“I could use your help, Seanmhair,” he said. “Give me one of your potions.”
“There are potions for lust,” she said, shaking her head. “But love is a magic all its own and must find its own way.”
“Lust is a good start,” he said. “Give me the potion for that.”
“The two of ye have no need for that,” she said, rolling her eyes.
Most women wanted a man to protect them and give them a home. But Lily had made it plain from the start that she neither needed nor wanted a husband. He understood she was a skittish lass, like a wild horse who shied at the sight of a bridle. He wanted to take care of her, not trap her. He must find a reason for her to marry him.
What does Lily want? What can I give her?
“All of this,” his grandmother said, spreading her arms. “She wants a true home with a clan and a family—though she’s too stubborn to admit it. Most of all, she wants you, Roderick.”
Lily wanted him in her bed—but not for long and not as a husband.
“She’s one of those lost souls who had the misfortune of being born at the wrong place and into the wrong family,” Seanmhair said. “The mistrust they taught her is a grave challenge.”
His grandmother was being no help at all.
“But ye must keep the lass here,” his grandmother said. “She is the answer.”
“Don’t try to tell me again that she’s the clan’s next seer.” He dropped onto a stool and ran his hands through his hair. “How could ye have it so wrong? Lily doesn’t have the damned Sight at all, let alone the gift of a great seer.”
“Lily does have a touch of the gift, like most good healers,” she said. “’Tis just as I expected.”
“As ye expected?” he said, looking up. “Then why did ye plant the notion of her being our next seer in my head in the first place?”
“I never said ye would find the seer on your journey.”
“Ye did,” he said.
She sat down beside him and patted his shoulder. “What I said was that ye would find the lass you need, Roderick. Lily is meant to be your wife.”
That was not how he remembered it, but she was right that Lily was the lass he needed.
“Why did ye not tell me all this from the start?” he said. “I would have done things differently if I’d known Lily was meant to be my wife.”
“Hmmph,” his grandmother snorted. “If you’d known it, ye would have made things even worse than ye have.”
It was true that he had been desperate to avoid marriage.
“Though Lily is no’ much of a seer,” his grandmother said, “she is also the lass the clan needs.”
“To hell with what the clan needs,” he muttered, and rubbed his hands over his face.
“The Sight was verra strong in your mother,” she said. “Ye carry her blood.”
If his grandmother could not tell him something useful, he wished she would be quiet so he could think.
“The gift rarely shows itself in the men of our family,” she continued. “But it comes out in you when Lily needs ye most. ’Tis why ye found her on that hillside.”
Ach, what was she droning on about? He didn’t have The Sight.
“The child born of your blood and a true love will have a powerful gift that surpasses even mine,” she said. “’Tis not Lily, but the daughter the two of ye will have together, who is destined to become a great seer of our clan.”
Roderick had barely been listening to her rambling, but he jolted upright when her words penetrated his thoughts. “What did ye say?”
“I saw it in a vision as clear as the nose on my face,” she said, laying her finger against the side of her nose. “Your daughter will take my place and serve our clan through difficult times and for many, many years.”
“Lily and I will have a child together?” The notion sent a burst of joy through him. “A daughter?”
Roderick imagined a wee girl with red hair as bright as the sun and startling green eyes.
“Aye, and several other bairns as well—if ye don’t lose the mother.” His grandmother gave him a sharp slap on the back of his head. “The vision is fading, so you’d best win her back.”
He kissed his grandmother’s cheek and got up to go after Lily. At the door he paused.
“Lily must not know of this,” he said. “If I’m to have any chance at all of persuading her to stay and be my wife, she cannot learn of it.”
His grandmother raised her hands and shook her head, but he was intent on this. The last thing he needed was for Lily to believe he had any motive for keeping her here other than that he loved her.
“Lily must never learn that your vision was of our child, and not her, becoming the seer.”
“’Tis too late,” his grandmother said. “The lass already knows. She’s listening at the door.”
* * *
Lily felt so light that her feet seemed to barely touch the ground as she raced back to the cottage. Not even the cold drizzle that had started to fall could dampen her spirits. She had decided to trust her heart and marry Roderick.
When she reached the cottage, she heard voices inside, including the deep tones that played on her heartstrings.
Old habits die hard. Listening at doors had helped her avoid getting caught in her family’s criminal schemes and other dangers in the city. Before she realized what she was doing, she paused to listen.
“Lily must not know of this…”
Lily sucked in her breath. What was Roderick keeping from her? She tried to persuade herself that she had misunderstood as she pressed her ear against the door. Though she did not understand all the words, the few she did were damning.
“… stay…be my wife… she cannot learn…”
Roderick had deceived her again. He’d told her it was love, but he had another reason for keeping her here. There was something he wanted from her. She held her breath, desperate to hear what it was.
“… your vision was of our child… the seer.”
Tears blurred Lily’s eyes as she ran from the cottage. She heard the door slam but kept running until Roderick caught her.
“I hate you! I hate you!” she shouted as she scratched and kicked at him. “How could you do this to me!”
