by Sharon Green
“I think everyone is forgetting something,” Renni said into the heavy silence. “Even if the High King decides not to let her go after all, is there anyone here silly enough to think Elissia will be trapped with no hope of escape? You do know she left the palace during a time when no one was supposed to be allowed in or out? And that she somehow managed an official escort to do it? If she really doesn’t want to stay with him, he’ll have to tie her hand and foot to keep her beside him. If a man did that, how ridiculous would he look to the world?”
“Assuming even that kept her in place the next time,” Derand muttered under his breath, not about to mention how little good tying her had done when he’d tried it. Then he raised his voice to add, “A man who did that would look very ridiculous, and once people stopped laughing they would immediately try to take over his position in life. I really don’t need that kind of trouble, so please let me get on with finding and talking to my wife ”
The hint of desperation he’d put into his voice seemed to do the trick. The two men glanced at each other again, and then the older man relented.
“As Wyole was ready to face the torturers alone, it has become my turn to face possible regret alone,” he said with resignation. “The young lady in question left the city this morning just before sunup, so she must be well along the road to Sollera by now. She – ”
“What?” Gardal yelped. “I thought she was still in the city! How could you let her leave all alone? Even if she is on the main road, the trip isn’t a safe one for a woman traveling by herself.”
“Just a minute,” Derand interrupted, suddenly feeling a chill. “Did the woman tell you she meant to go to Sollera and would stay on the main road, or are you just assuming that?”
“Well, she actually seemed to be talking to herself,” the big man admitted. “It sounded as if she were going over her plans aloud, and we happened to overhear them. Why are you looking so upset?”
“Because I have the feeling she was protecting you,” Derand answered after finishing his tea and putting the cup aside. “She gave you a destination and a plan in case you had to tell someone, but it’s not what she really intends doing. She isn’t going back to Sollera.”
“But why not?” Gardal demanded, now looking even more upset. “It’s our home, and our family is there
– ”
“I think you just got it,” Derand said to him. “The home and family that’s no longer hers, not when they married her off without her knowledge or permission. Listan, I want a horse and some food I can eat on the way, and I want them five minutes ago. And see if you can find Omree just as fast. I have a feeling I’m going to need our best tracker.”
“But you can’t go riding off!” Listan protested, clearly so upset that he forgot about adding the usual “my king.” “You’ve been hurt badly and need to rest, not go traipsing all over the countryside. I’ll send some of the men, and – ”
“Listan, now,” Derand interrupted flatly, using the tone Listan knew better than to argue with. He was the one who would go after Seea and, the gods willing, he would also be the one to find her wherever she was
The new day had finally turned light around Elissia, but there was very little brightness. Gray clouds rode the skies above as she rode the woods below, keeping her a fitting company for her mood. She’d had a very early breakfast before leaving because Torban and Wyole had insisted, and had also accepted a package to be used for lunchtime. Then she’d followed Torban through the tunnel someone had dug under the wall a good distance from the main gates, leading the horse they’d found for her. They’d refused payment of any sort, so she put a hand to Torban’s arm in thanks before mounting and riding away into the darkness.
And now, with half the day gone behind her, she approached the cabin she and the savage had used before entering the city. The skies continued to darken above her, but so far the promised rain hadn’t come. Which was all to the good, as soon it would not matter at all if she became a soggy mess.
She unsaddled her horse in the small stable-shed and gave it oats in one of the stalls, but made no effort to put a halter on it or to close it in. When the time came for the horse to leave, she wanted it to be able to do so without needing anyone to free it. Chances were no one would be there to do it
When the horse was taken care of, Elissia made no effort to go into the cabin. Sitting down and relaxing wasn’t what she was there for, and in full truth she’d had enough of delays. She wanted everything over and done with, so she left her cloak and other possessions in the shed and headed straight for the stream where she’d had that bath. It had been perfectly clear that animals used the place to drink, and not all animals were as relatively harmless as skunks. At some point in time a predator ought to show up, and all she had to do was wait until it did. It shouldn’t take too long, not in a place like that, and then all the pain would be over and done with.
The stream was as pretty as it had been the first time she’d seen it, but without bright sunshine most of the gleam was gone. Birds and insects made their sounds in the surrounding woods, pointing up how alone Elissia was. She had been alone through most of her life, so it was only fitting that she die the same way. There was only so much of it a person could take, and she’d not only reached that point she’d gone well past it.
Thinking about nothing was a trick Elissia had had a chance to practice a lot lately, so she stood for an unmeasured amount of time staring at the stream and thinking about nothing. It was easier than thinking about how much her life had lacked, something she’d only been distantly aware of before that trip. Now, she –
The snarl that came from not very far away almost made her whirl around, but she stopped herself just in time. The predator she’d been waiting for had obviously arrived, but there was no need to watch it come at her. There would be just a little more pain, and then all pain would be over and done with forever. Elissia’s heart pounded hard in her chest, but she made no attempt to move from where she was. Leaves and grass crackled and stirred under the predator’s paws as it began to move, and then came a sound of leaves and small branches scattering in all directions as the beast launched itself –
Elissia nearly fainted at the animal’s next scream, so close and yet not as close at it should have been. There had also been another sound, a very familiar one, and she found she could no longer keep from looking to see what was happening. When she turned she saw a hunting cat in the midst of its death throes as it writhed on the ground, a death caused by the arrow protruding from it. Shock took Elissia by the throat as she turned even farther, to see the savage sitting a horse not far away.
