“How do you feel about that?”
Cynthia wrinkled her nose. “I don’t know. Arthur’s a nice guy, but I don’t love him. Besides, even if I did, I don’t want to get married now. I don’t know what I want to do, but I’ll have my hands full with a baby and school. I don’t need a husband even if I did love him so desperately I couldn’t live without him.”
Kathryn didn’t want to hear words like that. They made her think of Ron and the realization she loved him so desperately she didn’t know how she was going to live without him. She hadn’t thought of anything else for the last three days. She dreaded going out of the house for fear she might run into him. She checked the driveway before she went out. She listened for any car pulling up while she was with the girls. She couldn’t decide whether she was more afraid he would find her or that he wouldn’t want to.
“Then I think you’re wise not to consider marriage at this point. Lots of women are single mothers.”
“It might be good for the mother, but it can’t be good for the baby. I guess I’m glad Arthur wants to take an active part in the baby’s life.”
Kathryn thought she heard a car pulling into the driveway, but when she looked out the window, it was pulling in across the street. “I’d better go.”
“You don’t have to run away.”
The words stung. “I’m not running away.”
“Daddy says you’ve been running away from him ever since the night your sister came here. He said you were furious at him for saying your sister was a mooch, that she tried to get money out of you by making you feel sorry for her.”
“Your father shouldn’t have said that.”
“Why not? All the girls know it. We think she’s hateful. It was Julia who sent Daddy in there to keep her from making you buy her that car.” Cynthia made a rude noise. “I can just see what those heathens of hers would have done to a Jaguar.”
“Cynthia! I’m surprised at you.”
“You ought to hear Julia. She spent half the night trying to figure a way to get the police to arrest her.”
“Elizabeth has had a difficult life. You don’t understand—”
“What don’t I understand? Having a father who doesn’t understand me, didn’t even know I was alive half the time, having my mother die when I was seven? Your sister is completely selfish. She isn’t trying to make her life better. She’s doing what I wanted to do in the beginning. I wanted to hurt everybody around me, my friends for not liking me enough, my father for not giving me more time and attention, Arthur for being so driven by his hormones he was stupid enough to have unprotected sex.”
“It’s not that bad.”
“I even considered suicide—I wrote a note—because I thought it would hurt everybody. But I finally realized I would be hurting the baby most. If I really wanted to make things better, I had to start with myself. And I had to believe in other people. And the only way I could do that was by starting to believe in myself because if I can’t believe I’m worth saving, how can I believe in anybody else?”
“That’s some mighty deep thinking.”
“I know. A sixteen-year-old kid isn’t supposed to be able to think, but it’s not hard really. It’s just common sense. Anyway, I’m going home. Now that you won’t see him, Daddy needs me. He’s terribly lonely.”
“It isn’t that I won’t see him,” Kathryn said. “It’s just that—”
“You know he’s in love with you, don’t you?”
“He told me.”
“But you don’t believe him?”
“I do, but…”
“But what?”
How had she ended up in this discussion? She didn’t have to explain herself to anyone, least of all Ron’s daughter. But if she couldn’t explain to Cynthia, how could she explain to herself?
“I don’t think we have enough in common for a meaningful relationship.”
“Do you love him?”
“That’s not a proper question to ask me.”
“This is my Daddy we’re talking about. Do you love him? If you don’t, you’ve got to let him go. He’s miserable thinking about you all the time.”
“I’m not holding him.”
“He says you love him, but you’re afraid to let go for fear everything won’t be perfect. Nothing is ever perfect. Even I know that.”
“You don’t understand.”
“I understand a lot more than you think. All the girls think you’re making a mistake. Even Mrs. Collias. And if she thinks Daddy is too good to throw away, then he’s got to be something special. If you’d just talk to him…”
“We disagree on so many things.”
“That’s how I felt when I came here, but I was wrong. Maybe you’ll find you’ve been wrong, too.”
“Cynthia, do you realize you’re talking about your father marrying again, about my being your stepmother?”
“I’m too old to feel like anybody’s daughter. You’d just be Daddy’s wife. Besides, I think you’d be a great wife. You’re smart and beautiful, and you both love each other. What better start could you have?”
“You all packed?”
Kathryn nearly jumped out of her skin. She’d been so intent on her conversation with Cynthia she hadn’t heard anyone come up the stairs. She turned to find herself facing Ron Egan.
Kathryn had to stop herself from backing into the corner. “I was helping Cynthia finish her packing.” Three suitcases sat neatly on the floor, a carryall beside them.
“Is this everything?” Arthur asked.
“Yes.”
“I’ll take two suitcases.”
“I’m glad you and Arthur are getting along,” Kathryn said to Ron as Arthur worked his way out of the room with the two large suitcases.
“It appears I haven’t lost all my skills. I can still reach some people.”
“I’ll meet you downstairs,” Cynthia said. She grabbed the carryall and bolted through the doorway before Kathryn could stop her.
“Why won’t you talk to me?” Ron asked.
