by Claire Adams
She wasn’t even my type, and I was honest enough to admit that I liked my women tall, hot, and outgoing. I turned back to the stack of papers and pulled the topmost paper towards me. I read the introduction of the paper three times before finally realizing that I had lost all concentration for the rest of the evening.
I remembered something one of my college friends had told me in our freshman year. “It’s the quiet ones you need to go after – underneath all that quiet, there’s a wild animal waiting to be unleashed.”
I thought of the dark-haired girl and wondered if that was true in her case. I couldn’t help but wish it were. I started to fantasize about her, letting my baser desires take control. I started to wonder what she looked like underneath those baggy clothes of hers. I wondered what her body would feel like underneath me. I wondered if she screamed when she came.
My fantasy was so vivid that I felt myself harden. I got up and walked around to the window next to my desk. I opened it up and let cold air stream in, hoping that would calm me down and get the girl out of my head.
Chapter Five
Natalie
“Eleven dollars for a bagel?” Mom asked, looking at the menu with unease. “That’s a bit steep, don’t you think?”
I smiled. We were at a trendy little coffee shop just outside of campus. They were known for taking simple everyday food and transforming it into five-star dishes.
“Don’t look at the prices, Mom,” I told her. “And anyway, it’s on me. I get a discount here, anyway.”
“You do?”
“I worked here for two semesters, remember?”
“Oh, is this the place?”
“The very same,” I nodded. “I’m finally glad I got you here. Their stuff is so good.”
She eyed the line outside the café and nodded. “Apparently, it is. But still…to pay so much for eggs on toast.”
“As I said, it isn’t just eggs on toast,” I laughed. “They keep the names simple, too, so that the customer isn’t expecting what they get.”
She still looked skeptical. “Okay…”
As Mom surveyed the menu, I looked at her. She was only in her mid-forties, but her hair was almost completely gray. There were lines on her face that were out of place on such a young woman, but I knew what had caused each one.
She and Dad had spent my entire childhood working their tails off to make sure that they could give me a comfortable life. They had never really got a chance to enjoy the finer things in life because they were too busy saving every penny for my future.
“Maybe I should order for the both of us?” I suggested.
“That sounds good,” she said, obviously relieved.
After I had ordered, Mom turned to me with a little smile playing on her lips. “Guess what?”
“What?” I asked.
“Lisa got engaged over the weekend,” she revealed. “Nancy called to tell me this morning.”
“Oh, wow,” I said. “To Hamish?”
Mom nodded. “They’re hoping for a June wedding next year.”
“That’s great news,” I smiled. “I’m glad for Lisa. And for Aunt Nancy – she’s been waiting years to plan a wedding.”
Mom laughed. “They’re going to have fun. You’ll be there, won’t you?”
“For my cousin’s wedding?” I clarified. “Of course, I’ll be there. I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
She nodded happily. “According to Lisa, Hamish has quite a few eligible friends,” she said pointedly.
“Oh, Mom…”
“Well, it wouldn’t hurt to meet someone, would it?”
I leaned back in my seat. “I don’t know….”
“Sweetheart, I’ve never met even one of your boyfriends.”
“That’s because I’ve never had any,” I told her.
“Exactly,” she nodded. “Life isn’t just about studies and work – you’re missing out on a big part of life.”
I smiled. “You sound like Missy, now.”
“Missy’s right,” Mom said. “Your father and I are worried about you.”
“Worried?” I repeated. “Why?”
“Because we wonder if maybe we’re to blame.”
“How did you come to that conclusion?”
“We stressed so much on your education,” she sighed. “And, not enough on your social life. You should have been out more as a teenager. You should have gone to a few parties and had a few boyfriends. Instead, you were always holed up in your room, reading and working.”
“I liked reading and working,” I pointed out.
She smiled fondly at me. “You were always such a good kid,” she said. “Your father and I never had much to worry about. And, we figured once you got to college, you’d meet someone special.”
“Like you did with Dad?”
Mom nodded, and I could see the little glimmer of light in her eyes when I mentioned dad. I loved the fact that they were still so in love with each other after twenty-eight years together. And, it was that little bubble of affection in her eyes that made me feel strangely lonely. My mind flashed to Professor William for a split second.
“No matter how hard life got, it didn’t really matter because I knew I had a partner in your father,” Mom said.
“I guess I just haven’t found the right guy yet, Mom,” I said.
“Have you tried?”
I hesitated. “Missy’s planning my twenty-first birthday celebration,” I said. “Maybe I’ll start there?”
Mom laughed. “I should have known I could count on Missy to push you onto the social scene. Good for her. How is she?”
“She’s going great,” I nodded. “I’m actually meeting her after lunch; I’ll tell her you said hi.”
“Please do,” Mom nodded. “Does she have a boyfriend?”
“Oh, she has many,” I laughed. “The guys go crazy over her.”
“They’d go crazy over you, too, if…”
“If what?” I demanded.
She laughed. “No offense, darling, but your style has always been a little...boyish.”