“I know what ye overheard sounded bad,” he said, holding her arms. “But ye must give me a chance to explain.”
“You pretended that you loved me,” she said. “But you only want me for the child you think I can give to your clan. That’s all it ever was.”
“Children would be a blessing,” he said. “But I want to marry ye because I can’t live without ye. Lily, I love ye with all my heart.”
“I’ll never be your wife,” she shouted. “I won’t stay here! I’m going back to my shop in London.”
“Ye want to throw away the happiness we could have,” he said, sounding angry now. “And for what? For four walls and some hanging herbs?”
“I have customers who rely on me, people I help.”
“They pay coin for your service, but will they help you when you’re in trouble? Nay, they care nothing for ye,” he said. “’Tis not like serving your own people, your clan, who are bonded to ye in good times and bad.”
She remembered how she had felt embraced in the joy of his clan at the Yuletide bonfire—and how alone she usually felt on feast days. Yet the sense of kinship with his clan that marriage would bring could never outweigh the pain of loving a man who used and deceived her.
And she did love Roderick.
“Look into your heart, Lily,” Roderick said, bringing his face close to hers. “Ye belong here. Ye belong with me.”
“I don’t care,” she said, shaking her head. “I won’t stay.”
He gripped her arms and held her so that their bodies almost touched, which caused a yearning that nearly undid her.
“When you’re back in your London town,” he said, “you’ll miss the sound of the sea outside the window, the mist on the loch, the mountains shrouded in clouds.”<
br />
As he spoke, each image was clear to her mind.
“And you’ll miss me.” His voice was thick with emotion, and his eyes locked on hers. “You’ll sit alone by your hearth on a cold evening with no one to hear the stories of your day—a strange malady ye treated or a new cure ye tried—and you’ll wish I was there.”
It was true, all of it. But it changed nothing.
“And at night,” he said, “you’ll lie alone in your bed thinking of the pleasure I could give ye.”
She would long for his touch and miss him every night and day. But she would not give him the satisfaction of admitting it.
“Who’s to say I’ll be alone in my bed?” she snapped.
The sudden rage burning in his eyes tested her courage. She swallowed hard and stood her ground. Though he was a lying bastard who broke her heart, she knew he would not harm her physically.
“’Tis nothing to me what ye do when ye leave here,” he said, but the twitch in his eye told her he lied. “Ye can be sure I won’t be sleeping alone.”
His words felt like a blow to her chest, forcing the air out of her lungs.
“I expect I’ll be wed,” he said, “and have a babe on the way by spring.”
Her eyes stung. That babe could be hers. Should be hers.
“Will ye lie to her as well?” she asked. “Tell her that ye love her?”
“I wish I could tell her that because a good woman deserves her man’s love,” he said. “Though I can’t give her love, I’ll do my damnedest to be the best husband to her that I can.”
With that, he turned his back on her. Lily let the tears slide down her face as she watched him walk away with long, purposeful strides.
* * *
When Lily opened the door, she found Seanmhair bustling about the cottage, gathering things into a leather bag. The old woman paused to give Lily a scathing look.
Lily was already in a state. She hoped she would not lose the old woman’s friendship over her refusal to wed Roderick.
“Stubborn as an ass,” Seanmhair mumbled loud enough for Lily to hear. “A shame there’s no cure for that.”
Lily was taken aback by Seanmhair’s hurtful words. Though she only understood half of what the old woman spewed, that was more than enough.
“Selfish…inconsiderate…dimwitted….”
Lily went to stand before the old woman. “I’m not those things.”
“Hmmph.” Seanmhair conveyed as much disgust in that Scottish snort as Roderick did. She made a swiping motion with her hand as she said, “Ye tossed away the love of a good man.”
“He doesn’t truly care for me,” Lily said, clenching her fists. “It was all lies.”
“Any fool could see,” Seanmhair said, leaning forward and tapping her finger next to her eye, “my grandson is lovesick for ye.”
“Where are you going?” Lily asked when Seanmhair wrapped a plaid around her shoulders and opened the door. “It will be dark soon.”
“With Roderick,” Seanmhair said, and whistled to her dog.
“You’re taking Beag too?” Lily asked as the dog trotted out.
After Seanmhair slammed the door, Lily sat down hard on the closest stool. Roderick’s and the old woman’s words spun inside her head.
Ye tossed away the love of a good man… And for what? For four walls and some hanging herbs…I’ll be wed with a babe on the way by spring…
She must have sat there, stunned, for a long time because the cottage was now pitch black. She fumbled for the lamp on the table and lit it. Waves of grief struck her as she looked around the cottage. She had been happy during her short time here.
In her mind’s eye, she saw Roderick ducking his head under the low doorframe and sharing a laugh with his grandmother. He was so good to the old woman. With a sharp pain of longing, it struck her that he would make a good and kind father as well.
Unable to bear being alone in the cottage another moment, she grabbed her cloak. As she started to leave, she noticed the candle Seanmhair had set in the window, intending to light it for the Hogmanay night, and she felt compelled to respect the old woman’s wishes. Though Lily would not go far, the candle would help her find the cottage in the darkness.