“I have nothing to say.”
“Then you could listen. I can talk enough for both of us.”
“Why bother? We’re too different.”
“You’re still sore about your sister, aren’t you?”
Kathryn started to deny it. “I didn’t like what you said.”
“Would it make any difference if I took it back?”
“You wouldn’t mean it.”
Ron sighed. “You know me better than I thought.” He reached inside his coat and drew out an envelope. “If you’re mad now, this is going to make you furious.”
“What is it?”
“It’s a report.” He held it out of her. “I think you’ll find some of it very interesting.”
“Where did you get it?”
“I have researchers on my staff. I had one of them look into your sister’s background.”
“You spied on my sister?”
“Most of the things are a matter of public record. When they aren’t, that’s noted.”
“I can’t believe you would investigate my sister.”
“Consider it a preventive measure. I always like to know what I’m getting into.”
“We’re not getting into anything together.”
“Cynthia tells me I shouldn’t give up. I agree with her, so I won’t.”
He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her. Her resistance was weak and momentary. She would never kiss him again. She’d probably never see him again. Besides, she couldn’t resist him. She never had been able to, not even in the beginning when she thought he was the personification of everything wrong with modern men.
Besides, she loved him. He didn’t have to know. She had fallen in love with him weeks ago, probably the day he took her to the trailer park and she got a glimpse of the little boy who had decided right then to become a man. There was so much about him to admire, but every admirable trait was mirrored by something she couldn’t accept. She knew it would never wor
k. Why didn’t he?
So she kissed him to make up for the days she hadn’t seen him but thought of him constantly, for the evenings she wouldn’t take his calls but lay awake thinking about him, for the nights she tossed in her bed dreaming of him. She kissed for all the years of happiness they would never have, for all the dreams that would never come true.
And she kissed him for himself, just in case he really did love her as much as he said.
“Why don’t you call her again?” Cynthia asked her father as they sat eating dinner.
“She still won’t talk to me.”
Cynthia had been home for a week. With Ron not traveling to Geneva, they’d quickly developed a routine. He worked when she was at school. When she came home, they spent time together until after dinner when she had to do her homework. Afterward, they watched TV or talked until time to go to bed. They talked about Cynthia’s future, Arthur and the baby. They talked about Kathryn, too.
Ron hadn’t expected her to be pleased with the information he gathered on her sister. He’d known when he did it he was taking a chance. Pretty much everything Kathryn had done in the last ten years was predicated on her belief her sister had been cruelly treated by their parents.
To believe what he’d discovered about Elizabeth would mean she’d misjudged her parents, that her behavior and attitude for the last ten years was unfounded. That would throw her into even deeper guilt. Ron loved Kathryn enough to try to set her free from the misconceptions and guilt that had kept her prisoner for so long, but he also knew he risked losing her. Not every prisoner loved the person who set them free.
“Then go over to the shelter,” Cynthia suggested. “She can’t avoid you then.”
“It wouldn’t change the way she feels about me.”
They were seated at the breakfast table which looked out onto a patio and the back lawn. They’d decided the dining room was too big and formal.
“I don’t see why she can’t see her sister is mean.”
“For the same reason you feel free to criticize me but get angry when anybody else does. She loves her sister. She might admit she isn’t perfect—”
“She’s a witch!”
“—but she doesn’t want anybody criticizing her.”
“But you want to marry her.”
“All the more reason she has to want to see me before I go back. She’s got to want me for myself, not because she feels motivated by guilt. She’s lived with that too long.”
“Are grown-ups always this stupid?”
Considering the mess they’d both gotten themselves into, he had to laugh. “A lot of the time. We’re so sure we have the answers we don’t listen. Speaking of having answers, those idiots in Geneva have decided maybe I do know what I’m talking about. Don’t look like that. I won’t go back unless you come with me.”
“Me? What would I do in Geneva?”
“Enjoy being spoiled in a fancy hotel. Go shopping. Maybe even go to a meeting so you can see what your old man does for a living.”
Cynthia looked confused. He didn’t know if she was happy he had invited her or whether she was reluctant to leave school now that she’d settled back into classes.
“Won’t they object to a kid being in the room?”
“They won’t have any choice. If they want me, they get you, too.”
“You’d do that for me?”
“I already gave up on this deal because of you. Either you go with me or I won’t go. The bank wants me to start working with them right away. And I’ve got that new program I want to set up. I’ve got more than enough work to do right here. I don’t need Geneva. They can make do with Ben and Ted. They’ll have to from now on. I’m giving up international negotiations.”
“But you like doing that.”
“I like being here with you even more. And when the baby comes, I’ll be too busy being a grandfather to worry about other people’s problems. I’ll have plenty of my own, like getting ready for the time he’s a teenager.”
“It could be a girl.”
“Then I’ll have to prepare doubly hard.”
They laughed then fell silent.
“You really want me to go with you?” Cynthia asked.
“I won’t go without you.”
“What about Kathryn?”
“I’d like to keep this trip just for us.”
