by Tom Banks
You may turn over your papers now.
Q1. What is the correct term for the front end of a craft such as the Great Galloon?
The bow
The stern
Able Skyman Abel
The pointy bit
Q2. Who owns the most impressive hat on board the Great Galloon?
Captain Meredith Anstruther
Able Skyman Abel
Second Leftenant ‘Ten Gallon’ Twistleton
Bonny, the giant baby
Q3. What is the first name of the troublesome and uncouth child known as ‘Rasmussen’?
Cloth ears
Little Miss Fancypants
Mary, or Anna, or Marianna, or something
Able Skyman Abel
Q4. What is the correct way to address the Dowager Countess of Hammerstein?
Oi, mush!
Able Skyman Abel
May it please your inscrutable mellifluence . . .
Any way you like, she’s very nice and doesn’t mind
Q5. Why is that small irritating chap, Sidney Crinklestain or whatever, so furry?
Because his Great Aunt Dotty was an otter
Because he’s no better than he ought to be
Nobody knows
Able Skyman Abel
Q6. During the affair of the unfeasibly loud noises, who saved the Galloon from all-devouring monster moths?
Stinky Crumbleton and Rasputin, or whatever they’re called
Mr Lungren and his Bilgepump Orchestra
The entire crew of the Galloon, working together
Able Skyman Abel
Q7. On the Galloon, who drinks more cups of tea per day?
Cook
The Brunt
Cloudier Peele
Able Skyman Abel
Q8. When onboard a vessel such as the Galloon, where does one go to the lavatory?
The heads
The poop deck
Over the side and hope for the best
Able Skyman Abel
Q9. If Cloudier Peele had two slices of cake, but gave one away and ate half of the other one, and Clamdigger had three slices of cake, ate one and a half of them but didn’t give any away, who would have the most cake?
Clamdigger
Cloudier
They would have the same
Able Skyman Abel
Q10. If you were sitting at a desk in your study on a middle deck of the Galloon, slightly for’ard of the mainmast, near the butler’s pantry, what would be the quickest way to get to the mess in time for dinner?
Down two decks, hop on a trolleybus heading amidships, hop off before the last stop, duck through Manly’s department store, and ride the moving staircase up to the mess
A brisk walk hard towards the stern for twenty minutes, then jog down beggars alley, over the wooden bridge by the Octopus Arms and you’re there
I’m not sure but I hope you know because I’m famished
No, really. How do I get to the mess? I’ve clean forgotten and it must be teatime soon. Clamdigger? CLAMDI– oh, there you are boy. Chop chop . . . now . . . I wonder what’s for pudding tonight?
ANSWERS:
Anyone who answered ‘Able Skyman Abel’ to every question has learned that, of course, the best way to become an honorary Galloonier is to stay on the right side of me. Full marks. Everyone else report to –
Now now Abel, you’ve had your fun. Mark it properly, there’s a good man.
Of course, Captain, I was always going to . . . erm. Right. Here goes.
Q1. a). The bow is the front end of a ship or similar craft. Pointy bit also acceptable. The stern is the rear end. By which I don’t mean the bottom. Calm down.
Q2. a). While my own hat is impressive in its own subtle way, the Captain’s hat is of course, quite a marvel of modern millinery. His very best hat is currently gracing the head of his dastardly brother somewhere under the seven seas, but even his second-best hat is quite a thing to behold.
Q3. I’m sure it’s c). Miranda, Montana, something like that. Starts with an M anyway. Or a K. Pete? No, it’s not Pete. Definitely a girly name.
Q4. The Dowager Countess of Hammerstein is possessed of boundless grace and infinite understanding. Any polite form of address is acceptable. Therefore the correct answer is c).
Q5. c). Nobody knows. Not even him, apparently. Very odd.
Q6. d). Well, alright, c). But that includes me.
Q7. Cook spends all day making tea, but rarely drinks it. Cloudier Peele wants everyone to think she prefers those mimsy ‘teas’ made of rosehips and cloudberries and hummingbird tears or what have you, although I happen to know she drinks builder’s tea with milk and two when no one’s looking. I have the odd cuppa, but I think the Brunt must win out here. So it’s b).
Q8. a). On vessels such as this, and more conventional ocean-going ships, the toilets are called the ‘heads’. So full marks for that answer. Over the side is never acceptable, as I found out to my cost when . . . never mind.
Q9. d). In any situation where Cloudier and Clamdigger each had cake, I would end up with the most cake. These youngsters need to learn a thing or two about sharing.
Q10. d) again. And for those of you who are interested, it was rhubarb crumble and custard.
First published in Great Britain in 2013 by Hot Key Books
Northburgh House, 10 Northburgh Street, London EC1V 0AT
Copyright © Tom Banks 2013
Illustrations copyright © John Kelly 2013
The moral rights of the author and illustrator have been asserted.
All rights reserved.
No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored or transmitted in any form by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the publisher.
All characters in this publication are fictitious and any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.
ebook ISBN: 978-1-4714-0089-6
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