“I’m glad to say I’m finally getting started with paying back what I owe,” the savage said, his voice not as easygoing as the words would suggest. There was a lot of strain behind those few words, and the man sat slumped in his saddle rather than straight and tall. “This was only the beginning, mind you, but if you run away from me often enough, we should be even in no time.”
“What are you doing here?” Elissia tried to demand, her heart still pounding in spite of the cat’s being dead. Her own words came out on the weak side as she thought about which direction she could run in.
“Obviously, I was looking for you,” he answered, and suddenly Elissia noticed that his eyes were closed. “When I realized where you had to be heading, I – ”
“Oh, you fool!” Elissia exclaimed, hurrying over to put a hand up to his arm. He looked as though he were about to fall out of the saddle, probably because of his wounds. “You have no business riding a horse and using a bow, not in your condition! You ought to be in bed with a doctor looking after you!”
“Cabin ” he whispered weakly, something Elissia had already thought of. She carefully took his horse by the bridle and turned it, then led it back toward the cabin while watching the savage closely. If he ever fell, she would have her hands full keeping him from slamming into the ground. Picking him up again would be completely impossible
Bu
t picking him up turned out to be unnecessary. She got him to the cabin and then did her best to help him dismount, urging him to save his strength by leaning on her. He did lean on her but not very heavily, so she was able to get him inside and to a chair without collapsing. Once she had him sitting down she turned to go out and take care of his horse, but his hand came to her arm, stopping her.
“Thank you,” he said with what happily sounded like more strength, looking up into her eyes. “You keep helping me in spite of the lousy thing I did to you, and I can’t figure out what I’ve done so well that the gods let it happen. Whatever it is, though, I’ll be grateful forever that they are allowing it.”
“You don’t have to thank me,” Elissia said as she looked away, confusion now mixing with her pain.
“The reason we got together in the first place is over now, so you can get back to your life without worrying about complications.”
“I’ll always worry about one complication,” he returned, still holding to her arm. “It’s one I never expected to be bothered about, but I can’t get her out of my thoughts. And I can’t stop cursing myself for what I did to her. Do you mind if I tell you why I did it?”
“You don’t have to,” Elissia said as she continued to look away from him, wishing she could cry.
“You’re probably feeling guilty because I helped to save you, but that’s completely unnecessary. Your own people would have saved you eventually, and all I did was hurry the time a little. Your horse needs looking after – ”
“Never mind my horse,” he interrupted, sounding really upset. “Is that the reason you think I came after you? Because of gratitude or guilt? Don’t you know the guilt set in long before Waysten got his hands on me? I did something stupid because I felt so hurt, and before I could undo it and apologize I lost the opportunity.”
“You felt hurt?” Elissia couldn’t keep herself from asking, the confusion almost more than she could bear. “I guess I hurt you and didn’t even know it, which doesn’t surprise me much. I seem to be very good at messing things up ”
“No, you’re not,” he said very firmly, and then she was pulled back with surprising strength to sit on his lap. “I’m the expert at messing things up in this family, and you really had very little to do with the hurt I felt. It took a while, but I finally made myself understand that it wasn’t your fault that you didn’t feel about me the way I felt about you. I did that stupid thing to you because I wanted you to feel what I did, desperation to have the attention of someone who doesn’t care anything about you, but it was wrong. You can’t make someone care about you when she so obviously doesn’t want to.”
“Why are you talking about caring?” Elissia demanded, now fighting to keep the tears from starting.
“You know you don’t really care about me, you just don’t want to disappoint my father and brother. But you don’t have to worry about that, because I’m taking care of it. You’ll still be as close to them as you want to be, without being lumbered down with some stupid, useless – ”
“Stop!” he ordered with such anger that Elissia jumped. “Don’t you dare say anything against the woman I love! Yes, you heard me right, I happen to love her! She’s brave and creative and more able than anyone I know, and I’ll kill any man who tries to say different. If it’s a woman who’s doing the saying she won’t be killed, she’ll just wish she would be.”
“You’re not strong enough for that,” Elissia murmured as she brushed a lock of hair back from his brow. She barely knew what she was saying and certainly didn’t believe what she’d heard, but it was very difficult to doubt the man. It was almost as if he’d spoken the absolute truth rather than a convenient and soothing statement of tact
“I’m strong enough to do anything I have to,” he disagreed at once, but his burst of anger seemed to have drained him quite a bit. Once again he looked as he had before she’d gotten him into the cabin. “Do you understand what I’m saying to you? I don’t want you because of your father or your brother, I want you as my wife because I love and admire you. And if you want the truth, Gardal tried to keep me from coming after you. He knows how much you hate the idea of marriage, and seems to think I ought to let you go.”