“Okay. If you’re sure.”
“I’m sure.”
Kathryn was in a vile mood, but she’d been in a vile mood ever since she read the report Ron handed her. That stuff couldn’t be true. Elizabeth wasn’t perfect, but Kathryn couldn’t believe that of her sister. Yet she knew it had to be true. Ron’s career depended on accurate and detailed information. His people weren’t in the habit of getting things wrong. They wouldn’t have gotten things wrong about Elizabeth.
She was furious at him for forcing her to learn she’d spent the last ten years making decisions based on lies and misrepresentations. Even worse, they were lies and misrepresentations she could have avoided if she’d been willing to listen to her father instead of assuming everything he said was wrong just because she was angry his work seemed more important to him than his family.
She didn’t want to see Elizabeth today, but when Kathryn refused to buy her the car, Elizabeth insisted she had to talk with her. Elizabeth always did that when Kathryn was reluctant to give her what she wanted. And she’d always managed to make Kathryn feel so guilty she’d give in. She hadn’t believed Kathryn when she said things had changed. She was coming up the walk now, dragging little Billy behind her.
When Elizabeth entered the TV room, it was obvious she was sailing with a full head of steam. “It was really rotten of you to make me come over here today,” she said. “I’ve had to spend the morning with the school principal. Sit down, Billy. Don’t move or I’ll jerk a knot in you.”
Billy ignored his mother.
“I didn’t ask you to come over,” Kathryn said. “I told you there was no point in it.”
“You said you weren’t going to buy me that car. What did you expect me to do?”
“Exactly what you have done. But before you start on your usual arguments, I think you ought to look at this.”
“What’s that?” Elizabeth asked when Kathryn held the papers out to her.
“I doubt you’ll be surprised at their contents, but I was.”
Elizabeth took the papers with ill grace. She glanced up, a perplexed expression on her face after an initial glance. “What is this?”
“Read it.”
“How much longer are we going to be here?” Billy asked. “You said you’d buy me some new Nikes if I’d stay out of trouble for a week.”
“Shut up. I can’t read with you yammering at me.”
Billy stuck out his tongue at his mother and went back to rifling through the videos. A moment later Elizabeth lifted her gaze to her sister.
“Where did you get this?”
“The company logo is on the letter.”
“You had me investigated?”
“Someone else did.”
“It’s not true.”
“There’s more.”
Twice in the next minute Elizabeth uttered a profanity before glancing up at her sister. “You don’t believe any of this, do you?”
“Read the rest of it.”
“It’s all a bunch of lies.” Elizabeth tossed the papers aside. “I don’t know who’s out to get me, but—”
“Nobody’s out to get you.”
“They have to be to make up this stuff.”
“It’s not all made up,” Kathryn said. “I checked out some of it myself.”
“What did you check out?”
For the first time she could remember, Elizabeth’s confidence slipped. She didn’t show the brazen front Kathryn was so used to. It wasn’t fear. No, Elizabeth had never been afraid of anybody or anything. It was anger.
“I asked the lawyer about Aunt Mary’s bequest to you. You said you didn’t get anyt
hing.”
“It was practically nothing,” Elizabeth said. “It only lasted a few years.”
“I think Aunt Mary expected a half millions dollars to last longer than that. I guess that’s why she gave everything else to me.”
“I should have gotten more than you instead of less.”
“It was her money to leave any way she wanted.”
“You were always her favorite.”
“No, you were, but you were never even nice to her. You didn’t even bother to visit.”
“Billy, turn down that TV. I can’t hear over the noise.”
Billy ignored his mother. Kathryn walked over to the TV, turned it off, and ejected the video. “It’s about time you learned to do what you’re told. If you treat your teachers like you do your mother, I’m surprised they haven’t expelled you from school. Now either sit quietly until your mother and I finish or go outside.”
Billy took the opportunity to escape.
“You ought to discipline that child,” Kathryn said.
“You don’t know what it’s like to have three children.”
“If I had twice that many, I wouldn’t let them grow up like hooligans.”
“What’s gotten into you? You’ve never acted like this.”
“That report is what’s gotten into me. You’ve been lying to me, not just about Aunt Mary’s money. About Bill’s construction company, about Daddy, about anybody who crossed you in the last ten years. And what makes me angriest of all is I was stupid enough to believe you.”
“Most of this is lies,” Elizabeth said. “They can’t prove it.”
“If any of it’s the truth, you’ve been lying to me. You’ve manipulated me to get me to believe what you wanted, to do what you wanted. I can’t believe I was so stupid I let you ruin my life.”
“Me ruin your life!” Elizabeth exclaimed. “You don’t have a life. You’ve been Miss Goody Two-shoes your whole life, doing what Dad wanted, keeping your nose out of trouble, pretending butter wouldn’t melt in your mouth so I would look even worse.”
“I defended you. I got in a huge fight with Dad and Mom over you.”
“Big deal. So now you only go over for Sunday lunch. They threw me out of the house.”
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