I smiled. “My style is comfortable.”
“I hope Missy is going to give you a makeover before your twenty-first.”
I paused for a moment, realizing that she probably would do just that. I groaned. “Oh boy.”
Mom laughed, and after a moment, I couldn’t help but join in. We shared a fantastic lunch, and then I walked her back to her car.
“Give Dad a kiss from me,” I instructed her.
“Of course,” she nodded, placing a kiss on my cheek. “Try and have a little fun, sweetheart; you have the rest of your life to be a serious, hardworking adult.”
“I’ll remember that, Mom,” I promised.
I waited till her car had disappeared from sight before I made my way to the quad where Missy and I had agreed to meet. We wanted to hit the library together for an hour or so, before heading back to our dorm.
Missy was already there when I arrived at the quad. She was leaning against one of the pillars and scrolling through her phone. I noticed a guy in the corner checking her out, and I wished for a moment that I was able to draw looks the way my friend could.
“Hi,” I greeted, as I walked up to her.
“How was lunch with your mom?” Missy asked, putting her phone away.
“Great,” I nodded. “She says hi.”
“Tell her I said ‘hi’ right back,” Missy nodded, as she turned in the direction of the library. “Guess who I saw on the way over here?”
“Who?”
“Professor Hottie,” she revealed, giving me a wink in the process.
“Chance William?”
“The very same,” she smiled. “I have to say, that picture we saw does not do him justice. He is tie-him-to-the-bed hot!”
I laughed. “Where do you come up with these expressions?”
Missy ignored me. “And that body!” she went on. “He was so obviously ripped underneath that blazer.”
I n
odded, suppressing a longing sigh.
“And, there’s something about the way he holds himself,” she continued. “It’s like he doesn’t give a shit about anyone or anything. It’s so…”
“Confident?” I offered.
“Confident, bordering on arrogant,” Missy nodded. “And yet it’s far from a turn-off. In fact, it actually makes him more attractive.”
“I know,” I said, and this time I couldn’t suppress the longing sigh that escaped me. Missy noticed it and looked at me curiously.
“You really like him, don’t you?”
“I don’t even know him,” I said. “I’m just a little…preoccupied with his looks, I suppose.”
“It’s called lust, my dear, sweet Nat,” Missy said, wrapping her arm around my shoulders as we approached the library. “And I think you’ve been hit big time.”
“I don’t know about that,” I said uncertainly.
“Do you think about him every day?” she asked, suddenly all business.
“Umm… I guess.”
“Do you fantasize about him?”
“Yes,” I admitted, blushing slightly.
“Do you look forward to his lectures each week?”
“Yes,” I said. “But maybe that’s just because I enjoy Econ 401.”
She laughed. “Do you think that’s likely?”
“What’s your point?” I asked, glaring at her.
She smiled smugly. “My point is that you have got the serious hots for Professor William. You are, as they say, in lust with him.”
I sighed. “Just my luck, too,” I complained. “I’ve never felt this way about any other guy I’ve seen.”
“Maybe because you’re surrounded by boys and what you were really interested in was a man,” Missy suggested.
“Except the man is off limits,” I pointed out. “Not that I’d have had much of a chance even if he wasn’t my teacher…”
“You’re still allowed to fantasize about him,” Missy reminded me.
I shrugged, but secretly I thought how utterly unsatisfying fantasies tended to be. They were just frustrated hopes, after all, and I was starting to realize that I wanted more than just a vivid fantasy to experience.
I knew I needed to put Chance William from my mind and focus on achievable goals. Mooning over him would only distract me from boys who actually might be interested in me.
“In other news, I’ve picked out the place for your twenty-first,” Missy informed me.
I raised my eyebrows. “Should I be scared?”
She rolled her eyes. “And you call me dramatic,” she smirked. “Oasis.”
“The band?”
“You’re funny,” she said sarcastically. “It’s popular on campus, and they get a decent crowd of people. Plus, the drinks are great and the music’s fantastic. What do you think?”
“Okay,” I nodded. “I’m game.”
“Good,” Missy nodded. “We’ll finish off our night there.”
“Are you serious?”
“I have five different bars on my list so far,” she said. “If you want to add a few more, feel free.”
“I don’t know about this…”
“Oh, come on,” she insisted. “You can’t celebrate your twenty-first birthday without getting drunk. It’ll help you loosen up, too.”
“I have been drunk before,” I reminded her. “It didn’t make much of a difference to my personality.”
“Please,” Missy said, rolling her eyes at me. “I was with you the time you ‘got drunk.’ You cut yourself off after two glasses.”
“They were two full glasses,” I said.
Missy’s response to that was simply to laugh in my face.
“Rude,” I said, turning away from her to look through a shelf of econ textbooks. “If you see any books authored by an Eileen Simpkins, let me know.
“This night is going to be epic,” Missy insisted. “And this time, you’re going to have way more than two full glasses.”
I sighed. “I suppose I agreed to this.”
“You did,” she smiled triumphantly. “And, it’s just going to be you and me, so you don’t have to step too far out of your comfort zone.”