The path along the cliff was in deep mud from the ceaseless rain. Slipping and sliding, she found herself running down it as if she could outrun her thoughts. When she finally stopped, she stood gasping for air and holding her side as she stared out at the whitecaps that covered the black sea. The crash of the waves far below sounded like a rebuke, telling her she was a fool, again and again.
Lily squeezed her eyes closed, trying to shut out the pain. God help her, what had she done? Seanmhair’s voice filled her head. Ye tossed away the love of a good man.
Suddenly the ground beneath her gave way, and she was falling into the black night.
Chapter 16
“Roderick!” Lily called his name as she flung her arms and legs out, desperate to stop her slide toward the edge of the cliff.
When something slammed into her side, she grabbed hold of it. She held on, hugging it to her chest, as rocks and dirt hit her, threatening to take her over the side. When everything stopped moving, her feet were dangling in the air. She spit the dirt out of her mouth, but she could not wipe the dirt from her eyes without letting go. Through the grit, she saw that what had saved her was a stubborn, stunted tree that grew out of the side of the rock face several feet below where the path had been.
The tree trunk she was clinging to was only four or five inches wide. If she could stand on it, she might be able to reach the top of the cliff. She tried to swing her legs up onto it, and gasped when the tree creaked and tilted farther out over the gaping emptiness below her. Her heart beat frantically. How long could she hold on?
Roderick, come find me. She knew he was at the castle and could not hear her, and yet she called his name over and over in her head.
As she hung there, bruised and bleeding and facing certain death, everything became clear to her. The men of her family were feckless. They had taught her the hard lesson that she could not rely on anyone but herself. But Roderick was nothing like them. If he knew she was here, he would save her. He would not hesitate to put her life before his.
The icy rain numbed her fingers, making it increasingly difficult to hold on. But she remembered how Roderick had somehow found her when she was near death on that hillside, and she began to hope.
As the long minutes passed, she thought about how she had prided herself on her strength, and yet had let fear rule her—fear that she would be used, disappointed, pathetic, and heartbroken. Despite what she had overheard outside the cottage, her heart told her that Roderick was worthy of her faith. Finding such a man was an unexpected gift.
A gift she had refused.
And yet she was certain now that he would come for her. Her arms ached from holding herself up, and she had begun to shake violently from the penetrating cold.
She did not have much time left.
* * *
With a heavy heart, Roderick climbed the treacherous steps cut into the side of the cliff in the dark and pouring rain, one more foolish act. He did not know what made him decide to sail back across the inlet as soon as he’d set his grandmother on the shore by the castle, but something compelled him to return. How many times did Lily need to tell him nay before he gave up?
It was after midnight, but she had left a candle in the window, a tiny beacon of light giving him hope on this dismal night. He hesitated outside the door. What more could he say to persuade her? He was out of words.
Apprehension, sudden and urgent, swept over him like a crashing wave. Without knocking, he flung the door open. One glance told him the cottage was empty. The candle had not burned down much, so Lily could not have been gone long.
Where was she? She was in trouble, he knew it.
Roderick.
He heard her voice in his head, pulling him as if a twine connected their hearts. He quickly found his grand
mother’s old lantern and a rope and ran back outside. Icy rain pelted his face as he held the lantern high, trying to see into the blackness. On the sharp wind, he heard her call his name again. He had to find her.
Lily, where are ye?
Roderick had never had a vision in his life, but now he saw Lily with her arms wrapped around a small tree as clearly as if she were right in front of him. He sensed her growing weakness, and her deep cold was so real to him that a shiver went up his back. He must find her quickly.
He pushed back his rising panic and searched his memory. As a lad, he had scrambled all over this part of the island, and he knew every inch of the path along the cliff. He must recognize something from his vision that would tell him where she was. In his mind’s eye, he followed the path along the cliff. He remembered seeing a tree bent by the wind and growing sideways out of the rock with its roots clinging to the side of the cliff. That was it.
He knew exactly where she was, and it was not far. He took off at a run down the muddy path, which was quickly turning to ice with the increasing cold.
When he neared the part of the cliff where the tree was, he saw that the path had been washed out.
“Lily! Lily!” he called out as he leaned over the side of the cliff, holding the lantern out.
Amidst the browns and grays of the rocks, the lantern picked up the glint of Lily’s red hair. Jesu. His heart went to his throat when he saw the white surf of the waves crashing two hundred feet below her dangling feet.
“Hold on!” he shouted. “Hold on!”
He set the lantern on the ground close to the edge where it would shed some light on the side of the cliff. As Lily was bound to be too weak to hold a rope, he would have to go down for her. So near the slide, the ground would be unstable. It would be easy to set off another slide, so he would have to be careful and avoid the weakest area as much as he could.
After tying one end of the rope around a boulder and the other around his waist, he started down. He rappelled down the cliff until he was on a level with her, then inched sideways.
“Lily, stay awake!” he shouted when he saw that she had rested her head on the tree trunk.
Highlanders for the Holidays: 4 Hot Scots Page 27