“Well, he’s right about my hating the idea of marriage,” she agreed, looking down at her hands. “I want you to know it doesn’t have anything to do with you, I just don’t want marriage with anyone.”
“I hate to say it, but I can understand why you don’t want it with me,” he told her with a sigh. “If you continued to be my wife you’d be so busy it would drive you crazy. The Federated Kingdoms of Arvin aren’t all that federated yet, and you’d have to help me come up with workable plans to change that. And now that I’ve also taken Waysten’s kingdom, I have to decide what to do with it. Listan wants me to let you teach my commanding officers what strategy and tactics are really all about, but that’s a job and a half all by itself. You’d have no time at all to run my household, especially if I find I have to expand my kingdom even more. No, I can’t see any woman wanting a life like that, especially not with a man she considers a – savage.”
“Why are you doing this?” Elissia blurted, losing all trace of self-control. “You know I won’t be anything but an embarrassment to you, so I don’t understand why – ”
“You will never be an embarrassment to me,” he interrupted to state, speaking slowly and forcefully. “I feel nothing but pride when I look at you, that and love. I know you don’t love me, but isn’t it possible you might learn to in time, even if it’s only a small bit? I’m not asking for more than that, Seea, I swear I’m not. You can try it for a while to see that I’m telling the truth, and if you decide I’m not I know I won’t be able to hold you. And I also swear to try being less of a – savage.”
“Stop that!” she found herself ordering, angry enough to make him blink. “You may be a savage, but if I stay with you you’ll be my savage. If you’re sure you really want me”
“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my entire life,” he said, and again Elissia found it very difficult to doubt him. “I’ll even promise not to spank you again, if that’s what it takes to keep you. Not that you don’t deserve a good spanking for almost getting yourself killed. Running around in the woods without even your bow for protection ”
Elissia saw the spark of anger in his eyes, and that made her pause to think. No matter what he’d said, he’d find living with her around a constant exercise in frustration. He’d wake up one day to find that he couldn’t stand it any longer, unless
“I thought you said you cared about me,” she put almost at once, making herself look at him accusingly. “I’ve been told that when a man really cares, he doesn’t let his woman do all sorts of things that aren’t good for her. I know you aren’t strong enough to do anything much right now, but once you’re healed I’ll expect you to spank me, every time you think I need it. Have I made myself clear?”
“Very,” he agreed, a slow grin finally beginning to crease his face. “And I care so much, I’ll even make the effort to get started with it right now. Are you ready to take what’s coming to you?”
“If you insist,” Elissia responded with a sigh, looking down again to hide the smile she felt curving her lips. He really wasn’t strong enough to do much of anything, so he’d release his frustrations and she would find the time a lot easier to take than the previous ones. Women might be useless in general, but she seemed to be doing rather well with planning things
“You’ll have to help a little,” he said, patting her in an effort to get her to stand after taking off her cap.
“Just hold still while I take down your trousers and drawers.”
“You know, it might be a good idea to wait a few minutes,” Elissia said with her head turned to the open door. “It’s started to rain, and even though your horse has taken himself into the shed, he really should be unsaddled. Why don’t I – Oh!”
“What’s the matter?” the savage asked in an amuse
d voice as he settled her face down across his lap. He’d gotten her trousers and drawers down really quickly, and the way he’d pulled her across his knee hadn’t shown much of his previous weakness
“If you’re worried about how weak I am, don’t be,” he went on as Elissia discovered that she couldn’t free herself from his grip on her. “I always find the necessary strength to do what I need to, especially when the doing is so important. By the time I’m finished with you, you’ll never even think about risking yourself again, let alone try it. You have my word on it.”
“Ow! But what about your wounds?” she protested as the first smack reached her with a lot more force than she’d been expecting. “You couldn’t have been pretending in the woods? Oh! Ow! That really hurts!”
“It’s supposed to hurt,” he pointed out calmly while his hand kept coming down again and again.
“You’re going to learn to be a good girl, or you’ll never want to sit down again. Do I hear anything in the way of regret for the way you almost made me lose you?”
“Yes, I’m sorry!” Elissia cried, writhing at the really hard spanking she was getting. He seemed to have even more strength than usual, and his hand definitely felt harder. “Please! I promise not to do it again, I really promise!”
“You’d better,” he said, the smacks still coming just as hard and frequently. “But just to make sure you remember the promise, you’ll have something to help remind you for quite a while. And I’d better not ever hear you call yourself worthless again. If I do, you’ll know what to expect.”
“Yes, husband, I’ll know,” Elissia whispered very low as she cried, wishing the spanking was already over with. But not just because her bottom ached and throbbed and he’d really only just gotten started. She wanted to be held in his arms and comforted, and then she wanted to make love with him. He’d cared enough to trick her into worrying about him when he could just as easily have forced her into doing anything he pleased. She finally had someone to really care about her, a fact attested to by her squirming, aching bottom.