“Oh, I wouldn’t say that,” I said. “I assume you’re going to make me talk to people at each bar?”
Missy smiled. “How about you just wait and see?”
“Geez, that makes me nervous.”
“Just trust me,” she said, grabbing a book from the third row and handing it to me. “Eileen Simpkins.”
“Thanks,” I said, taking the book from her and adding it to my pile. “I’ve already got my outfit picked out, too.”
Missy turned to me and raised her eyebrows.
“What?” I asked innocently.
“What makes you think you get to decide what to wear?”
I groaned. “You’re planning on giving me a makeover, aren’t you?”
“You really are a smart girl,” Missy said, giving me a wink, before turning back to the books.
“Okay fine, I’ll agree to that – except no short skirts or tight dresses or bright colors… Okay?”
She ignored me.
“Missy?” I said pointedly.
She started to hum in an obvious attempt to drown out my voice.
“You know I can’t walk straight in high heels, right?”
She just started humming louder.
“You really are a bitch,” I complained.
Missy’s response was to laugh out loud, and she didn’t stop laughing until a nearby table of girls shushed her.
“We’re trying to study,” one of the girls told her.
“And I’m playing fairy godmother,” Missy shot back. “I think what I’m doing is more important.”
We headed to the west wing of the library, and I noticed how smug and excited Missy looked. The expression on her face made me worry.
“That’s all you have planned, right?” I asked tentatively. “Just a two-person bar crawl?”
“I may have another surprise up my sleeve,” Missy admitted, without meeting my gaze.
“Oh God!” I groaned. “What is it?”
“You’ll just have to wait and see,” she said, with a non-committal shrug.
And just like that, my nerves turned to dread.
Chapter Six
Chance
I stared at the world map on my computer screen, wondering if I should make an educated choice or just a random pick. I had been stagnant for the past year and still had a year left on my teaching contract, but I was starting to get restless again.
I thought back to a few years ago when I called to wish my father a happy sixty-fourth birthday. I was living in Nepal at the time.
“Don’t you get tired of moving around so much?” Dad had asked me.
I had checked the time on my watch, impatient to get on with my day. “No, I enjoy it.”
“Why?”
“I like immersing myself in different cultures.”
“So, make a few trips every year. You don’t have to move. How will you ever settle down and have a family of your own?”
“Dad, we’ve been over this. I don’t want to settle down. And, I certainly don’t want to have a family.”
“That’s a ridiculous thing to say.”
“What’s ridiculous is your refusal to accept that fact that I’m nothing like you.”
I had intended to be insulting, and as silence had pooled on the other line, I had realized that I had succeeded in hurting my father.
“I just called to wish you a happy birthday, okay, Dad?” I had said. “I’ll talk to you later.”
“Okay, son,” he had replied, after a moment. He had sounded weak and tired. “Thank you for calling.”
To this day, that conversation still haunted me. I turned my attention back to the world map in front of me, wondering if perhaps I should consider Australia for a year or two. I was about to start researching Western Australia when there was a knock on my door.
The door opened, and a young man walked in. I was pretty sure he was one of my students, but I couldn’t place his face. I raised my eyebrows. “Can I help you?”
“Hi, Professor; my name is Jason.”
“You can call me Chance,” I told him, disliking the formality of being referred to as “professor.”
“Great,” Jason said, as he gave me a dopey smile. “Awesome.”
“I take it you’re in one of my Econ classes?” I asked, trying to temper the impatience in my voice.
“I attend the Monday lecture and the Thursday class,” he replied, as he took a seat opposite me. “Great teaching, by the way.”
“I’m going to assume you’re not here simply to compliment my teaching?”
“Uh…no… I’m not.”
Instantly, he started stuttering over his words, and I detected some embarrassment in the way he held himself.
“If this is about amending the grades on your paper, then I’m sorry, all grades are final.”
“Ah, no, no,” Jason said quickly. “That isn’t what this is about.”
“Okay,” I said, raising my eyebrows. “Then what is it about?”
“Well, it’s sort of a personal matter,” he said, at last.
“A personal matter?” I repeated.
I had been told that it was possible that students might seek out their teachers for advice, but I had never given my students the impression that I was the counseling sort, so I was surprised Jason had chosen to seek me out. Still, I was figured it couldn’t hurt to listen, and I was curious besides.
“All right,” I said. “What’s your problem?”
“Well, the truth is… I’m having some girl trouble.”
“Problems with the girlfriend, huh?”
“Actually… it’s getting myself the girlfriend that’s the problem.”
I raised my eyebrows. “Ah,” I said. “Forgive me, Jared—”
“It’s Jason,” he corrected.
I looked the guy up and down and tried to get the measure of him. He was not exactly bad looking, but he was entirely forgettable, at least in my opinion. He had boring brown eyes and dark scanty hair. He had a dusting of freckles on his face, and he had a simpering smile that bordered on being creepy. I wondered how a girl would view him and I decided that many would find him desperate and unappealing.