suggested, even though she felt a little afraid that using that word might scare Pax off.
“Well, any of it, really,” Pax said, and his tone came out stiff and uncomfortable, but he didn’t pull away physically, at the very least.
Jessica decided not to push the topic any further. She was probably crossing some invisible boundary with Pax already, and she needed him close to her tonight. She didn’t want to scare him off. “You’re so warm,” she sighed instead, squeezing harder around his waist, like she was attempting to pull Pax inside of her body. She needed direct contact, to feel him on every inch of her skin. Her hands began to drift, scratching their way up and down his back. She pulled back a little to watch his face, to see if there was any displeasure hiding within his eyes, but they slid shut instead, his mouth falling open a little bit as she lightly scratched down his spine.
“That feels nice,” Pax murmured a few moments later, sighing deeply as his muscles noticeably unclenched under Jessica’s touch.
“Good,” Jessica whispered. “Just relax.” She began rubbing a little harder, pressing down at the hard space between his shoulder-blades until he gasped a little at the sensation. “Too hard?” she asked, checking in.
Pax shook his head several times in quick succession. “Nope. No, no, keep going. Please.”
Jessica reached down lower, closer to his ass, pressing her thumbs in deep into his skin until she felt the muscles give way, relaxing under her fingertips. It was exhilarating, feeling the rush of power that she had over his body, making him do what she wanted. Right now, she wanted him to loosen up, to drop every last disguise from his body and show her the real Pax.
But after several more minutes of deep massage, all of a sudden, his eyes flew open and he pushed her hands away, making Jessica feel a shock of loss that sent chills back down her spine. Did she do something wrong, touch him the wrong way? Did she scare him?
But Pax grabbed her hands again a second later, pinning them down onto the sheets below them. “Don’t go distracting me,” Pax said, applying pressure to make sure that Jessica’s hands stayed in place. “This is about you.”
Jessica was at a loss for words, unsure of what to say and not even confident that she understood what he meant, but she stayed still as Pax pushed her body down flat on the mattress and straddled her waist, lifting the blanket up so it still covered most of their bodies.
Before she could ask him what he was doing or if she’d fucked up by rubbing him too hard or too soft or in the wrong place, he leaned down and smashed their mouths together firmly, squeezing harder at her hands while his lips massaged hers.
“Getting warmer now, aren’t you?” Pax whispered into her mouth before sliding down to nibble at her chin, lightly biting his way along her jawline until he found the sensitive spot right under her ear.
“Ugh, fuck,” Jessica breathed out helplessly, squeezing back at Pax’s fingers just to have something to hold onto.
Pax nudged her head aside so he could get at the side of Jessica’s neck, dragging his teeth down from her ear to her collarbone, then back up again, applying more and more pressure each time until Jessica was squealing like a little girl at the sensation of Pax’s teeth digging hard into her skin.
He pulled one of his hands away from hers, but not before muttering, “Stay put,” into her ear, reaching down to her underwear. Jessica inhaled deeply, trying to get herself to stay as calm and collected as possible while Pax’s fingers toyed with the hem of her panties, brushing inside against her softest skin.
“That feels good,” she murmured, and she wasn’t even sure whether she was referring to Pax’s teeth and tongue on her shoulder or his fingers dancing along her privates. Both felt so good, making all of her muscles sink down into the mattress below her body, all of her defenses crumbling away to nothing as a result of Pax’s blisteringly hot touch.
“Good,” Pax whispered into her skin, right before sinking his teeth deep into the flesh of her upper arm, sucking hard until the pain almost became unbearable, before finally pulling away and applying soothing licks with his tongue. “You’re a good girl, you know that?”
�
��I was bad for a really long time,” Jessica whispered, thinking back on all her years with Gary, all those times when she sat by and said nothing while he mistreated people, threatened people, took over half the town without anyone ever resisting or putting up even a semblance of a fight.
She half-expected Pax to argue with her, to tell her that she’d always been good, but instead he just pressed his lips softly against her now-bruised arm, leading all the way back up to her collarbone, before whispering, “It doesn’t matter. You’re good now.”
Jessica exhaled heavily, letting Pax’s words truly sink in, his beautiful eyes bearing hard onto hers like he was trying to melt into her body. Jessica couldn’t help but think that she wouldn’t even mind it if he did. She wanted him inside of her. She wanted to feel it.